Tuesday, May 22, 2018

Pelahatchie Mayor notified State Auditor of drug money misspending

Pelahatchie Mayor Ryshonda Beechem issued the following statement. 


Mayor Ryshonda Beechem's first day in office was July 1, 2017. In the days that followed, the City Clerk presented the Mayor with checks to sign on behalf of the City, indicating that they needed to be signed right away because 'bills were due' and that the Board had 'already approved the expenditures at the board meeting.' The Mayor was initially under the impression that this was normal procedure, and signed what she understood to be checks for the City's bills for July and August, 2017.

Shortly thereafter, the Mayor became suspicious as to the City's bookkeeping methods, and also took notice of the 'drug fund account.' The Mayor researched and found the relevant Mississippi statute dealing with how seized monies were to be spent, and showed it to the board members. In response, the Board refused to change their practices. In September 2017, the Pelahatchie City Attorney provided the Mayor with a copy of a research memo he prepared which concluded that, in his opinion, "All money disbursed or used from the Police Seizure Fund, was done so properly, and in accordance with State and Federal Law." The Mayor resisted, stating the usage of the drug fund account in this manner appears to violate the law.

When the Board and City Clerks continued to request the Mayor to sign checks of this nature, she contacted the State Auditor for clarification on the issues. She was instructed to contact investigations at that point. The Mayor complied with all requests made of her by the State Auditor's office relative to the investigation.

73 comments:

Anonymous said...

so all these people thinking the "big bad black mayor" was in the wrong can eat their crow....

Anonymous said...

I sure there will be a storm of comments from P'hatchie loyalists but it appears she did the right thing.

Anonymous said...

"The Mayor researched and found the relevant Mississippi statute dealing with how seized monies were to be spent, and showed it to the board members."

cough cough cough bull shit cough cough!

Uhhh ok, sure you did. Because that is what political novices and new mayors do in EVERY city across the USA, they look up statutes 30 days on the job. Someone is feeding this mayor some serious ammo against the former mayor, Knox Ross. She has his chubby ass in the cross hairs.

Burke said...

Way to go, Mayor! Now, who is the City Attorney?

This may shed additional light on why the Board has been giving her such a hard time. Too much honesty for them.

Anonymous said...

Ha! It took less than 30 seconds for a Loyalist to appear on this thread! With your logic, 2:52, I guess we should all ignore everything be done by Donald Trump. He is, after all, a political novice!

Anonymous said...

@2:52... Regardless of her motivations, assuming she was coached up... She did the right thing and stuck to it when they tried (and did) stick it to her. She didn't make Ross a crook.

Anonymous said...

This reminds me of M*A*S*H episodes where Radar puts a stack of forms in front of the Colonel to sign.

Anonymous said...

@2:52 The lady is an accountant. Of course she would want to understand the city's capital structure and the regulations of the funds. Not that that kind of stuff matters to you. I'm sure the former mayor and current aldermen that approved the misappropriation of the funds are going to enjoy paying it all back.

Anonymous said...

Isn't Knox Ross,Jr. an accountant - CPA ? -

Anonymous said...

She may have called the auditor but not for the reason she stated.

Anonymous said...

If she had not been elected Mayor this would have continued on forever.

Anonymous said...

You lead by your actions! Both these mayors did the right thing! I don't care for Trump but I have few more dollars in my pocket each month. I don't have a problem saying it. If y'all keep listening to Tater, a man who will be completely out of office after the next election, you haven't seen potholes yet. He's dragging this state to the bottom thinking his no tax mantra will get him elected governor. Just one problem Tater, folks don't LIKE YOU.

Anonymous said...

She reported that the board and previous mayor was taking the money for personal gain. Her intent was to TRY to prove they embezzled. Truth be told it is what the board said they were using the funds to keep the town afloat and pay bills as the audit showed. Her reasons were not good. The report showed that they used the funds to also pay non police personnel’s salary. With that money out of circulation..... pay cuts come into play. This explains it all. So there was no malice being done by the board. Looks like she jacked herself in the process.. also her name is listed to pay funds back as well and as I recall she didn’t refuse to sign checks until AFTER she had turned the board up. Question is she a certified Accountant, meaning passed the certification test and has documentation or has she just graduated from school with a degree in Accounting, there is a difference. She still failed at her goal. No embezzlement and less money in her pocket monthly

Anonymous said...

5:44....what a wingnut! Sour grapes! You are pointing out that she is suffering for doing the right thing. Rankin County thinking personified.

Anonymous said...

Pelahatchie is a microcosm of greater Rankin County, and by default, our state government.

Nothing to look at here. Our lawyer said so. Move along.

Anonymous said...

I grew up in this town went to East Rankin ..ERA was created like most academies because the schools were integrated .. there are a lot of good folks in this area but just like every other Mississippi town hate and disrespect between the races has always been present I’m sure things have improved some but I’m not surprised to see an angry black mayor trying to take on the white establishment ..This is the same story in Mississippi where the only way to improve is to realize white and black people need each other .. these people hate each other and both sides lack True leadership

Anonymous said...

Hard to believe a little bump in the road town like this, of 1700 people, is causing this much commotion.

Anonymous said...

How the hell did Pelahatchie wind up with drug-seizure-money to begin with? I'm suddenly picturing a be-goggled Barney Fife on a motorcycle with a side-car. And there he goes on Highway 80 chasing some redneck in a red pickup with racing slicks and straight pipes....all the way to Lake.

Anonymous said...

I hear tell the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. If the lawyer advised them that using forfeiture funds for anything other than law enforcement purposes was proper or legal, that Lawyer should pay the $ back . If this bunch had still used the Rankin DA instead of Butler Snow for their forfeitures, because they were cheap, cheap , cheap then they deserve what they get. You absolutely get what you pay for .

Anonymous said...

Just want to say a lot of people on here bashing people who don't know much about this at all.
these are some good people that everybody is calling crooks and thieves. When in fact no money is missing and all the money was used to better the town. No body put any money in their pockets they spent every penny trying to keep the town running. These people are making only $500 a month to try and run the town and now being fined this big money for just trying to run the town. No money is missing. But I believe the best is about to come. I know these people and one day they will tell the other side of this story. In America a person is innocent until proven guilty. Let the real facts get out there. Everybody is quick to judge. The mayor and police chief have stirred up a hornets nest. They had better hope they don't get stung.

Kingfish said...

#endsjustifythemeans

Anonymous said...

Please show some proof she is a certified accountant. Please kf, jj, or bellinder dig that up. She has been fausely advertising that she is an accountant. Mayor Beecham is a sack of lies. Please Mr bellinder tell us about the papers that your client mayor Beecham was served other than the ones that pertain to the audit. Think she has some old debt coming back on her. I bet none of you will touch these topics.

Anonymous said...

Pelahatchie has 8 miles of 20 and used to have an interlocks agreement with Richland.

The PDs could set up shop on 20 and fleece west bound money.

Mind you they have no radar....just watching traffic and looking for irregularities....and Mexicans.

You’d be shocked at the amounts of monies seized and forfeited.

Everybody in that town knew drug money was PD money only....who decided to misappropriate it will be interesting to learn.

FYI the mayors mother even knew how those funds were supposed to be used....she worked at the PD for years.

Anonymous said...

"If this bunch had still used the Rankin DA instead of Butler Snow for their forfeitures, because they were cheap, cheap , cheap then they deserve what they get."

Pardon me, but are you suggesting the law firm of Butler-Snow is cheaper than using the county district attorney for information and guidance? You've obviously never opened a bill from a law firm.

Anonymous said...

@10:13 What this is really all about, is transparency in government. If the aldermen/women truly spent the money to better the town, then show exactly where the money was spent. End of story. IF however, it is determined that the money trail leads to something unlawful, then that will be uncovered as well. Transparency. The people deserve it, and good government doesn't exist without it.

Anonymous said...

This could be counted as an insurance scam. The Bonding companies will get the bill for this and the town will the benefit, at no cost to the leaders or the town. Sure their bonding rates might go up a little but they will still come out better off.

Anonymous said...

This is really silly.All the city had to do use all drug money to fund police and free up more general funds for other purposes. Put 0 general funds into PD If necessary. All funds were spend for legal city business.

Kingfish said...

Law says supplement, not replace all of the police budget

Anonymous said...

I agree with @7:36. How about a 90% supplement?

Kingfish said...

10:41: Nothing stopping you from contacting the Board and finding out if she is a CPA.

Anonymous said...

"Pelahatchie Police Drug Seizure Fund"? When, pray tell, was the last time (or any time) Pelahatchie police confiscated anything related to drugs? Please describe how money might wind up in this cookie jar?

Anonymous said...

after the legislature passed those sweeping tort reform measures back in the early 2000s (remember that), the big ivory tower law firms needed to new ways of ginning up revenue. not only did they turn to legalized bribery a/k/a lobbying, but also to representing nickel -dime small municipalites on , of all things, asset-forfeitures on money and property seized from supposed drug traffickers, which are quasi-criminal law cases. butler snow has such contracts with both richland and pelahatchie. its hard to fathom those stuffed shirts from an aged, oaken, and " prestigious" law firm such as butler snow , getting their hands dirty dealing with matters concerning drug dealers and dirty money. i find it very curious that butler snow does not list this "practice area" on their website. i would love to know what enticed both richland and pelahatchie to dump the well run office of district attorney michael guest, who used to handle those matters, in favor of butler snow whose perfume pissing lawyers wouldn't know an indictment from an incitement or an arraignment from an arrangement. but you can bet the farm it had plenty to do with a conveyance of political juice to certain councilmen in both richland and pelahatchie.

Kingfish said...

The Richland Cowboys aren't satisfied with their few yards of turf on I-20 so they made a deal with the Pelahatchie PD to start performing drug interdiction in Pelahatchie's piece of I-20.

Let's be honest here. Despite Richland's protestations, the purpose of this is to grab cash. They might as well just charge tolls to the drug dealers. It's not about stopping drugs, it's about grabbing cash. Period.

The job of stopping interstate drug traffic should fall to the Rankin Sheriff and MBN, not yahoo police departments who have a few hundred yards of real estate or none at all. No reason for Richland to have entered into this MOU. They aren't stopping crime in Richland and the cash going to Texas and the Drugs leaving Texas aren't going to Richland.

One Richland Cowboy has a new toy. He sits up there at the split, eastbound, in a white, completely unmarked SUV, and plays with his brand new license plate reader, pointed not east but NORTH into Jackson. When he gets a hit, he takes off in hot pursuit but doesn't turn on his lights until he is well into Jackson. Got to have some action.

If these Richland cops want action so much, perhaps they should apply to JPD where they have to deal with real crime. They will get all the action they want.

Anonymous said...

4:45 a.m. BS charges x dollars per hour- These forfeiture cases take less than 10 hours lawyer time. A DA's office charges 20% of the proceeds pursuant to statute. Hundreds of thousands of dollars were saved using BS. But by cutting out the DA office, you also do not get experienced prosecutors and lawyers to advise what the law requires you do with the money. It is rather You that have obviously no experience with all this-

Anonymous said...

100% correct, Kingfish. But it ain't just Richland, it's Pearl, Brandon, even Clinton. As far as I'm concerned, there's no reason for a city cop to be on the interstate chasing drugs. Plenty of work keeping the cities safe.

Anonymous said...

Kingfish... Baby Chokewe doesn't want "real cops" in his city. Remember, this is the same mayor that got on the news to tell everyone that the city was "safe" while someone shot up a memorial service for a shooting death... Give me a break...

Anonymous said...

6:09- Never a truer word was said.

Anonymous said...

KF referring to the 10:41) how about you look into the fact that she is not a CPA certified by the state of Mississippi. Report back to us what you find if this is not a biased blog. I know she is not and have done the research. Lets see if you post this much less get the facts.

Anonymous said...

I mean,I really like JJ... but who gets up and posts at 4:45AM?

Anonymous said...

If you want to see the proof that Pelahatchie engaged in highway robbery that was endorsed by others, just look at a map of the city limits. That's all you need to know. They annexed the Interstate from the county line, up to a point that Brandon would of objected, and nothing surrounding the interstate. That in itself should have been stopped by the judge approving the annexation.

http://cmpdd.maps.arcgis.com/apps/webappviewer/index.html?id=82e6a8ea9255493eb4d5915246edda8a

Theca Jones said...

You good ol boys got a lot of egg on your face right now.

Anonymous said...

2:46 is absolutely right! Good job Mayor. You did the right thing, regardless of the political crap that you have been having to take.

The law is the law. The Mayor apparently was smart enough to look at it herself and understand what the others, including the City Attorney, did not.

Doing something because its the way things have always been done just doesn't cut it.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like the Board/City may have a malpractice claim against the City Attorney. If he advised them that it was ok to spend the seized money on whatever they wanted, versus just on the police budget as the statute clearly says it is limited to, then he provided bad advice that has now caused them to be liable.

Anonymous said...

The bonds pay on behalf of the Mayor, Alderman, City Clerk but the person who signed agrees to indemnify the bonding company. So the bonding company will go after all of these people for reimbursement. It's not like car insurance. You have to reimburse on the bonds because they are a financial guarantee.
Now can they get the money from them, that's another story.

The mayor took office and didn't understand that the Aldermen vote on matters, and the Mayor has little powers.

Anonymous said...

The mayor doesn't show up as a registered CPA on the Mississippi State Board of Public Accountancy - https://www.msbpa.webapps.ms.gov/PublicView/publicindSearch.aspx

Anonymous said...

5:03 now dig into her Facebook page and see if you notice anything from about March til April. That's just a start

Anonymous said...

When the bond company's leg breakers knock on your door - pay up.

Posting for a concerned friend.

Anonymous said...

Look at her heading "accountant "

Googlefoo said...

A quick internet search and viewing of the mayor's LinkedIn profile reveals that she is the owner of HBG & Associates, Inc., Jackson, an accounting firm.

Connecting the dots...she must be a...wait for it....accountant.

Anonymous said...

6:59 now go to bbb and search that to see if that is a legit business connecting the dots wait for it. ..............

Googlefu said...

7:11 - It appears that she has a bookkeeping/tax preparation service. That is not exactly an accounting firm, though her LinkedIn profile specifically states "Accountants."

Business names:

HBG & Associates, Inc.
Harper Beechem Group & Associates, Inc.
HBG Academy (child care)


Anonymous said...

An "accountant" is not the same as a CPA. If I have a bookkeeping service, I can claim to be an accountant if I also provide any services such as analyzing or reporting of the financial data. Not sure what Her Honor the Mayor does in her biz, but it is feasible that she is as claimed on the absolutely completely reliable social media site might state.

Anonymous said...

Go to hbg & associates Facebook and you see if she is not selling services that she is not accredited for

SMDH said...

You people that post here are a strange bunch.

Anonymous said...

Just say it already....it says it is a law firm...lawyer....

Probably a Facebook classification issue and not her statement. But that's what it says.

Anonymous said...

Soooo I guess saying that the former Mayor was a CPA & the current Mayor is just an , or whatever... justifies that fact that she found the misappropriation of funds but he didn’t? I guess that makes a lot of sense. They only went back to 2015 at that. Per my understanding.

Anonymous said...

SMDH

Bless your heart.

Anonymous said...

I didn’t know that the qualifications to be a good mayor was to be a CPA.

Anonymous said...

Kingfish - I expect uninformed and asinine posts from some of the regular contributors on this blog, but I am surprised and disappointed by your comments regarding the LEOs from Richland. Perhaps you should check your facts before spewing BS, even on your own blog. You sound like Donna Ladd. First of all, Richland hasn't used Butler Snow in several years. The Rankin DA handles all seizure cases now for the City of Richland. As for where they enforce the laws of the City of Richland and/or the State of Mississippi, why does it matter as long as they do this within the city limits of Richland (or in a location where they have a legal interlocal agreement)? And remind me why we should have a problem with law enforcement doing their job and why we should have a problem with law enforcement taking dope and the proceeds from dope off the streets? Furthermore, you are uninformed if you think that large loads of dope headed east aren't ending up, at least in part, on the streets of Jackson and Richland. A lot of the dope moving east on 20 is headed to Atlanta, where it is then re-distributed throughout this region of the country. Much of it makes it way right back here. As for the cash, we aren't talking about poor hardworking immigrants being shaken down on the side of the road, their life savings of a few hundred or thousand dollars being confiscated. Really?!? We are talking about tens of thousands or hundreds of thousands of dollars being smuggled back west on 20 or south on 55 through our area. You really don't think they aren't pulling down loads of dope on the interstate as well? You think every department issues a self gratifying press release for every big bust or arrest. It makes a lot more sense to hold some of that close to the vest in order to work the bigger case. Sorry that you and the rest of the media aren't in the loop on what's really going on out there every day, but it's need to know, and you just don't. So why are good, honest, hard working officers and investigators "cowboys"? It really is too bad they can't get an interlocal with JPD or HCSO. Goodness knows that Jackson and Hinds county could use all the help they could get, but with cases still being prosecuted by the Hinds County DA, it would be a waste of time and energy for the Rankin LEOs to work over here in Jackson. I would much rather see criminals get caught and prosecuted in Rankin County vs Hinds anyway. Why are you making an issue of when the blue lights get turned on? If someone travels through Richland, whether it be the middle of town on 49 or some edge/corner of the city limits, and there is probable cause to make a traffic stop, PC that is observed while that vehicle is within the city limits, what's the problem??? The specific officers you are misrepresenting and disrespecting are highly trained professionals with high moral and ethical standards who put their lives on the line every day for way less pay and appreciation than they deserve. They are doing exactly what they are supposed to be doing! Have you thought about getting a statement from anyone at the Richland Police Department before talking smack about them? Have you checked the crime stats in Richland lately? Why don't you look into the murders, armed robberies, car jackings, assaults, shootings, property crimes etc. I'd say the Richland Police Department is doing a pretty damn good job, but I guess you will be throwing bricks and bottles at them next time they chase a criminal into Jackson. Thanks for backing up the good guys, Kingfish... And no, I don't work for, nor have I ever, the City of Richland or any law enforcement agency, and I actually live in the city of Jackson. Sorry for not putting this in proper paragraph form.

Anonymous said...

Lol Beecham didn’t have to find misappropriation issues. All towns use drug seized funds to do just this. Is Stacey Puckering going to go back and audit all the other towns or is he just going to do Pelahatchie. Chief Poole put her into this but nevertheless the audit shows its was used for the betterment of the town face facts. Her goal was to show that the board and previous mayor pocketed funds and they didn’t so I’m pleased. They never denied use of the funds for the towns use. Now my suggestion is that she tries to recoup funds lost by the town from her moms misappropriation

Anonymous said...

Now if anyone actually believes that (10:58 PM) is not in law enforcement, or is not being coached by a law enforcement member, I have some timber rights for sale with a guaranteed 12% ROI.

Anonymous said...

10:16 It's not. It's just not good to be a pretender.

Anonymous said...

may 23, 2018 at 7:31am............on line 5 of your rant you state "richland has not used butler snow (for asset forfeiture) for several years". thats a bald face lie. about 11 months an 18 wheeler was seized by richland along with 300 lbs of maijuana. biggest seizure ever in richland. butler snow handled the forfeiture . DONT TAKE MY WORD FOR IT!!!! go look at the file at the rankin county courthouse. there is not a bigger group of whiners and liars in the world than law enforcement.

Anonymous said...

Finally looked at the news clipping of the mayor... Lie number 400023- she never went to the Board about not using drug seized funds. She only stopped or refused to sign checks after she and Chief Poole signed for the audit. But if you look back at videos posted by JJ she continued throughout all this to get the board to use the funds lol. Make the correlation. Mayors mother termed under mayor Ross administration, Ross was setting himself up to run for State Auditor. Pickering gets info from Beecham tries to embarrass Ross. Lol Beecham says she saves the day. Well it wasn’t lost, sounds like a set up to me.

Anonymous said...

you are a chicken shit. I know you are a beecham crony. If you weren't you would dig into the issues that I write and you don't post. cream always rises to the top you Belhaven liberal. cant wait when all the truth comes out hope you are at the board meeting when It does. I guess then you edit that out. you are fake news.

Anonymous said...

@1:13, must be talking about Beecham's Mom and her money issues with the city when she was at the PD as well as her residence. KF refuses to post any comment about it.

Anonymous said...

what about the comment before that one that you would not post

Anonymous said...

I kinda noticed that he won’t post what is sent in against her and her supporters

Anonymous said...

10:58

You need to get it right. The only reason Richland is no using Butler Snow anymore is because the law changed to where they could not. Richland was the only Law Enforcement Agency in Rankin County that was not using the DA. WHy you ask, well they could not control the DA and make him do or not do what they wanted. This street crimes group a that Kingfish is talking about are doing some shady things and it will come back to bite them. Oh yea 10:58 neither do I work for Richland nor have I.

Kingfish said...

In case the regular readers are wondering, here is what is going on. Some people are trying to comment and make statements about a former Pelahatchie employee who is also the Mayor's mother. The problem is, I can't verify them even if I "know" they are true. I would love for these know it alls to tell me how to do it.

There is nothing in the minutes. The public records laws specifically exempt employees matters from disclosure. Go look at 25-61-xx if you don't believe me. Thus unless someone goes on the record and makes a statement, that means a former or current employee or alderman, there is no way I am approving the comment and risking a defamation or libel suit. Period. You anonymous po-dunks aren't worth the damages if I lost, sorry.

Of course, that means if I don't do what you want 100% or agree with you 200% of the time, then I must be on the take, must be a friend of the Mayor, must be supporting her, blah blah blah. Nope. Just not getting burned.

So for you geniuses who want me to approve your comments, tell me how I can verify your statements or allegations? Any of you willing to go on the record, which I would record, of course.

Anonymous said...

take it easy KF, no one has won and collected damages in a libel or defamation suit since eisenhower was in the white house.

Anonymous said...

KF,,,,,, THANKS FOR THIS BLOG. YOU ARE THE ONLY journalist in the history of mississippi thats got the guts to expose all the corruption in this pathetic third world nation.

Anonymous said...

KF u r correct executive session Dec 2016.....started this entire mess

2016 Hottest Reporter Poll

Suscribe to latest on JJ.

Recent Comments

Search Jackson Jambalaya

Subscribe to JJ's Youtube channel

Who is the hottest reporter?

Archives

Who is the Hottest Reporter in Jackson?

Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).


Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.


Note: Security provided by INS.

Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS
.