Wednesday, August 9, 2023

Robert St. John: Potatoes, Peas, & Popcorn (But not all at Once)

A few weeks ago, I wrote that 2023 will go down as the summer of watermelon. I mentioned how I like to put salt on watermelon. I put salt on a lot of atypical things. Many times, it's on sweet things. There have been a lot of sweet things in my life lately as we just opened a bakery last week. One of the daily offerings is a pecan sticky bun. Most know that delicious pastry as brioche dough, wrapped in cinnamon, and cooked in a muffin tin with caramel and pecans in the bottom of the tin. Once removed from the oven it is flipped and the caramel topping drips down the sides of the sweet roll along with a few of the pecans. This particular pastry needs no further adornment. But I like the pairing of salty and sweet. I sprinkle a little bit of salt as I believe it enhances the flavor substantially. 

I grew up eating a grocery store product from the refrigerator case called Caramel Danish Sweet Rolls. The Pillsbury company made these things, and they came in a whop-them-on-the-counter container with a crumbly mix of brown sugar and pecans tucked inside. After you whopped the sweet rolls on the counter you spread the bottom of a cake pan or muffin tins with butter, crumbled the sugar and pecans on top of the butter in the muffin tins, and then placed the sweet rolls on top of that mixture. After baking, it required the same practice we do at the bakery— flipping the pan over and watching all the gooey caramel drip down the sides. As a kid I added more butter and a little bit of salt to those store-bought sweet rolls. It’s obviously practices such as those that explain my current girth, but that's a story for another day. 

There are several odd combinations of foodstuffs that I like. I dip Pringles potato chips into applesauce. That freaks a lot of people out because applesauce was never meant as a dip for chips. But don't knock it until you've tried it. It's good. I know Pringles aren't legit potato chips so save the e-mails. But in this application, they are the best chip for the job.






I also sprinkle a little bit of salt on my buttered pancakes. Again, it enhances the flavor substantially.

At the movie theater I like to take a couple of kernels of popcorn and add a Milk Dud in my mouth at the same time. That is one of the ultimate salty and sweet combinations. Those two items pair perfectly. Probably the longest running odd pairing in my life are mashed potatoes and English peas. There's nothing strange about those two very common vegetable side dishes when they are next to each other on a plate. But I make a nest out of the mashed potatoes and place my English peas in the center. 

My father died when I was very young, and I don't remember much about him. But I know that he ate his mashed potatoes and English peas that way. His mother, my grandmother, prepared them for him like that. It must have been something I saw him do when I was a very small child. The problem these days is that no one in my family likes English peas. If I'm going to have that combination— in which I love so dearly— I'm going to be the only one in my family who eats it. My wife, daughter, and son are all devout mashed potato eaters, but they don't want to have anything to do with English peas.

This past spring peas were plentiful in Tuscany. I was working over there and 2023 was a banner year for peas in the region. A favorite Tuscan restaurant is owned by my friend Paulo, who always serves mashed potatoes for lunch. It's not common food one typically finds over there but he has them almost every day to be served alongside his peposo. This year he also had a surplus of peas. Fresh peas. On my days off, my wife and I would go to lunch and my typical order of a simple pasta and calamari changed to nothing more than mashed potatoes and English peas. No protein. No pasta. No other side item. No dessert. Just potatoes and peas.

A new reader to this column would scoff at the fact that someone is over in Italy and wasting a meal on potatoes and peas. Actually, several meal periods over the course of the spring. But I spend around 90 days a year working over there and eat Italian food almost exclusively. I’m fine with deviating from the pasta thing occasionally.

I'm not one of these guys who puts ketchup on his eggs or mayonnaise on my bananas. But I do put ketchup butter beans. It’s another thing I've done since I was a kid. I'm sure someone else in my family started it and I followed. I think I’ll blame my brother for that one. 

Speaking of my brother, he is a fanatic about eating peanut butter crackers with gumbo. I don't think I have ever seen him eat gumbo without having several peanut butter crackers on the side. Our mother made great gumbo, but I don't think he would eat it unless there were some saltines and a jar of Jif nearby.

He and I drank milk at every meal. When I say, “every meal,” I’m not saying we did it occasionally. We literally drank milk at every meal. It didn't matter if we were eating pizza, meatloaf, or steak. We drank milk. He and I went through a gallon a day. A half-gallon at breakfast and a half-gallon at supper. If school was out for the summer, we went through a half-gallon at lunch as well. I didn't drink my first glass of iced tea until I was 18 years old.

Food is subjective. Everyone has specific likes and dislikes. What appeals to one might not appeal to another. I am of the mind that I want people to be happy. If putting salt on your sweet roll makes you happy, go for it. Who am I to judge.

You be you, especially at the dinner table.

Onward. 

Mashed Potatoes

3 lbs          Idaho potatoes, peeled and cut into quarters

2 Tbl.                  Salt

1 gallon      Water

1 /2 cup      Butter, cold

8 ounces     Cream cheese, softened

1 cup                   Half and half, hot

1 1 /2 tsp.   Salt

1 tsp           Black pepper

 

In a large saucepot add potatoes and salted water. Cook at a low simmer to avoid potatoes breaking apart. When the potatoes are tender, carefully drain. Return potatoes to dry pot and place over heat for one to two minutes to remove all moisture.

Place potatoes a mixing bowl. Using a hand-held potato masher, mash the potatoes. Add cold butter as you begin to mash. Next, add cream cheese and mix until melted. Stir in the half and half, salt and pepper. Potatoes may be covered tightly and held in warm place for one hour before serving. Yield: 10 servings

 



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Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).


Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.


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Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS
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