Attorney General Lynn Fitch issued the following statement.
Saturday, April 3, 2021
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Trollfest '09
Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.
Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).
Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.
Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".
In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.
In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.
Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.
Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!
This is definitely a Beaver production.
Note: Security provided by INS.
Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).
Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.
Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".
In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.
In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.
Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.
Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!
This is definitely a Beaver production.
Note: Security provided by INS.
Trollfest '07
Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.
There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.
If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!
This is definitely a Beaver production.
Note: Security provided by INS.
There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.
If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!
This is definitely a Beaver production.
Note: Security provided by INS.
25 comments:
Hard eye roll
I really like the gold lamp. And the current picture is an unusual touch. Lynn says underage drinking is illegal. Go Lynn.
She isn’t listening
What’s the matter with y’all? Like her, love her or hate her she’s getting involved with a serious issue that is very problematic to many families. Either get on board and be supportive or just pipe down. Your hate for the AG really shows how small of a person you really are when she’s addressing an issue that is sometimes devastating to so many.
A good ole fashioned “Lookie me!!! Lookie me!!!” meaningless press release. About as clueless as that doofus in the cowboy hat.
Huh??? Been pouring over the state laws today. Can't locate the applicable statute for the AG to devote time to this issue (as important as it may be).
Someone please argue that underage drinking was a serious matter at common law. Pleeeeaseee!!!!
"My name is Anonymous and I was once an underage drinker."
"Hello Anonymous!"
"Not sure how I survived some of my experiences. Maybe she is right...."
@7:13PM
Stop. You’re making too much sense.
7:13, without intending to question whether underage drinking is a problem, I do question how or why an attorney general would think that such an issue had anything to do with the duties of an attorney general. Just what is an attorney general going to do, other than jump on a bandwagon. If the issue is really that serious then the legislature will enact statutes in an attempt to deal with it. An attorney general has no power or authority to do anything but enforce laws, though. He or she has no power to enact any kind of law. So this is just Lynn Fitch posturing again. She does that a lot, have you noticed?
7:13 - Will you be the last one to start pumping out resumes?
If she really wants to do something that means something she should look at those damned robo-callers who are hawking extended auto warranties. I reached out to her consumer protection division and got the brush-off. And, yeah, the gold lamp is a nice touch.
Fitch should be a social worker.....she's not a prosecutor, nor could she represent effectively at the SCOTUS, so they hired a what? a Solicitor General?
There are only 12, out of 299 countries, with a drinking age of 21. Our company includes Iraq , Oman, Samoa and Mongolia. We should teach responsibility like all other “civilized countries’. Jeff
I need help with my underage drinkers! Thank the lord that Lynn did this. Just in time*
@3:57
Give it a week and we’ll be reading another press release proclaiming “AG Fitch joins a coalition of state’s against robocalls. ‘With Robocop’s help, we will defend the people against this serious issue’”
Bad airbrush job. Notice how everything in the picture is in perfect focus, even items in the background that should be out of focus, that is how you spot photoshop and airbrush. Well, you can spot the airbrush because her rookie left in the jpeg artifacts.
Never seen or heard of Youth Court worrying and doing much about it. I hate dealing with parents who complain about me waking them up for such a trivial problem as Bubba and Tammy Jo drinking and getting caught.
underage drinking? try drugs. beer/wine/whiskey isn’t the problem these days. it’s pills and meth. fentanyl to be specific...
Jim Hood rolled out underage drinking press releases every so often. It's an easy target for AG's. It feels good, no one will argue against it, and who could be for underage drinking, right?
Well, this person is, somewhat. Lower it back to 18. The whole infantilization of adults started when we raised the drinking age and began treating 20 year olds as if they were 14 year olds. There wasn't a binge problem until the drinking age went up. Now the 19 year olds drink as much as they can when they can get their hands on it. The move made most states raise their age of majority to 21. Then other things eventually followed such as raising the driving age. Now we've put off true adulthood and have grown children.
If the little 15 year old Swedish girl (Greta Thunberg) could become an international expert on so called
"climate change" a couple of years ago, ... why can't an 18 year old drink a Budweiser ?
At 18 years of age they may join the US Military and risk their lives.
(Age 17 with parental consent).
Hell, we were sneaking out to drink Miller "ponies" when we were about 14.
We all turned out OK.
There was even some future Mississippi elected officials in our group.
Are they sending in underage kids to attempt purchase? Back when the Tobacco money was flowing, I knew someone who was working with a Group. Two of their kids were used to attempt to buy Cigs.
Now Mississippi is making a profit selling them to prisoners, after all there's no wall too high to throw Football packages over
If underage drinking is a problem in your home, you need parenting classes.
You aren't waiting up for you kids, you haven't taught them about alcohol and how to socialize responsibly. You don't know their peer group or how to manage who your kids' relationships to keep them out of the "wrong crowd". You do " just say no" and expect that to suddenly work at a time when peer group influence is at it's height.
Organizations don't raise children, parents do. And, God forbid that we ever,ever look at the cultural reasons other countries don't have the problems with underage drinking that we do.
My friends and I had our first beer at Walker’s Drive Inn when we were 15. To my knowledge, we all survived.
As any of us who actually know Lynn Fitch can tell you: she'll hit the issue as a great talking point for the GOP base and she'll bring it up a time or two, but when the rubber meets the road from a policy standpoint, she'll move on to the next shiny object. It doesn't take leadership skill to identify what issues are important or hot politically and to formulate a good talking point, but it does take leadership skill to actually accomplish something after leaving the podium and making the press release. It is in the follow up where Ms. Fitch is found lacking and, quite frankly, AWOL. Great sentiment, for sure. Worst "leader" to be giving it lip service because that's about all she'll ultimately offer.
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