Wednesday, April 19, 2023

Robert St. John: Pondering Chips

BARBERINO-TAVARNELLE, TUSCANY— Things are different over here. It’s not just the language. Spaces are smaller. Roads are tighter. Bathrooms are tinier. But there's a reason for all of that. The roads are tighter because many were built over one thousand years ago and were meant to accommodate horses, carriages, wagons, and people traveling by foot. The bathrooms in the historic city centers are smaller because those buildings were built 700 years ago before in and plumbing was a thing.

 

I tell my guests to embrace the differences. Sure, we could travel to Cleveland and have larger hotel rooms, bigger restaurants, and English speaking servers. But we'd be in Cleveland. As it is, we are in Tuscany, one of the most beautiful and amazing places on earth. 

 

Traditions are different in every country. That's why we travel to them. We go there, we embrace the differences, appreciate the culture and heritage, and we learn that everyone is unique, yet at the same time, alike in so many ways.

 

One thing that has surprised me over the years— especially in this part of Italy— is the reverence for potato chips. Simple potato chips are almost always served during cocktails. I first noticed this as a guest in people's homes, when they would bring out a small bowl of basic potato chips to nibble on. Occasionally they would add pistachios or something to the before-dinner-antipasti mix, but always potato chips. If there was a buffet dinner the table will be set with various local cheeses, meats, fruits, assorted crostini, several bruschetti, and potato chips. 

 

Restaurants serve basic potato chips as well, and not just the casual trattorias and osterias. I knew it must be a thing when visiting Villa San Michelle a five-star hotel in Fiesole high above Florence. My group ordered cocktails and the formally dressed servers brought out a bowl of potato chips. 

 

I'm not complaining. I love potato chips. I think I might start serving them at the bar of our Italian restaurants. The problem is no one in America would think that's an authentic and legitimate Italian thing. Potato chips are pretty workmanlike in America. Had I not spent so much time over here I would think so too.

 

I have had a lifelong love affair with potato chips. As a kid we ate Rice’s brand potato chips. They were made locally. I wonder if all potato chips were made locally back then? Either way, mine were, and I don’t think I truly appreciated that until this moment. It’s just another reason to love Hattiesburg, the town where I grew up, and still live today. 

 

The greatest treat in all in kiddom was getting to visit the Rice’s potato chip factory. I'm not sure what would impress 10-year-old Robert more than a potato chip factory. My grandparents lived in New York and took me to all the sites and museums there. My uncle lived in Washington DC and took me to the Smithsonian and all of the monuments. But I would imagine— in 1971— if you would have asked me, “Robert, what's the most impressive thing you have ever seen?” I would have said the Rice’s potato chip factory in Hattiesburg Ms. I was lucky to have been able to visit the plant twice. Once on a school field trip and another time with my Cub Scout troop. We ate them fresh out of the hot oil.






Crawfish Stuffed Baked Potatoes


8 large                         Baking potatoes, scrubbed clean

2 Tbl               Olive oil

2 Tbl               Kosher salt

8 sheets           Aluminum foil

 

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

 

Oil potatoes, sprinkle with salt and wrap in foil. Bake 50 minutes. Allow potatoes to cool slightly. 

 

Filling

1 lb                  Bacon, thick-sliced and diced

1 Tbl               Garlic, minced

1 lb                  Crawfish tails, cooked, peeled, drained, and roughly chopped

2 tsp                Creole Seasoning

1 tsp                Old Bay Seasoning

1 tsp                Salt

1 1 /2 tsp         Black pepper

Potato pulp from eight baked potatoes

1 /2 cup           Butter

3 /4 cup           Sour cream

1                      Egg, slightly beaten

1 cup               Green onions, sliced

8 oz                 Sharp cheddar cheese, shredded

 

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. 

 

Render bacon in a large skillet until crisp, drain half of the fat. Stir in garlic, seasonings and crawfish meat and cook three minutes. Remove from the heat and set aside. Cut tops off of baked potatoes and, using a spoon, remove as much of the cooked-potato pulp as you can (Leave enough to keep the shells sturdy). 

 

Using a potato masher, combine cooked potato, butter, egg, and sour cream. Fold in bacon mixture, cheese and green onions. Overstuff the potatoes and place in a large buttered baking dish. Bake for 40 minutes and serve. Yield: eight large potatoes

 


  


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Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).


Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.


Note: Security provided by INS.

Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS
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