Tuesday, May 5, 2020

Salons Protest Over Shutdown

Hair stylists and barbers are protesting the shutdown of their industry during the pandemic.  Lindsay Cash, the owner of Vamp Salon in Jackson, is leading the charge as she submitted this letter and petition to JJ.  Ms. Cash stated:

We must now, more than ever, stand as a united front. Since Friday, April 3 we have been out of work due to Covid-19. Many of us made the proactive choice to stop seeing clients even before then. Our governor has now reopened most of our state, with salons and barbershops as the exception. We have heard very little to nothing from our State Board for guidance or advocacy, only of the latest fines they will inflict on us for non compliance. Our industry is suffering and we can not continue to sustain this way. We are each trained in sanitation procedures and infectious disease prevention and should be trusted to ensure the health and safety of our clients while in our care. Once we reopen, our salons and barbershops will of course follow our normal state board rules and regulations of sanitation as well as follow CDC guidelines. I have complied a list of extra precautionary measures that we can agree to if a mutually beneficial agreement is met with Gov. Reeves, which I have outlined. Please take the time to read the letter and if you agree to what is stated, please sign with me. If we are able to gather enough signatures of owners, stylists/barbers, this letter will be sent to him and I do all I can to procure a face to face meeting. If an acceptable agreement is not made, I propose we all stand together, opening on his original date stated of May 11, 2020. Thank you all for your consideration. We are truly in this together.
Posted below is the petition

I am writing on behalf of Salon Owners/Stylists/Barbers across Mississippi. On Friday, April 03, 2020, your office issued a “Shelter in Place” Order for our State in an attempt to combat and flatten the curve of Covid-19. As a result of that Order, of which the majority of Mississippians complied willingly and immediately, salons throughout the state have been closed.

Beginning that day, Mississippians’ lives came to a screeching halt, without warning, without preparation, we were “Ordered” to, basically, shutter our business. However, prior to that date, many salon owners, in a benevolent effort to assist in the fight against Covid-19, voluntarily closed their businesses to the public. I, personally, closed my salon on March 21, 2020.

Obviously, the “re-opening” of salon dates have been repeatedly extended. As you stated, our State’s numbers have not reached the predictions. In your own words, you assured Mississippians that our hospitals are in good shape as are the necessary medical devices, i.e., ventilators. As you, cautiously and hesitantly, began re-opening the state, we the salon owners/stylists/barbers, continued to, patiently, await the time we could return to the work force and rebuild our crippled businesses. For many, that remains to be seen if the rebuilding is even an option. We were hopeful as our state slowly began re-opening.

Today, here we are again, salons and barbershops remain unable to re-open, unlike the vast majority of other businesses. Why? Why are we being singled out? We have been given no concrete reason(s) as to why our businesses are being forced to remain shuttered. While we more than understand we are a “personal service” industry, we are also well trained and educated as to hygiene, sanitation regulations, and our role in protecting public health. We have not been given a factual basis of valid reasons as to why we are not allowed to open our doors and get back to work in a safe manner, when almost every other industry has their hands untied. .

Salons/hairstylists are governed by State boards appointed by you, the Governor. They act on your behalf following the laws of this State. A board is in place to regulate the instruction and practice of Cosmetology by establishing rules and regulations relating to qualifications for licensure and to set forth sanitation requirements for the benefit of public health. They are in place to guide us, lead us, hold us accountable, and advocate for us. Yet, through this pandemic and mandated closure we have heard very little from our Board other than a recommendation to follow the CDC guidelines. Last week was the first formal communication from the Cosmetology Board. Licensed cosmetologists were informed, via Facebook, of an addendum to our rules and regulations stating we would be fined up to $1000 if we chose to open salons against your orders. Governor Reeves, that is not advocating nor representing us in our difficult positions imposed by the State. There are thousands of hairstylists and barbers covering every corner of Mississippi. Our businesses are suffering and we are hurting, as individuals and collectively, as an industry. In many cases, we are the breadwinners and only source of income for our families. Governor Reeves, please hear our voices.

Per our state laws, every practitioner governed by the Mississippi State Board of Cosmetology has been amply trained in sanitation procedures and infectious disease prevention. A bulk of our certification hours and continuing education requirements are concentrated specifically to this area. Facilities operating under our Board are held accountable in following a multitude of sanitation rules and regulations, with periodic random inspections, and face sizable fines if all rules and regulations are not strictly followed. We are held, even further, accountable by being required to keep these rules and regulations posted and visible for all clients and public to see.

Everything in a salon is to be kept clean, labeled, and sanitized. Our disinfectants are required to be hospital grade and EPA registered. Can all businesses you have allowed to open say these things? Medical spas, clothing boutiques, dental offices, and now restaurants are required to be no safer than hair salons and other establishments governed by the State Board of Cosmetology.

As a matter of fact, restaurants are required to have one employee who is “Serve Safe Certified” (their sanitation certification) on staff during operational hours. In contrast, in a hair salon, every single practitioner is certified with a fifteen hundred (1500) hour license. Based on that requirement, alone, a salon in the State of Mississippi, may very well be one of the cleanest, most adequately sanitized, and safest places for a citizen to receive a “personal service.” We, as members of the industry, are proud the State of Mississippi requires such stringent measures. When properly adhered to, it is inarguable those measures are in place to protect the public health.

Governor Reeves, have you been into a Lowe’s, Walmart, Target, Academy Sports, Kroger, or any other big box retailer deemed “essential” during your “Shelter in Place” or “Safer at Home” Order(s)? Surely, if you have, you understand the frustration of small business owners and other Mississippi residents, especially those who are highly trained to work in a salon and care for their clients, always regarding client safety, prior to a pandemic. Safe, sanitary, and germ-free environments are not new to our industry. This State required those conditions long before Covid-19.

Salons are at an almost total loss of revenue and stylists at a complete loss of income. Our ability to provide for ourselves and our families has been stripped from us. Governor, this is our livelihood. It is more than “essential” to us and our families. It is our lifeline and it has been severed.

Most of us have not received unemployment benefits, stimulus checks, SBA or PPP loans. Those of us who have received any of these, have found that assistance to be a fraction of our usual income, needless, to say nothing near what may be required to sustain our households.

The beauty industry, especially in the south, is predominantly female driven. 17% of our family households in Mississippi are mothers and their children with no second income producer in the home. This stand still is beyond debilitating. It is complete devastation for many. Our bills are piling up, our pantries are running dry, and our hands are tied behind our backs, with no definite end in sight and no real help on the way. We cannot re-open our businesses, we cannot offer services in our homes, we cannot go into others’ homes, we cannot sell our services online. The long-term ramifications are serious. If we become so desperate to feed our children, to pay our electricity, or obtain any other necessities, and we choose to go against your Orders, we risk not only being fined, but, could permanently lose our license(s). No one wants that. We just want the right to work, to pursue our livelihoods, to provide for ourselves. There is no logical reason, with proper measures taken, we should be denied that opportunity any longer. We have not even had the chance to propose solutions. Your Board of Cosmetology has not advocated for us. They have only relayed how we will have our hands slapped or permanently tied if we do not comply.

Governor, I implore you to reconsider your restrictions of salons and barbershops. We can only imagine the pressure you are under and the weight you carry in these times. You have faced many horrific tragedies and obstacles in your short 100 days in office. I’m sure the way you feel at night when you lay your head down is the exact way so many hairstylists and salon owners are feeling every single night in our own lives. People say this virus is an invisible enemy. While the virus may be invisible, the effects are becoming increasingly, painfully, visible. We are suffering.

Governor Reeves, please do not act out of fear of a virus that while tragic, has affected such a small percentage of our population. Please do not let us become a pawn in a battle of politics. Please let us be the contributing citizens of our state that we typically are and give us back our freedoms to earn our incomes. Be the leader we elected you to be. The one we know you to be. A Governor of the people. His people in this great State. Mississippians are known to be hard workers, independent, and contributing members of society. Trust us, Governor, trust us to represent that fifteen hundred (1500) hours of training. Trust us to implement additional safety measures and precautions to protect our clients. We care about each one because they are “essential” to us.

Respectfully, I propose, in addition to all current rules and regulations mandated by the Board of Cosmetology, we take the following additional precautions, implementing not only the CDC guidelines, but adhering to these standards, as well.

•All employees will have their temperature taken before entering the salon at the beginning of each shift.
•No more than 10 people in the salon at one (1) time. There will be NO double booking.
•10-15 minutes between each client’s appointment time to allow stylists to adequately sanitize.
•We will be calling clients to confirm their appointments instead of sending text confirmations so that we can reiterate these procedures before their appointment and ask any last minute questions regarding their health, travel and possible exposure.
•Clients will be asked to text from their cars when they arrive and wait until we will text to let them know when to come in.
•“Entrance” doors will remain locked.
•Clients’ temperatures will be taken before entering the salon. (If a client refuses, services will not be performed).
•Clients will be asked to immediately wash their hands when entering.
•Clients will be asked to wear masks with small elastics behind their ears. If they do not have
one we will have them available to purchase in the salon (for the cost price, not for profit)
•All stylists will wear masks.
•We will not be “blow drying” clients. This is to shorten their time in the salon in an effort to reduce exposure and to prevent stirring around airborne germs in the salon.
•All employees in the salon will take an online sanitation course through the salon disinfectant brand Barbicide.
•Stylists will ensure their clients know that everything has been freshly sanitized and they have washed their hands before they allowed the client to come to their stations.
•Clients are not allowed to bring guests or children with them to their appointments.

Governor Reeves, these additional precautions, surely, are as safe if not safer than the suggested “wear a face covering” when you are out in public. Clients who refuse to comply will not receive services. We, more than anyone, want a safe environment. If someone, unknowingly, exposes us or we, unknowingly, expose them, then we suffer, yet again.

Statistically, the odds of being in a car crash are 1 out of 77. The odds of dying in a car crash are 1 out of 103. But, we don’t stop people from driving because of those odds. We don’t shut down businesses so people won’t go places because we are “afraid” of what “could be.” We live life, inherent with risks. You said it yourself, Governor, “Sometimes the models are just different for different states.”

Follow your own thinking, make this “model” for re-opening salons an example to other states. Let Mississippi lead the way in innovative thinking and critical problem solving for our industry. Governor Reeves, I would love the opportunity to meet with you, put our solutions before you, and work in a cohesive manner to find viable, workable, solutions that ensure the public health safety concerns are met while allowing the thousands of salon owners, stylists, and barbers to return to work. To return to supporting themselves and their families. Please do not diminish our craft and our many hours of education and training by not listening and helping us find solutions. If we are, truly, “All in this, together” Governor Reeves, be part of our solution not part of our destruction.

Thank you, in advance, for your time and your cooperative willingness to sit and listen in a concerted effort to re-open our industry. I can be reached at xxx xxx xxxx. I hope to hear from you, Governor Reeves. Thank you again.


40 comments:

Anonymous said...

If they want to be taken seriously they need to pare that letter down by about 75%.

Anonymous said...

Its getting hot in the kitchen too!

Anonymous said...

She made a very good case. If WLl Mart is open the Salons should be. Men,s barber shops should follow the same protocol

Anonymous said...

Before the shutdown my barber implemented procedures where customers waited in their cars until they were texted to come in, hand sanitizer was available to customers inside the door, chairs had disposable covers, etc. Of course, this barber was closed down like the others. It is time to leave the decision to the barber and the customer.

Anonymous said...

All of the mitigations listed in the letter seem reasonable/effective, except for locking the entrance door - this may be a fire code issue but could probably be easily remedied.

Anonymous said...

Hoping that Hair Furor will give them a shoutout?

Are they covidiots and knuckleheads?

Anonymous said...

Don't forget the Gyms Tater.

Anonymous said...

@10:18AM I agree. I stopped reading at 40+ word run on sentence ending the 4th paragraph.

Anonymous said...

The reason salons are singled out is for one reason, close personal contact. There is no way to get a haircut without the stylist being mere inches from your face for more than 5 minutes. All the sanitizing of the clippers, chairs, combs, etc. will do nothing to make an infected person less contagious. Those are nothing but straw man arguments.

You look at the big box stores and you see a lot of people walking around, but hopefully you don't see them congregating for a long period of time. Again, it is the continuous close contact with a stylist that is the problem which doesn't apply to shopping. She's trying to make a false equivalency.

I'm not saying they can or can't open, I'm just saying her letter is based on misleading arguments using situations that are substantially different than hers.

Anonymous said...

I feel bad for the hair salons and barbers. None of the mitigations strategies listed will prevent healthy appearing (non-febrile, as most of the infected are) infected employees from giving the virus to unsuspecting clients. In many cases, it will be death from stylist. We haven't figured a way yet to stop breathing near someone else's face (even with a mask) from transmitting the virus.

Anonymous said...

Just rode by MS Sports Medicine on Lakeland and parking lot was full. Not singling them out, just doesn't make sense for some to be open and others not. It is time to open everything.

Anonymous said...

Totally disagree.

It's proven science, for 102 years, that salons and barbers, due to close facial contact, are Petri jars for spreading highly contagious respiratory illnesses. Towns that shut them down save lives. Period.

Second, the "points" about taking Temps, etc, have LONG been proven largely ineffective, if not dangerous, with this type of disease. Asymptomatic or pre symptomatic transmission is 40-50% of the infection. It's "health theater." AND, it gets you even closer to every customer before you start working. And washing hands helps, but this is an airborne respiratory illness. We (well, maybe not you) know this now.

So, unless you are willing to run a Marine Corps boot camp clipping operation (1 minute or less, guaranteed), you are face to face with customers for much longer than the needed time to infect them. Big viral load. Constant viral load for the staff, who will infect every other customer. Again, constant exposure for your staff. Liability, too.

As the caregiver for a vulnerable person, I can't afford to get a haircut, and take a small chance on killing a loved one, for a long time. But before you spew derp, it's NOT that I can't just get shaggy (I cut my own hair now, so it's a moot point anyway) and "let you get a perm," but that YOU will be infected, and further the spread.

Which can lead to me being infected, especially by the IDGAF "Anti GubMint" losers who don't even wear a mask, deliberately.

Your "rights" end when you spread a microscopic and deadly virus by not following the rules. In a year or 18 months, it'll be different.

I'm sorry you suffer financially, if it is as you allege.

But the PPP is clearly letting barber and salon staff in Mississippi earn FAR MORE than before. The extra 600 dollars a week means that the average low wage Mississippian (barber/salon staff) is actually getting a pay increase.

So, if the barber and salon folks want to admit that they are not reporting tips, as well, as is common practice, and that they actually are not losing money (the staff), then we might listen with empathy.

But salons and barbers and massage parlors and tattoo shops need to be among the very LAST to re open.

Sorry, but this is a life or death issue, and your individual financial self interest does not outweigh the public's health. And Bubba's feverish desire to flaunt rules and give society the Middle Finger in ignorance does not outweigh it either. You and Bubba will be the ones causing harm to others, deliberately, and, in your case, in your personal best interest financially.

Current White House estimates, which were COVERED UP, indicate 3000 Deaths a Day soon. This is not a joke.

I'd rather see Hirsute Hicks (self included) everywhere than truckloads of coffins, as we've seen in New Orleans, New York, and coming soon to rural and suburban Mississippi.

Anonymous said...

I'll say it again....all of these anti-competitive licensing laws for stuff like barbers and manicurists are supposed to be for the protection of our health. These folks paid good money to supposedly be trained in providing services in a sanitary way.

Can you say the same for Walmart employees or Home Depot?

Money talks said...

It’s quite simple. Restaurants open because they have strong lobbyists. Have you ever hear of a salon lobbyist? Didn’t think so...

Anonymous said...

tl;dr - go get a real degree/license

Anonymous said...

I'm lol about the complaints that the letter is too long and should be pared down.

These people have been waiting all their lives to do like their forefathers did and write their own articles of secession. The virus gives them their chance and you expect them to keep their verbosity and eloquence under restraint when they are writing their equivalent of the Emancipation Proclamation or Declaration of Independence?

They are going to include all the salon sinks!

Anonymous said...

I would take a good long look at what the Barber Board or whatever their name is and what they have done for me. This whole essential vs non-essential is a crock. And their board threatening to fine them and revoke their license is complete gestapo. If you look on the list of essential businesses from the jump, just about anything could be deemed essential. Didn't the board of Barbers and Beauticians get in some heat a while back?

Anonymous said...

10:54,

I agree with much of what you wrote regarding the health risks; however, if you think *these* are the people who ended up with the PPP money, then you haven't followed much of the horrendous screwing that was the PPP.

I have said it a thousand times-when people figure out what really went down with the Fed's actions, the PPP, and the real money of the CARES Act, Occupy and the Tea Party will look like recess hour at a daycare.

Anonymous said...

Barbers and stylists are eligible for unemployment for this very reason, 1099 or not.

You're like the 1 job, besides healthcare where it's impossible to do your job without touching someone.

We made it about 100,000 years without cutting our hair... the republic will stand for another week or two.

Grow up and wait this out like the rest of us.

Anonymous said...

11:06 - yes, that, and have you seen the "leadership" at the barber/cosmetology regulatory agency? They can't even process license payments, do you really trust them to develop and implement a strategy for safe opening of salons and barber shops.

Anonymous said...

I say we let them all open and let the viral chips fall where they may. The careless ones will get sued like everybody else.

Anonymous said...

Here's something to think about:

Many doctors have to learn to steel themselves to life and death, but are sympathetic to those who are ill or injured through no fault or action(s) of their own. A child injured by careless adults, or in the worst case, shot by criminal adults, weighs heavily. But when you are faced with some moron who said, "Hold my beer and watch THIS," it isn't all that difficult. More and more doctors and other medical professionals are becoming fed up with folks who simply act like morons, and then, demand treatment to fix what are self-inflicted injuries. And when enough of them decide that risking their own lives and the lives of their family and careful friends to help those that refused to help themselves and others simply isn't worth it anymore, a lot of you are going to be in even more danger. Maybe you can all get together and discuss it at the buffet before all go and get your hair styled.

Maybe it would be better to open everything up. The rational people won't be there and maybe thinning the herd of as many idiots as possible now will make it a lot easier in Round 2. And you can bet your stupid ass there will be a Round 2. And for anyone who thinks this has been a wild overreaction, wait until you get a load of what happens then.

Anonymous said...

11:33 nails it. We are just about the only developed nation that isn't supporting its people with a temporary supplement someone can live on and non-profit, public healthcare. Instead, we've been told for years to "ignore the experts" and disregard the scientific, evidenced based decision making that made us a superpower in the first place, and to ignore the "fake news media" which has kept our government in check from the beginning. Our new motto seems to be "Ignorance Sets You Free."

The sole reason we have a federal government is to deal with problems bigger than a single state. Pandemics are a prime example. Have the Feds, on either side of the aisle, done anything for us? Near as I can tell, all they have done is pay off campaign contributors.

Anonymous said...

I cannot tell you the amt. of times I have been to the stylist/barber shop (both for both sexes in our family) and when they were busy hair not swept up between customers, etc. much less a cape cleaned (just thump it on the next victim). You walk through the hair, maybe sit in some remnants if they hit it off with their hand or a small broom. You then get some on your shoes and maybe in your car. Already a gross factor. I cannot imagine how this could work well now with this current situation. Until they can place chairs 13 ft. apart, I don't want to go. Clippers----how will they be sanitized correctly? You can't exactly get those wet. Let's say you wet your hair (wash or wet) in the bowl ----you are leaning your neck where another person just laid theirs. Is that going to be wiped, too? Whoops, I just touched your face with the water hose where I just touched so and so with it...... their cooties are now on your face. How are they going to do a complete wipe down of everything between clients in the places that take lots of people? Even 10 at one time----if one person is contagious and shows no symptoms this is a train wreck due to the close proximity of the whole thing. No blow dry? I don't know many women who will want to leave with a wet head. Half of a woman's cut is the styling and some only go for blow outs. Men won't care. I have been in "expensive" salons/barber shops and walk in type places. Very few are as clean as they claim to be. It's time to make lemonade out of lemons and set up a shop (legally!) in your house, back office, shop in the yard, whatever..... go mobile, go to clients and get the ability and license to do that. Buy a pair of clippers and some scissors or dye your own roots and let your hair get long. How do we think people cut hair 200 years ago? You managed. Cut your kids or your spouses hair. They'll survive. It's not the time to open up the salons/barber shops. Tate Reeves is right on this one. Way too close contact. Not yet buying groceries has anyone touched my skin, put a cape on me, used clippers on the back of my neck or sneezed in my face. If I had to get out, I maintained a distance. You can't do that at a salon. Hair cutting involves too much close contact and touching. Tate's right on this one. And, lastly, locking the door---yes, fire code as the other poster pointed out. Who wants to be locked in a place that has an accident, incident or fire???? That's not even remotely safe and will never fly. Someone would have to be posted at the door to take temps, keep people out till it was their turn. It's too soon and Tate is right.

Anonymous said...

Everyone looked well groomed at Kroger this morning. I probably looked the worse, I sure a history buff would think I was John Brown if I took off my hat and glasses.

Anonymous said...

The only worthwhile comment on here is 10:18. If you can't say what the state is doing to the industry is improper in 1-2 paragraphs (sentences, preferably), you're done.

Anonymous said...

I guarantee you not a single person in the Governor's office took 45 minutes to read that novel

Anonymous said...

@10:54 and @11:34 — Thank you. Good to see some common sense comments. They seem few and far between here these days.

Anonymous said...

If your barber/stylist is face to face with you for 5 minutes they are doing it wrong. I am a barber and stand behind my chair for 90 percent of the service. And yes, for those not familiar with the industry we have a solvent we spray on our clippers to sanitize from bacteria, fungus, viruses. The blue stuff on our counter does the same for our combs and brushes. If you don't feel comfortable in a shop/salon you do not have to go. We are licensed in sanitation from the state.

Anonymous said...

After two months without a haircut, I now look like Charles Manson on a good day.

But at least my little bald spot is no longer noticeable.

Anonymous said...

Thanks 3:14

That blue stuff has confused me forever.

I thought it was for "show" the longest time.

Anonymous said...

What Blue Stuff? Must be to keep the lice out, I never saw it before.

Anonymous said...

"The blue stuff on our counter does the same for our combs and brushes."

The "blue stuff" (the most common being Barbicide), assuming it is mixed in the proper concentration, is a 10-minute contact time disinfectant. If the combs and brushes aren't allowed to soak for 10 minutes between usage, then it cannot be said to be deactivating any coronavirus. You don't "kill" it because it isn't "alive," you disrupt the lipid "case"/envelope. While I cannot say for sure, I have serious doubts that Mississippi hair-cutting licenses require the amount of epidemiological knowledge that truly being aware of what precautions are appropriate when dealing with a novel coronavirus. If such licensing did require such education, hair stylists and barbers would not be so adamant about opening to the public - if you could make your customers sick, they can make you sick, and remember, they didn't have all that "training and certification."

And lastly, there are no disinfectants that the average person can obtain that are currently **proved** to deactivate SARS-CoV2 because none of those products have been tested specifically against it. That said, because it is known to be a lipid-envelope coronavirus, it is nearly certain that anything that is known and proved to deactivate other similarly-structured viruses will do so against SARS-CoV2 ***by following the same guidelines***. If the "blue stuff" takes 10 minutes against others, it takes 10 minutes this virus.

Anonymous said...

I don't know why they are upset. This is about saving people's lives.
They need to quit being selfish. If they lose their businesses, they can take comfort in knowing they saved 320 million of lives in America

It's selfish of them to want to keep their nice homes and cars! I even saw a hairdresser driving a luxury car. I think it was a Toyota Camry. That's too much money anyway.

It's selfish of them to want to feed their family and keep the lights on? What about everybody else?

and she can buy a tent and live in that if saving America requires more of a sacrifice on her part.

This is crazy listening to the "FREEDUMB" movement. They are so selfish!


----Team Chaos----
We are morons, not just one.

Many! Stupid autocorrect.

Anonymous said...

Any 'beautician' with the means to do is already operating in the black market arena. Remember the people who used to peddle vacuum cleaners and encyclopedias?

Anonymous said...

They should set up temporary chairs to cut hair in a liquor store.

Anonymous said...

Here’s an idea. All of you who who are terrified of the health risks of a salon can stay home. It will leave note open slots for those of us that aren’t going to live scared of a virus that statistically has very minimal side effects for the majority of people that it infects.

Let them open. Let them work. Let people think for themselves and accept the risks for themselves!!

EAB said...

This is super simple. As a customer, would you get your hair cut by someone you knew was infected but pre-symptomatic? Would you trust their face masks and cleaning procedures? As a stylist, would you cut the hair of someone who was confirmed to be positive and asymptomatic? Would you trust your cleaning procedures would keep you and your next clients safe, and that the virus wouldn't be hanging around in the air? Are you really, really washing your hands enough?

I'm betting none of y'all, including the author of this petition, would sign up to be within 10 yards of a known infected person without full hazmat PPE. Nor do I think any of you would sign up to wander through Kroger at the same time as that person, or go to church and sit six feet away, or sit in Chick Fil A with them, or send your kids to summer camp with their kids. All that talk about "oh, I've probably already had it, I was really sick in January!" or "I'm young and healthy, I probably won't have to be hospitalized" or "death rates are inflated by the media" wouldn't translate into confidence in the face of an actual threat.

Which means all of this is just simple denial that the virus is circulating around you, it infects people like you, and it can seriously harm or kill you.

Anonymous said...

They should set up temporary chairs to cut hair in a liquor store.

I'll drink to that!

Anonymous said...



"They should set up temporary chairs to cut hair in a liquor store."
May 6, 2020 at 5:14 AM

Or maybe barbers and beauticians should operate out of one of the planes slowly and loudly circling low over Madison neighborhoods. Those people seem to be immune from the rule of law. So, maybe they're immune to viruses, too.



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Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.


Note: Security provided by INS.

Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS
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