Friday, May 8, 2020

Record: 404 New Cases

Hospitalizations fall, ICU's & vents at lowest level in a month.

The Mississippi State Department of Health reported 404 new cases of the Wuhan Virus as well as 13 deaths today.   The total number of cases is 9,030.  The virus has caused 409 deaths.  More information and a complete list of infected counties can be found at the MSDH website. 

The increase in reported new cases was a new record.  However, it was somewhat expected as the health department increased Covid-19 testing.  175 of the total deaths are nursing home residents.  They comprise 43% of the deaths.

The number of patients hospitalized, in ICU beds, or on ventilators improved tremendously.  Only 58 patients are on vents while 123 patients are in ICU's.  435 patients are hospitalized.

 Posted below is a list of counties of note for infections and deaths.  Lauderdale County is catching up to Hinds County.  Yesterday was the first time the difference in cases between the two counties was less than 100.  Lauderdale leads the state with 41 deaths.  25 of the deceased were nursing home patients.

List of notable counties (Deaths)
Adams: 157 (11)
Attala: 182 (4)
Copiah: 152 (2)
Desoto: 325 (5)
Forrest: 294 (20)
Harrison: 193 (6)
Hinds: 657 (11)
Holmes: 196 (17)
Jackson: 273 (11)
Jones: 223 (4)
Lauderdale: 463 (41)
Leake: 286 (2)
Madison: 404 (12)
Lincoln: 179 (12)
Leflore: 182 (18)
Monroe: 191 (20)
Neshoba: 287 (12)
Pearl River: 189 (24)
Pike: 163 (10)
Rankin: 238 (6)
Scott: 438 (6)
Yazoo: 162 (2)


Anonymous said...

tip of the iceberg...

special thanks to people not wearing masks and not staying 6ft away from each other in stores!

Albert Schweitzer said...

Dear JJ:
I wish you would continue to post the line graph showing total cases and add a similar graph showing deaths.

The slope of this graph is a very telling, and likely true, representation of progress of the chinese wuhan virus through our wonderful state.

Unable to find this chart elsewhere.

Thank you

Anonymous said...

The MSDH is providing a lot of data and graphs and some of it is useful. I wonder why they don't update the testing #'s very often, though. Many of the previous record positive days also corresponded to record #'s tested, but it's impossible to tell that now. We've generally been drifting down on the % positive and were below 10% positive for the first time last weekend.

On that note, how can only 10% of people presenting with Covid19 symptoms be positive? Are people uninformed about the symptoms, just trying to feel good by getting tested, just hypochondriacs, or what? The national average is low - just 15%, but some states are >30% and New Jersey is almost 50%.

Anonymous said...

As predicted by the experts, the numbers are rising. My prayers and condolences to everyone affected by this plague.

I'm starting to wonder if the high death rate for nursing home patients is more attributable to lack of attentive and competent medical treatment than merely weaknesses of old age. Those care centers are notoriously nonchalant and negligent in caring for their residents. If those patients had received prompt diagnosis and corresponding appropriate care, would the death toll be lower? We may never know, but there are stories in the media of people over 90 years old surviving C-19. Makes one wonder.....

Anonymous said...

Why does MSDH release the information before updating the information in their charts on their website? Irks me.

Anonymous said...

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” ---Eleanor Roosevelt

My how we have changed as a country.

Anonymous said...

Herd immunity! Y'herdz?

Anonymous said...

... and Congress is currently trying to bail out corporate lobbyists with PPP funding. I'm thankful for all my local government does and, I'm no fan of Tate, but I think he and the other state agencies are doing a really good job under difficult circumstances. But Congress is so in the pocket for the wealthy they aren't even trying to hide it anymore. All they've given us is a forever war that has bankrupted us and a broken healthcare system. I can't understand why y'all keep voting these people into office.

Anonymous said...

The most important thing to remember is that this came from Wuhan, not what the statistics or real world impacts are. Of course.

Anonymous said...

Shut it down! We can wait for a vaccine!!!! 18 months or bust!!!!

The Real Team Chaos

Anonymous said...

May 8, 2020 at 12:30 PM Your welcome!!!!

Anonymous said...

Total new cases doesn't tell us much at the level of testing we currently have. Number of deaths is a more accurate picture. If you want the most accurate picture, you HAVE to include total excess deaths in the analysis.

Anonymous said...

another reminder that stupid kills and that the selfish FreeDUMBS walking around, screaming at hero nurses and waving their firearms are culpable for the spread and the death.

Shame on you all

Anonymous said...

12:51 Not every body was born with a silver spoon in their mouth like you and E L E A N O R , evidently.

Anonymous said...

I really believe the "stay at home and ride it completely out" group is kinda as foolish as the "lets just open back up and ignore it" group. We have to open but we have precautions we can take. I just don't understand when people don't want to take those precautions. We would have no problem being careful about something like TB. Why this?

Anonymous said...

ONLY IN MISSISSIPPI does a record high today translate into a consistent downward trend for past 14 days! It’s Mississippi math. You smatrts peoples doesn’t get r math. Let’s get this state back open! Whehewww! Thanks Tater! Tate’s new slogan....


Anonymous said...

If the "powers" that be want EVERYONE to take these numbers they spew out daily seriously, they need to INVESTIGATE and REVEAL the SOURCE(S) of infection. Are these essential employees? Healthcare workers? People who only go out to go to Walmart? This information is VITAL and it makes ZERO sense that no information regarding the sources of infection is being published.

It also makes ZERO sense for people not to realize these "numbers" are behind the curve. A positive test was exposed 10-14 days ago... WHERE were they exposed??? That's what matters... not that there are hundreds of new cases today. We need to know the sources BEFORE intelligent decisions can be made about returning to normal. Otherwise, it's just more guessing and assuming.

Anonymous said...

The fact that our infections and deaths are the highest on the planet truly shows how backward this nation has become. We are no longer global leaders. We are a punchline. An example of failure for the world to mock for generations.

Anonymous said...

Hospitalization numbers haven’t been updated. That number and deaths are the best indicators of what the disease is doing. No decrease yet. Other states are starting to control it, but we aren’t. Wonder why. Wouldn’t expect anything less from the caliber of people that live here.

For all the WW2 quotes about being tough, some seem to have forgotten it is the sacrifices made in the face of adversity they are talking about. I don’t recall hearing about people crying “but muh flour & sugar, I have the right to bake a cake. That FDR is such a tyrant.”

Anonymous said...

KF, I like that you call it the Wuhan virus. But be glad this isn't the San Antonio Jambalaya. The city council there just voted that references to China or Wuhan are now deemed as "hate speech."

First Amendment: It was nice while it lasted.

Anonymous said...

Looks like COVID is spreading in the White House with first degree ties to both Trump and Pence. All you Darwinists still think herd immunity as quickly as possible is the way to go? How do you feel about President Pelosi there Team Chaos? Be careful what you wish for. It took a near death experience to bring Boris Johnson around. I wish no ill will toward Trump, but maybe this hitting so close to home will make him see it is serious and we need to get the spread controlled with effective contact tracing.

Anonymous said...

Boris Johnson was an obvious hoax. This is all an enormous hoax. Healthy people are infected and walking around asymptomatic. This thing is only killing people who already had a foot in the grave. if we don't stop cowering now we won't have a world left to live in. I'm 66 years old and I haven't gone out wearing a mask yet. I'm perfectly fine.

Anonymous said...

@2:37 I’m ashamed to live in a state that is littered with the likes of people like you. Conspiracy minded, uneducated, and a blow hard.

Anonymous said...

2:37, that's because other folks who care about others ARE wearing masks to protect YOU. Good luck, hero. Over the next year you may not be so lucky.

No one is "cowering" by following recommendations to protect others

Anonymous said...

Largest drop in vented patients since 4/15. Another large drop in ICU patients for the second time this week.

Anonymous said...

The hospitalization, icu, and ventilator are the truest measure of disease severity and spread. I wish someone would ask Dr Dobbs why the death rate includes unconfirmed COVID deaths in the COVID death rate. It’s overstates the number of deaths.

Anonymous said...

Dobb's is clearly ignorant of sars-cov-2. I think we should hire a virologist instead of a epidemiologist. He does not have a clear grasp of how this virus behaves. Super nice and smart guy, but this it outside his expertise.

Anonymous said...

@3:39 That's no different from the flu. If the evidence indicates the death was likely caused by the disease then it gets counted in the total. From the CDC: "Death certificate data and weekly influenza virus surveillance information was used to estimate how many flu-related deaths occurred among people whose underlying cause of death on their death certificate included respiratory or circulatory causes."

Ignoring them would understate the deaths. A review of the circumstances is an appropriate way to ensure all COVID related deaths are counted.

One other option is to simply take the total deaths in the month and subtract the average deaths in that same month over the past 10 years and attribute all the excess to COVID. Of course that would likely overstate it.

Anonymous said...

It's really hard to believe that those of you who won't wear a mask never consider that some of us are living with cancer patients. Some of us have required that our loved one avoid going out in public. We're (lovingly) doing all the grocery shopping and everyday errands wearing masks and gloves to protect them.

Some cancer patients don't have a caregiver and must do these things for themselves. You, who are healthy, don't want to wear a mask. You could at least do it out of respect for those around you.

How can you be so heartless?

Anonymous said...

We, mankind, have lived like there is no tomorrow for decades, while leaving a world-wide path of destruction of nature. It is now nature's turn to shed itself of the virus that is the cause of that destruction. That virus is us.

Anonymous said...

4:46--because they have some sort of 'me first' complex. think of one's self only. never consider others.

its my right, my freedom not to wear one.

you can also not wear pants and underwear...good luck with that..

Anonymous said...

Should I also wear a mask to protect the morbidly obese?

Anonymous said...

Hey 2:19....I need your hate....I need your fear.

Team Chaos

Anonymous said...

4:46, there are simply a lot of assholes in our country, and especially in our state. They are ignorant. They don't know that we have 7,000,000 folks with weakened immune systems alone, not even counting the many diseases that make one more vulnerable.

They can't calculate that 25% of Americans will have cancer at some point (so, roughly 75,000,000 over their lives). They'll get lathered up over 3,000 dead at 9/11, including 3 of my close friends, and the officer who replaced me when I transferred out.

They are too stupid to learn that 40% of younger people have a condition that makes them more vulnerable. And that "completely healthy" younger people are dying from this.

They don't know anyone who's had it- I've had 3 close friends or relatives with COVID, including an ex roommate who was on a ventilator for 8 days. They'd call Jon "a sissy" or say he probably "had a bad lifestyle" I guess, when in reality, he was a varsity Team Captain, but got kidney disease later. He lost both kidneys, and has had a transplant thanks to a caring donor. But, he's on organ transplant anti rejection drugs which lower the immune response.

I bear a lot of anger and downright hate for the losers who decide NOT to simply wear a mask to protect others. They'll kill someone indirectly in their ignorance, as we have about 3 years to go.

But, unlike the Greatest Generation, some of this generation can't take 2 months without a haircut, a week without a "workout" (in a fancy gym), or "sacrifice" to wear a mask.

Ashamed of them. But, proud of others as I saw kids, lots of them, wearing masks at the store. They are probably pretty immune themselves to COVID, but they did the right thing.

I talk to folks who wear masks. Some have parents who just had surgery. Some have underlying health conditions. All are appreciative of those who help their community by wearing masks and taking precautions.

And, there are a LOT more of us than the ignorant hicks. Be safe. Vote. And remember who helped during this Pandemic.

And remember who did NOT- don't buy from them. And remember which businesses refuse to protect employees and customers, for when they cause outbreaks.

Anonymous said...

@6:25...4:46 here:
No, if you don't want to wear a mask for the morbidly obese (I understand), wear one for my husband.
He's an incredible man of 73. We have lived our entire lives eating healthy foods and exercising to avoid obesity, diabetes, and heart disease. It worked; we've defied the odds. We've even competed in the National Senior Games. Yet, one day, we got a visit from Mr. Cancer. Incurable. Through no fault of his own, his health is compromised.

I know I probably won't change your heart, but you really do have an opportunity to do something completely selfless for the woman standing next to you...and the man she goes home to. Believe me, she'll look at you with thankful eyes.

Anonymous said...

@6:25 A better question is why do you hate everyone who is morbidly obese so much that you are willing to potentially cause an innocent cancer patient to get COVID just to maximize the opportunity to exterminate the obese? I understand the concept of schadenfreude, but actively taking actions to deliberately cause another person harm or death defies common morality.

Anonymous said...

"The fact that our infections and deaths are the highest on the planet truly shows how backward this nation has become. We are no longer global leaders. We are a punchline. An example of failure for the world to mock for generations.

May 8, 2020 at 1:57 PM"

@ 1:57 PM - It all began on Nov. 8, 2015. The end of America, the beginning of Idiocracy. CAMACHO 2020

Anonymous said...

I have investigated herd immunity and found that lemmings have never suffered from a pandemic.

Anonymous said...

@6:25 Let me give you an example. You're driving down a two-lane road with a few cars behind you. Some jerk in the back decides to pass. You can see him coming around, and you can also see a minivan coming in the other direction. It's obvious he won't make it past you. Do you a) Hit the brakes a little to let him get safely back into the correct lane in order to protect the innocent occupants of the oncoming vehicle, or do you b) deliberately ensure he has no room to merge, smile gleefully as he hits the other car head on, and think to yourself "well, I certainly made sure he got what he deserved. Sucks to be that family of four that got killed when he hit them, but that's not my fault."

From what you've said, you'd happily pick B. Someone innocent dying is nothing compared to your getting revenge on someone you don't even know but somehow irritated you.

Sho Nuff said...

I'm not the brightest knife in the drawer, but if I remember correctly the purpose of the shelter in place edicts was to slow the spread of covid19, not to stop the spread. If I also recall, that slowing of the spread, was to keep our hospitals and related personnel from being overwhelmed. I do believe we have accomplished that. Some, for whatever reason, seem to want to alter our original purpose. We have achieved the goal, open the state.

Anonymous said...


That folks, is the comment of the decade. Bravo mam/sir... simply bravo.

Anonymous said...

I truly appreciate the several well-reasoned and thoughtful comments posted above. It seems to me that social disorder creates opportunity for those with personal agendas to push those agendas up the ladder of acceptability and respectability, so that when the dust settles there will be a "new normal," which includes the climber's agenda. I'm not a therapist, but I believe this is a very common pattern of dysfunctional families.

I've noticed another pattern in the comments to C-19-related posts, which is a rush for those with agendas to put their narrative out. The comments I really appreciate are from those simply seeking truth. That's my $0.02.

On a final note to Sho Nuff: Since you mentioned achieving goals in support of your argument to "open the state," the following link contains some specific goals published by the Trump Administration, which directly relate to re-opening. Perhaps those are the goals we should be focusing on in regard to opening the state.

Anonymous said...

@1230. 6 ft is made up by the CDC. The WHO recommended 1 meter (3’ 3”). That’s nearly half the 6 feet.

Masks also don’t stop the virus from spreading via eye contact.

And when you are out in public, look at how well some of the homemade masks fit people. I’ve seen most with gaps between the nose and cheeks big enough for you to stick a fat finger in. Do you really think those masks are effective?

Keep safe.

Anonymous said...

6ft is not made up. About 10 years ago a study was done to determine how far coughing and sneezing could reach to limit flu exposure. They determined 6ft is the max range sneeze particles can travel

Anonymous said...

4:46 My spouse is compromised, too. Has several conditions that put him very high risk. Some people I know are totally following the guidelines, wearing masks, gloves, etc. Some are throwing caution to the wind and living like it's not real. As for us, we are super careful and wearing masks, getting grocery delivery, etc. (Try it, I'm forever changed with it). I think one thing is that when you get out---you see more of the people who are not wearing masks, etc. but a lot of compromised or caretakers of compromised are staying home and you are not seeing them in the store when shopping for food, etc. I know of a lot of people just pretty much sticking to home, minus any necessary work or whatever, etc. I know a lot of seniors just staying home.

Personally, I have known of 2 covid cases. That's 2 too many for me.

People can spew whatever they want to and think we are crazy, etc. but until you have something hit your home, you take things for granted. Some people are compassionate and some only care about themselves. You just keep doing what works for you and your spouse and be as careful as possible for your family. As for me and my house, we are.

Anonymous said...

Thank you, 9:46.

Anonymous said...

@9:46a- I understand and am truly sympathetic to what you are saying. However, to flip the coin for the sake of logic, the label you are applying by calling those who don’t seem to want to protect you and your husband “as only caring about themselves” can also be applied to you. Why should people who have no health issues live their lives differently because some people have health issues? You are technically, albeit passive aggressively, asking (shaming) people to care about your husband above themselves. The reality is your husband was at risk WAY before COVID-19.

I agree, your family, and friends you mentioned, must stay home and protect yourselves... as you’ve stated, you know your risks. However, your neighbors have a right to move, or not move, freely at their own risk. It’s not because they put themselves above your husband. It’s because they have that right. And before you call me selfish, I’m staying in place caring for a family member myself. However, I don’t shame, nor expect, ANYONE to live like I am living because my relative is compromised.

Death is a part of everyday life. The majority of deaths are ACTUALLY preventable as most diseases are induced by life-style choices. Yet, people do NOTHING to slow those death rates. However, let one unknown cootie come along and suddenly “selfish” people are responsible for spreading death. (How about people put down those 1500 calorie meals?!) It’s incredibly surreal! People need to think!!! Protect your family if necessary, but don’t expect everyone to live like YOU live because of your situation in life. Don’t expect to inconvenience an entire community because your life is inconvenienced... THAT is selfish!

Anonymous said...

@12:21 All that person is asking is for people to wear a mask in public. Nothing more. How is that going to crash the economy?

Anonymous said...

In response to 12:21: If some of us don't want to follow social distancing guidelines, etc., for whatever reason, can't we still respect those who do? I was in a retail store yesterday and a young man with no mask walked up about two feet behind me and started talking to the lady behind the counter over my shoulder. This I call inconsiderate, which is a manifestation of selfishness. Your decision(s) to not follow guidelines and practices may or may not be selfish, but the failure/refusal to respect my decision(s) to do are very much selfish. I believe that is the point many are trying to make.

Anonymous said...

@12:46p- Oh, we have become such silly people. You do realize you are picking up a multitude of germs/viruses/bacterias in the store(s)? Did you walk into the airspace of the customer in front of you? Do you think their droplets magically evaporated because you stepped forward 6'? (insert eyeroll) Do you think the cashier's droplets only travel towards the plastic? I get that the risk diminishes, but you do realize it takes ONE TINY DROPLET... right? You could JUST as easily find that droplet walking down the bread aisle as you could from the dude over your shoulder.

Regarding the "failure/refusal to respect your decision(s)"... were you wearing a sign that said stay back 6'? Otherwise, how was dude to know your wishes? Did YOU move out of his way when he approached to ask a question? (Was he an essential worker with a limited shopping window? Have an emergency?) There are so many scenarios that could be occurring, yet you labeled him selfish because you didn't immediately get what you wanted. Did you ask HIS wishes/decisions? Maybe you were the one being selfish...

Anonymous said...

Here's something to consider. It's not intended to be a scientific article, just some information in general terms.

SARS-CoV2, the virus that causes COVID-19, has already mutated over 100 times. That's fairly normal behavior for this type of virus and for the average person, that information really isn't important as far as the number of mutations. In fact, such viruses often mutate in such a way to make them less harmful or even harmless to humans. However, occasionally those mutations are adaptations that make the virus more deadly or virulent. In general terms, a virus that becomes so deadly it quickly kills the host will likely burn out quickly as it can no longer transmit very well because it quickly killed its transport system. But a virus that mutates just enough to become more virulent will spread even faster. And just like flu vaccines, if there is enough of a mutation, a vaccine that works against strain A won't work against strain G, T, or Z. Think of it like a grenade: If a grenade had a 1/10 of a second fuse, it would kill the person attempting to use it because it would detonate before they could throw it. But if it had a 5 minute fuse, it would be useless because the people it was thrown at could just pick it up and throw it away or could simply trot out of harm's way. So grenades have around a 5 second delay - just enough time but not too much time.

That is similar to what happens with this type of virus. Some mutations, even most of them, will be "wrong" insofar as that mutation allowing just the right rate of transmission. Each new infection is a new chance for a mutation and propagation of that mutation. The more people that become infected, whether symptomatic or asymptomatic, the more chances at mutations. The more chances at mutation, the more chances of, from the virus' "point of view," the "winning" combination of factors for transmission and maximum infection.

But the real concern for literally everyone is that like the flu and the vaccines for it, if this virus mutates enough, any vaccine for this strain won't be effective for a mutation of significant difference. So those that got or get this strain and may have some immunity against it very well may not have any against the new strain. The mutated strain might be harmless or, less likely but still possible, it will be much worse.

People doing things that can cause more infections, regardless of this or that person's risk category or symptoms with this particular strain, is inviting trouble for not only yourself but also quite literally everyone else. It's like putting high-security doors and locks on your home and going away for two weeks with all your windows wide open or thinking that a flu shot will stop heart disease.

If you had chest pains and went to your doctor who then sent you to a cardiologist who told you that you had 90% coronary blockage and needed a stent, would you argue with them based upon what some idiot with no medical training or experience, much less cardiology, said on Facebook? No? Then why would you argue with doctors and virologists based upon what some idiot with no medical knowledge, much less virology, said on Facebook?

Anonymous said...

"...but you do realize it takes ONE TINY DROPLET... right?"

Wrong, at least as far as "one tiny droplet" being an absolute. It is about the number of virus shed, the amount that transfer, and whether whatever number find their way to an appropriate host cell. In other words, it is possible that an infected person, with a large viral load, could cough right in the faces of three people and only one (or two or none) of them happen to get infected. However, that same person could openly cough in Walmart and the viruses shed land on sometoilet paper packages, whereupon everyone who touches those packages for the next several hours gets COVID and dies from it. Viruses aren't "bugs," they are, basically, strands of material in a lipid case that bind to a cell and start making copies of itself.

A better analogy is to gather everyone in your family, all of your friends, and a few dozen random strangers into a room where they can all stand about a foot or so apart. Give each one a cup to hold out in front of them. Now take a large box of plastic BBs and toss them up in the air over everyone. Anyone who gets 10 or fewer BBs in their cup gets to go home and anyone with 11 or more BBs will get infected. Now, pick about 5% of that group. They get to die and you are the one that killed them. Oh and there is one more little twist: the first person to say "Charmin" among those who got picked to die can give you their cup and you get to take their place. Doesn't that sound like a fun game? No? Then why in the holy fuck are so many people trying to play it?

Suscribe to latest on JJ.

Recent Comments

Search Jackson Jambalaya

Subscribe to JJ's Youtube channel


Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).

Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.

In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS.

Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS