Saturday, June 2, 2018

Judge to SEC & SOS: No So Fast, My Friend

Affirmative action meets the Lamar Adams case.   U.S. District Judge Carlton Reeves ruled yesterday that he will appoint a receiver in the Lamar Adams case that meets minority-hiring goals established by the Court.  The SEC and Secretary of State Eggbert Hosemann are fighting over the right to appoint a receiver in the Lamar Adams Ponzi scheme case.

The SEC accused Adams of operating a Ponzi scheme that defrauded 150 investors out of more than $85 million since 2005, in a lawsuit filed in U.S. District Court on April 20.   The SEC said Adams sold bogus timber rights and deeds guaranteeing 13% interest rates.  Mr. Adams pleaded guilty in U.S. District Court to one count of wire fraud.  The Justice Department said in that case Adams defrauded 250 investors of more than $100 million.

 The SEC asked U.S. District Judge Carlton Reeves to appoint a temporary receiver for Lamar Adams and his company Madison Timber Properties. in an emergency motion submitted on April 10.  The SEC argued a receiver was needed so the defendants' assets could be "preserved" for distribution to the victims.  The request states that a receiver will submit a report within 60 days stating how the assets will be distributed to the victims. The Commission also argued the assets gained through the fraud should be protected from a "race to the courthouse" since some victims are filing lawsuits.

However, Secretary of State Dibbit Hosemann opposed the SEC's motion to appoint a receiver.  Mr. Hosemann said the defendants are Mississippi citizens, as well as a large number of the victims.  The alleged violations are also violations of the Mississippi Securities Act.    He asked the court to appoint Derek Henderson as receiver.  Mr. Henderson is a bankruptcy trustee in Jackson.


 However, Judge Reeves threw a wrench into their arguments with his new requirement.  He justified his ruling by accusing the federal judiciary of lacking diversity:

The Court believes that particular care is necessary in appointing officers of the federal judiciary, an institution that fails to reflect the diversity of the public it serves. Just one in five Article III judges are people of color, and only one in three are women. Since 2017, less than one in ten people appointed as Article III judges have been people of color, and less than one in four have been women. Bankruptcy and magistrate judges appointed by the judiciary are even less diverse, and people of color are hired for just one in six clerkship positions in multi-district litigation, fewer than one in five leadership positions are filled by women.

The Reuben Anderson protege then turned his ire towards the legal profession itself:

The same lack of diversity defines the broader legal profession. Despite making up a quarter of the country, people of color represent just one in ten lawyers, and only a third of lawyers are women. At major law firms, fewer than one in  ten partners are people of color, and fewer than one in four partners are women.

and of course remembered he is in Mississippi, after all:

Deeper  patterns  of  exclusion  appear  in  Mississippi.  While black people make up 40% of the population,  they represent fewer  than 16% of Mississippi’s federal bankruptcy, circuit, district, and magistrate judges. One survey found that fewer than 4%  of federal clerks hired in Mississippi, Louisiana, and Texas were black.11  People of color represent fewer than 11% of the Mississippi bar.  Women make up fewer than 16% of Mississippi’s  federal bankruptcy, circuit, district, and magistrate judges, and just 23% of the state’s lawyers.
Judge Reeves then turns to the case at hand:

Still, when given the opportunity, courts should take steps to increase  their  diversity.  Justice  is  a  search  for  truth.  That search will fail if a court does not incorporate a wide array of experiences,  facts,  and  perspectives  into  its  decision-making processes.  “The case for diversity is especially compelling for the judiciary,” as District Judge Edward M. Chen has said. “How can the public have confidence and trust in such an institution if it is segregated – if the communities it is supposed to protect are excluded from its ranks?” To deliver justice and ensure its legitimacy, then, the judiciary must diversify itself.

In fulfilling that duty here, the Court will use the “inherent power” courts have “to provide themselves with appropriate instruments required for the performance of their duties.” The Court will require the Receiver to take steps to guarantee that its hiring practices are as inclusive as possible, ensuring the participation of those who have traditionally been excluded from legal work in America. Applicants are encouraged to commit to bold and creative steps involving recruiting, retaining, hiring, and other staffing concerns in their applications. Through their fulfillment, those steps may aim for - though may not guarantee achievement of - targets for billable hours performed by those underrepresented in the legal profession. Even steps that aim for very modest targets, such as 25% of hours being conducted by women and 20% of hours being conducted by people of color, would be laudable.

The Court posted a receivership application online.  A copy is posted below.

Kingfish note: For someone who is so concerned about discrimination, Judge Reeves has not bothered to rule on the Hinds County 2012 redistricting case even though a hearing was held over three years ago.  Judge Reeves knows that Robert Graham, Doug Anderson, George Smith, and Derrick Johnson engaged in some good ole fashioned racial discrimination that is known all too well in Mississippi. However, he can't bring himself to rule on the case because he can't justify a ruling upholding such blatant discrimination that would not be reversed on appeal.  
 If anyone thinks the Kingfish is being too hard on Judge Reeves, read this earlier post that reported how the Fifth Circuit _____-slapped Judge Reeves  after he blatantly tried to rig the results in a reverse-discrimination case.  The Fifth Circuit panel literally laughed out of court the side favored by Judge Reeves.

Judge Reeves used such reasoning in striking down 1523 only to be slapped down himself by the higher courts.  Apparently he learned nothing and forgot everything from that experience.

 Earlier Posts
McHenry sues Lamar Adams, claims he was duped.  
A look into how the timber scheme worked.
SEC opposes Delbert's opposition.  
 SEC wants receiver in Ponzi scheme case, Delbert opposes.
Victim sues Timber Trolls 
Lamar Adams pleads guilty.  
SEC: Ponzi scheme began in 2004. 
Flashback Friday
Clearcutting the timber. 
Wicker wobbed in Ponzi scheme.
Pinnacle Trust issues statement on Ponzi scheme
Lamar Adams waives indictment.
Feds: Lamar Adams took over $100 million in Ponzi scheme.
TIM-BERRR!!!


46 comments:

Anonymous said...

"Despite making up a quarter of the country, people of color make up just one in ten lawyers (GASP !!!), and only a third of lawyers are women (OMG !!)".

Becoming a lawyer is EARNED, not guaranteed.

Want to be a lawyer? Go to law school and pass the fucking bar exam.

TO hell with affirmative action and this liberal shithead judge.

For those of you agreeing with his honor, see Carlos Moore for his results.

Anonymous said...

A token Obama appointee. 'nuf said.

Hater of Activist Judges said...

If the chief judge had a pair, he would wack this idiot's pp.

Anonymous said...

The stupidity of this crap burns.

Anonymous said...

There is no such thing as reverse discrimination. Discrimination is discrimination. If a white person acts in a discriminatory nature towards a black person, that’s called discrimination. If a black persons acts in a discriminatory nature towards a white person, that’s called discrimination.

Anonymous said...

The blatant race/baiting and racial insensitivity I see in the comment sections of so many of these threads never ceases to amaze me. There is no better proof that the idea of a "post-racial society" is pure fiction than the attitudes reflected in 6:27 and 7:39's (and so many others') comments. Jackson Jambalaya should be ashamed for continuing to allow anonymous "tough guys" to spew racism and hatred under the guise of free speech and promoting honest dialogue.

Anonymous said...

Is Justice Blind or Tribal?

Anonymous said...

Folks - here is what is going on. The black bar has circulated the USA Today study that reviewed the first 93 Judges appointed by President Trump. There was only 1 black.

We are going to get more rulings like this in the future.

Anonymous said...

Why not let the victims of this mess decide who gets to work towards getting them justice? What percentage of the victims are people of color?

Anonymous said...

This is simply the front to bring in Marcus Wallace as the receiver.

Anonymous said...

Isn't Affirmative Action discrimination against competency ?

Anonymous said...

I’m shaking my head on this one.........really? So, he doesn’t make a ruling on the Hinds County redistricting case,and according to his response about this case I now understand why? HE is the racist. Now, where is the DO)when it comes to these matters.

Anonymous said...

Dongbert filed his motion in order to get the monies more rapidly returned and distributed. NOW, it will take three times as long. Either Dinglebert is a complete and utter IDIOT, or - he did this on purpose to delay the returning of monies because so much of it is connected to his friends. Either way, he's not trustable. God help us if Hoseman is elected to another office.

Wiseowl said...

7:16 you crack me up. You are probably right too. TNS

Anonymous said...

What does it matter ? Nobody is going to get anything back anyway .

Dee Ray said...

While 9:14 (so typically) jumps cartwheels at the opportunity to paint posters as insensitive racists, he overlooks entirely the absurdity of the judicial mandate that even invites these comments.

This is a dangerous and slippery slope we're headed down when judges actually are empowered to demand race-based quotas. Are juries next? Bailiffs? Court reporters? Courtroom lawyers? Members of the trial audience? Deputies in the halls? Prisoners down in the courthouse parking area washing cars?

Will this judge, given the chance, require the same diversity in situations involving Jackson and it's administration and city employees? If so, this will be a nice opportunity for increased employment of white folk.

Kingfish said...

Actually Mr. Reeves was a well-respected member of the bar when he was appointed. He worked in the U.S. Attorney's office, was an attorney at Phelps (don't know if he was a partner), an adjunct law professor, and clerked at the Mississippi Supreme Court. He was Mr. Anderson's pupil and protege.

Anonymous said...

Tell us why are you even here @9:14? You're no different than all the other "anonymous 'tough guys'".

Anonymous said...

And you say all that to say what, Kingfish?

Kingfish said...

I was responding to the clown who called him a token appointment.

Anonymous said...

He's certainly not a token. But he isn't just calling balls and strikes. He's biased. And since he is appointed for life he doesn't hide it.

Anonymous said...

Why limit his tirade to the legal profession?
Shoudn’t one-third of all physicians, veterinarians, dentists, civil engineers, CEO’s in Mississippi be African- Americans?

Resident Blog Clown said...

His CV/Resume means nothing once he went racist, because that is what he did.

Anonymous said...

Kingfish is correct about Judge Reeves. When he was in private practice, I had a case against him that became very heated, but he has always treated me fairly and with respect when I have appeared before him.

For the person who threw out the name Carlos Moore, you might recall that KF extensively covered Mr. Moore's case against Belhaven in which Judge Reeves sanctioned Moore.

You might disagree with Judge Reeves' ruling about who the receiver will be, but in my view, this does not warrant a false allegation that he was a "token" appointment.

Anonymous said...

Wow. How to view this? I met Judge Reeves years ago when he was in practice, liked him then and like him now as Judge. But I'm concerned by this apparent local judicial activism even if it is being used to counter the Republicans' judicial political activism. Are federal judges all over the country doing things like this? Are Native American judges in Western states attempting to impose ethnic quotas on court appointments and employment? Are Hawaiian judges doing this? What about Asian heritage judges in California? Maybe Judge Reeves is trying to force the US Supreme Court to address the issue.

I just want a qualified, efficient and honest receiver or trustee to be appointed. Qualifications for the job are more important than skin color.

Anonymous said...

Fish, you'd have a different opinion of him if you'd ever tried a case in front of him.

Anonymous said...

Um, has anyone considered that Reeves may be covering two bases with one ruling? The SEC can have a (qualified) receiver of any color, creed or sexual orientation on deck before Dilbert can.

Kingfish said...

Yes, he sanctioned Carlos Moore in the Belhaven case BUT it was only $500.


So much money did Belhaven waste on a completely bogus and fabricated lawsuit?

The Blog Clown, and proud of it said...

Just because someone is characterized as a "token" does not mean they are not qualified. It means SYMBOLISM. A black appointment by a black appointing authority, in a predominately black community, is likely SYMBOLIC, especially in the case of Nobama as the appointing (actually nominating) authority.

Anonymous said...

Token? Qualified? Whatever.... The fact is that when Reeves was appointed by Obama, the US Senate confirmed him -based on that experience and education that his CV indicated. His representation of multiple black organizations and issues wasn't raised against him. But now he wants to look at the judges appointed by the current POTUS - nominations that are being subject to overt scrutiny over similar, but reversed, issues as Judge Reeves' (and others). If he is concerned about the appointees of this President, he should also consider the different process it takes to get them past the Dems in the Senate and recognize that the Repubs in the Senate at the time of his appointment praised him for similar (but opposite) beliefs.

Anonymous said...

A terrible, and certainly not a judicial, ruling by this racist judge. But lets face it, this mess would not have surfaced if the idiot we have as a Secretary of State, King wannabe, Delbert Hosemann. His intervention into this case, claiming that "most" of the investors were from MS - ignoring of course that there are several investors that are not from MS that he obviously thinks could be represented by a Mississippian - of his choice, of course, and attempting to trump the SEC was absolutely idiotic. But for Delbert, being idiotic is second nature, as long as he can try to convince everyone that he is smarter than they are so they should listen to him and follow his lead.

Hopefully Reeves will kick Hosemann out of the courtroom and move this case forward with the adults in the room, no matter what color they are. After all, Delbert needs to stay on the road getting his picture made around the state reminding folks that he can, and will, take care of everything. Just put him in charge.

Anonymous said...

What is a receiver?

Anonymous said...

Hopefully, a qualified person reflecting diversity will surface.

In the meantime, the following is copied as a description of Lady Justice:

One of the most recognized legal symbols of American justice is Lady Justice! Most commonly portrayed in the U.S. as a blindfolded woman carrying a sword and a set of scales. Symbolizing the fair and equal administration of the law, without corruption, greed, prejudice, or favor.

The depiction of a woman portraying Justice dates back to the ancient Greece and Rome. Themis, the Greek goddess of justice and law, commonly known for her clear-sightedness.

Justice, Prudence, Fortitude, and Temperance are the four Virtues. In Roman mythology Jusiticia depicted one of the four Virtues.

Anonymous said...

8:31, receiver in this context has nothing to do with what you do at night

Anonymous said...

1) Some of you should do some serious research on the difference between a "Race-based QUOTA" (a strict numerical requirement based on race), and setting loose diversity goals, where possible, to ensure that QUALIFIED minorities are also given an opportunity to participate in a given process. (By the way, the very term "minority" also entails a gender component--but, of course, the slightest mention of the social disparities ingrained in the fabric of our nation's institutions makes some people so uncomfortable that their natural response is just to deny, deflect, and only focus on the racial component.)

And while you may feel your criticisms to the 2012 redistricting case are warranted, let's be clear: analogizing a redistricting case to a matter involving investment fraud is called "false equivalency."

2) Perhaps, those criticizing the decision (and worse, dishing out ad-hominem attacks at a judge who is highly respected and obviously qualified) should consider the idea that selecting a receiver from a pool of mostly white male applicants, while failing to consider equally-qualified minorities would be INHERENTLY racist. (While it is not guaranteed that qualified minorities would be excluded from the selection process, it is certainly a possibility given the lop-sided statistics that Judge Reeves offered in the opinion). It is laughable (but more disheartening) that in 2018, some people still view racial/gender diversity and qualifications as mutually exclusive concepts.

BS Detector said...

12:02 PM - That would be discrimination, not RACISM! Raise the race card much?

Anonymous said...

@ BS Detector - In what universe is discrimination (on account of one's race) not ONE of the necessary elements of racism? (Just as discriminating against one on the basis of their gender is an element of sexism). Sociology lesson of the day: racism entails a discriminatory/prejudicial element, as well as an institutional element.

"Racism": (Please pay close attention to the second entry, in particular.)
1) a belief or doctrine that inherent differences among the various human racial groups determine cultural or individual achievement, usually involving the idea that one's own race is superior and has the right to dominate others or that a particular racial group is inferior to the others.
2) a policy, system of government, etc., based upon or fostering such a doctrine; discrimination.
-Dictionary.com (and if that's not credible enough for you, take a look at how Webster defines the term in its 2nd and 3rd entries.)

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/10-signs-of-institutionalized-racism-and-the-rhetoric_us_593bff26e4b014ae8c69e0cc

And my comment is hardly "rais(ing) the race card" when the opening line of the blog post reads, "Affirmative action meets the Lamar Adams case." The denial continues--and you just proved my point with your response (as you only addressed the racial disparities--and yet again, completely overlooked the gender component--that was referenced in the opinion). If convincing yourself that institutional racism (or whatever other "ism" you choose to ignore) is non-existent is how you help yourself sleep at night, that's your issue. Maybe your "BS Detector" could use a tune-up.

Anonymous said...

S3:14...spending that much time to defend and justify race-based quotas is certainly racist. Making decisions and judgments and establishing criteria based purely on race cannot possibly be anything other than racism. Got a dictionary handy?

Affirmative action is not now and never was simply 'setting loose diversity goals'. That's pure bullshit and you know it. The EEOC has latched tightly onto those 'diversity goals' for years and considers them mandates and quotas.

When are you people going to stand on your own two feet and compete based on qualifications, experience and the value an employer perceives you to be to an organization? And when will you ever accept employment-rejection as anything other than 'because I'm black'?

Anonymous said...

@ 6:04: "When are YOU PEOPLE going to stand on your own two feet and compete based on qualifications", huh? Lol. My point exactly. Not only is your use of the phrase "you people" a blatant display of intolerance, but worse, you make an assumption that anyone who acknowledges any form of social disparity (e.g. race, national origin, gender/sex, religion, etc.) necessarily belongs to a certain race or has been unable to "compete", which is absolutely ignorant. Period. And wow, who ever knew that acknowledging the existence of racism was racist? Or speaking out against sexism was sexist/discriminatory toward men? Or fighting classism was discriminatory against rich people? Thanks for the enlightenment.

You seem to genuinely believe EVERY minority who has achieved, "competed," and made significant contributions in society at large have only been able to do so because of racial/social status and affirmative action, which is even more ignorant. You also seem to believe that EVERY white person who has achieved and competed has done so strictly because of their merits and qualifications. If those sweeping generalizations inform your genuine beliefs, you need a reality check--but that's only if you're willing to come to grips with reality.

And since "quotas" seem to be your issue, I suppose you find it equally problematic when colleges reserve fixed percentages of their available scholarship funds to students that demonstrate financial need--which benefits students of ALL races, genders, religions, and nationalities. Instead, you only get defensive when confronted with the reality of white privilege. Guilt is truly a complex. (I'm still waiting for someone to prove me wrong and provide a counter to the other examples of social disparities I mentioned...you know like gender...or religion....or national origin. But, of course, you'd rather proceed with your crusade to deny & downplay the existence of racism.)

You may get the last word on this comment thread, but that doesn't make your position any less ignorant and uninformed.

Anonymous said...

You people?

Anonymous said...

@ 6:04: "When are YOU PEOPLE going to stand on your own two feet and compete based on qualifications", huh? Lol. My point exactly. Not only is your use of the phrase "you people" a blatant display of intolerance, but worse, you make an assumption that anyone who acknowledges any form of social disparity (e.g. race, national origin, gender/sex, religion, etc.) necessarily belongs to a certain race or has been unable to "compete", which is absolutely ignorant. Period. And wow, who ever knew that acknowledging the existence of racism was racist? Or speaking out against sexism was sexist/discriminatory toward men? Or fighting classism was discriminatory against rich people? Thanks for the enlightenment.

You seem to genuinely believe EVERY minority who has achieved, "competed," and made significant contributions in society at large have only been able to do so because of racial/social status and affirmative action, which is even more ignorant. You also seem to believe that EVERY white person who has achieved and competed has done so strictly because of their merits and qualifications. If those sweeping generalizations inform your genuine beliefs, you need a reality check--but that's only if you're willing to come to grips with reality.

And since "quotas" seem to be your issue, I suppose you find it equally problematic when colleges reserve fixed percentages of their available scholarship funds to students that demonstrate financial need--which benefits students of ALL races, genders, religions, and nationalities. Instead, you only get defensive when confronted with the reality of white privilege. Guilt is truly a complex. (I'm still waiting for someone to prove me wrong and provide a counter to the other examples of social disparities I mentioned...you know like gender...or religion....or national origin. But, of course, you'd rather proceed with your crusade to deny & downplay the existence of racism.)

You may get the last word on this comment thread, but that doesn't make your position any less ignorant and uninformed.

Anonymous said...

The order says that white lawyers need not waste their time submitting an application. PERIOD!

Anonymous said...

8:59 - Please spare the readers another diatribe of ignorance, racism and social experimentation. It's past high-time for 'you people' to move beyond the protections of quotas, entry points, numerical guidelines, chants of racism and playing the race card any time you don't get accepted, don't get a promotion, get terminated, receive a counseling document or reprimand in your personnel file or are asked to observe break times. And stop getting your panties in a wad every time somebody uses the phrase 'you people'.

Preaching to me about what 'assumptions' you think I reach and twice telling me what my thoughts 'seem' to be is a typical waste of your time. And, no...I had no problem with colleges or places of employment addressing suggestions for diversity that included ALL races, sexes (gender is a made up term), religions and nationalities as long as they didn't discriminate and were not simply reserved for black-folk.

You really need to make up your mind whether you want to continue wallowing in the pity of minority status or you want to accept the fact that you are no longer 'the minority', move on and compete based on your own talents. We are frankly tired of your bullshit.

Anonymous said...

Did you get a righteous head rush dropping those comments @8:59?

Anonymous said...

Well, continue to be tired of minorities. (Based on your posts, I never once questioned your intolerance.) Because guess what? Minorities aren't going anywhere. I suppose you think people like President Kennedy, Robert Kennedy, Martin Luther King, Jr., and countless other martyrs were unnecessarily "complaining" in the mid-20th Century, and that the days of socioeconomic, racial, and gender inequality have long passed. And if you want to argue that gender is a social construct, you should also recognize that race is a social construct as well.

It's about high-time people LIKE you (see how unlike your post, I didn't make a generalization about a certain group of people) stop convincing yourselves that minorities are stealing jobs and seats in universities from more qualified white candidates, and that if not for racial status, NO minority would achieve solely based on his or her talents, merits, or qualifications.

Do you think EVERY single white person who has achieved the "American Dream" has done so STRICTLY on their "talents," and not a single one has benefited from generational wealth at the expense of racial minorities and poor citizens? There are multitudes of minorities (not just black) that continue to succeed based on their talents, just as there are multitudes of white citizens who compete based on their talents. God truly created all men and women as equals. But I'd hope you're already aware of that. You seem fairly intelligent.

Bottom line: I don't want you to feel sorry for minorities. If anything, I feel sorry for the guilt you internalize that causes you to be so dismissive of white privilege and social inequality (which outside of your views on race, you have yet to address). Don't be ashamed of your privilege. Embrace it. God bless you.

Anonymous said...

Just wait most of you guys will be in the minority in your lifetime, if you are under 50. When the tables are turned you will learn.

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Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).


Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.


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Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

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