Monday, October 9, 2017

Winners of the Day

The Clinton Police Department issued the following statement and pictures.

Winner #1
Duuuhh.... which way did he go, George?
The Gothic Spicolli

Clinton Police Arrest Three Residents on Auto Burglary Charges

Clinton, Miss. (October 9,2017) On the afternoon of October 5, 2017 at approximately 1612 hours, Clinton Police officers were dispatched to Angelia Lane in Clinton, Mississippi for suspicious person(s) call. When officers arrived on scene, contact was made with Jacob SMITH, Jessyca GARRARD, and Jeremy KNIGHT who were in a blue Toyota Matrix, which was owned by Jeremy Knight.

Officers observed a large blue Makita chop saw in the back of the vehicle and noticed that the occupants of the vehicle were nervous. A Clinton Police Department detective was dispatched to the scene and interviewed the suspects.

KNIGHT and SMITH confessed to breaking into a black utility trailer and stealing drills and other assorted tools on the evening of either October 3rd and carrying them back to KNIGHT’s residence on Parker Dr. Both, KNIGHT and SMITH, confessed to conspiring with each other and GARRARD to return to the same utility trailer and steal a Makita Chop saw.

SMITH confessed to asking GARRARD to drive him to the yard adjacent to the trailer for the purpose of breaking in and stealing the chop saw on October 5th. He also admitted to carrying out this act and loading the chop saw into the Toyota.

GARRARD admitted to driving SMITH and parking the car near Angelia Drive address on 10-05-2017 with the knowledge that he intended to commit the burglary.

All three suspects are residents of the city of Clinton.

Jacob SMITH, 32 years of age, was charged on two (2) counts of FELONY auto burglary, bond set at $20,000.00.

Cade KNIGHT, 44 years of age, was charged on one (1) FELONY count of conspiracy and one (1) FELONY count of auto burglary, bond has not been set (must see judge).

Jessyca GARRARD, 39 years of age, was charged on one (1) FELONY count of auto burglary and one (1) count of misdemeanor possession of paraphernalia, bond set at $10,500.00.

Anyone with information on other crimes potentially committed by these three suspects, are asked to contact Clinton Police at 601-924-5252.

Clinton Police were able to quickly solve this case due to the alertness of residents to suspicious activity and their report to Clinton Police.

According to Chief Hayman, this “arrest is a great example of the community quickly reporting suspicious activity to the Police Department. Once again, we encourage residents to always report suspicious behavior to the Police.”


Alpha Storm said...

Looks like folks you see from Yazoo County visiting the Mississippi State Fair.

Anonymous said...

Looks like they will have to miss the Ole Miss-Vanderbilt game and the Grove, this weekend. Just when the weather was getting nice.

Land sharks rule!

Anonymous said...

Winner #1 looks like she was sad to be caught, or disappointed in her boy friends. Clinton isn't the only place crime takes place. A few days ago at Northpoint in Jackson Phil Hogue was jogging in the evening and was approached by several black males who half beat him to death & than robbed him of his cell phone. WOW.

Anonymous said...

They are back out on the streets. I saw Purple Hair and Neck Tattoo at the Clinton Kroger Sunday morning. They were hard to miss.

Anonymous said...

Note to all 39 year old women JJ readers:

If you are going to break into cars, try to go with a dye job other than purple.

Anonymous said...

You're supposed to jog with your pistol, not your cellphone.

Anonymous said...

As a resident of Clinton I want to say that I love my city, but I have some problems with our Police Dept.

We need a tape measure on the wall behind our arrestees and a little number sign in front of them. It is Obvious that the Lady is upset because she has no sign. The first man is confused because he has no idea what his number is and the third is angry because his two friends are distressed with the whole arrest process.

Good job, but we can do better than this CPD!

(Insert sarcasm secret code mark here)

Anonymous said...

I'd hit that.

Anonymous said...

Aha! That's why she didn't show for our Tinder hookup. I was thinking she just wasn't that in to me. Fingers crossed!

Holla at me girl.

Anonymous said...

You all are sick!!!!

Anonymous said...

I am especially offended by the Yazoo City comment, you are obviously from MADISON, where all the snoots are

Anonymous said...

Which one 3:06 PM?

Anonymous said...

One of those nasty looking Simon City Royal look alikes is my younger brother.
He was raised well and in a good environment. I tried to help him more than a few times and told him his future if he didn't get away from drugs and certain type people. Sadly, drugs ruin many people's lives! Good luck with prison and being a felon, tough road a head for him.

Anonymous said...

What does "looking nervous" look like?

Anonymous said...

CRYSTAL METH... its whats for breakfast

Anonymous said...

The Joker and her henchmen caught! Holy meth pipe, Batman!!!

Anonymous said...

I knew there was some other use for Easter egg dye

exjxnres said...

Dumb, Dumber and that order....!

Anonymous said...

Notice that none of them have earlobes. Is that another trait, like blue eyes and really narrow pelvises, which can be linked to addictive personalities?

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Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).

Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.

In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS.

Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS