Friday, October 13, 2017

Land Sharks, Tide, & Bears, oh my.

Some Friday afternoon humor.


   My Girlfriend doesn’t understand team mascots. 

I love the team mascots.
Yea, they really add to the atmosphere, the cheering, revving up the crowd and with camaraderie at a game.
Yes but I have to say I’m a little confused.
About what?
That is the mascot for the Ole Miss Rebels isn’t it?
Yes.
Well what does a black bear have to do with the Rebels? I’m sorry I don’t see the connection.
Well you see, well, we’re not the black bears anymore, now our mascot is the landshark.
The what?
The landshark.
What………………is a landshark?
It’s a shark on land.
Well a shark on land, wouldn’t it just kind of flop around and then die. Is that appropriate mascot for the Ole Miss football team?
Well actually, looking at their performance to date. No, no I am not going there. Look, you’re taking all this far too literally. A shark is a dangerous animal in the ocean and we just took him out of the ocean and made him a landshark. He’s still dangerous and scary and that’s what we are trying to portray our team as.
O……K……, so are you now the Ole Miss landsharks?
No, no we’re still the Ole Miss Rebels, the landshark is just our mascot.
But what is the connection between the Rebels and a landshark?
There isn’t one, we just made one up and artificially connected them. We are the rebels, but our mascot is the landshark.
That doesn’t make any sense.
We don’t have to make sense. We are Ole Miss. And the college rules for mascots say they don’t have to make sense, have any connection or be a real creature. They can be whatever we want them to be. We’re still the Ole Miss Rebels.
Well what ever happened to the original mascot, the old Colonel Reb?
We got rid of Colonel Reb because some felt he associated us with a plantation owner who owned slaves back in the day and you know it wasn’t politically correct to, to be seen praising such a man.
Ok, I can understand that, but how did the Colonel Reb get turned into a black bear?
It made sense at the time.
To who?
To somebody important apparently.
And how did the black bear turn into the landshark?
The students took a vote.
The students voted and they came up with the landshark?
No, somebody came up with it and then we told the students that they had to vote between the black bear and the landshark and they voted for landshark as our new mascot.  Do you understand now. It’s not difficult once you understand the history.
Well, if you say so. Ok, so who are you playing today?
We’re playing Alabama.
What is their teams name?
Alabama, the Tide.
The Tide. What is a tide?
An overwhelming rush of water that just washes over you.
Oh, that kind of tide. I get it. So where is their mascot?
That’s him over there.
Oh, but that looks like an, an elephant.
Well, it is an elephant.
What, what does an elephant have to do with a tide of water?
The elephant is kind of, he’s, he’s artificially inserted as their mascot to represent the Alabama Tide. Don’t look like that, it makes perfect sense to have an elephant represent the Alabama Tide. Roll Tide Roll.
Are you talking to the elephant or the unrepresented water?

27 comments:

Anonymous said...

War Eagle-Tiger!!!

Anonymous said...

What is even more hilarious than this poorly disguised diatribe (cloaked as just a bit of humor, doncha' know...JJ and you other dogs are so transparent that it can be breath-taking at times :D), is the solidification of JJ's and all dogs once again "inferiority complex" to all things having to do with the FlagShip University in this State known as the University of Mississippi/Ole Miss.

Mind you, while it was quite clever to try and hide this inferiority complex that you have with Ole Miss with the mere mention of Alabama, you could have tried to hide it even further with the also mention of Auburn. But your focus was too short-sighted to attempt that.

No matter what you want to call us, you may just call us the FlagShip University of Mississippi. That should suffice just fine because that's who we are.

Carry on, b*tt-hurt inferiors...Carry-on...

Anonymous said...

The bulldog has been inbreed into an ugly sickly and dumb animal. Inbreeding does that.

I heard the LSU Tiger is crying. There is a song out about it.

Anonymous said...

Flagship universities normally don't have to rebrand themselves every few years!

Anonymous said...

Speaking of "b*tt-hurt," I don't suppose you've looked up "landshark" on Urban Dictionary, have you?

Anonymous said...

The hamster-eating frat boy.

The fake girls catfishing recruits.

The campus free speech snowflake response team.

Laremy Tunsil's gas mask.

The Greeks going to war over a banana.

The frats sexually harassing girls in front of a packed arena.

The noose on the James Meredith statue.

The fact that half your fan base still has a hard-on for the confederacy.

Coach Jesus calling hookers on a school cell phone.

The bearsharktopus.

And that's just the last couple of years.

I'm honestly asking: Do you people really not see that you're profoundly abnormal?

Anonymous said...

Ole Miss is anything but the flagship university. The institution is an embarrassment to our state.

Anonymous said...

Ole Miss is certainly the Flagship. Of the Confederate Navy.

Hobby Lobby! said...

Faulkner's grave just emitted a guffaw.

Anonymous said...

12:35, what you don't seem to understand, or maybe just don't want to accept, is that fans of MSU, USM, etc don't feel inferior to Ole Miss. The reason they don't like Ole Miss and take pleasure in its downfalls is because of the unadulterated arrogance and pompousness of Ole Miss fans like you. The fact that you called them "inferiors" in your post proves my point. You think others are inferior to you which, candidly, makes you an arrogant prick and a textbook example of why other schools hate Ole Miss and relish your humiliation.

Justice for Tyrion said...

The only flagship school in Missisippi is in Starkville. Sorry Old Mist, but you guys suffer from bulldog envy.

Disgusted Rebel -- 1999 said...

I just read the Urban Dictionary and found out what a Landshark really is. It's disgusting, but it is what it is. A sister giving a BJ and giving the guy a shark bite. Wow! But it is now official. The students voted for it and the administration said "great." Okay, let's post a "will you help us," recruitment ad. You gotta be blonde, have big boobs and willing to do the deed on national TV and, of course, the Jumbotron. That should to get the attention of the NCAA.

Anonymous said...

Last I looked it was cheaper to get into Ole Miss than just about any other school in MS. You also don't have to have very good grades or ACT scores. So what is it that makes OM the Flagship university in the state?

Anonymous said...

Where are all the feminists? I can't believe the administration of Ole Miss is going to allow this "Landshark" fiasco to go through. As stated above apparently very few if any have done any research to find out the true story behind "Landshark." Here's a hint, it started long before the SNL skit and should not glorified by a university such as Ole Miss. SHAME, SHAME, SHAME!

Anonymous said...

KF having fun at OM’s expense while an LSU dumpster fire is burning in his own backyard.

Anonymous said...

Just because the Urban dictionary hijacks a name doesn't mean you shouldn't use it. There are more valid reasons to not use Landshark for Ole Miss. It's nowhere near the coast. It doesn't fit in with the whole "Rebel" theme. Sharks are scary and other fish fear them.

Anonymous said...

Here here 1:10!
Looooonnnnnnnnggggggg applause.
Nailed it.

Anonymous said...

Scene: Ole Miss' true mascot learns that the school has named the Landshark as the newest school mascot.


Admiral Akbar: "Turn back! Its a trap!"


Fade to black.

Anonymous said...

Delta State has the best mascot to strike fear in their athletic opponents-The Fighting Okra.

Anonymous said...

State fan here.

The people referencing "urban dictionary" as some form of valid reference for the mascot name "land shark" are wholly ignorant and embarrassingly willing to display said ignorance whether being too young or what.

Urban dictionary has a bunch of made up BS references to common words.

Land shark is the mascot for a college, one of the most expensive in the country. It was the nickname for several different cars. Of course, who can forget the SNL landshark and it was the name of the first album of a group in the late 70's

Anonymous said...

Meth & Steroids U has its day coming. Thousands of dollars buying football players and the FBI Adidas paying players to attend certain schools. Of course, despite hundreds of thousands of Adidas dollars sending players to Meth Steroids U, they still have losing seasons.

Anonymous said...

I find it interesting that Malik transferred from one Adidas school to another. Probably just coincidence. Surely Cow College not involved in the latest scheme.

Anonymous said...

Colonel Reb Lives!

Anonymous said...

"Flagship" university? More like "Flagscared" university. Do they even allow the US flag on the campus in Oxford or does it possibly offend someone too?

Anonymous said...

Meanwhile, back at the "School" of Poultry Science...

Anonymous said...

Immaturity reigns. Grow up people.

Clothes Hound said...

Where can I even buy Bass-Weejun-Tassles? Seriously. I hate interrupt, but I'm in a hurry.



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