Thursday, September 15, 2016

Capitol Art Lofts coming to Capitol Street



HRI Properties issued the following press release and drawings:


HRI PROPERTIES ANNOUNCES FINANCIAL CLOSING OF THE CAPITOL ART LOFTS

Closing signals more redevelopment for Jackson’s historic downtown

JACKSON, MS – September 14, 2016 – HRI Properties announced today that they have officially closed on the Capitol Art Lofts project and will immediately begin with construction. The advancement of this project will ensure the adaptive reuse of another set of historic buildings in downtown Jackson – and the continued progression of current revitalization efforts in the area.

Governor Phil Bryant said, “I’m excited to see this very worth-while and important project finally come to fruition. Many partners contributed to this project, but I’d like to specifically thank the efforts and creativity of HRI, the Mississippi Department of Archives and History, and the Mississippi Home Corporation as this development will provide workforce housing to Mississippians.”



“We are thrilled to officially move forward with the Capitol Art Lofts. We are extremely grateful that the State of Mississippi has continued to support the project through thick and thin. The State clearly saw how this project serves the multiple public goals of affordable housing creation, blight elimination, historic preservation, and economic development through stimulating the creative economy,” said Josh Collen, Senior Vice President of Development Services for HRI Properties. “We are looking forward to working with White Construction on a first class renovation of these historic buildings that will add vibrancy to West Capitol Street. We’d also like to thank AEGON USA Realty Advisors, LLC and JP Morgan Chase Bank, N.A. who have been valuable financial partners in this and prior artist housing developments we have created together.”

“Chase is excited to partner with HRI Properties and the State of Mississippi in the redevelopment of historic commercial buildings, along Capitol Street in Jackson, into workforce housing that will further enhance this growing corridor of the city. Chase maintains a longstanding commitment to invest its expertise and resources in communities it serves, and this redevelopment has provided an opportunity for us to work towards that goal,” said William Callihan, Vice President of Chase Community Development Banking.

First proposed in 2012 following HRI’s successful downtown Jackson renovations of the King Edward Hotel in 2009 and the Standard Life Building in 2010, the Capitol Art Lofts project is composed of two groupings of architecturally significant commercial buildings constructed between 1885 and 1929 in the 200 block of West Capitol Street. Much like HRI’s comparable recent developments in New Orleans, the Bywater Art Lofts and the Blue Plate Artist Lofts, the properties will be converted into 31 affordable residential units that will provide leasing preferences for artists and medical industry workers. Amenities include community areas, art gallery/studio spaces, a business center and fitness center.

About HRI Properties

HRI Properties (HRI) is a diversified, national real estate company engaged in the ownership, development and management of upscale branded and independent hotels, luxury apartments and mixed-use properties in the top 40 urban markets.

Founded in New Orleans in 1982 by Edward B. Boettner (1933-2000) and Pres Kabacoff, HRI is dedicated to the pursuit of rebuilding neighborhoods and recreating entire communities. Through its subsidiaries, HRI has completed 77 large-scale projects for a total funding value of over $2.5 billion which include 5,226 apartment units, 4,725 hotel rooms, and more than 1.4 million square feet of office and retail space. HRI is a full-service real estate development company and a national leader in the adaptive reuse of historic structures. HRI’s mission is - Revitalizing Cities by Creating Diverse, Vibrant and Sustainable Communities. For more information, please visit our website at www.hriproperties.com.

Kingfish note: Couldn't resist.


72 comments:

Anonymous said...

What capital is the developer putting into this project? Or is it all financed with public bond proceeds, meaning taxpayers are fully subsidizing this?

Anonymous said...

I guess it has a lot of public funding for private investors want to be repaid.

Anonymous said...

"West" Capitol?

Anonymous said...

HRI is the real deal.

Yes, they use tax credits...they created the concept of the tax credit when they redeveloped the CBD in NOLA before the Worlds Fair. Good people doing good things.

Glad to see them take this step.

Wish they could take a left on Farish...but that would be a turn even they wouldn't dare make.

Anonymous said...

I'm really sick of these trolls who just want to bitch instead of doing their homework. Hey 8:31, why don't you use your extensive internet skills and do some research? How about making some phone calls? Oh, I'm sorry, that doesn't fit into your skill set. In your mind, everything good that happens in Jackson is because someone has their hand in the till.

SMDH said...

Yes Jackson is doomed. The District at Eastover, Meridian at Fondren, Capitol Arts Lofts, Westin Hotel all prove it is a goner (insert sarcasm here for you slow thinkers).

Anonymous said...

Maybe the City of Jackson will now start maintaining the new beds along Capital street and the grounds around Union Station? I see weeds 3 feet tall. All the lights under the rail way underpass at Union Station are non-functional. A great place to mug someone. The crackheads and panhandlers urinate all over this underpass area. Trash everywhere. It would benefit everyone involved to get this area cleaned up and maintain it afterward. this is basic.

Mayor Yarber - do you hear that?

Anonymous said...

9:35 you forgot to mention Whole Foods (to REALLY rile up the haters).

The Jeffersons' Have Moved On Up.. said...

The governor mentions that he is excited to see 'workforce housing'. What is that and what is it code for?

Yes; Back to Union Terminal. It was envisioned as a super-elaborate complex housing bus terminal, train station, a gathering point for busy cabs and gift shops. One of Harvey's only accomplishments was in utilizing his training as a grant writer to get it paid for. So, they built it and nobody came except those who were required to come in order to catch the train to New Orleans or the bus out of Jackson. Now it's surrounded by bums and weeds three feet tall. Call me what you will, but I'm left wondering how in hell it's acceptable to build something and then abandon it? And how long will it take those large flower pots and tree pots on the new street to fill up with cigarette butts and crushed Dixie cups. But, pay me no never-mind since I'm just a hater to be ignored.

I forgot to say that I like the bold new titty featured on Danny's billboard out on I-220 as visitors to the area approach the down ramp to the zoo.

Laughing All the Way to the Bank said...

Pour it on, Debbie Downer at 10:38. This good news is driving you CRAZY. ROFLMFAO.

Anonymous said...

I thought that billboard on 220 was for Black Diamonds???

Messick said...

11:13,

Thanks for reminding me - Genesis is dancing tonight.

Anonymous said...

The District at Eastover, Meridian at Fondren, Capitol Arts Lofts, Westin Hotel

Meager replacement revenue but go ahead and get excited over the shuffling of the deck chairs on the sinking ship. You've always been about the show but not the go.

Anonymous said...


1:18 you are correct.

All this new construction is great but all it is is shuffling deck chairs (tenants)around. We desperately need new businesses coming in from outside the Metro Area and with the poor schools, crime, taxes going up, bad roads, poor water quality and corruption we will never get there. Sorry, facts are facts.

Anonymous said...

I haven't been to downtown Jackson in 10 Years.

Anonymous said...

Workforce housing= Low-income housing. This government, welfare "developer" is using low-income tax credits along with historic tax credits for this project. When PRIVATE investors and developers come to Mississippi and true gentrification happens in Jackson, please wake me. These government sponsored developments in Jackson are INSANE! Jacksonians don't know a damn thing about urban development! Continue to be played like a fiddle from pseudo-developers.

Still miss being downtown. said...

Yes, 9:18, west Capitol begins at Farish Street. East Capitol is only a few blocks long.

Anonymous said...

Wait, so these are specifically targeting artists and medical workers? I'm not certain I understand the target market. Do these two rather specific professions share housing needs, or will there be two different floor plans?

I know a couple of artists who have a room with a drafting table and a desk full of supplies. The rest of their house is like mine. I know a good number of "medical workers", including nurses, doctors, and an EMT. Not a single one of them has anything in their house that is specific and unique to their field.

I can see the JFP Parade of A$$holes lining up to call me a "hater" or whatever unoriginal slur the creative class wants to throw this week, but I'm not. In fact, I think renovating those buildings is a great idea. I just want to know why they are going out of their way to target artists and medical workers.

Can anyone answer that question?

P.S. The SodoSopa thing gets me every time! :-)

Anonymous said...

Yup. There's 5 blocks in all of those east downtown streets. However, I won't be spending much time and treasure west of there.

Anonymous said...

Jackson is on the decline but that doesn't mean it's dead. It's revival is slow because Mississippi is slow. National companies aren't beating a path to Madison, Pearl, Flowood, or Brandon either. Their development is essentially fueled by flight from Jackson. The rest of the world sees the whole state of Mississippi including those "alternative communities" as backwards hellholes and avoids them all. If Jackson can get young urban professional types to buy into a downtown urban lifestyle, it may help to change the image of this area with the demographic that counts most. Twenty years from now, with luck and new leadership, Jackson may have the last laugh.

Anonymous said...

HRI in NOLA has a whole set of apartments in the Bywater dedicated to artists like this...much larger development. Think its called "The Artists Lofts."

It is sort of utopian in that they gauge rent on the stated/proven income of the artist.

The place stays full...rents are not free...but they are not through the roof...its sort of a self modulated rent control concept which appears to currently be functioning in the NOLA market....

Anonymous said...

The 'creative class' was a scam.

Anonymous said...

4:26
It was a creative scam.

Anonymous said...

According to the Northside Sun, the new drainage and sewer work around the District at Eastover is being built very cheaply and the contractor is ignoring required construction requirements by filling with dirt (possibly Yazoo clay) and neglecting the gravel requirements which provides long term stability. Also, I think the contractor included the gravel when placing his bid.

Anonymous said...

4:55 PM

When you saw this thread....what part of it made you think this was the part where you put in that tid bit of information?

Are you the crazy woman at the mall who walks up to strangers and tells them about pots and plants? Are you late for your ride back to the home?

how annoying.

Anonymous said...

Why are you pointing this out, 4:55, in a positive news story? Rhetorical question for sure. Haters gonna hate. Go to church this Sunday and listen.

Stodd Toffer said...

I'm really sick of these trolls who just want to bitch instead of just accepting that the future's so bright we gotta wear shades. Hey 4:55, why don't you use your extensive internet skills and do some research instead of reading a local newspaper (unless it's the Free Press)? How about making some phone calls to Donna Ladd for the truth? Oh, I'm sorry, that doesn't fit into your skill set. In your mind, everything good that happens in Jackson is because someone has their hand in the till. How dare you question something we hipsters love! You're so unhip.

4:21 Keeps Moving the Goalposts said...

Ben Allen, president of Downtown Jackson Partners, said at the press conference that he has seen figures showing that, with all the residential development downtown in the form of loft apartments and condos, that in 10 years there could be as many as 25,000 people living downtown, tripling traffic on Pearl Street and Pascagoula Street.

-- Mississippi Business Journal
-- March 3, 2008

Anonymous said...

Jackson is a fetid cesspool full of race hucksters and guilt ridden whites. Give me beautiful, friendly, and progressive Gluckstadt every single time. Gluckstadt is booming for good reason. The next 20 years belong to the Gluckstadt, Mannsdale, Livington, and Flora corridor. Come join us.

Anonymous said...

Happy for you 5:29. Really am! Can you be happy for those of us that would rather live here in Jackson?

Anonymous said...

5:29: You omitted Ridgeland, which used to be a component of MadisonRidgeland. Does that mean Ridgeland is now viewed as increasingly tainted? Well, we've all seen that one coming. So that means the Boundaries are now the Madison/Ridgeland line to the south, Canton (damn Canton!) to the north, I-55 to the east and some to-be-determined line between Livingston and Flora. Right?

Anonymous said...

Ridgeland shares a border with Jackson. Clinton says it should work out fine

Muffin Top in Faux Pearls said...

How does the term 'urban professional' equate to 'low income housing'? The Lofts are one or the other and can't be both. Well, unless 'professional' has been redefined by the hip crowd. Literally I suppose the dancers at Black Diamond, before it was padlocked yesterday, could be considered professionals. Will there be a chandelier and toilet-water samples in the elevator?

Anonymous said...

It's really not surprising that it's the critics who don't seem to read the entire release. Or , I suppose they might and have never realized that in a press release, article and even in a whole book, sentences don't stand alone and all the paragraphs are part of the narrative of the subject as well.

And, of course, critics seldom bother with a dictionary or searching out more information when something is unclear to them. It's an appalling lack of curiosity that leads to a lack of understanding.

It's obvious that some of you don't understand that there is a need for affordable housing for those who work at the hospitals and that artists and artisans play an important role in revitalization. For the latter, please look up the revitalization of Savannah ,Ga ( initiated almost entirely by the School of the Arts) and Asheville, NC where the artists stimulated residential downtown living by creating an art district. They drew people downtown and when people come to enjoy the arts, they need businesses to serve their needs while there. And, very quickly, the deteriorating mansions and houses in Savannah were being purchased and renovated. Biltmore Forrest ( separate from Asheville as Madison is separate from Jackson) had been where the growth had been and now it continues to be in downtowm and allowed ( among other things) The Grove Park Inn to renovated and expand)and for deteriorating neighborhoods ( even those with post WWII Sears houses) to gentrify.

And, guess what, the example you love, Detroit, is experiencing revitalization that is working as well. You really are a decade behind.

Where there are people, there are businesses that come to serve their needs.

The revitalization of cities ( all of which experience declines) doesn't happen overnight. It took a while in the places mentioned and in Richmond and Atlanta as well.

I suppose you critics didn't go to the symphony ball or else you'd know there is a new industry downtown.

Y'all are simply making it obvious that you don't know much about anything except how to whine and bitch.


Anonymous said...


It's really not surprising that it's the critics who don't seem to read

I suppose they might and have never realized

of course, critics seldom bother with a dictionary or searching out more information

It's an appalling lack of curiosity

It's obvious that some of you don't understand

please look up

You really are a decade behind.

I suppose you critics didn't go

Y'all are simply making it obvious that you don't know much about anything

Anonymous said...

6:42; Where are all these 'artists' you speak of? And where is your evidence that hospital employees need affordable housing and want to actually live downtown? Your entire post is speculative and emotion-based. See definitions of fallacies.

Anonymous said...

Overlooking historic Kenny's House.

In Shi Te Patown

Anonymous said...

6:42 --

Ms. Ladd:

and Asheville, NC where the artists stimulated residential downtown living by creating an art district. They drew people downtown and when people come to enjoy the arts, they need businesses to serve their needs while there.

My dad owns a business in Asheville, NC. The only thing in common, as best I can tell, between that city and Jackson is that I have been to both of them.

Long, long before Asheville became a mini-Austin east of the Mississippi, it was a quiet, mid-sized town. Big attraction was and still is the Biltmore House.

Asheville was never the murder capital of North Carolina. And not to upset you, but as of the 2000 census, it was 78% white.

No offense, but your use of Asheville in comparison to Jackson is either willfully false, or just ignorant.

Kingfish said...

Yes, the GDP has been growing, hasn't it?

Anonymous said...

A better North Carolina city to compare Jackson to is Durham. Durham was a cespool and dangerous place to go 20 or 30 years ago. Durham is now a vibrant, hip, exciting place to live. Unfortunately don't expect that in Jackson, at least not in the same way. Durham benefits from 3 large highly rated universities within 20 miles. There are lots of good jobs for recent graduates and the young smart professionals stay long term and help grow the economy. You don't have that in Jackson and the best schools in the state are closer to other more exciting metro areas. The young smart people head off to Memphis, Birmingham, or New Orleans and Mississippi suffers from brain drain.

Messick said...

Detroit is still a hellhole and will be until the black powerbase realizes who they ran off in the 70s was keeping the place alive to begin with.

What makes it attractive now is the level of urban decay and rot on a large scale, bringing in blight tourists (who don't stick around) and dirty freeloaders masquerading as creatives/hipsters.

What did that, uh, "colorful" mayor Coleman Young say?
"I don't know nothing about no goddamned Krugerrands!"

Anonymous said...


Ashville did not have Ben Allen, that why it's successful. When are the property owners (DJP) going to get rid of his know it all sorry ass. Since Ben has held the presidency of DJP, Jackson has gone down like the Titanic. No offence Ben you have ZERO training on how to revitalize a city---I strongly suggest that you get the hell out !!!!
Move on and f--k something else up !!!!!!

Kingfish said...

Actually downtown Detroit is starting to come back. Supply and demand took over. The rents fell enough to where small businesses and hipsters could afford them. Quickenloan is investing in downtown Detroit as well. Major corporate partners always help.

See this 2011 post

Anonymous said...

Detroit IS COMING BACK. Is actually fun to watch.

Messick said...

KF, this is true. The downtown is getting better but the city ringing around it is still derelict. Like a rotten donut surrounding a sweet center.

I guess ya gotta start somewhere.

Kingfish said...

Not disagreeing with you at all. Have to start somewhere, though.

However, one disappointing thing about Jackson. The leadership and City Council has done nothing to help neighborhoods. No strengthening of rental ordinances, no revision of neighborhood covenants, and similar measures have been taken.

Anonymous said...


Buster Bailey sucked the life out of downtown by offering special lease terms to tenants. Buster took: CSpire, Butler Snow, Adams & Reese, Merrill Lynch, and dozens of others. He personally destroyed the city that his Daddy helped build. It's all about the money, Buster could give a s--t about downtown. He is the greatest con artist since Frank Costello !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

10:14...right on. Apartment and house renter owners are largely from areas outside of Jackson and raise hell with the council when Jackson tries to implement ordinances similar to the ones in their own cities (inspection codes for instance).

Anonymous said...

One thing this Administration has done is tear down houses. We desperately needed everyone gone that has been done. Another good move was moving Code Enforcement to the Police Department where serving notice to negligent owners has some authority behind the notice. I am not sure when the inspection to rent ordinance was initiated but it should help. Covenants have to be done by the owners, don't they? Zoning is the City's right.

Anonymous said...

This development is greatly needed and a smart move, IMHO, by HRI. They own $125MM in assets across the street (King and Standard Life) and, I doubt, would have even given a glance at those properties, had they not.

This move protects those assets and cleans up that area.

Anonymous said...

This project is partially funded by a federal program giving tax credits for affordable housing for workforce. $5.7MM to be exact.

In order to receive these credits, the apartments must be made available to those earning a certain percentage less than the median income of the area(delineated in the press release). Several projects in Jackson use this methodology now (Timber Falls, Helm Place, Medical Mall, etc).

Before the haters pile on, do your homework. It is managed by the Miss. Home Corps, and is very successful across the country in revitalizing downtowns. The people that work in areas have to live somewhere too.

The location qualified because it rests in the area designated as part of the medical corridor.

Anonymous said...

Looking for the "like" button, 12:28.

Anonymous said...

10:51am....$125 million?!?!? Those 2 buildings would be more in the $40 million combined range...if that. They are great buildings for sure, but let's be realistic.

Anonymous said...

The king was in $89 million investment The standard life building was a $40 million investment.

Anonymous said...

Detroit is beginning to 'come back'? What fucking planet are you living on? Weed now being passed out at breakfast at Primos?

Kingfish said...

I wrote downtown Detroit. Your lack of reading comprehension is showing itself, Shadowfax.

Anonymous said...

Yes 6:38, it is coming back. Go there. 38 buildings in downtown Detroit purchased in the last few years. Hell I ain't gonna argue with your stupid ass. Too much trouble. You hang out too much on the Detroit is crap racist website. I will bet a dime to a donut that every shitty comment that has ever been on this site is done by a person that votes Republican EVERY time. Like YOU 6:38.

Anonymous said...

9:32 am I agree Durham is a good example as well.

8:31 am Your Dad may own a business in Asheville now but apparently is not a native. My grandfather was the one who was in charge of all the beautiful carpentry(and did much of it himself} that was done at the The Biltmore and The Grove Park Inn and many other buildings.

Maybe your father should talk to Larry McDevitt, who was the mayor of Asheville who had a lot to do with Asheville's resurgence. Larry knows the entire history of Asheville and indeed, took N.C. history from the man who wrote the best textbook on the history.

And, FYI, it was the area around the old movie theatre in Asheville where the hippie artists started the latest rejuvenation.

And, to all the Detroit bashers...
When is the last time you've been to Detroit? How many people do you visit in Michigan? And, you do know it's not the capitol, right?

The elephant in the room said...

What's the projected average water bill for these living spaces?

Anonymous said...

Fiore than Pearl but less than Memphis. That help??

Anonymous said...

7:11 "...Larry McDevitt, who was the mayor of Asheville who had a lot to do with Asheville's resurgence. Larry knows the entire history of Asheville and indeed, took N.C. history from the man who wrote the best textbook on the history."


Leaders(?) here don't like history. Folks around here are all about removing and rewriting. Hence, the bold 'NEW' city.

Things Are Lookin' Up! said...

Democrats have added a modicum of lipstick to 'Downtown Detroit'. The easily persuaded crowd has mistaken that for revitalization. All Jackson needs is new parking meters and some sidewalk art, maybe like the catfish from years past. That should do it.

No Crime Allowed Beyond This Point! said...

What was the purpose of this post?:

...West Capitol begins at Farish Street. East Capitol is only a few blocks long.

Is that sort of like the swimming pool sign that admonishes us to not pee in the deep end?

Anonymous said...

2:03 pm Fixing that which took decades to destroy doesn't happen over night and finding solutions requires one to be willing to fail until you find the solutions that work.

You're problem is that you are a naysayer and a quitter.

You also can't own any of your responsibility in contributing to extreme bigotry that got Jackson and Mississippi into this mess we find ourselves and that some cities have not had to overcome to the same degree. Some cities, and Durham is a good example, have both races cooperating to better their community. But, elsewhere they didn't do things like create a Sovereignty Commission and White Citizens Council and actually kill people trying to vote. The prejudice existed, but MS and Alabama did more than their fair share to make sure violence was the response to protest and to those whites who tried to find solutions to justifiable grievances. There's not just blame to go around, there ought to be shame going around in both races.

Anonymous said...

10:33, nothing can be done until honest people are elected to office. No matter who tries, how hard they try, and how much money they are willing to give. It will all just go into some politician's pocket or their family and friends pockets.
When the people of Jackson decide they are ready to try to better the city others will help. As long as it is every person for themselves and to hell with the city no one is interested in trying to help.

Anonymous said...

Apparently 10:33 isn't old enough to remember the riots in Boston (you know, the one in Massachusets?)when bussing was enforced.

Anonymous said...

Am I the only one who realizes Kingfish has morphed into Ben Allen? Cheer-leading for a totally failed cesspool like Detroit? Thousands of high-end loft apartments on the horizon and crumbling structures being purchased by and marketed by the folks with money. People by the thousands clamoring for a chance to bid on one. Free weed at Smith Park.

Kingfish said...

That's funny. I'm the one who opposed Old Capitol Green and busted it for the fraud it was when everyone else was pushing it. I called out Harborwalk when I first started this site and 8 years later, still nothing.

All I did was post a simple press release and some people apparently become unhinged by the mere existence of said press release. There is no "good luck to the developers", or, "It will look nice if they can clean up that part of Capitol Street", nope, it's all attack, attack, attack.

Anonymous said...

No, 3:34. Kingfish hasn't morphed into the self-promoting, "I'm a damn prophet", jackass that tried to get Jackson to buy into what that obvious con man wanted to do with Smith Wills stadium (and made much fun of anyone that had the gall to question him about this on his failed radio show).
I've lived in Jackson all my 63 years, seen much come and go. Would love to see our city rebound. Those buildings across from the King Edward have needed to be re-purposed for years. Will be a great addition to the area, as proposed, we'll see.
The main thing that is glaringly absent from the re-purposing of downtown is any major law firm, or any other professional business, returning.
Let's all hope that that is in our future.

Anonymous said...

@ 4:06 PM
Kingfish, why can't you call out what Capitol Arts Loft is? It is simply a government-sponsored, low-income housing development. Please stop with the BS!

Kumbaya Choir said...

So, let's hold hands and wish a developer good luck. We all did that a couple of times fifteen years ago and ten years ago, but then we learned our lesson. It's like a dog being slapped upside the head every day and continuing to hope that he won't be. He finally gives up, hangs his head and knows what's coming.

Anonymous said...

I live at the King Edward Apartments and love it. The Art Lofts will be a great addition to Capitol Street.

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Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS
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