Wednesday, March 9, 2016

DJP stands up for Ben Allen

Update (6:45 PM): Copy of Ben Allen indictment.

Original post (3:54 PM): Downtown Jackson Partners issued the following press statement:


From his service as a Jackson City Councilman to his leadership as President of Downtown Jackson Partners (DJP), Ben Allen has conducted himself with complete integrity and honesty. He has shown an unparalleled commitment to the city of Jackson and the Central Business District.

The charges lack any basis in fact and are instead an apparent effort to tarnish the reputation of one of Jackson’s most dedicated and law-abiding public servants. This action is also a false indictment of the entire Downtown Jackson business and residential community that has worked tirelessly to transform and improve the Central Business District.

These allegations arise from a disgruntled former DJP employee who was found to have embezzled $40,000 from the organization. Despite a criminal complaint filed last year with the Jackson Police Department by DJP and Trustmark National Bank, no action has been taken by the District Attorney to prosecute this former employee. In addition, a civil lawsuit against the former employee was filed last year in the County Court of Madison County by DJP to recover the embezzled funds.

DJP fully cooperated with an investigation and audit of its operations conducted more than a year ago by the Office of State Auditor, in which all requested documents were made available. At the same time, the DJP Board of Directors commissioned its own independent investigation and audit that found DJP and its staff to be in full compliance with all requirements, rules and laws.

The Executive Committee of Downtown Jackson Partners stands unanimously behind our President Ben Allen and intends not to simply defend against these baseless allegations, but to vigorously fight to ensure that Mr. Allen is fully cleared in this matter.

Mende Alford Laura Lamar, Chair
Betsy Bradley Hilda Stauss Owen, Secretary
Ramel Cotton Leland Speed, Chairman Emeritus
Steve Davis, Vice Chair Sylvia Stewart, Treasurer


Anonymous said...

lets hope Ben is innocent in all this. spending lavishly is not a crime. its part of business. just at Derrick Johnson of NAACP and one voice fame.

the truck seems kinda fishy but we have only heard one side of the story so far.

Anonymous said...

Last night I said this seemed like a whole lot about nothing. A few jumped on it. Appears I was correct. If anything, the crook seems like RSS.

Anonymous said...

The DJP would not release this statement unless they were 100% sure it was accurate. Doesn't RSS have some murderers to prosecute and not release on bond.

Anonymous said...

My feelings exactly, 6:28. With all of Jackson's problems that JSS could help with...this doesn't seem like one of them.

Anonymous said...

So did Allen not provide receipts for the credit card payments?

Just because he paid his personal credit card bill with the money doesn't automatically mean embezzlement..... Could have been legitimate expenses for djp he put on his personal card.

I would expect more info in the indictment.

Anonymous said...

I have no clue if these charges are bogus or not but I'm guessing they probably are...At least most of them. But can someone explain what's wrong about the DJP sponsoring the mayors inauguration? Isn't that what they do?

Anonymous said...

The Ben Allen Apologists are coming out of the woodwork like ants over a mound of honey.

Anonymous said...

What educated politician turns in expenses over $25 without a receipt? Sorry, but impropriety is suspect. While I would hope it comes clean in the trial, working this way in 2016 is stuuuupid.

Anonymous said...

8:52... Have you not read the Clarion Ledger over the last couple of weeks???
ALL "EDUCATED" POLITICIANS and just about all POLITICIANS in general turn in expenses over $25 without a receipt!

Anonymous said...

Wheels coming off yet another RINO bus.

Messick said...

I mis-read this as:

"Downtown Jackson PANTHERS"

'Partners' is quite different.

Anonymous said...

I hope it's a big nothing burger. But...

It's the little things that raise my antennae.

The truck. What a low-rent move. And probably lied to Mitchell about it initially, then, uh, maybe they gave it to me. He would have signed the title transfer in 2 places.

And they pay gas, insurance & maintenance on it? Wouldn't both parties need to acknowledge that in tax documents? Is it part of the employment contract, if there is one.

Tipping $120 on a $140 tab? I wouldn't put some kind of kickback past him. If he'd lie about a truck worth less than 4 grand.

If you're funneling tax money to a board member's relative, couldn't you find bar stools for $300 a pop? Why you gotta go &1,200?

Seems like there's a culture of greed & rule bending at a minimum.

Ben's Boys said...

Ben has had a legion of posters at his beck and call since way back in the days when the Clarion had it's blog site; six-seven years ago. If you said a negative word about Ben on the site, he would let the dogs out. One was his son. Then there were a bevy of hacks that musta been on his lunch-list. Periodic fried chicken at 2-Sisters was the typical pay.

Anonymous said...

I frankly cannot be sure what is going on here.
I am impressed with the DPJ release and that there were two audits.
Perhaps, those audits should be released. Wouldn't the audits put this to rest? The audits shouldn't be in conflict. Math is math in standard accounting.
That said, I can't imagine why the investigators in Pickering's office would not provide a copy the file they had even without a subpoena and rather brazenly argue that this was a civil rather than criminal investigation when clearly embezzlement is a criminal act .
The truck is the most baffling indictment. Was it valued at $3500 but needed most of that value in repairs to be useable? Was title transferred? How many miles did it have on it? That'd make it pretty much a truck that's close to worthless!
I can't tell if this is carelessness on the part of people who are perhaps a bit too accustomed to dealing with large sums of money and the "perks" that come with wealth to even notice that spending tax dollars requires more due diligence or a pattern of conduct that should appall taxpayers. Or, maybe it's just all involved will be learning that their " importance" shouldn't make them get their panties in a wad when their "authority" is questioned as it can end up in a " pissing contest" where everyone gets stinky.
I fairly certain that before this is over, there will be more than a few lessons in humility to be had.

Anonymous said...

I would caution everybody that the alleged facts we're reading are the one sided gotcha headlines that the clarion ledger does to boost sales. I'm sure there's an explanation. I remember when the story came out 2 years ago I saw Ben and joked with him about that damn $120 tip. He explained that it was a group meeting where everybody paid $20/head for the meal and he put the tip for the entire group on his credit card, along with his $20 meal. He said he told Jerry Mitchell with the CL, but they didn't much like printing that side of the story. If that's the kind of BS that RSS is working with, he's gonna be real embarrassed at the trial.

The Other Side of the Story said...

Right on @ 8:16. I'd even venture to say if Ben were an African American, there wouldn't even be a need to hear "the other side of the story." The people posting here would be crucifying him right now to infinity. Quite sad.....

Anonymous said...

I'm confused. RSS has targeted Ben Allen for essentially stealing/embezzling from DJP. Yet DJP says they've had outside auditors look into this and found nothing. How can you charge somebody for stealing from a corporation when the corporation says that person didn't steal from them, and, apparently, has the facts to back up their claim? Look at the board members of DJP. You think they would tolerate anybody stealing from them? Hell no. Something ain't right here.

Anonymous said...

Remember when Ben argued that Downtown Jackson had the lowest crime rate in the city? Guess that's not the case any longer, huh Ben?

In west Jackson, they rob you with a gun. In downtown Jackson, they do it with a fountain pen, a handshake, and a wink.

Anonymous said...

7:58 - damn, that sheds a little more light on the subject. WTF is RSS doing? Is there some lack of documentation? Did the investigators check with the restaurant? with DJP's auditors? or even Ben Allen himself? Or did the DA simply rely on Jerry Mitchell and the disgruntled employee who embezzled $40k for all of the so-called evidence gathering? sounds like RSS dropped the ball.

8:37 - uh, you must be a newbie to this site. Ben is routinely pummeled by the pundits here. It's almost a sport. And, yes, there certainly are a bunch of racists who seem to relish bashing all things Jackson, all things African American, and all things progressive. Respectfully, that's got nothing to do with the seemingly bogus charges against Ben Allen. The fact that he has a lot of people blogging to support means he has made a lot of friends and is held in high esteem in many areas. The fact that people here constantly bash him means he's actually doing things! When you work for progress you inevitably step on peoples toes, or make some jealous. That's the nature of the beast.

Anonymous said...

If Ben Allen committed a crime, then let the process play out and let him have his day in court. If he didn't, then shame on RSS.

And, along with the unprecedented act of indicting Audit Dept investigators for apparently not agreeing with RSS on whether this was a crime, RSS should resign from office, or be removed from office.

Regardless of all the personalities and egos involved, our natural biases and opinions, this is deadly serious matter and is not a good situation.

It's not a good day for Jackson, or for Mississippi.

Anonymous said...

This is real simple where are the audits, what time period were they for, what standards were used, who did the audit and what were findings and letters? Did the State auditor receive a copy? 8:56, many times the board members benefit for the "sloppy" management. They get meals drinks,favors or contracts. Based on what other have said, these are public funds and must be treated as such.

But he sang in the church choir, y'all!!! said...

@8:56 There are rules for corporations and even more stringent rules for not-for-profit organizations. It doesn't matter if the good ol' boys on the board circle the wagons around their fishin' buddy. There's outright stealing and then there's helping a buddy out. Maybe the DJP board wouldn't tolerate pure embezzlement, but fixing a truck for a friend, well, we'll just file that under "ancillary expenses".

When you are dealing with public funds and grant money, you can't just hand over a truck to a guy working there because he's a pal. And I'd like someone to justify DJP spending $4500 for 6 bar stools and purchasing them from a board member's daughter-in-law. The most expensive bar stools at Miskelly are just under $200/ea.

My read on this is that the woman who embezzled $40,000 took some documents that would allow her to take down others if she got caught. Maybe Ben's transgressions weren't as severe as hers, but you can't get a little bit pregnant.

But Ben's a good guy! He has plenty of money! Nothing to see here!

Yeah, sure.

Anonymous said...

DJP would not purchase barstools from Miskelley's at any price. It is not inside the City and DJP tries to keep money in Jackson, I believe.

Reckon the $120.00 tip was a mistake? Maybe it was supposed to be $12.00 and wasn't noticed until the bill came in. It could happen.

Glad there were audits. And will now wait to see all "play-out" in the courts. A really good DA would go a long way toward helping with the crime problem.

Anonymous said...

Forget Miskelly, they're Beyond Furniture™ anyway. I'm certain there is a bar stool supplier in the city limits that could supply 6 bar stools for FAR less than $4500. When you add in the fact that the seller is related to a board member, it's fishy. It just is, especially given the outrageous premium DJP appeared to pay for these things. If Phil Bryant had bought two lamps for $10,000 on the state's dime and the seller was his cousin's wife, everyone would be angry (and rightly so). There would be talk of impeachment.

BTW, if Ben was planning a $12 tip on a $140 tab, then he shouldn't be hosting clients. I believe the $120 was absolutely intentional.

Anonymous said...

"Sloppy" at 9:24 AM, FYI - the Board do not get "drinks, favors or contracts". In fact, they are required to purchase tickets, tables, etc. to set an example for other Downtown businesses.

Yes, some of these purchases seem extravagant, and the Board should put a stop to that.

The criminal activity comes from the embezzling disgruntled employee. That is infuriating enough, but then she tries to turn the tables...

Anonymous said...

SHOUT OUT to any of you who care about this City:

Are you going to believe and support a man who has worked relentlessly to promote Downtown as our hub and to make this City better for all, young, old, black and white? Ben Allen is respected and proven to be honest and dedicated. He is not a politician and is NOT doing this DJP's work for the money. He truly loves our City. He has the support of the greatest, smartest, proven business leaders, regular law abiding citizens and also up and coming young entreprenuers in the State. And he supports these people with his time and effort.


Are you going to believe and support a man who is working relentlessly to ruin everything we, the property owners and business owners have been working for in this City? A bully, rumored illegal drug user who is using his elected position for political gain? A man, our DA, who has decided to tear down anything good left in this city and to cause chaos in the midst of all the good things about to happen here? A man who is trying to highjack our City?

It's time to pick sides and STAUNCHLY defend what is right! Let's do that NOW!! I support Ben Allen. Who's with me?

Anonymous said...

11:35 prior comment explained that the $120 tip was the tip DJP paid for all of the guests at the lunch meeting. They all paid $20 each and Ben threw in the tip, rather than paying the whole lunch tab. That actually sounds like a pretty good plan for saving money for DJP and creating a little good will with the people you invited to a meeting, only to get them to pay for their own meal. Perhaps you might not have done it. Perhaps you would have paid the full $20 for all of the guests, plus a traditional tip. Whatever the case, I'm still struggling to see how this can possibly be viewed as CRIMINAL. Also, remember that this is a non-profit economic development corporation, and not a state agency.

Anonymous said...

With a sound system of internal controls, how do anyone embezzle very much. In a well run organization there are check and balances.First it was an employee. Then the director. Is everyone including the board in on this scam?

Anonymous said...

Even though BA isn't working for the government, could this be an extension and a new front of State vs City fight?

Anonymous said...

1:25 - NO.

Anonymous said...

Not about the money!! It's all about the money!! He bumped his salary immediately. From 75k to 150k in a short time after taking that position. They originally claimed the whistle blower stole documents, then she embezzled 40k. This isn't about the whistle blower this is about a man who has been stealing thousands because he thought he could get away with it.

Anonymous said...


If you want evidence for the type of bully that Robert Smith is, look at his employee retention. He has fired or run off around 90% of his staff. There is only one ADA currently working there that began employment with him in 2008.

Let's take a look at Michael Guest's office, the majority of his ADAs are still there. Why? Because he is a good boss and prosecutor. An ADA that worked for Robert Smith left and went to work for Guest. Why is that? It pays the same.

It's simple, Robert Smith is unstable and has no clue as to what he is doing. Now everyone is getting to see the depths of his insanity.

Anonymous said...

1:25 Here's a tip. Ask your local banker or your local CPA about instances of embezzlement. Even with a "sound system of internal controls" small business, large business, banks and even government agencies are victims of embezzlement regularly.

Of course you probably intentionally didn't discern between the "former employee" and Ben Allen, but there is a huge difference. DJP and Trustmark both filed criminal criminal charges against the former employee (yet no action by the DA). As to Ben Allen, what I have read so far leads me to believe that there is no criminal misconduct here by Ben Allen or the Board.

So what's the link between the "former employee" who even Trustmark agrees stole $40k from DJP and the DA? Something ain't right here.

Anonymous said...

Former employee probably knows where the money is going to. I would guess some of the missing records could prove what has happened.
As long as the former employee has the info there will not be any charges. Former employee probably not disclose the info if there isn't any charges filed.
We will see if the higher ups are worried enough to let former employee go free.

Anonymous said...

Criminal charged do not get filed against someone without a reason. What is the reason if Ben is clean?

Anonymous said...

It is hard to keep people from stealing but with a small bunch like DJP keeping up with where the money is should be easy. This is not a cash business where money walks away. Face it Ben is either a very poor manager and really dumb or a crook. Take your pick.

Anonymous said...

3:30, keep up. Former employee / so-called whistleblower is covering her *ss and trying to pin it on Ben.

Anonymous said...

3:44, he could be both, really dumb and a crook.
He was dumb enough to get caught.

Anonymous said...

3:30, you can not pin it on an honest man.

Anonymous said...

DJP is sticking their collective necks way out. No way Ben is not without some fault in how he manages and deals with money.$40k missing and lots of free spending. He may not be a criminal but this is not a well run effort by Ben.If this is more than mismanagement DJP should fold. Plus do any of the Board have any personal liability for first poor oversight and now backing Ben without full facts.

Anonymous said...

The whistleblower woman is one sick, sad, pathetic person. Feel sorry for her. Pray for her. Really. Did same thing at Valley Gas, the city, and now Mr. Allen.

Anonymous said...

If this is a con job by RSS, then we are all at risk of arbitrary prosecution.

Anonymous said...

This can not be dismissed as a "crazy woman". If she did the same thing at last 2 jobs, why did Ben hire her? Way too much smoke not to be some fire.

Anonymous said...

The comments are interesting but most of them are based on your impressions of the people involved.
I remember similar " defenses" of involved people when Magnolia Venture Capital went down.
Having been on several boards, both business and non-profit, what the board members know is only as good as the information they are given and how that information is presented.
Not all audits are well executed.
The bar stools cost doesn't bother me as much as it does some of you. First of all, I would subtract tax. If you do that, and you are wanting to buy bar stools that will get more than home entertaining use, that is not way out of line. But, that they weren't able to get a better discount and there was " nepotism" does.
The truck bothers me more because it's just so stupid and makes me question judgment as does the investigators behavior.
I don't know and neither do any of the other commenters who are rushing to judgment.

Anonymous said...

It is very easy to get a person indicted by a grand jury. The grand jury looks at only the prosecution side of a case. THe potential defendant does not get to present his version. Then they vote on whether to indict.

For RSS, the easy part is over. Presenting his side of the story to the grand jury got Ben Allen indicted. Now, the other side will have its opportunity to counter that version of the facts and will likely be cleared of most if not all of the charges. But clear or not, the damage to Allen's reputation is done and cannot be easily undone, and Ben will have to spend a lot of money on legal fees.

What is the name of the former employee now whistleblower?

Anonymous said...

If a board sells or gives a truck to the director, there must be a paper trail which in this case means a vote must be taken and recorded on the minutes. No minutes means that it did not legally happen. This is really simple and basic. The only way a board speaks is through its minutes.

Anonymous said...

This all sounds like a race issue. Black people are so organized and use so called "systemic racism" against people they call white supremacists . If you don't like white people helping your predominantly black city get over it. But be honest about what this really is. Ben has helped this community for years and the black residents mostly can't stand it. Criminal what the DA is doing!!!

Anonymous said...

Both white and black use race and hide behind it as needed. This is not about race but mismanagement or stealing.

Anonymous said...


If the board is not required by it's bylaws to vote on an issue and it's an executive issue, the executive has the full authority to execute the disposal without a board vote.

This is really simple and basic. Boards do not operate the day to day of any given organizations. They provide the oversight and structure by which executive individuals carry out.

Anonymous said...

Everyone has their opinion. Let the court decide. If he is innocent he has no problem. The records will clear him. If the records do not clear him he is guilty. Simple.

Anonymous said...

Most things do not require board action and the director can make day to day decisions but the truck deal was "done by board action with no minutes". This is how the cover up become greater than the crime when stories start getting made up.Everyone knows that Ben can not sell or give a DJP truck to himself.

Anonymous said...

Ben Allen should be in prison for many years. He is guilty as sin.

Anonymous said...

Oh,1:44, I didn't know GOD was a JJ reader. Because he is the only one who can make that judgment. Go look in your own mirror.

Anonymous said...

1:44 - RSS, you probably ought to stay off the blogs. You realize, of course, your tracks are easily detected (and saved). Since you're the Omnipotent DA, I guess you already knew that.

When the dust clears, here's what we have:

1. Ben Allen acquitted (assuming charges are not dismissed)
2. Huggins and MacDonald cases dismissed
3. bar complaints/removal from office proceedings against RSS
4. civil actions (malicious prosecution; 1983 action) against RSS
5. Ben Allen needing therapy and retiring from DJP
6. DJP damaged and struggling to move forward, after spending tons of money to defend its good name.
7. more deteriorated race relations in the City
8. more isolation and ridicule of "black elected officials" by the Jackson haters, non-Jacksonians, legislators, and state policy makers (and the ones controlling the money)
9. diminished reputation and ability of entire City to attract new investors, new development, and new growth. Nobody wants to play in a minefield


Damn, I need a drink.

Anonymous said...

5:59, nothing good can come of this poor exercise of prosecutorial discretion, how about the prosecution of a person committing a crime?
No one has explained the car theft thing yet.

Anonymous said...

7:24 Dude, keep up with us. Actually, there have been numerous posts explaining the car, and it's sure not a theft. Allen transferred the truck to save $1500/year on insurance. DJP approved the transaction. That does not constitute theft, in anybody's definition, unless, of course, you're a malicious, vindictive, small-minded person masquerading as a DA, executing a political vendetta.

Ben Allen hasn't committed a crime. The independent investigation by the outside experts hired by the board verified that no crime was committed. The State Auditor's investigators marked the file "civil" and not criminal because they couldn't find a crime. That's why the investigators were indicted; because they didn't agree with RSS that a crime had been committed, and wouldn't change their report.

I don't know RSS. Perhaps you do. Perhaps you are RSS. Perhaps you are just a Ben Allen/DJP hater. Or, perhaps (hopefully), you're just uninformed. However, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. I assume you just haven't seen the information available online that exonerates Ben Allen. It is powerful and compelling.

Anonymous said...

7:24, that is not what the records show. That is what some people have been saying to explain car theft.
Sure Allen transferred the truck to save on insurance. When he spends as much as he did on tips and bar stools as he did it shows how serious he was about saving.
He wanted to save money so bad he took the truck himself. That is a joke surely. Reminds me of the thief who once told me he stole something before some damn thief stole it. He took the truck out of the goodness of his heart. Just like the car jackers in Jackson do when they take a person's car.

Commander Six said...

RSS is insulated by the process. The grand jury indicted Allen - RSS didn't. There is no malicious prosecution. Prosecution has not yet occurred. RSS is bound by law to act on the indictment.

The angst of Ben's handlers and apologists (all seven of them) is duly noted.

Anonymous said...

4:49, it is better for Allen's supporters if they can put the blame on a single person. Makes it sound like it is all one person who wants to know the truth about a criminal. A few supporters may be a little nervous that their name may show up somewhere.
If Allen is an honest man he has nothing to worry about. Neither do his supporters. If he is crooked he can probably make some deal or buy his way out of it which is the most likely thing that will happen.

Anonymous said...

Does DJP file a 990 with the IRS?

Kingfish said...

If Allen is an honest man he has nothing to worry about.

Not so fast. Let's assume he is completely innocent for argument's sake. He will have to spend a bunch of money on lawyers. Then there is the shame of public scandal and people thinking you did commit a crime. Tell that to a certain police officer that was prosecuted here in Hinds County a few years ago. He was innocent but it didn't matter. The process broke him. Lost his house too, from what i understand. But he had nothing to worry about because he was honest, right?

Anonymous said...

Kingfish, are you suggesting that we just forget about any crime he may have committed? Maybe if they would release the financial documents there would not be a trial.

Kingfish said...

Not at all and you know that. I am merely dispelling the argument that if he is honest, he has nothing to worry about. You just had a la-dee-da attitude towards what the process costs someone if he is innocent. If he is guilty, he is guilty.

Anonymous said...

If he was innocent and honest he would have no problem releasing the financial documents.

Anonymous said...

If he was honest and innocent why not make the financial documents available and there would probably not have been a need to indict him. It wouldn't have cost him a cent, unless he has more to lose if he would have released them.

Suscribe to latest on JJ.

Recent Comments

Search Jackson Jambalaya


Subscribe to JJ's Youtube channel

Who is the hottest reporter?


Who is the Hottest Reporter in Jackson?

Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).

Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.

In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS.

Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS