Monday, January 7, 2019

Pit Bull Pack Attack in Northeast Jackson

A pack of three pit bulls jumped into a Northeast Jackson resident's back yard, killed a small dog, and then chased the family.  Unfortunately, the JPD animal control officer refused to seize the dogs but instead returned them to the owner.  Good boy!


The family posted these messages on Facebook.






The homeowner said the attack occurred on Friday morning at 7:10 at their home by the old Colonial Country Club. The back yard has a short-chain link fence that is common for the area.  The three pit bulls jumped the fence and  chewed up the small pug.  The dogs charged at the husband as he placed the injured in the dog in his car.


JPD arrived on the scene within ten minutes after the family called 911. The husband said  they were very professional and that Corporal Derrick Johnson was a "credit to JPD."  A pit bull charged at the police officer as he stood in the doorway.  The wife (identities will not be revealed) pulled him inside the house to close the door as there are three small children in the family.  Animal control found the dogs on Fairway Drive and seized them.

However, animal control almost immediately returned the vicious dogs to their owner on Parkway Drive. The husband said JPD Animal Control Officer Paul Perry said that he didn't seize such dogs on the first offense and that a judge would have to order him to do so.  He told the wife "What happened to your dog was dogs being dogs."    The wife read the ordinance* to Officer Perry as she demanded he seize the dogs.  She said Perry told her "That is not what I do." 

A neighbor of the family said the dogs attacked her at an earlier time.  She was walking home when they chased her and knocked her down.  A motorist honked his horn.  The sudden honking stopped the attack, giving her a chance to escape although they chased her to her door.

The husband saw a pit bull tied up in the front yard of the Parkway home on Saturday.  He called JPD.  Corporal Johnson arrived and called animal control.  An animal control officer arrived on scene.  He would not give his name although he eventually provided his badge number.   Officer Perry eventually arrived but said he wouldn't take him without the owner's permission.   The homeowner claimed the pit bull was not his and eventually let JPD take the dog. 

*Section 18-56 of the Jackson Municipal Code states:

(a) Authority to seize; confinement period. An unrestrained dog or a nuisance animal shall be taken by the police or animal control officers and impounded in an enclosure or animal shelter kept for that purpose, to be provided and maintained by the city, and there confined in a humane manner. Such an animal shall be kept for at least eight days unless sooner claimed by the owner. Impounded dogs and cats not suffering from an incurable injury or disease shall be kept for not less than eight working days.   

Section 18-58 states: 

In case of an attack by any animal resulting in injury to any person, such animal shall be impounded by the animal control department for observation for a period of ten days, or the owner of such animal may, upon notification to the animal control department, have such animal impounded for ten days with a private veterinarian licensed to practice veterinary medicine within the state. If at the end of such period of time, or any time prior thereto, it is determined that the animal has rabies, such animal shall be immediately destroyed. 

Section 18-101 defines a dangerous dog: 
(f)"Potentially dangerous dog" means a dog that may reasonably be assumed to pose a threat to public safety as demonstrated by any of the following behaviors:
(1) Without provocation, chasing or menacing a person or domestic animal in an aggressive manner; (KF: Does killing a dog count? It's not mentioned.)
(2) Running at large and impounded or owners cited by the animal control authority two or more times within any 12-month period.

 Kingfish note: If the police will not help people protect their families, lock and load.  These dogs should be shot if they are seen running in the streets in Northeast Jackson again.  Period. 

81 comments:

Anonymous said...

Pit bull Mom here.

I'm real sick of the discrimination against this loving and gentle breed. I don't have a husband or kids but I have 3 sweet baby bullies and they wouldn't hurt a fly. Bad owners can make any breed vicious.

Ban bad pit bull owners! That is one of my many tattoos.

Kingfish said...

No one said ban pit bulls here. Get lost.

Anonymous said...

@9:55

No offense but you sound a bit "off". But I digress. The main point here is if you live in Jackson and don't have a gun and know how to use it...you're asking for trouble. To the deceased dog's owner: I am very sorry for your tragic loss.

Anonymous said...

sadly I doubt if there is any hope of $ for VET bills. scum bag probably chains them to a tree in a mud hole. the number of unneutered and loose dogs in Jackson is really depressing.

Anonymous said...

@9:55, I'm sad to say that one day we'll be reading a similar story about how you've been attacked by your own dogs. The dogs in the story, haven proven their propensity for violence, should have been killed on the spot. BTW - nobody cares about your tattoos, or bad life choices.

Kingfish said...

My understanding is that the owner paid for the vet bill.

Anonymous said...

Pit bulls should be exterminated. A lady who was over a pit bull organization in CA was killed and partially eaten by her three loving and gentle pit bulls. Owners should be arrested for being idiots..

Anonymous said...

Indian Cobra owner here...

I have two Indian Cobras and I let my sweet sub-continent babies slither all over my naked, oiled, and tattooed body all the time and they haven't bitten me once!

Anonymous said...

"One of my many tattoos." 9:55 is trolling you guys. Spellinz2gud to be real.

Well played.

I hope. Gulp.



Anonymous said...

Headline: Pit Bull Heroically Swims River to Attack Young Child

Anonymous said...

Get out of Jackson , now !

Anonymous said...

@10:21AM Indian Cobra Owner,

Please continue...

that's so hot

Anonymous said...

There are far too many ignorant undisciplined people in Jackson who do not keep track of their own children much less a potentially dangerous animal that needs professional training and care. Wild poodles roaming the streets of South Jackson are one thing, wild pit bulls are another.

Anonymous said...

JPD’s administration cares as much about a fully functional animal control unit as they do about fixing these potholes. Visit animal control any day of the week to find the neglect from the city administration. I have volunteered there and the conditions are substandard for the humans and animals. No, excuse for not complying to the ordinance but it speaks volumes on the neglected issues of this department.

Cute Fluffy Foaming Mouth Dog Luvr said...

All the best pets are lethal. Every day is a gift and you can measure their love in proportion to your lifespan.

Madison Rulz said...

Those 3 dogs should be shot on sight because they are dangerous--not because they are pit bulls.

Anonymous said...

Pit bull or not these dogs were viscous and killed another small dog. They could be any other breed but they happen to be pitbulls. Yes, pitbulls can be kind and obedient, but these 3 aren’t and that’s just that. The owner should have to hold some kind of responsibility for having dogs that act like this running free

Cousin Eddie said...

One Call that's all. Call Richard Schwarts & sue the neighbors with the errant DOGS & the City of Jackson for everything they are worth. Put a lien on City Hall like a former Governor & lawyer did. Don't get Morgan & Morgan because they use their pet dog in commercials.

Anonymous said...

Which municipalities have banned pit bulls? I know Ridgeland caved in and decided not to.

Anonymous said...

@ 10:54 "Those 3 dogs should be shot on sight because they are dangerous--not because they are pit bulls."

^^^ This. If my lab, who has had extensive obedience and retriever training in the thousands of dollars range, attacked another dog or person viciously, I would spare the cost and put .22 caliber to his head. At the end of the day, a dog is a dog and just like people, if they attack and harm, they should be dealt with.

Anonymous said...

Any mammal can be taught obedience and restraint around certain people under certain very specific circumstances.

Seems like every month, you see a video of bears or lions cuddling with their trainer.

That doesn't mean they belong in residential neighborhoods.

Anonymous said...

There are a bazillion breeds of dogs. Pit Bulls, dobies, and the like should be extinct. There are plenty of other mild dog breeds to choose.

Anonymous said...

You can't sue if they have no insurance, which if they are renting, most likely they don't. Most homeowners policies exclude certain breeds or won't write your coverage for Pits, Chows and Dobermans. Your right, wait till they attack the owner then she will blame it on everything but the dog.

Anonymous said...

Dog breeds have been bred by man for certain purposes. The purposes for the pit bull breed are clear and easily understood. Duh.

Anonymous said...

The question is not, would I have used my Glock and put those dogs down before they fled back over the fence and out of my back yard? The question is, how many shots would it have taken? I'm thinking less than one magazine. After all, it's a 15 round mag.... If you like your dog, WHATEVER THE BREED, you best keep it out of MY yard!

Anonymous said...

What idiot returned those dogs back to the owner? They should be fired and sued.

Anonymous said...

Miss. Code Ann. § 97-41-16, the Mississippi Dog and Cat Pet Protection Law of 2011, provides:

"(4)
(a) Nothing in this section shall be construed as prohibiting a person from:
(i) Defending himself or herself or another person from physical or economic injury being threatened or caused by a dog or cat.
(ii) Injuring or killing an unconfined dog or cat on the property of the person, if the unconfined dog or cat is believed to constitute a threat of physical injury or damage to any domesticated animal under the care or control of such person."

Anonymous said...

11:13, the jails are full of people serving as examples of the error of you comments.

Anonymous said...

@10:29. I’m sure there must be pit bulls in Madison too... unless they need shade trees to survive. Or they are allergic to fake stucco housing.

Anonymous said...

I love dogs, but there are some breeds that do not need to exist. They include pit bulls, presa canarios and dogo argentinos to name a few. Too unpredictable around people and too dangerous if provoked.

Anonymous said...

Lol. Next!

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry that Pugsley died. He was just going what he was supposed to be doing - guarding his house/yard and being a loving companion to his family - and should never have been subjected to this violent ending.

If this happened to me, I would shoot the $^*(#&^#$ dogs and drape their dead bodies over the owner's front porch along with a demand letter for my vet bills and any other expenses.

Anonymous said...

I'm a pit bull owner , have been for 20+ years. Pits are animal aggressive. That's how they were bread. Not people agressive. All dog breads bite people all dog breads fight other dogs. Cats fight cats . Bitds fight other birds. Bad owners are to blame when the dog is on the street .. Not teaching a dog his place in the family. All bad ownership. My daughter got 12 stitches from a parrot. ( Kill all parrots?) If a dog any dog is deamed agressive , it should be put down . Mexicans are doing a lot worse here in America . Iowa just had a instance. Let's start putting them down .

Anonymous said...


This is one more example of the Black culture loving violence. Kind of like the grocery store video. They always love evil, violence and breaking the law.

White trash also has a love for these animals, so its not just a black thing, but primarily, it is.

I would have shot them immediately even if I found them in the owners yard.

Kingfish said...

I allowed this comment to show how stupid you are.

The pit bulls' owner is white. Daddy was a stalwart of NE Jackson when he died in his 90's a few years ago. Junior has probably lived in that house for thirty years as it belonged to his dad.

But yeah, blame the black folks.

Kingfish said...

Not a word about the Animal Control "Officer" refusing to seize the dogs?

Anonymous said...

The only good pit bull is a dead pit bull.

Anonymous said...

KF at 1:32 - Yep, and now the neighbor, whose dog was attacked, may be living in Daddy's house.

Anonymous said...

"my pitbull would never hurt anyone" - says lady with neck tatoo.

Anonymous said...

I don't care what breed the dog is. If they get over into my fenced backyard and kill my dog and attack my family I will shoot them dead. I may wind up in court but I won't have maimed or dead family members. The same would go for a person.

Anonymous said...

@KF
You are spot on. You can't blame black folks for pitbulls. White people created the breed. And a matter of fact, I don't think there is a breed of dog created by African Americans. Animal husbandry are the realms of people of Asian and European descent.

Anonymous said...

1:24 - dog bread - that sounds delicious!

Anonymous said...

Pit bulls might as well be land crocodiles. Animal aggressive v. people aggressive? GTFOOH with that nonsense. Owner's fault? That doesn't bring the victim back. You know what would have prevented the attack? Not having the dog. Works 100% of the time.

Anonymous said...



Owning violent animals and even promoting animal fighting IS a black culture thing. Remember that Vick bastard ?

Who was the "sista" that got all pissed not long ago when a law was being crafted to make dog fighting a crime?

I remember she admitted dog fighting was part of the homeboy culture and should be legal.

Anonymous said...

Well kingfish to be fair 1:29 no doubt covered the basis when he said white trash likes these dogs too. I’m sure a white guy with three pit bulls would qualify as “white trash” to most of us. Anywho I have a black neighbor who is very dear to me that taught me how to deal with loose pit bulls. It’s an old fashioned method so brace yourself: when you see them loose break up glass and mixed it in with ground beef. They can’t resist and it works every time. They won’t drop dead in your yard so nobody knows you did it. Normally they go home to die.

Kingfish said...

Not familiar with rural culture, are you? No different when it comes to pit bulls.

Anonymous said...

1:24 Hey Bozo. Parrots do not have jaws especially bred (bread to you) for crushing and killing. They are not especially likely to clamp down and tear away flesh and maim the target of it's attack. An individual pit bull may be
the most loving and friendly animal in the neighborhood, but it may not be. If it is not, it can be a menace beyond reason. Why take the chance, when there are so many other breeds less dangerous?

Anonymous said...

@ 3:33 - The sista you mention is none other than state senator Babs Blackmon at the podium on the senate floor.

Anonymous said...

@ 3:54 - I have to back 1:24 up on his daughters injury by the parrot. I had a cockatoo that was allowed to free range the owners house grab me by the hand just below my little finger. It left a pretty good gash.

Anonymous said...

January 7, 2019 at 9:55 AM
I am a pitbull advocate-most of them are very loyal, loving dogs. However, in EVERY breed there are vicious individual dogs. These dogs are not a good breed ambassador and due to the unprovoked attack on this Pug, and on humans, they need to be seized and destroyed. Blame it on whoever you want to, but these dogs would never be adoptable.

The Ghost of Frank Melton said...

Remember when Burt Case defended himself in the street when accosted by a marauding pack of pit bulls using only a clip board? THAT was epic.

Anonymous said...

Correct. Every breed of dog can bite. But no breed bites like a pit bull. If a lab bites you, it won’t crush bone. A pit bull will.

Anonymous said...

I had an ex-girlfriend who had an especially vicious chihuahua that attacked me and tore the hell out of a good pair of socks. I kicked his little ass into the next room. Had no more trouble from the vicious dog but lost the girl. End of story.


A pit bull might have been different.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like a wonderful opportunity for an up-and-coming lawyer to start calculating damages. By the looks of the pictures provided, Pugsy had many good, good years of life left to spend with owner.

With all the dogs and broken fences in Jackson, someone can really carve out a nice little practice on animal cannibal cases like this.

Anonymous said...

Nothing says, " white trash", like a pit bull.

Screw The Wrath! said...

I'm a dog lover. Having said that, help me understand why I/We/You see so may pits chained to trees in front yards. Not only do we see them in person, but in photos on the internet. If they're so docile, what's up with the heavy chains? Oh, wait...these are sweet babies who were just poorly trained, right?

Anonymous said...

@KF

England?

Anonymous said...

I have parakeets & they can get pretty nasty flying around flinging poo-poo all over the walls. They act like they own my home. So, I can safely say parakeets are more nasty than dogs or cats.

Anonymous said...

Republican dog people are the biggest hypocrites. Why feed and house a different species when there are humans who need our help now right here in Mississippi.

Anonymous said...

3:44 Sounds like that would work... but why would you post it here for everybody? Why wouldn't you be 'big' and keep it to yourself... and your personal confidants?

Rod Knox said...

If a menacing dog gets in my yard and I feel threatened his immediate future will be determined by how quickly he leaves compared to how fast I can get to a safe position to shoot. Anyone who loves their dog should take adequate care of them and that includes keeping them well fenced in. And for anyone opposed to shooting an aggressive dog pepper spray will usually send them running home but you must get within a few feet of them and the wind can blow the spray into your own face.

BTW, this Pitt Bull reality TV program is as lame brained as the rest of 'Reality TV.' Will we see a group demanding the protection of snapping turtles soon?

Anonymous said...

The law clearly states what the police should do about vicious dogs and they did not.
Who enforces the law when the law won’t ?
If there is a vicious dog ordinance on the books Pugsley owners could press charges, and I hope they do.
They may save someone’s pet or heaven forbid a child.

Anonymous said...

3:44, leave out broken glass mixed in with hamburger meat? You (and your neighbor) are subhuman pieces of shit. I hope someone does that to you.

Anonymous said...

Another near disaster by a dog running loose.

https://www.wjtv.com/news/local-news/man-fleeing-dog-gets-hit-by-vehicle/1690765230

Anonymous said...

A pit bull killed my Jack Russell 3 years ago in our neighborhood in flowood. Owners were terrible people.

Anonymous said...

@ 3:30pm
Is the Rhodesian Ridge Back an African bred dog or was it some imported animal? Just curious.

Anonymous said...

Do any of you remember the small boy that was drug into the pit bull's doghouse and killed in South Jackson? It was dusk and children were playing in the yard while adults visited, if I remember right. Probably about 10 or 12 years ago. Still makes me sick to think about. You can defend pit bull's all day, and it won't bring this child back. Many instances have occurred with this breed and people just don't listen.

BTW, Kingfish, "The owner paid..." Which owner? The pug's owner or the pit bull's owner?

Anonymous said...

Here is the Hinds County ordinance that deals with this:
https://www.dogsbite.org/pdf/ms-hinds-county-pit-bull-ordinance-2010.pdf

Maybe the owner has a special permit... but I doubt it.

We live in Jackson, and sadly, you need to understand, you are on your own here. Do not expect any government services, on any level, or you will be bitterly disappointed.

On several occasions, we've had neighbors who let their vicious dogs roam. One very large bully mix threatened me in my own yard. Another attacked my elderly dog (who'd just had surgery) in my own yard. Both owners were warned in NO uncertain terms NOT to let their dog get on my property again. Both reappeared on my property within 24 hours after said warning. Neither has ever been seen again...

This is an owner issue, not a dog issue, but do what you must to protect you and yours. It sounds like the owner in this case actually has assets, so MAKE. HIM. PAY. He obviously doesn't care about you, but maybe he'll care about keeping his money. Do it before some kid gets mauled and bit in the face.

Good luck.

Anonymous said...

I haven't looked it up in 15 years - are dogs still considered chattel under Mississippi law? If so, not much damage here except the cost of replacing a pug and maybe vet bills.

Anonymous said...

Might as well add German Shepherds too. I find it disgusting when pet owners regurgitate the old saying that their fur baby is harmless. Harmless while the owner is present should be the emphasis.

Call me a sadist, but if a pest is using your yard as a personal toilet then it deserves a glass burger. If it bites someone it should be exterminated immediately.

Anonymous said...

This piece of “journalism” is one of the sickest, most disgusting works I have ever read. It reflects the hopelessly ignorant and ill-informed, backward thinking of most of the state of Mississippi, dominated by precepts accepted as truth by Farm Bureau and a constituency that elects politicians that they deserve. A number of years ago, the comedian Jerry Lewis shared that his greatest joy would come from flying over Mississippi while urinating. This column has now made his case, and I applaud it!

Anonymous said...

This piece of “journalism” is one of the sickest, most disgusting works I have ever read. It reflects the hopelessly ignorant and ill-informed, backward thinking of most of the state of Mississippi, dominated by precepts accepted as truth by Farm Bureau and a constituency that elects politicians that they deserve. A number of years ago, the comedian Jerry Lewis shared that his greatest joy would come from flying over Mississippi while urinating. This column has now made his case, and I applaud it!

Anonymous said...

83%of all human fatalities from dog attacks are pit bulls. Most of the rest are Rottweilers

Anonymous said...

3:44 PM, in my extended family, there was a woman from a prominent family in Cuba. She had a much better recipe for "Hamburger Surprise" than yours. Along with the hamburger and lightbulb, mix-in some RAT POISON. This causes the intestinal bleeding to be far more intense, since the rat poison is an anticoagulant. I think her grandfathers used "Hamburger Surprise" on slaves or political prisoners. But she used it on the neighbors' dogs.

Anonymous said...

9:12 PM, this is the story you were asking about. https://blog.dogsbite.org/2008/07/2008-fatality-mississippi-3-yboy-killed.html The sickest part is that, AFTER the child was found dead beside the dog, and AFTER the dog charged at Law Enforcement officers, it was "held for evaluation, to decide whether it posed a threat".

Anonymous said...

Does this count as a blessing for the trio?

Anonymous said...

What is the street number for the house on Parkway Drive where that pack of pits live so I can be sure to avoid it in the future?

Anonymous said...

Pit bulls are a kind and loving breed, especially around children, UNTIL THEY'RE NOT.

Anonymous said...

Snowflake alert at 8:34. I suppose they could never understand a time comes in a dads life where he has to handle the neighbors pit bull himself. Oh well like they say if you don’t catch shit for doing your job you aren’t doing it right.

Anonymous said...

Good God, the internet heroes, keyboard commandos, out in force.

Ground glass doesn't do shit to dogs or human. It's been proven ineffective since 1642. I'd be the first to shoot a vicious dog, but spare us your bullcrap fake heroics.

Here, a JAMA article from 1918. One hundred years ago.

December 28, 1918
THE EFFECT OF "GROUND GLASS" ON THE GASTRO-INTESTINAL TRACT OF DOGS
JAMES S. SIMMONS, M.D. (Philadelphia); WILLIAM C. von GLAHN, M.D. (Baltimore)
JAMA. 1918;71(26):2127-2128. doi:10.1001/jama.1918.02600520013006

Not a single case found of actual harm.

Another science site:

"In 1642, the writer and physician, Sir Thomas Browne, described in his book, Pseudodoxia Epidemica, how he tested this myth on dogs – and how he debunked it. (I guess he didn’t have to deal with a Grants Committee or an Ethics Committee). He wrote, “That Glass is poison, according unto common conceit, I know not how to grant … from experience, as having given unto Dogs above a dram thereof, subtilly (sic) powdered in Butter and Paste, without any visible disturbance”.

More recently, in 1916, a poisoner in New York City testified that he had tried to use ground glass to kill people, but that it had proved to be useless.

Since then, many people have written about this supposed toxicity of ground glass, but probably the nicest summary comes from Dr. D. P. Lyle, who wrote the enticingly-entitled Forensics for Dummies. In another of his books, Murder and Mayhem, A Doctor Answers Medical and Forensic Questions for Mystery Writers, he answers the ground glass conundrum.

He writes that “very fine glass is unlikely to cause any lethal damage to the Gastro Intestinal tract … Even with coarser glass, the bleeding would probably not be massive or life-threatening, but slow and (would) lead to anaemia and fatigue.”

But, but, heh heh, mah "Poor Man James Bond" tol' me......

As a forensic scientist wrote, if you want to kill someone with glass, you better use a broken bottle.

Anonymous said...

10:34. He didn’t say to ground up glass for poison he said to break it up to I guess incur internal bleeding. Typically you don’t want to just shoot pit bulls as their owners are sketchy types and you want to be anonymous in your killing. Nice book though. Don’t be mad I didn’t read it all


Recent Comments

Search Jackson Jambalaya

Subscribe to JJ's Youtube channel

Archives

Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).


Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.


Note: Security provided by INS.

Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS
.