Tuesday, July 17, 2018

Priester: We'd Rather T'sk than Deal with the Problem

Melvin Priester, Jr. picked up the gauntlet yesterday and responded to JJ's post yesterday about the high unwed birthrate that afflicts Mississippi. The Jackson Ward 2 City Councilman opined yesterday on Facebook:

There’s a data dump up this morning at Jackson Jambalaya discussing the unwed birth rate in Mississippi.

Look, if there is ANYTHING remaining that everyone can agree to it is that people should not have children until they are mentally, socially, and financially ready to provide for and raise children.

In a comment, Kingfish states “I'm about the data. Show me something that works whether it be abstinence education or sex education in the schools and support it with data, I'm willing to give it a try because what we are doing now obviously is not working.”

The data is really clear about what works to reduce teen pregnancies and unplanned pregnancies. In addition to comprehensive sex ed, what really works right now to cut the numbers is giving poor teens and poor women access to high quality reproductive care and long acting reversible contraception.

Look at Colorado. Per the Denver Post:

Colorado’s 'teen fertility rate,' measured in births per 1,000 by teens aged 15-19, has dropped considerably faster than the national rate, also in decline. From 2009 to 2014, the U.S. rate decreased from 37.9 to 24.2 births. In Colorado, the rate dipped from 37.5 to 19.4.

Thanks to a grant from billionaire Warren Buffett’s family, Colorado spent $28 million during eight years supplying IUDs to 75 public health clinics throughout the state, several based inside high schools. From 2009 to 2016, the program provided 43,713 contraceptive implants to women, plus trained medical staff on how to insert the devices. Colorado law allows those under 18 to give their own consent regarding birth control and sexual health services.
An analysis by University of Colorado researchers found the state program was responsible for as much as two-thirds of the decline in births to teen mothers from 2009 to 2015. The drop in pregnancies “averted” $66 million to $69.6 million that might have been spent on four state and federal welfare and health care programs for low-income mothers, the researchers found.

The eight-year grant is gone, but Colorado lawmakers increased funding for the family planning program by $2.5 million per year, up to $4.1 million. Also, Colorado health clinics have received more Medicaid funding because of the Affordable Care Act, which expanded eligibility for government insurance for low-income residents. Medicaid reimbursements to the 75 clinics have risen from $500,000 to about $5 million annually.
Source: https://www.denverpost.com/…/colorado-teen-pregnancy-abort…/
See also: https://www.cdc.gov/…/releas…/2015/p0407-teen-pregnancy.html

Can you imagine something like that Colorado program ever happening in Mississippi? Can you see us following the CDC recommendations about using health care dollars to shift teens to using long acting reversible contraception?

I personally can’t.

We’d rather clutch pearls about sinfulness and moral hazard and tsk about welfare and “marriage” and black culture instead of getting to the real root of the problem. . . reducing unplanned pregnancy.

These public policy tools work if we are willing to use them. Even if there was the political will, however, paying for stuff like this is limited and it is one of the real losses associated with Mississippi’s failure to expand Medicaid under the Affordable Care Act (see: https://www.washingtonpost.com/…/d84b3c18-324a-11e6-95c0-2a… )

Anyway, since we’re tossing around pregnancy stats today, there is a great, and more comprehensive set of data up at https://powertodecide.org/…/information/nationa…/mississippi
 
Significantly, the teen birth rate is down in Mississippi 62% since its peak in 1991. In absolute numbers, there were 3,326 teen births in 2016 (1,443 to whites and 1,715 to blacks).

The numbers that really stands out to me, however, pertain to family planning. 85.2% of teenagers report using some form of contraception the last time they had sex. That’s a public health win. But what methods are they using? 69.5% of black teens report using a condom versus 45.3% of white teens who are sexually active. But when it comes to birth control pills (which tend to be much more effective than condoms), 23.9% of sexual active white teens report using birth control pills versus only 10.7% of black teens.

Why are those number significant? They are significant because they show that kids are actually hearing the message about safe sex and trying to protect themselves. At the same time, they also show that teens aren’t using the techniques that would work best if our goal really is, first and foremost, reducing the number of kids who have kids.
Researchers have identified a variety of factors that cause the racial disparity in using better birth control such as the higher incidence of poverty among black people, less access to quality healthcare, and differences in attitudes among doctors (see: Bell, Tiffany Nicole, "Who Gets An Iud: The Impact Of Patient Race And Number Of Past Sexual Partners On Clinical Decisions To Prescribe Intrauterine Devices" (2015). Public Health Theses. 1019. http://elischolar.library.yale.edu/ysphtdl/1019 )

There are many people in Mississippi who are advocating for data-supported policies to reduce the unplanned pregnancy rate (and by extension reduce the unwed pregnancy rate). Since my wife is on its advisory board, I’ll close by giving a plug to one such group that I think has particularly nailed what we should be doing: Teen Health Mississippi ( https://teenhealthms.org/ ).

 There is no love lost between the Kingfish and Mr. Priester.  However, Mr. Priester's post shows why he has a place in politics.  Very few politicians give this much thought to such an issue.  Funny that the only people who noticed this post and shared it were KIM Waaaaaaaaaade and Melvin Priester, Jr.  The white conservatives apparently couldn't be bothered.  However, it's a subject that needs to be discussed and not a moment too soon.  And that my friends, is the bottom line. 

53 comments:

Anonymous said...

So... the real question is... What's the STD rate among the same age group in Colorado?

Anonymous said...

Funny how he puts quotation marks around marriage. I just can't quite get to the point where I agree that treating this epidemic as a breeding problem -- as if we're discussing livestock -- is the solution.

Anonymous said...

Someone tell me where this Priester cat is wrong in his conclusions on this issue. He's dead right.

Louis LeFleur said...

Mr. Priester has a point, but while addressing the RESULT of the problem, does not address the actual problem, which is multifaceted and complex to say the least.

Anonymous said...

As far as a public policy concern, reducing the number of teen or unwanted pregnancies has to be the focus. Moralizing the issue can be the MO for the church or even the family, but as far as a public policy, we cannot afford to moralize this issue because we can't quantify and codify a moral imperative. Too often, the effectiveness of a public policy gets weighed by ideology, not in its effectiveness in addressing our challenges. Thus we remain stuck in social and economic conundrums because we are prescribing moral solutions to public-social problems. As state agencies charged with public administration and meeting the needs of the public, we cannot go about solving social and other wise public problems with hell fire and brimstone.

Anonymous said...

Comparing Jackson to Denver is like apples to oranges. Two extremely different cities in every way.

Not Impressed said...

I really don't see any grand point that Priester makes here. Colorado was awarded a grant, a process that is highly-competitive. They threw $28M at a bunch of worthless teenagers. The free money got spent. They upped their state funding on a marginal basis after that and haven't fully realized the uptick of pregnancy rates yet.

There aren't many connections to make as to how this is applicable to MS, other than we need a huge grant of free money to buy lots of "chaperones" on dates.

Louis LeFleur said...

For the record, it's not that I disagree with the Colorado model and 10:34 is exactly right moralizing even if I don't like it, but I do accept it.

bill said...

Implantable birth control, paid for by the state, should be available for any at risk female within a certain age range who wants it. It lasts three years or so, which is ample time to see if it affects the teen age pregnancy rate, and also whether it is cost effective (cost of program vs. cost of births that have been reduced). Continue it if it works, drop it or modify it if it doesn't. We can continue trying other methods during the three year period, but we should at least give it a chance.

Anonymous said...

"We’d rather clutch pearls about sinfulness and moral hazard and tsk about welfare and “marriage” and black culture instead of getting to the real root of the problem. . . reducing unplanned pregnancy."

This kind of garbage is ingrained in P's brain, but trying to fix the problem by any other means than addressing the underlying moral and cultural problem will just mean a band-aid solution.

Anonymous said...

Bill, define "at risk female".

Anonymous said...

I went to St. Andrews with Priester… He is probably better educated that 99.9% of anyone on the blog. Given his education background Harvard and Stanford. However, He is wrong on this subject. Planned Parenthood has killed more black children than anyone in modern history in the U.S. also… the welfare state has much to do with the current single parent household. the Welfare system made it a better deal financially speaking to remain single than to be married. Look at the result today from this action.

Anonymous said...

It's at least refreshing to see a public official in a backwater like Jackson make an informed analysis of a very complex but important issue and offer some solution that can be actually measured. The problem with so many of these unwed and presumably unplanned births, is that they are the result of a spontaneous and unthinking act, something like the out of control murder rate in the Black community. You can't stop it completely, not now, but you can drastically reduce it's impact if you can provide some contraceptive protection that relieves the need for preventive action before every individual sexual encounter. It does work. It does not mean that we should give up efforts to uplift the morality of our community. That's also imperative. But, from a public policy standpoint, the government ought to have a plan, and it should be based on measurable results, and do something that actually works.

Like Priester, I understand that this IS Mississippi so Nevermind!!!!

Anonymous said...

Hey Priester, are you crazy? Just keep restating the problem, never offer solutions-at least none that can be implemented during your lifetime. Jeez.
Where you been?

Anonymous said...


Spitting out kids is a path to an income for those too stupid to realize the burden they incur while doing such. This is called an incentive.

More kids = more money for the mother from the government. They don't have nine children because they like to screw, they have nine children because it pays so good.

Don't believe me? Check it out: AFDC, Section 8, WICK and all the other goodies while we get taxed to death.

You pay for your own kids. We have to remove the incentive.

Anonymous said...

I’m trying to find a way to say this without being crass or offending naive pretendium smokers. When you’re young, you’re forced to confront your libido out of nowhere. The “self control” aspect when you’re young, is well, years off in the distance. It’s nature. This has nothing to do with morals or God (actually yeah it does, but not the fake god of pretendium you people have created in your own image).

Walking out into the world with raging hormones unarmed without knowledge or contraceptives is like a cop showing up to call with out a gun and not knowing how to use said gun if he or she had it. We must arm the youngsters with not only knowledge of how their bodies work, but also how to properly arm themselves from what they might act upon because it feels so good. Make no mistake—it’s an uphill battle in which it’s way too easy capitulate. The hormones usually win. God gave us brains. Logic tells me and so many others that the only real option is to promote safe sex and contraceptives like the liberty bonds of the early 1900’s.

For the old timers, this new way is the 21st century version of the watermelon. (Yes, we know)

Anonymous said...

I'd rather pay(or have a grant) for IUD's than abortions any day.

Anonymous said...

I think Mississippians are about as likely to put his plan into action as they are about to put my plan into action: Let all these people, including the born children, suffer the consequences of their own actions, whatever those might be. So, with that said, I'm willing to give his a try if he will give mine a try.

Antard said...

"unplanned pregnancy" ???
I call BS. All pregnancies are planned the moment two folks have sex.

It is simple. Keep your pecker in your pants. And it is free, not $28M.

Anonymous said...

19:51 am We are all waiting breathlessly for you to share your plan to change the morals and cultural mores that lead to teen xen.

Please share this grand plan that you have seen work elsewhere.

Anonymous said...

"...agree that treating this epidemic as a breeding problem -- as if we're discussing livestock..."


Finally, reality.

Anonymous said...

There is an abortion clinic in Jackson that kills more black babies each year than any city black on black crime. The media wants to talk about the cops killing black men though. How about nearly half of the black pregnancies end in abortion. Easy to see why the population of black Americans are decreasing. Also never had this issue before welfare. Look at Lanier HS before welfare… Lanier had more national merit semi finalist that any school in Mississippi. Look around people… Jim crow isn't the problem for todays black society. Its the welfare state and fatherless house holds… Read some articles by Thomas Sowell and educate yourself. He predicted the outcome back then. Go to youtube he debates a Massachusetts white female in 1964.

Anonymous said...

Wrong 10:51.

As long as I am paying for the birth and care of those babies, it’s a money problem. As a taxpayer, implanting birth control is cheaper.

Let the churches and families take care of the moral argument. They are better at it.

Anonymous said...

Implantable birth control, these people don’t want any type of birth control. These teenage girls want to have these babies. They get a check for every baby they have and consequently they have an excuse not to work. This has become a way of life for so many teenage girls in Mississippi and it won’t stop until something is put into place to put a halt to it.

Anonymous said...

I also agree with 10:34. A few of you seem to be saying that free birth control would solve the issue, but the real problem is that young people are having sex. This is one of the major issues I have with the current Republican base. Trying to codify "Christian" values, instead of taking a common sense approach that will actually improve things. For some reason these extremists are the loudest ones that ruin it for the rest of us. I don't want some pseudo Christian/Sharia hybrid law that most of the extremist right is pushing for.

Anonymous said...

What a unique idea, more government. After all, it has worked so well in the past, right?

Anonymous said...

When I was a teenager some of the girls started taking birth control pills because it "improved their complexion." Maybe we should launch a war on acne. That would be easier to sell.

Not Impressed said...

Before this delves into the moral argument about tax dollars, birth control, abortion, etc., doesn't everyone realize his premise is flawed? This grant that pushed Colorado's numbers down is a fluke. Not every state can do this. The State would need to apply and be awarded this grant, if it even exists still. Otherwise, we are just praying that little Sally keeps her honor until she is off the government dole.

Anonymous said...

if we would stop giving additional welfare for each baby AND have more stringent enforcement of child support laws AND made mothers declare the father (and do genetic testing if need be) so that we knew who should support the child...

none of this is going to happen. as long as we don't hold father's accountable for their babies..its just going to continue to spiral out of control...for blacks AND whites

jethro_tull said...

I am a born-and-bred conservative southern Christian, so it pains me to say this, but the moral/cultural battle is lost. The toothpaste is out of the tube, and it isn't going back in.

That being said, in my mind it is now purely an economic issue. What is less expensive: government-subsidized/supplied birth control or supporting single-parent families for decades? I would want to see the data, but my guess is the former.

So, I'll see Priester's idea and raise him one: not only should the State provide free implantable, long-term birth control, but it should be REQUIRED for any single mother who wants to receive or continue receiving welfare payments.

Anonymous said...

@11:10 The problem is this: Do we as a state want to subsidize (pay with tax money - more Socialism that doesn't work) for individual's self-destructive behavior, or do we want those individuals (and their infants/children, etc.) to be held to their own natural consequences? During the Great Depression, my grandmother said there were "orphans" everywhere, and when adults often saw them visibly starving, etc. they would go inside and close the door. They had enough in their own home to look after without feeling guilty about other people's children. The only difference is the mass media of today broadcasts images meant to stir emotion in everyone like SOMEONE (the government mainly) should please DO something! It's for the children! The point is, it's just as immoral to TAKE money/resources away by force to give to others who should own their own preventable suffering.

Anonymous said...

@ 2:33, "So, I'll see Priester's idea and raise him one: not only should the State provide free implantable, long-term birth control, but it should be REQUIRED for any single mother who wants to receive or continue receiving welfare payments."

The Collective responds "Now hole on now...".

Anonymous said...

Priester seems to be the only guy up there sometimes that is actually interested in solving problems. Need more like him.

It’s arguable that many if not most social and environmental ills can be traced back to exploding human population. The world population reached 1 billion somewhere around 1900. It stands around 7.5 billion, give or take, now. There probably aren’t enough good jobs to go around, housing to go around, etc. We consume and destroy natural resources at an incredible rate. I’d like to think that my unborn grandchildren can go see the snows of Kilimanjaro (and many other incredibly beautiful natural wonders in Africa), or go see a rainforest or a coral reef, but I have my doubts. And as has been discussed here, too many of us have to/are required to provide for too many others that refuse to do so. I know I’m walking on unstable ground here, but what about incentive based, voluntary (NOT REQUIRED) sterilization? Even make it reversible. You’re a generational welfare recipient? You have the option to receive $50,000 cash money to get sterilized. Keep your other benefits for the rest of your life even. It will be cheaper in the long run. Some of these issues are so far gone, cutting it off at the vine may be the only thing left to do. I’m fine with some of my tax dollars are used to provide reproductive contraception to those who probably shouldn’t have children.

Anonymous said...

Swap the money - fund Priester's plan with the money currently being spent monthly supporting babies/children of single family mothers. At least, the second and additional babies ---

Plenty of money available under this plan, without Buffet's grant. Good swap, but I'll bet that Priester won't accept that funding mechanism even though it eliminates the incentive for getting pregnant while providing a method to help that effort.

Problem is, many of these unwed mothers don't want to solve the problem which would make Priester's suggestion unworkable. But for the overall benefit to the country, and the moral basis of the country - provide free preventive birth control and eliminate the incentive of the many lifelong government support dollars that comes with these babies.

Anonymous said...

Not a bad idea and like others, I applaud Councilman Priester for this thoughtful post. Just like alcohol and drug treatment, IUD's would not be a panacea for the entire teen sexually active population. Sometimes they are tolerated by the female and sometimes not.

Anonymous said...

At least one Mississippi conservative--Matt Friedeman--has been talking recently about the problem of pregnancies to unwed mothers. And if you listened to Matt's radio show back in the day or have read his columns across the decades, you'll know that it's a frequent topic that he addresses.

https://www.mississippimatters.info/single-post/2017/09/19/Mississippis-1-Problem-Fatherlessness

He's As Blind As Stevie Wonder.. said...

So, hidden amongst the verbage we learn that unplanned pregnancy is the problem and abortion is the answer.

Unplanned pregnancy is not the problem. It's only a symptom of the problem. Just like criminal teen lifestyle is a symptom of the problem. Teen crime is not the problem. It's a symptom.

If Priester (who went to a private, parochial school and Harvard), believes raging hormones is the problem for todays 'unwanted pregnancy' epidemic, maybe he can tell us why hormones were not raging 75 years ago in these communities? There was no Planned Parenthood providing 'healthcare abortions' back then. Why weren't our grandparents and great uncles and aunts cranking out 'unwanted babies' then? Half of them had peckers and all of them had hormones.

Priester, and those who think like Priester, love to stop short of the problem and pretend they think a symptom is the problem. Pregnancy is not the problem. Nor is indiscriminate carnal desire and sex on demand. The problem is the systemic breakdown of the family and Priester knows it.

To put it in terms Priester might understand, potholes are not Jackson's problem. They're a symptom of a larger problem. Drill deeper, Melvin. Ask the five WHYs and then ask four more. You know what the answer is just as I do.

But, we know we will NEVER return to a society of effective, two-parent families and family values. So, for now, the only answers to the problem may be voluntary sterilization and voluntary birth control. It's either that or we set up cubicles at the Medicaid offices for abortions for walk-ins.

Anonymous said...

Blacks blame the system... that's bc they're told this by liberals and political ads... ever wonder why black families that immigrate here from other cultures are much more successful dispite barriers. Well it's no surprise.

Anonymous said...

3:50. indeed. both for whites and blacks. that's why churches and organizations like the boy and girl scouts are in sharp decline. people don't want to be accountable for their own actions, and it's just easier to suckle the teat than to actually hold down a job and be a grown-up.

there's no reason all of the impoverished people in mississippi can't work the fields, do roofing, landscaping--and all the other jobs the immigrants are more than happy to hold. the only reason they can is that we let them.

Anonymous said...

3:50. I thought Priester was addressing Kingfish's subject from yesterday: Unwed birthrate. He seems to have narrowed his response to that issue. Certainly we can all agree that the breakdown of the family and traditional moral values is at the bottom of many, many, of societies problems, including unwed births, but don't you think an examination of remedies used in other jurisdictions might be helpful. Obviously the last paragraph of your useless diatribe makes it clear that while you think "two-parent families and family values" are what is lacking, you make it clear that we can't hope to achieve that anyway. So what's the point? Isn't the real problem that we are all sinners and tainted by original sin? Huh? Why is Priester's suggestion any more ridiculous than your last paragraph?

At least the man is doing research and attempting to address the situation with scientific data. It seems most of these people are more comfortable with the methodology of Kennuf Stokes. Where there's thought, there's hope.

Anonymous said...

4:59 - Another symptom of the problem is people who think like you think - that there's hope and magic out there that through prayer and thoughtful reflection we will wake up early one Sunday morning (to the smell of bacon and the paper hitting the sidewalk) and 'family values' will have been restored over-night. You just stay on that prayer rug and keep moaning about 'original sin' and rapture.

I see Kingfish let you get away with spelling Stokes' name as Kennuf. Isn't your racism sinful?

Perkn said...

I think most of you have missed the key words, teen births. His arguement is that colorado has a better system than Mississippi. But when you add the abortions that colorado has, the statistics show a different story. Colorado ages 15-19 births and abortions divided by same age group in that state = 3.1%. Mississippi ages 15-19 births and abortions divided by same age group in this state = 2.6%. I think we are doing better than Colorado no matter what mr priester has stated, because he only stated teen birth rates not pregnancy rates! He is another well educated politician.

Anonymous said...

10:51 - If out of 100 girls, what difference does it make if 2.6% or 3.1% of them have abortions? Any way you round it, the number is 3 girls.

Perkn said...

11:07, you are correct. The real point I was making is that priester wants usto spend more money where there is no need. His arguement is void if you look at the abortion numbers. Thanks

11:22, who are you to judge someone's faith. We will all be called one day, and He will judge us, not you. We all have sinned brother. I thank Him for giving me faith and free will every day. I'm praying for you tonight and Hope you do the same

Anonymous said...

When a high school in Memphis has 90 pregnant high school girls, why can't the poster on the board agree there is a problem?

53% with no fathers in Mississippi. All paid for by taxpayers. That's my money. That's a problem.

Gurl You Lookin' Good.. said...

1:29 - Back in the dark ages when I was in high school, if a girl got pregnant, that got in the way of her getting an education that year as most of the time she disappeared until the end of the summer.

Now, however, when a girl gets pregnant, education gets in the way or her rejoicing in the hallways and all the other girls flocking around to praise her 'bump'.

Pregnancy in high school no longer gets in the way of education. Education now gets in the way of pregnancy. The goals are sorta reversed. Even the teachers are happy for her.

I'm shocked nobody has said...

Colorado.
Legalized marijuana.
The really really good stuff.
Too stoned to screw.
Problem solved!

Anonymous said...

10:22 The statement about "original sin" was a sarcastic jab at your earlier over-reach about Priester not getting to the "real " problem. It was meant to be a bit absurd but you obviously gobbled it up without noticing. Sometimes rather than declaring defeat you can explore the options if they show some success in treating the "symptoms". That is not magic unless you believe the earth is flat.

Wow said...

"An analysis by University of Colorado researchers found the state program was responsible for as much as two-thirds of the decline in births to teen mothers from 2009 to 2015. The drop in pregnancies “averted” $66 million to $69.6 million that might have been spent on four state and federal welfare and health care programs for low-income mothers, the researchers found."


The data demonstrates that the program pays for itself (at least until the teen pregnancy rate is normalised). If we thought about our healthcare spending dollars in terms of investments and long term costs, offering this to at-risk populations would be a no brainer.

But we are talking about Mississippi. We pissed away a multi-billion dollar tobacco trust fund that could be supplying hundreds of millions a year on earnings alone if we had any type of vision.

Kickin' The Can.. said...

"Sometimes rather than declaring defeat you can explore the options if they show some success in treating the "symptoms"."

9:44 - There ain't no percentage in 'treating the symptoms' unless you make money off of it....like a doctor or a social worker.

By the way...please tell us how you define 'success' if you're only treating the symptoms. Symptoms, when treated, like mice and roaches, don't 'go away'. They just hide out and reappear later. But deep thinkers such as yourself, think that's success.

Anonymous said...

To 11:20 anonymus Teens are thrown out without knowing how to understand their harmones Sorry I can not buy this. I am 73 and as far as I know harmones are the same today as in 1945. These chaps today know more about sex than I do now. The difference? Sex was not talked about as freely as today other than what was necessary. Now most TV programs will have a reference to sex. I can not imagine The Lone Ranger, Sky King, Matt Dillion, or Superman climbing into bed with a co-star. I would wager that 99% of the girls in my graduating class were virgins who had the same juices flowing girls today have. Difference. APPROVAL

Anonymous said...

I agree with the above post. Allow me to add that at the root of all of this is a spiritual issue and a public policy issue.

Spiritually speaking, this is a failure of young people to recognize sin, its consequences, and the great opportunity Jesus Christ gives them to live forgiven, free, and fulfilled lives no matter how rich or poor they are. Without the spread of the Gospel this will only get worse, so if you are concerned get more involved in your church, especially the youth group.

Public policy wise, this is about incentives. If the welfare system encourages single mothers with large families, that is what we will get. If public schools teach kids how to have sex and we throw contraceptives at them, they will likely have sex. Should we ban welfare and contraceptives? Of course not. But we need boundaries. We need to examine what our current policy regime is incentivizing people to do. Right now it looks like "have kids and get on disability."

Until we as individuals start addressing the spiritual aspect in our churches and communities and leaders like Mr. Priester start addressing the incentives causing these problems, it will only get worse.

redcreek said...

Great post by Priester. As for the white male comments, I had to stop early, at the guy who said this is a "multifaceted and complex" problem. Yeah, and so is the life cycle of a butterfly--which is probably MORE complex than humans getting pregnant, especially when at the top of their hormone game.

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Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).


Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.


Note: Security provided by INS.

Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS
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