Monday, January 29, 2018

Clark removed from hometown jail. Check out the home-cooking.

Some high-powered help tried to move convicted wife-beater Bryan Clark to the county jail in his home county.   Clark is serving a 10-year prison sentence for aggravated assault domestic violence.  His family owns Clark Oil & Gas and his uncle is the CEO of Butler Snow.  Documents obtained through a public records request show several officials worked to get him transferred to the Wayne County jail. However, Clark was removed from the Wayne County jail after little more than two weeks when the victim's family discovered the home-cooking. 

Lowndes County Circuit Judge Jim Kitchens sentenced Clark to serve 16 years in prison on September 8, 2017 but suspended six years of the sentence.  The maximum sentence for aggravated assault/domestic violence is 20 years. Clark beat his wife to a pulp in 2013 (The graphic photos are posted below.).  No sooner was he convicted than the calls came for help on his behalf.

Clark is from Waynesboro in Wayne County.  It sufficeth to say that his family is the "Big Dog" in Wayne County.   Think Varner in The Long Hot Summer

MDOC Commissioner Felecia Hall sent an email to  MDOC employees Jerry Williams and Sean Smith on September 15 that stated:

I received a call this morning on this newly sentenced inmate out of Lowndes County that is headed to or already at CMCF.  I was told that he has been getting threats and his mom is fearful for his safety.  Can we talk to him and get him PC (Protective Custody- KF) if that is what's needed.  Thanks. Grace, this is the  call from Peyton Lowery.
 The Commissioner is a Wayne County native. MDOC transferred Clark to the Central Mississippi Correctional Facility in Rankin County.  However, the Wayne County interest in Bryan Clark was just beginning. 

State Representative Shane Barnett of Wayne County contacted MDOC's Division of Constituent Services in early October to check on Clark.  Johnnie Ellis of Constituent Services sent an email to Kevin Jackson (MDOC) on October 6 that stated

The Office of Constituent Services was contacted by Rep. Shane Barnett in reference to Offender Brian Clark's status.  Rep. Barnett was advised that Offender Clark is currently housed at CMCF and has begun the initial classification process and this process can take at least 4 to 6 weeks to complete.  He was very appreciative for the information provided.
Ten days later, Clark was transferred to the regional facility in Kemper County. Pamela Robinson, Director of Offender Services, stated in an October 16 email

Offender Clark was approved for medium custody and transferred to Kemper today.
The Wayne County Sheriff stepped up to the plate and took a swing on Clark's behalf.  He wrote to MDOC in a December 21 letter to Jerry Williams

I am writing this Letter to inform you that there is no community opposition to Inmate Brian Clark being transferred from the Kemper County Regional facility from Sheriff James Moore in Dekalb to our facility here at the Wayne County Sheriff's Department. Inmate Clark has been re-classified to A.
Classification "A" is for minimum supervision.  "B" classification is for  inmates that are a moderate risk and must be under direct armed supervision when outside the perimeter of a correctional facility.  Prisoners who are a security risk, have a bad disciplinary record, or are an immediate physical threat, are classified "C" and must be under control at all times. 

Clark was transferred to the Wayne County jail on January 5, 2018.  However, the victim's family found out about the home-cooking and raised some hell of their own.   JW Ledbetter, Senior Criminal Justice Policy Advisor to Governor Phil Bryan, inquired in an email to MDOC's Kevin Jackson on January 10

I received a call today about an inmate that had his custody downgraded and was transferred to Wayne County. Family of the victim call. His name is Brian Clark, I don't have a DOC#. Look at this guy and give me a call when you can please.
It is not known what was said on the phone calls but MDOC shipped Clark back to Kemper County. Commissioner Hall ordered the transfer on January 23.   An email states

Comm. Hall (per DC) wants to know if an PPA can transport Brian Clark from Wayne CJ to Kemper Co. Regional tomorrow?

Deputy Commissioner Christy Tutherz replied later that day:

Yes indeed. Nathan, Ensure two certified agents perform this transport, full restraints, to Kemper Regional TOMORROW.
MDOC's website states Clark is residing in Kemper County.  

Clark attacked his wife on September 6, 2013.  He repeatedly beat her, slammed her head against a wall, and split it wide open.    A grand jury indicted Clark in January 2014 (see p.19 in documents posted below.).    Clark claimed he was indigent. The court appointed a public defender to represent him although he is now represented by attorney Robert Ray.  The Columbus Packet reported on July 31: "The 37-year-old Clark, who listed on court documents that he makes $100,000 a month from his family’s oil and convenience store business, faces from two to 20 years in prison."

The case was continued no less than 15 times.  The victim submitted an impact statement in February 2017.  However, justice was delayed when  the defense hired State Representative Jeff Smith as counsel February. Mr. Smith filed a motion for a continuance. His excuse? He could not attend court because he was serving in the legislature for another two months.  The continuance motion was filed on the same day that he filed his entry of appearance. Mr. Smith's daughter works for Butler Snow.  Smith was also the lawyer for the Columbus Packet. 

Clark pleaded guilty in May.  Sentencing was scheduled for October but postponed until November since Clark was going to domestic violence therapy and had 14 remaining sessions.  However, Judge Kitchens moved the sentencing up to September and sent him to MDOC.  Earlier stories providing more information about the case are linked at the bottom of this post. 

Text of Emails & Letters

9/15/2017 Hall to Jerry Williams, Sean Smith, "I received a call this morning on this newly sentenced inmate out of Lowndes County that is headed to or already at CMCF.  I was told that he has been getting threats and his mom is fearful for his safety.  Can we talk to him and get him PC if that is what's needed.  Thanks.

Grace, this is the  call from Peyton Lowery.

9/15/2017: Sean Smith "Thanks, I will place an alert in the system"

9/15/2017 Jerry Williams to Commissioner et al

Attn: DCCC Gutherz, can you please have two weapon qualified P&P agents transport this offender to CMCF on Monday, September 18, 2017? Thanks.

Attn: Mrs. Robinson/Supt. King, please place this offender in PC when he arrives, thanks.

October 6, 2017: Johnnie Ellis (Division of Constituent Services) to Kevin Jackson The Office of Constituent Services was contacted by Rep. Shane Barnett in reference to Offender Brian Clark's status.  Rep. Barnett was advised that Offender Clark is currently housed at CMCF and has begun the initial classification process and this process can take at least 4 to 6 weeks to complete.  He was very appreciative for the information provided.

October 16, 2017: Pamela Robinson (Director of Offender Services): Offender Clark was approved for medium custody and transferred to Kemper today.

December 21, 2017: Wayne County Sheriff Jody Ashley to Jerry Williams:

I am writing this Letter to inform you that there is no community opposition to Inmate Brian Clark being transferred from the Kemper County Regional facility from Sheriff James Moore in Dekalb to our facility here at the Wayne County Sheriff's Department. Inmate Clark has been re-classified to A.

January 10, 2018: JW Ledbetter  (Senior Criminal Justice Policy Advisor to Governor) to Kevin Jackson

I received a call today about an inmate that had his custody downgraded and was transferred to Wayne County. Family of the victim call. His name is Brian Clark, I don't have a DOC#. Look at this guy and give me a call when you can please.

January 23, 2018:  Christy Gutherz wrote: Ensure two certified agents perform this transport, full restraints, to Kemper Regional TOMORROW.

This is what Bryan Clark did to his victim/wife:

Earlier posts
Beat a mama, go home to mama 
Wife-beater sentenced to 10 years in prison.
Wife-beater will be sentenced Friday.  
Judge sets Clark hearing for September 1.  
Court delays sentencing because wife-beater is going to therapy.  
Sentenced postponed for wife-beating thug.
Ex-GF got restraining order on Clark.
Will wife-beater get out of jail? 


Plain ol' Catfish said...

Didn't know Ol' Sammity Sam was his attorney! Well, ain't that bout a biscuit!?

Surprised they didn't ship the spoiled brat to SMCI, that's usually where they house a majority offenders of a lighter skin tone so they can sit comfortably amongst their own" if you know what I mean.

Anonymous said...

Jody Ashley should be ashamed. Yeah, there was no community opposition because the community didn't effin' know. Just who are you serving and protecting, Sheriff?

Anonymous said...

store your outrage for when he is being considered for early release. moving prisoners around for political reasons is common, happens virtually everyday. not saying its right or wrong, but as long as they remain incarcerated, its not a big deal. MDOC doesn't have any "country club" facilities...

Anonymous said...

The level of corruption in our state is appalling.

Kingfish said...

Except he wasn't going to an MDOC facility.

Anonymous said...

I'm pretty naive about this topic, mostly out of the privilege of not living in a male brothel with a strict curfew and dress code, but how is this better than anything else? What is one county versus another? It looks like Hinds County has a lot of fun and freedom, I would want to be transferred there.

Anonymous said...

9:23 is right. save it for when he gets out after a year...let all this die down..then he's not a violent person--good family. christian boy. is very very sorry--will not do it again. loves his mother.

Anonymous said...

Looks like Aunt Bee is going to have to travel to Kemper to deliver the fried chicken and pickles.

Anonymous said...

Shouldn't take more than a few years for this bitch to turn his life around. Get out, find jeebus, get his record expunged, work hard at the family bidness, get married again, so on.

For sure it seems like he's got the kind of support system most convicts wish they had! His ass appears to have more people watching his back than Stormy Daniels walking naked through a Vegas Casino at 2AM. Hell that's not fair, she's got way more class than this low life convicted wife beater.

Once Junya Convenience Store and his shit don't stink anymore he's probably gonna be running for elected office in Bumfuk County.

That's how this goes in places like Bumfuk County.

Matter of fact, that's one of the reasons why places like Bum County got to to be Bumfuk County.

Anonymous said...

KF, county jails are generally real shitholes without much commissary, crappy food, few programs of any kind and crowded.

if you have specific evidence that he was getting Otis Campbell treatment at Wayne County, come out with it...

Anonymous said...

10:17 - The county jail is run by the sheriff. If the sheriff is pushing for the inmate to be moved to his jail, it's not much of a stretch to assume that the inmate is going to receive some preferential treatment at that jail.

Anonymous said...

Glad you are on it KF. I contacted the Governor's office and was told I should contact the sentencing judge. Maybe the Clarks and Lord Snow got to him. You can bet this won't be the last time a sweetheart move is tried. I also agree with an earlier comment that an early release will be coming too.

Kingfish said...

We will see. Haven't seen any pardons or commutations coming out of Governor's office since he assumed office. He lost a family member to murder if I"m not mistaken so he tends to take a dim view of such things.

Notice that when the Governor's office inquired, things started changing.

Anonymous said...

Isn't he only required to serve half of the ten years? Is is possible for him to be released in less than five years?

Anonymous said...

10:17 for a guy like this county jail is where he wants to be. Sheriff will make him a trustee and his cell will be come and go as he pleases. He'll get up during the night to help book in drunks and so forth and will basically be the jailers muscle. Once a LEO brings em in and books em, Trustees run the county jails under the watchful eyes of the jailors so being a trustee makes your sentence a cake walk! Unless its changec in the last 15 years or so....

Anonymous said...

It is pretty common for inmates to try to move closer to home. I am aware of a few Minimum Security inmates who requested being moved to a Medium Security facility so that they could be near family, children, etc...

Phil did away with pardons and Governor's trustees after Haley's parting gifts. This is one of those issues where Phil and Haley aren't on the same page.

Anonymous said...

The Sheriff of Wayne County ignored a warrant that was to be served on Brian Clark in 20-16. It was never served! The restraining order was to keep him away from his girlfriend in Destin, FL, also a domestic felony abuse charge. The Sheriff is a former game warden and his brother is a MHP trooper! I think the US Attorney needs to request that the FBI look into this - it seems like Epps is still in control at MDOC!

Anonymous said...

But unlike every other inmate, he was allowed to remain in Lowndes County jail while his bitchboy atty Rod Ray schmoozed the paperwork to begin his CMCF processing and without having to go to CMCF. Ray and the others pulled a fast one by having his MDOC location listed as CMCF but his Unit listed as Lowndes Co jail.

Also processing takes 4-6 weeks at CMCF and once he was finally forced to go to CMCF, he was only there 2 weeks before being sent to Kemper. SMH.

Anonymous said...

This monster had more protection than any of his victims. Matter of fact, his mommy was so worried about him getting threats, he was not in general population but protected and in his own cell. THREATS are what they're afraid about taking a gash to the head with 11 staples, a black eye with 6 stitches or being stomped on. This shitty little monster needs to be in Parchman pronto.

Anonymous said...

ATTENTION CITIZENS OF WAYNE COUNTY: Your sheriff has assumed the responsibility of making sure this horrbly violent creton will terrorize your community again. RISE UP and stop this now before he assaults/kills the important females in your lives.

She was at least his 5th victim and he went on to assault his mistress in Destin,FL WHILE ON BOND FOR THIS ASSAULT and your sherriff not only gave him a call about serving him the FL protective order, he allowed him to flee to AL for 3 weeks, then sent back the ortder as unserved. Yourr sheriff did not alert the Lowndes Co Circuit Court or his bondsman.

The ONLY thing your sheriff did was to beg and lie for him to come to his jail in your home community which puts each and every female at risk.

Anonymous said...

Well I guess they gave his illegal contraband cell phone back to him to take to Kemper Co so he can talk to his momma 24/7 like he was doing before when he was in Kemper.all those shakedowns and they never took his away. I know he was showing other inmates pictures on FB and bragging about how much money he/his daddy got. why would you go round telling other inmates how rich you are? Unless its to trump up some threat BS to get transferred to your home jail? This whole mess of people should be in jail.

Anonymous said...

Which agency is responsible for looking into this corruption or collusion involving the sheriff and MDOC shenanigans?

Anonymous said...

So the Wayne Co Sheriff can reclassify inmates at their leisure? Who,how and why was he downgraded to minimum security A?

Anonymous said...

It should also be known that while Clark was in the Wayne County Jail he was allowed to leave and return to his home! There are witnesses!

Anonymous said...

12:22 Feel didn't 'do away with' trustees - that was the PR statement, but it appears that the only change was that trustees don't spend the night in the designated area on the Mansion grounds. They are still there during the day, just as they are still all around the Capitol as they have been for decades.

Anonymous said...

1) remained in Lowndes County for 'processing' while sentenced to CMCF
2) moved to CMCF and immediately put into 'protective' security - just because mama asked the MDOC Commissioner for it
3) security classification downgraded within first month, for unknown reason (other than to qualify for upcoming move)
4) moved to Wayne County because "there were no objections" and sheriff wanted him there
5) County sheriff that had protected him in previous cases now could control his presence, or lack thereof, as well as conditions within his cell

Dang. Wish I could get this type treatment and attention if I ever get thrown into the pokey. Just getting the Commish to take mama's phone call and react immediately is a pretty damn good deal.

Anonymous said...

MDOC's new slogan "You won't have to do the time if you've got the dime"

Anonymous said...

Wayne County Sheriff's slogan "You won't have to do the time if you give me $50,000"

Anonymous said...

Wow...mommy's worried that little baby man might get a very very small taste of what he's put this poor lady through. This family is the epitome of what's wrong with our society today.Uneducated,unskilled and entitled,lacking substance and moral fiber.

Anonymous said...

She won't take a Senator's or Representative's phone call, but see will take Mama Clark's - she has her on speed dial, along with Jerry Williams! No justice in this state - no wonder people are leaving in droves! Phil - do your job and clean house over at MDOC, that is if you have the balls! You better call Haley at Butler Snow and find out if that's OK!

Anonymous said...

who is more corrupt, Louisiana or Mississippi?

Anonymous said...

It’s obvious that Brian Clark has some anger issues, but no one in this blog has ever asked if his wife deserved what she got? I’m sure he was extremely provoked to have injured her that bad. I realize that it’s not politically correct in today’s #metoo culture but what did she do to provoke him? Did she attack him first and was she irritating him on purpose to the point where she forces him to lash out after a build up of anger? These are all questions that I have yet to see answered. Not trying to defend Clark but I think there might be more to the story.

The People’s Champ said...

This guy is scum. I’m hoping some prison justice is delivered to his phoney-jabroney candy *ss!

Anonymous said...

Yes, 8:41...Right On! Everybody should understand that marriage is a contract. The little woman signs up to not piss off the husband and tread lightly six paces behind him. Everybody knows full well that if a wife angers her husband, she has it coming if he beats the literal shit out of her. Right On!

When a detective reports to any hospital to interview a beaten woman in ICU, the first question on the form is, "Honey, I'm Detective Brown. What in the world did you do to provoke your man?"

Anonymous said...

@8:41 Wow...just wow. Of all people YOU should know with all the money and power behind this violent sadistic shit,who's army of paid legal prostitutes pulled every slimy cheap lawyer trick in the book to get him out of this for 4 years, that he would never have pled if there were mitigating factors to present that she provoked it.

YOU know he's never accepted responsibility for the long list of females he's done,not as severely as this, but similar scary violent things to before and after her.What's the common denominator here? BRIAN CLARK & FAMILY

Anonymous said...

8:41 Your questions are tired.Perhaps you should ask how many times he has gotten away with this before now? its troubling that you seem unconcerned that this violent predator was roaming the streets of Waynesboro with extremely violent anger issues.

I invite you to read Erin Treadwell's affidavit before commenting again because it gives us all an idea of how violent and sadistic your boy really is. I hope to God you're not going to say that she,her friends & family deserved to be stalked,threatened,harassed and assaulted by this lunatic.

Anonymous said...

8:41 Yes there is more to this story...he got blitzed on liquor and cocaine that night. He almost killed his wife, terrorized her 9 yo son, then snatched the baby and fled speeding like the drunk & wired bat out of hell that he is to get to his mommy & the Wayne County Sheriff to escape responsibility.

Mind you this is the very same Sheriff who allowed him to flee the FL warrant/order, who was his dorm mother for a few weeks,who's so knee deep in this Clark muck that it'll take the Butler Snow army of attys/mercenaries to keep the MBI from throwing him behind bars too.

You're right,there is more to this story.I got my popcorn ready because this is going to get good...

Anonymous said...

I wonder what the Sheriff's MHP brother thinks of this jerk's interaction with a his fellow MHP brother-in-blue after he pulled Clark over for yet ANOTHER DUI.the tape showed the following statement by Clark as he was being handcuffed:

Clark to MHP officer: "In 6 months you'll be back in Iraq, and I'll be f@*kng your wife".

Nice respectful model citizen you vouched for Wayne Co Sheriff

Ophelia said...

Now, as a woman, I'm sure my scripted reaction to 8:41's (surely??) tongue-in-cheek attempt at humor should be sputtering, spewing, #metooooo outrage. But somewhere in there, this sad sack does have a glimmer of a point: what woman in her RIGHT MIND spends more than ten minutes on a DATE with someone who exhibits this kind of behavior, let alone MARRIES him? This kind of dangerous anger doesn't just pop out of nowhere. Anyone too stupid to sniff out the warning signs is asking for what she inevitably gets. Sorry, sisters, you get no sympathy from this gal if you don't have the sense to run at the first glimmer of meanness. That said, though, I still hope this Clark guy gets raped brutally during his brief prison stay...

Anonymous said...

Let's not forget that the Clark family is part of the Butler Snow law firm! After all, they do have to ask Haley!

Anonymous said...

Ophelia, why are you assuming this woman knew anything about his violent past? I'm so thankful that you haven't been involved with a sneaky psychopath who has been able to hide the deviant deviousness lurking beneath. just pray if you or you're loved ones ever do cvome across a guy like this,that the secrret psycho shows the signs early...otherwise you may find out more about situations like this than you ever wanted to know

Anonymous said...

Referencing an above post....and realizing this might be an indelicate subject, but, what family member did the governor lose to murder?

Anonymous said...

MARK YOUR CALENDERS...... he will be pardoned or have the remainder of his sentence commuted by bryant on bryants last day in office in january 2019. the fact that this thugs family will write a 6 figure check to the mississippi republican party will cinch the deal. lots of short memories by you clones out there. the name karen irby ring a bell?

Anonymous said...

9:00 I wonder what we can do differently so stop the monolithic powers that be in this case.Im thinking the 1st step to take our power back from this crushing inevitability is for all of us to stop being the silent majority and say

Ophelia said...

Anonymous at 8:36, I am not without sympathy for the victim, but do remember that she was WIFE of, not in a casual relationship with, this guy. This would imply some (at the very least) general acquaintance with his "quirks," be they cruelty to their cat, or punching a hole in the sheetrock because the remote control was misplaced...whatever it is these nutters do, trust me, he did some of it long before he offed his wife. You say these psychos are smooth operators? Granted, but...NOBODY is that good an actor, for very long. The signs are there. And those who fail to act (run away!) the minute they see the signs, are, well, yes, asking for it. One.Does.Not.Put.Up.With.Shit. Noooo ma'am, not even a voice raised in anger over something trivial. Zero tolerance. When real women begin to enact this one-strike-your-sorry-ass-is-out policy, whether on the social, marital, or employment front, then...well, we won't need these embarrassing, pointless pink pussy hat marches.

Ophelia said...

Let me amend my statement above to, "when ALL women begin to..." I should have noted that the REAL women are already doing this (ditching abusive losers) and have been doing so from "when the whole rigmarole began," to quote King Arthur's medtitative line from the "Camelot" soundtrack. I believe the song was "How to Handle a Woman." Google the lyrics, ladies, and see if your fella lives up to it.

Anonymous said...

My darling Ophelia you sound like a simply wonderful, understanding and kind person to be around. Perhaps you could do us all a favor and stop spouting your intolerance until after you've had a chance to read up on Battered Spouse Syndrome.

Anonymous said...

Is this the same Ophelia that said opioids should be illegal and that Americans need to tough out the pain? Girl get back under your bridge

Anonymous said...

I like Ophelia, myself. I hope that she doesn't get tired of y'all and quit posting.

Anonymous said...

In high profile cases this shigity happens. I'm sure the Govoner has his finger on the button to say yea or nay. MDOC and the Sheriff are just doing what they are directed. Yea, I know the Sheriff is elected, some time we have to work hand in hand for the betterment of all that's getting something out of this shigity. People this shit ain't meant to be personal, it's way over y'all heads!!!

Anonymous said...

Not personal...over our heads??? I'm not sure you could get more personal than a case involving domestic violence aggravated assault where the spouse's brains were a few mm away from being splattered on the walls. Politics is personal...why else do you think Jeff "Spats" Smith blew up his reputation to enter his appearance on behalf of this shitty shit and his family? Lord Snow requested it

Anonymous said...

Sources also say that clark was allowed visitation by sheriff jody ashley on Sunday evenings with his personal Labrador dog. He was allowed to bring the dog inside the jail also on the recreation yard. Just goes to show ya how wayne county is if you have money they will allow you to do whatever you please,but if your broke you don't have a chance in hell you will be blasted on the news and locked up without any special benefits.

Anonymous said...

Why hasn't WDAM picked IP this story? We need to bombard them with this!!!!

Anonymous said...

So I guess Momma Jody couldn't have housed any other inmates at this time because they would be pissed at this special treatment. Makes you question how truthful the "threat assessment" was that got him cushy protective custody, Maybe Mr Born W a Silver Spoon up his butt has been flaunting his special favors and causing this animosity himself.

I've known people who have turned State's evidence ag others and had contracts on them who didn't get protective custody and had to survive in general population, and they didn't violently split their wife's head open and beat her. If this big man did the crime,by God,then he should at least have to do the Parchman where he belongs. No more Kemper country club for him and it's criminal that he was even allowed to go to Momma Jody's home for wayward boys, er, boy I mean.

Anonymous said...

I am certainly disappointed in everyone from Commissioner Hall to Sheriff Jody Ashley! That may explain why every time you call the Sheriff’s Office, he is either on a call or out in the county. I guess he is taking care of the needs of the rich and ‘infamous’! I saw Representative Shane Barnett’s name in there too!! Every last one of you should hang your head in shame...politics and power can ruin what you thought were decent honest people! The Clarks can fund your campaigns next term BUT they can’t buy the vote of decent citizens!!

Anonymous said...

Very brave @7:59.Hopefully you'll become the rule instead of the exception to people waking up to the stark realization that this criminal corruption is leaving good decent people in the Clark's violently destructive wake. I wonder if more people knew about all the "improvements" planned for/made to Wayne County Jail they might be more angry and stand up to Sheriff Jody and close his cushy dorm for the Wayward Clark.

Anonymous said...

They should of had some of his employees in court. We all knew about it. We had to report if he tried to buy alcohol and that they were still married so she could still get money from his family. He treated the employees like s---

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Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS