Thursday, January 14, 2016

School bonds are gold... as in golden showers.

The Canton and Jackson public school bond 2015 bond issues showered gold upon financial advisers and lawyers.  Connections are the rule when one plays around in the bond rackets.   The Department of Finance and Administration issued its annual report on bond issue expenses today.   The report states that the Canton Public School District spent $648,762 on professional service fees for a $33.5 million bond issue in 2015.  Malachi Financial Products* charged $399,494 in fees for acting as the "financial adviser" for Canton.  The Jackson Public School bond issue was even worse as the district paid fees of $1,223,824. These district just happen to have the highest taxes and lowest ratings among school districts in the Jackson metro area. 


Canton Public School  General Obligation Bonds: $33,500,000
Mississippi Development Bank (Issuer): $33,000
Balch & Binghamp (Issuer counsel): $15,000
Malachi Financial Products (Financial Adviser): $399,494
Trustmark (Trustee): $3,262
Jones Walker (Bond Counsel): $86,545
John Christopher Law (CPS Counsel): $85,000
Munideals (Printer): $1,460
TOTAL FEES: $648,762

Jackson Public Schools General Obligation Bonds refinance: $118,070,000
Mississippi Development Bank (Issuer): $42,500
Balch & Bingham (Issuer Counsel): $30,000
Malachi Financial Products (Financial Adviser): $328,500
Trustmark (Trustee): $9,250
Chambers & Gaylor (Bond Counsel): $295,750
S&P (Ratings Agency): $63,000
Arbitrage Group (Verification): $6,000
Hunton & Williams (Special Tax Counsel, ATL): $197,500
Betty Mallet (Co-underwriter counsel): $112,500
Baker Donelson (Co-underwriter counsel): $142,140
Image Master (POS fees): $6,684
TOTAL FEES: $1,233,824

The 2015 deal gets even worse if one compares it to the 2008 issue:

$114,000 General Obligation Bonds for JPS (2008)
Mississippi Development Bank (Issuer): $70,000
Dorian Turner (Bond Counsel): $243,813
Balch & Bingham (Issuer Counsel): $25,000
Trustmark (Trustee): $3,604
Baker Donelson (Co-underwriter counsel): $75,320
Community Capital (Financial Adviser): $65,800
Image master (POS, printing): $3,448
Moody's (Ratings): $22,230
Spence Flatguard (state bond attorney): $1,000
Jones Financial Services (Financial Adviser): $28,200
TOTAL FEES: $538,416

JJ compared the two issues to those that were similar in size and expenses.  A review of these bond issues show that the public school districts for Canton and Jackson paid much more for their bond issues than did other entities.  

2015 issues and fees
 Marshall County highway refunding project ($39,565,000): $303,582
Financial adviser: Government Consultants ($61,000)
 Municipal Energy Agency Power Supply Refunding project ($87,220,000): $873,494
Financial adviser: Government Consultants ($160,000)
DeSoto County Hwy Refunding Project ($24,155,000): $185,486
Financial Adviser: Government Consultants ($39,000)

2014 issues and fees
Biloxi Stadium Project ($21,000,000): $245,500
Financial Adviser: Government Consultants: $60,000
DeSoto County Hwy Construction Project ($82,940,000): $469,343
Financial Adviser: Government Consultants: $90,000
Gulfport School District General Obligation bonds ($41,240,000): $458,278
Financial Adviser: Government Consultants: $101,000
City of Gulfport General Obligation ($30,000,000): $188,937
Financial Adviser: Government Consultants: $41,185

2013 issues and fees
Harrison County Hwy Refunding Project ($64,125,000): $274,858
Financial Adviser: Government Consultants: $64,500
Hattiesburg Water & Sewer refunding ($28,000,000): $548,000
Financial Adviser: Government Consultants: $135,000
JPS Refunding (Two issues, fees combined. $36,165,000):  $415,808
Financial Adviser: Malachi: $150,000
Jackson Convention Center Refunding ($64,940,000): $381,118
Financial Adviser: Malachi: $90,000
Jackson Water & Sewer bonds ($89,990,000): $646,895
Financial Adviser: Malachi: $182,000
Madison County Hwy Refunding Project ($88,865,000): $380,690
Financial Adviser: Government Consultants: $92,000

DFA page for bond expense reports



Kingfish note: That was the news, now for the opinion.  Simply disgusting is the description for these fees.    These clowns jack up the property taxes for everyone, waste more money than do other school districts, and then whine that they can't educate because they have no money.  Want to know why there is a sales tax commission? Wonder why some legislators want to meddle in the Jackson Municipal Airport Authority? Because certain government bodies consistently prove they waste our  money and can't be trusted with it.  These bond fees are a perfect example.  The next time the politicians want to raise your taxes, shove these bond fees in their faces.

It is also a shame that no one bothers to seek competitive bids for these services. Believe it or not, that was once done in Mississippi until the law was changed.   Thank you, Tim Ford.  Hope your coffin is lined with gold.    Want to know where the real politics and public corruption is in Mississippi? Study the bond deals in Mississippi.  They are the best way to dissect the good ole boy networks. 

*Atlanta firm. Do not confuse it with the Ridgeland firm. Two difference companies.

41 comments:

Kingfish said...

This is not the Malachi that is promoted on the Dave Ramsey Show.

Anonymous said...

I would agree that the Bond fees for financial Advising in the Canton and JPS bonds are despicable. But to blame this solely on these two districts doesn't fully capture the challenge here. Yes, these districts and districts like them require more money to do what appears on the surface to by a subpar job in educating their students. But eh reality is that districts like Canton and JPS are over saturated with students who are ill-supported and/or ill-prepared to acquire the academic skills needed for academic success, for a variety of reasons. This over saturation is the direct result of the concentration of poverty within these communities, a concentration that is purposely planned and results from White and Middle Class flight from these communities. No matter how much the "supply side" thinkers want to champion market based strategies to combat these challenges, there is not an education alone model yet that has proven to be sustainably successful in fully educating a critical mass of students in these settings that is politically tenable (no one in power wants fully integrated schools if it means fully integrated communities, by race AND class). Educators can't shoulder the sole blame for these results, when most of the cause of these problems starts in board rooms and legislative/council chambers (check the HUD/Ridgeland lawsuit for a great example of the true cause of these problems).

Anonymous said...

Golden showers indeed. Meanwhile, the taxpaying property owners of Canton and Jackson are told that it's rain.

Anonymous said...

Who in their sane mind would buy bonds from Jacktown or Canton public schools?

Kingfish said...

Bullshit. The majority black school districts spend more money and waste more money with worse results. Period. Jackson spends around $60 million a year more than Desoto.

The point of this post is to show how these bond deals are used to rip off the taxpayers and reward their friends. They claim they need more money for education but the word "responsibility" rarely crosses their lips.

Anonymous said...

What races are included in the category "Middle Class" flight?

Since the "concentration" "is purposely planned" can you let us know who did the planning for the concentration, who implemented the plan and what metrics are being used to measure performance against the plan?

Anonymous said...

Could this be why the new superintendent of Canton Public Schools was fired? He's the one that pushed so hard for the bonds.

There was a meeting in one of the neighborhoods about this, the news and everyone came. The school board then proceeded to go to the 'Churches' around Canton, claiming that the white people didn't want to pay for their schools and they were all going to vote no. Of course the race card worked on the 'Churches' and the Canton residents showed up in droves to stick it to whitey.

Anonymous said...

Kingfish,
I don’t deny that the fees are exorbitant and that these fees are evidence of inefficient use of taxpayer dollars. But those fees and the evident incompetence of the leadership in these instances, are not the main reason why these districts struggle so much. To compare JPS and Desoto shows more supply side stinkin’ thinkin’ that clouds this issue for so many in Mississippi. Desoto has more students, but the poverty rate in Desoto Schools less than Half that of JPS-15.1% in Desoto to 46.5% in Jackson by poverty rate (not free and reduced lunch rate) and the district is much more diverse (Desoto 34% black, JPS 96% Black – actually more Hispanic kids in JPS than White, where else in the Country do you see that in a district this big?), according MDE and USDE Census data. What you have actually done is illustrated my point, if these districts were more diverse (like Desoto), they wouldn’t cost as much and would be able to use the tax dollars more efficiently (i.e. yield better test scores, which is not true evidence of district success at educating students, but merely a supply side indicator of “success”- but may measure segregation better than teacher/system educational effectiveness). The question we have to ask is, why are the district/communities so segregated? And even more telling, are the people in power willing to integrate their communities so that more of them look like Desoto and therefore provide more poor and minority students a better shot at getting a good education? If they think like the Ridgeland power brokers, certainly not!

Anonymous said...

This is an abomination. But in fairness, Madison County, Rankin County, Ridgeland, Madison, Clinton etc all do the same thing. Also, the courts approve these fees. One travesty is that the Board attorneys charge these outrageous fees when the bond attorney does all the work.

Anonymous said...

Kingfish,
I don’t deny that the fees are exorbitant and that these fees are evidence of inefficient use of taxpayer dollars. But those fees and the evident incompetence of the leadership in these instances, are not the main reason why these districts struggle so much. To compare JPS and Desoto shows more supply side stinkin’ thinkin’ that clouds this issue for so many in Mississippi. Desoto has more students, but the poverty rate in Desoto Schools less than Half that of JPS-15.1% in Desoto to 46.5% in Jackson by poverty rate (not free and reduced lunch rate) and the district is much more diverse (Desoto 34% black, JPS 96% Black – actually more Hispanic kids in JPS than White, where else in the Country do you see that in a district this big?), according MDE and USDE Census data. What you have actually done is illustrated my point, if these districts were more diverse (like Desoto), they wouldn’t cost as much and would be able to use the tax dollars more efficiently (i.e. yield better test scores, which is not true evidence of district success at educating students, but merely a supply side indicator of “success”- but may measure segregation better than teacher/system educational effectiveness). The question we have to ask is, why are the districts/communities so segregated? And even more telling, are the people in power willing to integrate their communities so that more of them look like Desoto and therefore provide more poor and minority students a better shot at getting a good education? If they think like the Ridgeland power brokers, certainly not!

Kingfish said...

Other districts do it? Prove it. You made the claim. Now support it.

Anonymous said...

I have a question for 3:10. Why is it necessary for the $h!++y school districts like JPS to become, voluntarily or involuntarily, "more diverse" in order to function at even a functionally literate level? Why? Answer that question. I love liberal hang-wringer soft racism.

School Board Attorney said...

This unfortunately is a very common practice. Board attorneys take a percentage. The bond attorneys do the paperwork and ask the board attorneys what percentage they want. That way the bond attorneys can be assured of continuing to do business with their districts.

Anonymous said...

Well yall get on Legal Zoom and fill out the paperwork for the bond issuance...oh and call your homeowners insurance and see if you are covered for 100MM for anything that goes wrong.

(What could ever go wrong with a bond issuance in Madison county???)

Anonymous said...

@3:34, the integrated student body represents two things:

1. More resources –fiscal and non-fiscal – like more expert/experienced teachers, more and higher quality extracurricular activities, more advanced courses, more diverse arts and foreign language offerings, more and better computer science/technology education, etc. You’d be surprised at the vast offerings in districts like Desoto, Madison ,and Biloxi even as these is less state money spent per child in these districts. What I am advocating for is more social mobility for poor minority students by having them benefit from truly world class opportunities for them, not more isolation and academic failure due to poor schooling.

2. Also, integrated student body is more reflective of the real world of work, globalized economy, and civic engagement. The world is not 96% black and 50% poor.

It is not the race or “whiteness’ or “Blackness’ that necessitates integration, but the reality that racism has been, is , and will forever be about resource distribution. Segregated spaces are resource distribution wastelands, where poverty and wealth are segregated as well. Dr. Martin L. King, Jr. talked about this as “power integration”, where all citizens had the same level of autonomy in shaping their destiny in part by being equal beneficiaries in the investments and benefits of our democracy. This isn’t soft racism, but real democracy.

Anonymous said...

Then by all means @4:02 PM support Charter Schools and the ability for students to cross school district lines to attend a charter of their choice.

Thanks for your blather.

Anonymous said...

@4:02 what does social mobility mean...crossing into Madison and Rankin County school systems? The majority is certainly in charge of JPS, so what I am advocating is that the the majority has 100% responsibility for educating their children and quit making excuses. The social engineering by the court system in the late 1960's has given us what we have now. Sometimes we have to reap what we sow.

Anonymous said...

4:02 obviously doesn't work in the 'real world'. Or if she does,it's not for a successful company. Likely some mediocre tabloid, or something of the sort.

Anonymous said...

Come on! Bond attorneys need to make a living too!

Anonymous said...

My niece's kids use to attend a middle school in Madison. But, an influx of students from Flora caused a lot of grief for them. Bullying occurred and wasn't addressed by the administration. I offered to pay half of the private school tuition with the parents paying the rest. We subsequently removed these kids post haste.

But I now realize I was remiss. We should have allowed these kids to be sacrificed in the name of "racial diversity".

Anonymous said...

This is how Benny amassed his wealth when Hinds Coun ty issued bonds

Theory of Personal Benefit said...

Dr. Martin L. King, Jr. talked about this as “power integration”, where all citizens had the same level of autonomy in shaping their destiny in part by being equal beneficiaries in the investments and benefits of our democracy.

So does Bernie Sanders. But neither one mentioned skin in the game, personal contribution, levels of expectation, sacrifice and sweat equity.

It's all about being a beneficiary. Right?

Anonymous said...

Hey, 4:02, thanks for demonstrating your soft racism. When are you liberal bed-wetters going to learn that the vast majority of people desire to live, learn, work and worship among those of the same racial, cultural and socio-economic strata? Why do you pompous assholes insist on forcing the issue? Go the hell away.

Anonymous said...

It is amazing how many respondents on here are really representative of the general thinking around Mississippi that would rather do anything but truly integrate the schools.


@ 4:36, When Charters by and large provide world class educational experiences for poor and minority students they serve (like advanced academics, diverse extracurricular activities, latest in technology innovation and instruction, true diversity, etc.) then I would support them. But, as it stands now, most charters are test score factories to the Nth degree, making students there drill and kill on test prep and reading fundamentals and “math for dummies” instruction (no conceptual understanding), in order to raise test scores so they can keep the doors open. There is a reason why studies out of Stanford and Vanderbilt note that the same things that make charters successful are the things that would make general public schools successful- great teaching and leadership, relevant curricula, clear standards, and community engagement. We don’t need charters to provide those things for our children. We do need the political will to do so for all children.


@ 5:57, Social mobility means that people are empowered to rise out of poverty through safe communities, great schooling, access to healthy living/healthcare, and are allowed to take advantage of opportunities by being prepared to show their worth on the job/business market. If there were safe neighborhoods, access to health care, and good schooling and just distribution of business opportunities accessible to all in Jackson, there would be no need to move to Madison or Clinton. But, can we say this is the case? I would love for every child to be able to walk to a world class school, regardless of their zip code, but we see that is not the case.


@ 8:20 am, King talked several times about the need for people to have character, to exhibit discipline and show moral high ground. Have you ever read “Strength to Love”? Apparently not. Nothing I have said or implied says “give” anyone anything, other than the civil and human rights guaranteed them in our Constitution. Just because many in Mississippi refuse to see contemporary challenges through the lenses of history, systemic injustice, and cultural relevance doesn’t mean that real, workable solutions aren’t found therein.


All in All, One day Mississippi must learn that segregation and racism does not make for a thriving, productive community. Until political and business leaders around the state see the importance of actually investing in the human capital of almost f40% of the state’s population, Mississippi will continue to be 50th in the things we want to be 1st in. We can overcome, if but we truly want to see better days for all of us.

Anonymous said...

Kingfish,
These fees are exorbitant indeed. One thing that you and your readers should understand is that with both JPS and Canton there is a single man standing behind this absurdity. His name is Porter Bingham, he heads Malachi Financial, and you have written about him on numerous occasions in the past. This guy has made a living for decades by preying on municipalities and school districts, mainly in Mississippi, that have staffs in their management offices that are not bond market experts and that are willing to put their full faith and confidence in their Financial Adviser. They expect their Financial Adviser to act in their best interests, and to perform his fiduciary responsibilities to his clients, as he is legally obligated to under current regulations. They accept his recommendations for which law firms and other firms to use on these deals and truly believe that the fees this guy charges and allows others to charge are competitive, market rates and the best that is available to them. Sadly, the reality cannot be further from the truth. As your own breakdown of comparable transactions shows, the fees paid by both Canton and Jackson are, indeed, exorbitant. If any regulatory agency was to ever fully investigate either one of these transactions, it's highly likely that Mr. Bingham would be barred from the securities industry or perhaps even face criminal charges as a result. However, through his tactics of deceit, threats and back-room dealings he has been able to fly under the radar for many years now.

Anonymous said...

Come talk to us about committing to failing, overwhelmingly minority public schools again when you've convinced the parents of those students to spend their disposable income on books and computers instead of $200 shoes for their kids, $2000 rims for their cars, and $50 each week on acrylic nails. Meanwhile, have a dose of reality concerning what you're asking of us: One Day in the Life of an Urban Teacher

Anonymous said...

Our Comrade at January 15, 2016 at 9:06 AM has returned.

Anonymous said...

There is a reason why studies out of Stanford and Vanderbilt note ...

Link?

Anonymous said...

@9:13, Stereotypical thinking is what languishes Mississippi at eh Bottom of the quality of life indices year after year. Most children that languish in the hyper segregated schools are not arriving at these schools each day with cars with $2000 rims and wearing $200 Jordans. That is just the lie many feed themselves in order to be comfortable with the vast differences in quality and opportunity in public schools throughout the state. IF you dehumanize the people suffering from the injustice, it eases the conscience (of those who still have one) that benefit from the status quo. The reality is that the residential segregation and the concentrated poverty that results benefit those who do not have to live in the disaffected communities (at least these people perceive benefits as such, but a state that literally ignores almost half of its population will always be last in quality of life measures, and that does hamper economic development, infrastructure, and educational offerings for all).

@9:26 https://credo.stanford.edu/documents/UNEMBARGOED%20National%20Charter%20Study%20Press%20Release.pdf

https://my.vanderbilt.edu/camillabenbow/news/charter-school-studies-find-good-bad-results/

For years, educators and educational policy leaders have noted that charter schools are about as effective as general schools. For a real good study, look at the article on the root about the Charter schools system in New Orleans

http://www.theroot.com/articles/culture/2015/08/_like_another_katrina_charter_school_effects_on_black_new_orleanians_after.html


Basically, anyone proposing charter schools as the answer in Mississippi either don’t understand how schooling works for poor communities or is just listening to conservative talk radio punditry, which carries much weight in the political leadership at the state level.

Anonymous said...

When you are done with the circular arguments and lectures @9:06 AM please provides some specific details as to how you propose your changes should be achieved. If you can only engage in generalities then don't bother.

Kingfish said...

There is one word that never comes out of your mouth: accountability.

Anonymous said...

@10:03- & @Kingfish.

The specifics are there in the successful districts. The challenges Mississippi has with education have more to do with residential segregation and community development than any educational practices or policies. The reality is a school or a district is only as good as its students. Take Desoto. Even with over 30K students, they do well not because they have the best teachers or principals or school board, but because they do not have to contend with the challenges that come from a student population that is over 95% free and reduced lunch, like Canton. A student population with that high of a concentration in poverty is doomed to fail, and no amount of money from the state or the feds can address that. But what has been known to be successful in schooling is integrated systems, where the concentration of poverty isn’t so high.


So, what needs to happen is a groundswell, like we have with Initiative 42, where people across racial and class divides, will coalesce and begin to demand better community planning and development that incentivizes integrated communities, for the sake of all children. Stop incentivizing communities to further segregate through the school accountability model (focus more on closing achievement gaps than raw proficiency). Review covenants in suburbs and outlaw policies like in Ridgeland and Madison where certain square footage and population densities are required by city ordinance. These things directly contribute to the concentration of poverty in other communities. These things will indeed help to truly integrate the school systems and thus yield greater academic learning outcomes for all students, help with social mobility, and thus help with economic development and the quality of life indices that people all around Mississippi would benefit from.


The Roadblock to these solutions is the political will that would rather have segregated spaces socially and economically. Of course this is born out of racism, plain and simple. Just look at the e-mails sent to the Ridgeland mayor which are at the center of that lawsuit, or even some of the stereotypical thinking in responses to this thread ($2000 rims, and acrylic nails, really?). Mississippi suffers not from an image issue or a poverty issue from that matter. Mississippi struggles because of racism is at the core of the thinking of too many business and political leaders of this state. No, it is not Jim Crow, interpersonal racism of the mid-20th century and prior. But it is the same systemic machinations that ill-distribute resources that keep this state from recognizing and realizing its potential for greatness.

Anonymous said...

@ Kingfish

As for accountability, who isn’t being held accountable in Mississippi, the millions of poor and minority people who continue to suffer from poverty and indifference? What about the people like the Ridgeland mayor who is actively trying to zone out thousands of Ridgeland citizens for purely racist reasons? Or the State Senator from Tishomingo who went on record as saying he didn’t want a “black judge” in Hinds County ruling on educational funding matters? Or the State rep. from Walls who declared in the Clarion Ledger that Black people in Walls were on too much welfare to care about education? Accountability is simply noting who is responsible. To think that the children and families in the hyper segregated school systems are the only people responsible for the state of education and quality of life issues in Mississippi is more stinkin’ thinkin’ when you ignore the lack of investments in the development of their human capital, the millions of dollars given to corporate entities in this state in an effort to have them “create jobs” that don’t pay living wages.

Anonymous said...

Why do blacks always want to put the blame on whites for their short comings? Blacks have access to the same schools as whites, have the same teachers as the whites, have the same opportunity for education as the whites. The end results are not the same.
Why not look for the things blacks could do to improve their chances of a better education? Why don't the women marry the father of their children? Why don't the fathers support and care for their children?
It would seem like a good home life would increase the chances of a good education. Keeping their children in school would help quite a bit. Seeing them spend more time on home work instead of running the streets might make a difference.
All we hear from blacks is it is the whites fault. How about putting the blame where it should be in the first place?

Anonymous said...

@9:06 - and multiple other comments here, but...

You spout off ad nauseam with your crap but do so while making statements with no backup. Please start by defending your blanket statement that "most charters" are test score factories.......... and therefore charters do not provide a solution.

1) I doubt you can support any statement that starts with 'most charters'
2) while I don't accept your claim, I would still prefer a charter as you have described them than what we are getting for our tax dollars in the Jackson, Canton and several other schools systems.

And while I am not going to fall into your blanket coverage, I will concede that there are some good schools within the JPS system. But overall the system has failed. Even the worst 'test score factory' would be a vast improvement.

Anonymous said...

I'd really appreciate someone to purchase plane tickets, pay the hotel rooms, meals, expenses and clothing for us to go to the KY Derby and/or out to the Oscars/Academy Awards. We should expect those seated at the tables to scoot around and give us a seat so we could enjoy the french wine and caviar.

But then I realize it's not gonna happen... which is okay. I'm content and wouldn't know how to act around them anyway.

Anonymous said...

@3:25 on Jan 15,

Pleased to know that a quality education is a luxury reserved only for the rich like taking day trips to the Kentucky Derby and eating caviar and drinking wine.

Kingfish said...

Sad part is if these school boards had used Government Consultants Inc and spent less than half of what was spent on Malachi, the WMPR crew would've ranting, raving, and playing the race card as they would have shrieked over a "minority owned business" being denied business even if they paid twice as much to the minority business. Call it the "black premium".

Anonymous said...

10:54

There will always separation of 'classes'. Sorry you missed the point.

Anonymous said...

@ 4:30
Apparently you missed my point. Why is it that poor people can't demand and shouldn't recieve a quality education? Is it because there will always be a "separation of classes" (which is not a stated natural fact, but merely a perceived truth for those who are wedded to the notions of free market fundamentalism as the only way to distribute resources)?

Anonymous said...

8:54

They have the same "entitlements" as those who are not labeled poor - generally more.

They can move down the road and and attend whatever district they desire.

As long as their family, community fabric, and superintendents continue to tolerate sub-performance from students, teachers, and yes, parents, this is what it will forever be.

And, yes, this will assure there will always be separation of classes.

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Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).


Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.


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Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS
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