Friday, October 2, 2015

Mayhem at Maywood

This message was posted on a neighborhood bulletin board today. JJ confirmed its authenticity with the author.

I personally witnessed an incredibly violent incident today at the McDades parking lot. I hesitated to reach out to the Watch List, however, have made the decision to outline what we saw, first hand. You all make your own decisions.

At 5:15 today, we were going out to dinner. As we drove down Northside Drive, we noted in the parking lot of McDades, what appeared to be a fight ongoing. A young white man, in a burgundy vehicle, was inside his car with his trunk open. The car, sitting in front of the Pizza Store, and McCallisters, was sitting behind an older Buick (complete with rims, wheels, etc.) and 3 young black men were violently beating on his car, had taken his spare tire out of his trunk, and were jumping on his car, attempting to bust out his window, kicking his doors in, all while holding up their pants, or intermittently pulling them up. From what we could gather, the young man initially exited his vehicle, then was attacked, his trunk popped open, etc., and he got back in somehow, and locked his doors. Multiple cars were stopped in and around the incident, however, nothing was stopping the enraged young men. Remember --- This was 5:15 p.m. -- broad daylight on a Thursday afternoon, and this time, close to home. We stopped on the side of the road, proceeded to call 911, and blew our horn unceasingly. The young men were enraged and paid no attention. No one was certain if they had guns, etc. Nothing halted them from their attack on the young white man, sitting in his car. They ultimately high fived each other, ran back to their car, and drove off on Canton Mart Rd.

We drove back into the McDades' parking lot via the Subway entrance. The young man was receiving tag information, etc., from a number of people, and spoke to the police on our phone. It appears, he "cut off" the car of young men, and it enraged them. They followed him to the parking lot, blocked him with their vehicle, and what we saw was the culmination of his perceived traffic slight, against them.

Point of the story: It's getting worse in our neighborhood. Now its up close and personal, and I"m curious how we're going to handle it. I will repeat, nothing the crowd was doing (horns, calling the police, taking tag numbers down, etc.) affected the situation. They JUST DIDN'T CARE and it was the height of afternoon traffic, and broad daylight. No longer is it "the other side of I-55", and I guess the question is, who will be next -- someone's teenage son, a mother….a daughter????

JPD sources told JJ that a couple of 911 calls were made. However, the victim and suspects were not present when police arrived. The alleged victim has not contacted the police to file a complaint.


Anonymous said...

And city approved budget announcement posted on JJ on Sept 14...$500K reduction in police budget. Little Detroit.

Anonymous said...

Sadly, why would he file a complaint? Waste of time. If they had killed the poor man, they would ha been back on the street in 24 hours.

Anonymous said...

Drug deal gone bad.

Anonymous said...

JPD has been doing a much better job and I give credit to Robert Graham along with precinct commanders and patrolmen,however,911 is a joke and has been in Jackson for at least 15 years.Given the location, law enforcement should have been on the scene in short order.When these thugs are caught,the court system needs to do its job.

Anonymous said...

This makes me sick!!!!! Road Rage leading to this kind of an attack is beyond comprehension. However, not trying to start a huge debate. But, violence in our state whether it be physical, with a gun, knife whatever the weapon is at an all time high. And, all it seems we want to do is rave about race, gun control, the Police, education and so on. BUT, in my opinion. The real issue here is mental illness. I'm quite sure when these little thugs were growing up they never imagined they would be doing such a deplorable thing. But, somewhere in their lifetime either one of them or the folks that raised them "had issues " that went unresolved. No one was there to help. To offer any form of support or professional treatment. Then at some point. A substance was found to numb the pain. And in that moment Addiction was born... And it was easy and worked. And that is just one way mental illness gets treated if undiagnosed. It also shows itself in ways like you saw in that parking lot. I by NO means am trying to excuse these thugs!! They need to go straight to jail! But, I believe we were all miracles at birth and we were equal. But, our different paths made us who we are today. And sane individuals do not do what these thugs did today! Or in Oregon, Delta State etc. People don't "just snap" no it's been there.... Just hidden, undiagnosed or recreationally medicated. I pray for the day mental illness shows up on the radar as much as gun control, etc. because as long as it doesn't this kind of crap will continue to happen our prisons will be overcrowded and our taxes will continue to rise. And the mamas of these 3 thugs will sit back and say hmmmm "wonder why my boy did this. He's always been a good boy" yeah right, MENTAL ILLNESS and it 's genetic components at its best!!!! And yep at this point I have NO compassion for these dudes!!! They make me sick!!!! Just wish someone could have been there early on in their lives to teach and assist!!!! That's the only way we can stop violence!!!!

Anonymous said...

No way......NOT in Jackson.

Anonymous said...

... and I give credit to Robert Graham ...

You just disqualified your entire comment. Robert Graham is a farce.

Kingfish said...

I told you the Whole Foods comments were getting old. Quit trying to interject it into every thread.

Anonymous said...

Just one more reason to be armed. As I recall, your vehicle is covered under the castle doctrine. Better yet, do like I do and get concealed carry permit and keep your weapon with you at all times. While armed, and if not armed, always be aware of your surroundings and who is near. It's easy, like I told my granddaughter, "always be moving your head from side to side as well as glancing over your shoulders". You learn this in any martial arts training.

Anonymous said...

5:26 -- does it matter. It's about the violence this close to our homes. PERIOD. Do you want your child, your wife, your mother, or your daughter, to encounter this type of activity 3, 5, 7 blocks from home? Whether the 3 were the problem, or all 4 were the problem - doesn't really matter. A violent act was occurring in Maywood Mart, in broad daylight, and no one could stop it, and appears no one knew if guns were involved. Symptom of an area on a decline sadly, and I love my neighborhood. Can we SECEDE from Jackson?????

Anonymous said...

The Lefluer East bunch along with residents of NEJ should consider the actions of Atlanta burbs beginning in 2005. They broke away from Atlanta and incorporated themselves. Lookup Milton, Sandy Springs, Brookhaven, Dunwoody, Chattahoochee Hills and Johns Creek. If we do nothing our property values will go to zero and our families will we victimized more and more. Our choice, flight or flight.

Anonymous said...

This is why I carry a .45 acp and a "rifle" with me at all times.

Our "vibrant culture" in this country has no fear.

It's only a matter of time before an incident like this results in a bunch of dead bodies. The law of averages requires that sooner, or later someone like the "guy in the maroon car" is going to kill all of them at one time.

This will happen somewhere in this country very soon.

Anonymous said...

7:24 - the short answer is yes. A number of communities have done so in Atlanta beginning in 2005. They got sick of the incompetence and corruption in Atlanta and successfully incorporated themselves. Lookup Milton, Dunwoody, Sandy Springs, and 3 more I believe I read.

Anonymous said...

Could an individual with a gun intercede and not go to jail?

Anonymous said...

Uh, what is Maywood doing,,not having onsite security like I55 Kroger? Victim should sue 'em. Easy win.

Anonymous said...

7:27 and 7:56 - Tell me where to sign up. The problem I see is that everyone will be up in arms for about…………….2 days, and then they'll go to work, and will not be upset again until something additional happens. We have a neighborhood of sheeple who have no motivation to do anything that might be perceived as "against the grain". In this case, they'll sit by as our neighborhood disintegrates (BTW JACKSON CITY COUNCIL -- we pay all the taxes and when this happens, makes us want to dump our houses and run to the suburbs -- why pay what we all pay and get NOTHING but reverse racism and a city on the decline). Mark my word -- this will be a non-issue until something else happens and we'll see the same cycle (about 2 days) erupt again. I'd love to see some serious folks form a committee to get our neighborhood DISENGAGED from Jackson.

Anonymous said...

7:27… I have spoken to Stacy head of Lefluer East many many times just recently in regards to certain issues and they have there head in the sand. I mean hell I've lived in Eastover for 4 years now and people here are oblivious to issues such as rental property increasing in numbers as well as other un named concerns. Also Ashby Foote seems to have NO backbone as a council member so we ultimately have ZERO representation.

Anonymous said...

Remember (from an earlier post) that owners of Maywood Mart are up in NYC. They raised the rent and the hardware store moved out. You think they are going to hire security guards? Not. I used to live close to Maywood Mart. Still have a house for sale in Jackson. Been on the market for a year. No offers. Reduced the price twice already.

Anonymous said...

it is a miracle the thugs didn't get into the car and really hurt the guy. They certainly didn't care who saw them it seems. No wonder he hasn't contacted the police. He's afraid the thugs will find him again before the police find the thugs, and they probably would. Just not a safe area. Just isn't.

Anonymous said...

Should have got it on streaming video. WAPT,WLBT,WJBT would have paid top dollar for the video. This would have ebaressed the major to not end. Oh, I forgot three teenagers were attempted carjacked at Tony Yarber church two weeks ago.

Anonymous said...

There is a partial fix, you see this routinely in semi urban third world cities...compounds. It is not a permanent fix, but is a deterrent. If the neighbors choose not to compound their property then they become the soft target of the thug class. You already see it throughout NEJ along Ridgewood, Meadowbrook, and along Old Canton Rd across from Highlabd Village. Most are multi house compounds but some are single home. An increasingly required option if you want to stay in NEJ.

Iron sights said...

"Could an individual with a gun intercede and not go to jail?"

Would one or more of you lawyers please attempt to answer the question at 8:05?
It's the first thing I thought of when reading about this incident. Getting out of my truck with my legally concealed 9, waxing their asses and smile and wave goodbye.

Pretty please with sugar on top.

Anonymous said...

Whole Foods comments are getting old.

So says the guy who posts 3 Bert Case updates a day.

I'm pulling for Bert, but updates every day for weeks is the definition of "getting old". Doesn't mean I don't want him to get better, but come on.

And how about a site update? This 2003 web design with no way to up vote, links to long dead blogs, polls about "hot news girls" who are almost all in other markets now, and side bars like "Trollfest 2007" (seriously?) is the dictionary definition of getting old. Add to it a Donna Laddesque desire to ban certain types of comments, and it's becoming a failing property.

This, "screw you and your Whole Foods comments" attitude sucks, Jack.

Anonymous said...

Just what did you idiots who stayed in Jackson think would happen? That they would all of a sudden love you one day? You reap what you sow. The only people surprised by this is you.

Culture Watch ... said...

"Mental Illness"? Bull Shit! This wasn't three residents at Whitfield's lockdown cornering a psychiatric aide in a broom closet! If these three thug-punks are 'mentally ill' then the whole damned Metro is an asylum.

Anonymous said...

Forget the money in your home. Take anything offered and leave at once. NOW..

Anonymous said...

I stopped shopping at Maywood Mart a long time ago. McDades has become an unpleasant place due to the Third World atmosphere that prevails not only in their store but throughout the entire strip center. Hell, those moron's can't even figure out what direction to drive in the parking lot even though it is clearly marked with arrows.

Anonymous said...

Pretty busy in that lot at that time of day...should have been lots of people around.

If a person or group of persons damages your vehicle and you want your insurance to pay for repairs, you stick around and file a police report.

No witness got the victim's name or encouraged him to stay or learned why he wouldn't. But they did learn that a road rage incident triggered the attack.

No witness got the victims license plate as well as that of the perps?

Does the victim have to file a report? Can't the witnesses file a report? If they can't, there's a law for the legislature.

No one witnessing this thought to zoom their phones to video the event but had said phones to call 911. Shouting " Smile, you're on camera" might have helped!

Cameras in the lot or from the stores might have been useful and while the owners may not want to do that, the stores can and it's just not that expensive these days.

No one was armed in the area in a state that has concealed carry and would have the drop on the perps drew their weapon and told them to put up their hands and the first to move would be shot.( Since they were repeatedly pulling up their pants why wouldn't any arms they were carrying show a bulge? Ankle holsters? Pretty easy to stop someone bending down. No citizen's arrest law either?

People weren't willing to block egresses with their cars or trucks which would be very easy in the location described. Park it and abandon it until the police arrive.

But, easier still was to go the direction they were running to their parked car and block it in. Not much chance to get going backing up.

If you aren't willing to file complaints or testify in court if you witness a crime or get a dent in your car to catch a criminal when you suggest a person's life was endangered, then you just helped the violent criminal.

And,no one knew to drive to Precinct 4 and just walk in and shout " Come quick, crime in progress! A man is being attacked in front of McAllisters!" but rather turned around to park their car and watched rather than drive to the precinct across the street. And, stayed around to find out the details? They " live in the neighborhood" and don't know where it is?

Anonymous said...

I don't go to Jackustan unless I absolutely have to, but when I do I always go armed. It has become more dangerous and crime ridden than many 3rd world countries. It was reported this week as having the 4th highest murder rate per capita in the country. Rant all you want to about the surrounding areas, they are far safer than our (capitol) city.

Anonymous said...

440 am - You fail to understand that nobody cares about you or your stupid ass Whole Foods jokes which were never funny, whereas people actually care about Bert Case.

Anonymous said...

"Mentally ill" ^^ That is ridiculous and does a disservice to people who actually have mental illness. This is a societal breakdown. There don't appear to be consequences for anything in Jackson.

Anonymous said...

4:40am Leave Bert Case out of this. I want to read and know how he is doing daily. I appreciate Mary's updates about him. If you don't just quit reading it.

If thugs will do this in a parking lot in daylight with many people watching you can be sure they will do much worse at night. The thugs have now invaded NE Jackson. It you value your health and well-being you won't want to live or shop anywhere it is not safe. Leave while you can.

Don't Key My Car... said...

So, it's up to the owners of the buildings to keep this kind of thing from happening out in the parking lot? I believe the landlord's obligation should/would end at providing some safety and security while entering and leaving a store or in a parking area after exiting one of the stores, not protecting cars that swing rapidly into the parking lot and start a confrontation.

'Popping' the guy's trunk sounds suspicious to me. And, yes, a police precinct is a block away.

Anonymous said...

Its amazing not only how quick you people are to believe something like this but also the level of passion and faith you have in this comment is ridiculous. The only evidence you have is one comment from someone. It hasn't been verified t hat the poster actually lives in the area or was there on the day. The police said a couple of calls were made. Out of a parking lot full of people store owners etc. only a couple of witnesses called the police. Also, in this cell phone obsessed era no one got this footage on camera. Again, the only testimony is that of an anonymous poster. If this were a trial you would give the first 3 black males the chair based on very limited information. A sane jury however would have more questions. You people get excited from even hearing the possibility of bad news coming out of Jackson.

Anonymous said...

I call bullshit on the accuracy of this story. Just doesn't pass the smell test.

AOC said...

I saw this happening from the OCR/NS intersection, the Chevron side. Didn't see what happened to start it, but during the part I saw (I admit I saw only the second half) the guy in the dark red car seemed as agitated as the guys in the blue car. Red car guy kept revving and accelerating, as though he was trying to hit one of the other guys, almost hitting them at least twice. May have been totally self-defense in the beginning, but it was reckless to continue it -- blue car guys were walking away when he did that, so they would run back to kick the red car each time he revved up. Red car guy also came VERY close to hitting parked cars when he was aiming at the blue car guys. Not surprised the whole thing resulted from a road rage incident, and not really surprised red car didn't stick around to talk to police.

I headed north on OC and was behind the blue car for about 5 seconds when they exited Maywood Mart. The plates were Copiah county. Last I checked, people can get from Copiah county to both Madison and Rankin counties just as easily as they can Hinds. Interstates and such.

Finally, JPD has absolutely no interest in trying to track down vehicles during high traffic times. I got side-swiped on Ridgewood one day by some Muffy Sue in a red sports car with Wilkinson plates, I called JPD, and the response I got was that there were too many red cars on the road for them to dispatch an officer.

Anonymous said...

I find it interesting that we have naysayers that it didn't happen, those that confirm it did, and the actual post (which dovetails with 11:40 a.m. somewhat since that person appears to have come in on the end also). Guess those indicating they ALSO saw it first hand support that the initial poster DID see the incident and it REALLY happened. Appears the person initially posting also indicated they overheard what the individual stated to the police since it was done on their cell phone (btw looks like too in the post that the police had the tag of the "victim" and the "perps" so tags were obviously given to the police immediately.

Who really cares WHY it happened -- what is important is that it DID happen. People saw it, and those involved, whether 3 or 4, were violent, fighting in a parking lot, and had no motivation to stop. It was also unknown if they were armed, and from the violence and youth associated with the group, just pulling a weapon might have elicited a shoot out in the parking lot. Would you have wanted to be responsible for the potential fallout of innocent injured individuals (e.g. drivers in cars on the road).

Also 7:43, Back Seat Driver, it would be interesting to have you assess, as quickly as you tout you would, how brave you'd be in that instance. It took us longer to read all that you wrote, than it did for the incident to actually occur. Hard to decide…… 911, or be a creep filming this for the news. I am a gun proponent and have a concealed carry -- Easy to shoot someone in your driveway or home if you're facing an intruder, a bit harder if you're in 5:15 traffic, with the possibility of collateral damage, and you're making the decision for dozens of people around you, who might want to have a say in your actions.

Grow up NEJ --- stop defending the indefensible and attacking the posters not the primary issue. I live here and it's getting worse. Pretending it is getting better, or we don't have a problem, will only make it worse.

Anonymous said...

Way more to this than cutting somebody off. I have no idea what the real story is, but we don't have the whole story. No way.

Anonymous said...

0225 -- Please see:

Anonymous said...

2:01 - who cares? It's violence in the neighborhood. Period. Doesn't matter if all were wrong, or it was a gang fight that escalated, drug deal gone wrong -- we have a problem. To pretend this is isolated and a one off, is kind of like stating Hitler is just going to take the Sudetenland……'d that work out?

Kim Wade said...

I don't know about this report Kingfish the Jackson Gun and Knife Club doesn't start until 6pm on Friday evening.

Anonymous said...

To all that say just move...many are trying. Numerous homes for sale in NEJ and many have reduced prices repeatedly but no takers. At some point the prices will get low enough that they will sale. Not sure those diehards that stay are going to be happy with the comps that result.

Anonymous said...

The Precinct is no longer on Old Canton Rd across from the Walgreens. That is now an office for the traffic division and is locked up when nobody is there. The precinct is on N. State st. across the parking lot from Rooms To Go, on the second floor.

Anonymous said...

9:07. Societal Breakdown.. Just what do you think a society consist of. People! And various types. Groups such as yourself that like to "Blame the City of Jackson" for everything. It just gets so old and predictable that the comments are always the same when there is crime in Jackson... The blame game starts,
My point is, If we did a better job initially identifying and treating "thugs" Then maybe they would not grow up to be "thugs". And folks like yourself and 6:37 can make a positive impact upon "society " and stop blaming other people for someone else's action!
Last.. Disservice to Mental community. I have dedicated over 20 years service defending this community!! You obviously have not to make such a ridiculous comment.

Anonymous said...

A great post about how Japanese kids can run errands around town and take public transportation free of worry or supervision. It’s thanks to the country’s incredible infrastructure and culture of safety.

Broadly speaking, in Japan, folks generally assume they can depend on others. (Japan’s rock bottom crime rates back this up.) This mindset infiltrates so many aspects of Japanese life, with its infrastructure as one of the best examples. It’s one of the reasons kids as young as six navigate the human-filled labyrinth of Tokyo solo.Of course, the full reason why little kids can bop around alone in Japan is incredibly complex, with tons of cultural forces that can be explained and examined. IT's the Culture Stupid.

Anonymous said...

I told you all years ago, when the Indians bought that old BP at Northside and I-55 their customer base would soon follow. And don't even mention the Crack Hotel behind Silver Dollar pawn. Regardless of the ethnicity of the patrons,"they all bear watching". I told you

Anonymous said...

May sound super meatheadish, but it's time to have the JSU, Millsaps, and Belhaven football teams beat the crap out of these kids who think their big and bad and probably can't do more than 30 consecutive push ups.

Years from now, the people behind black lives matter will be totally shamed by your average liberals.

Anonymous said...

12:15 am I didn't suggest you shoot. I suggested that you pull the weapon and say " hands up".

And, yes, I have successfully intervened in altercations. Two of which were far more risky that three unarmed guys kicking a car that's revving it's motor!

I continue to be stunned and a bit worried that gun enthusiasts don't seem to " get" the advantage of having a weapon up and aimed ( particularly an automatic) on even the armed!

I think you watch too many "shoot 'em up shows " where the hero manages to get to his gun successfully! These are not reality shows. They are entertainment.

Anonymous said...

Let me get this straight...

3 black males in baggy britches were jumping/kicking the truck of a guy whose race has not been identified. It may or may not have been road rage related. The victim may or may not have been revving up his motor and threatening to hit one of the truck attackers.

Some of you then fear " ever going to Maywood Mart" or suggest "fleeing Jackson before it's too late" as all our lives are in danger.

Well, would your reaction be the same if it had been three white guys in camo attacking the truck of a black guy?

If a person(s) attacks your car in your driveway by kicking or keying it in your suburb will you suggest others avoid your neighbor and flee the suburb ? After all, that'd be a direct and personal threat to you and that person(s) could have a grievance towards others like you.

This is a clinical over-reaction to people behaving badly in public and it's based on an irrational fear .

And, what I also know for sure about the " flee/avoid" people is that you will be the first to chicken if this Nation is ever under attack. You will find " safety in numbers" and having a gun collection not all that useful just as those in Iraqi towns have discovered. You are not among the " Free and the Brave".

Anonymous said...

That is why I have a concealed permit. No hesitation at taking out three gangsta brothers doing what those thugs were doing. If we don't fight back, might as well just give the gangsta thugs the keys to the city and all decent people just leave the city to them.

J E Ray said...

Too bad there are not three simultaneous funerals today.

Anonymous said...

JPD is too busy running radar and giving speeding tickets on the interstate.

Anonymous said...

"JPD is too busy running radar and giving speeding tickets on the interstate."
October 6, 2015 at 6:48 AM

I so WISH they were giving tickets on the Interstate. I'll still take the Interstate through Jackson (except when it's raining/sleeting/snowing, in which cas driving through Jacktown really does become a suicide mission). But several people (under 50) have recently informed me that they WILL NOT.

Last year, during the Fair, I was nearly killed by whole PACKS of hoopties speeding northward on the Interstate, weaving through traffic at speeds that had to be close to 120mph. This happened several days in a row.

Frankly, JPD and MHP could both write a hundred times as many tickets as they are currently writing, and it might not be enough. How many more people will have to be KNOCKED OFF AN OVERPASS, before adequate measures are taken to stop this?

Just one example:

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Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).

Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.

In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

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Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

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