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Trollfest '09
Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.
Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).
Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.
Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".
In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.
In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.
Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.
Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!
This is definitely a Beaver production.
Note: Security provided by INS.
Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).
Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.
Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".
In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.
In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.
Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.
Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!
This is definitely a Beaver production.
Note: Security provided by INS.
Trollfest '07
Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.
There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.
If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!
This is definitely a Beaver production.
Note: Security provided by INS.
There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.
If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!
This is definitely a Beaver production.
Note: Security provided by INS.
49 comments:
Gezzz, if Mitt wanted the most bang for the event and wanted appeal to middle class voters, he'd would hold this thing at the Trade Mart and charge $100.
He could throw out some read meat to fire up the crowd, make some news buzz, and have a lot more takers....
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It should be fun to watch all these so called Christians in Mississippi lining up to support a man who has spend millions of dollars trying to destroy the Christian Church.
You simply cannot make this stuff up.
No Bible believing Christian can vote for Romney.
11:31
idiots like you will put obama back in and really destroy the country. fool.
11:31, go back to your trailer and have another beer. The bologna has affected your brain.
11:31 like Muslims do you?
@ 12:09 Actually, Islam is closer to the God of the Bible than Romney's Christian hating cult.
@ 11:31 Obama can't "destroy" the country. Only Congress can do that. Fifth grade civics. Besides, it was Bush and the Republicans that destroyed the U.S. economy and we may never recover from the Republican spending orgy in the first six years of this century. Facts is facts.
11:31 Please elaborate on why no Bible-believing Christian can vote for Romney. I, for one, don't have much interest in voting for a theologian-in-chief, and I have yet to see a valid reason for thinking that the New Testament Church should endorse a theocracy.
I have plenty of disagreements with the LDS crowd. Despite their protestations, I don't believe they hold to Christian orthodoxy, and they should not be counted as a Christian church. But given the choice between Barack Obama and Mitt Romney, I believe Romney is more in line with the views held by myself and other conservative evangelicals.
So please, unless you can come up with a solid foundation for your ranting regarding Romney's Mormonism, I'd suggest you hush.
Additionally, Anon at 12:41, your of Jehovah with Allah displays your ignorance of orthodox Christian, Mormon, and Islamic theology. There is a vast difference between the deities described under these various belief systems. I recommend you look up some of the more reputable philosophers and apologists, such as Dr. William Lane Craig, in order to gain a better understanding of these differences.
@ Boogie....Your attempt to discredit my comment by suggesting I don't know the difference between Islam and mormon theology is wrong. I simply stated that Islam is closer to the Bible than mormonism. And it is. I have more than just a basic understanding of the differences in the three religions.
The issue here is to whom or what would the leader-in-chief turn as a final authority. Romney's final authority would be the book of mormon.
I haven't presented a "rant" against mormonism. I have simply questioned the irony of Christians supporting a man for president who has spend millions of dollars in personal wealth to destroy the bride of Christ.
What percentage of Mississippians can afford to go to this? Is there a "We Are the .005%" meeting afterwards?
Do the poor whites in this state understand the Republicans want to cut payments everyone, and not just to black people? Do all of the die hard conservatives in MS understand what a wasteland we would be living in if we actually got our fair share of Federal money?
I'm just wondering how we Christian Americans (assuming both sides are correct in their assessments of the two presidential candidates) got in the position of having to choose between two men that, according to bloggers and party die-hards on both sides, aren't Christian?
Fortunately, any Republican in Mississippi who may be conflicted about Romney doesn't have to vote for him and he'll sill easily pick up our 6 electoral votes. Now, go back to your hole and try again to dream up a clever dilemma for conservatives. This effort sucked.
@ 11:28 AM—you mean as opposed to the hollywood $40k a plate fundraiser for Obama…
to the person who keeps trying to start their vesion of a religious war: the news is out and its old news at that. Democrat/Obama troops are to cause as much crap as they can by trying to make Christians hate Romney. Do anything you can, say anything at all---the goal is to cause as much dissent as possible so folks will not support Romney. Your posts did nothing but confirm this old tired news. But kudos to you for toting that sad old line that they told you to tote! Run on back to Acorn and get your $5.
I have to assume you're alluding to Romney's support of the LDS church, their missions and etc. with his own money. That gets a great big ol' "meh" from me. They think they're right. I know I'm right. Our side has better arguments. Wanna counteract the spread of LDS teaching? Go get an apologetics degree and a philosophy degree. Engage in public debate with Mormon philosophers. But don't do this scaremongering horsecrap in blog comments about how Mitt Romney is out to defile Christianity. What you're doing is trying to beat people over the head with a Bible and claim the moral high ground against a man who, from all appearances, is a pretty decent fellow. Not cool, daddy-o, and how exactly does that further the kingdom of God?
Yeah dude (or dudette...whatever) I'm voting for president, not bishop/convention head/theologian/whatever. If you're convinced Romney's gonna throw down the American Inquisition (Mormon Style, baby!) then vote your conscience. Me, I'm gonna work for the non-Obama candidate.
Get back to me when a mormon flies a plane into a bldg in the US screaming "John Smith" or whatever his name is. Geez!
I've known lots of Mormons in my time, and virtually all of them are nice people who make no attempt whatsoever to push their religion off on anyone else. I've never seen or heard of any Mormon anywhere trying to destroy Christianity. Our choice in November isn't between the Book of Mormon and the Bible, it's between Mitt Romney and Barack Obama. As for my house, we will be voting for Romney.
Where in the Book of Mormon does it talk about Mormons' obligation to convert infidels by the sword? In my neighborhood they travel on foor or by bike, wear short-sleeved white shirts, and knock on doors on Saturday morning. Not a boxcutter in the bunch. Never flew any planes into buildings full of civilians to my knowledge either.
Well said Bill!
@ Bill
Mormon men between the 19 and 25 who meet standards of worthiness are challenged to consider a two-year, full-time proselytizing mission.
This was once a requirement of LDS membership.
The mormons have more than 50,000 full-time missionaries trying to destroy the Christian Church.
Most depend on financial assistance from people like Romney.
I have no problem with you and your family supporting Romney.
My comments are directed only to Bible believing Christians.
Can't we just agree that all religion is silly and move on?
I mean, Christians, Mormons, and Muslims already think that 198 out of 200 major religions in history are false. What's a couple more?
Or do we really want to spend the next century saying things like "I can't vote for that guy. He thinks that when you die, you get your own planet to rule. Everybody knows you live in a golden city in the clouds! Unless you're a Hindu or a Muslim, in which case our Holy Loving Father roasts you alive you for all eternity."
@ 2:09 I'm not trying to start any kind of religious war. I merely point out that Romney...a liberal socialist...has spent millions in the effort to destroy the Christian Church. If you want to take a political stand against that, I'm fine with that. All you liberal socialists can vote as you please. I am more concerned about voting for a man who is trying to destroy the Christian Church.
@ 3:52 I think most of the posters here agree with you.
I would point out that Christians do not believe in a "golden city in the clouds."
@3.54--- you can go get your $15 from Acorn and Obama cause youre working so hard on that same old tired line. You and yours are going to do everything you can to try and push a divide in the Christians. And we're simply going to identify you and point you out every time you do it and get back to the real issue--Romney or Obama.
Me, my family, friends---voting FOR Romney and AGAINST Obama.
Bravo to Bill @2:30.
Hey, KF, check out WLBT story--might be worth posting on your website since they are looking for someone considered armed and dangerous.
http://www.wlbt.com/story/18756014/wreck
“Police are currently issuing a BOLO for the suspected shooter -- a white male, wearing a dark T-shirt, jeans and cowboy boots, with a young girl, about 7 to 9 years old, wearing a red T-shirt and white shorts, seen leaving the car. He was described as being armed and dangerous.”
His car was found abandoned at St. D parking lot.
@ 4:11 Sorry, but I'm a conservative. Not affiliated with ACORN or Obama. You, apparently, are a Republican, liberal, socialist. There is a huge difference.
Why can't the Republicans nominate a conservative? There is an answer. They know they can count on votes from folks like you. You will vote for anything or anybody they put on the ballot...even a socialist who is trying to destroy the Christian Church.
Bill, 2:30 pm: amen
Romney will win Mississippi 61-39, end of story. Those that believe Mississippi voters would vote for a Muslim over a Mormon are nuts.
You know good ole Misipi Christians will vote for the Morman before the black man.
What's the difference between Mormon Polygamy and Islamic Harems ?
Nothing.
( Well except for the fact that Mormons don't decapitate or stone the women that
piss-off the Islamic men ).
Give me four Marie Osmonds for every seventy-five foreign virgins wearing a diaper on their head
at the Castlewoods Kroger.
Lol at 4:41
A note to all of you who are concerned about Romney's religion; you might be better served to be concerned about what will happen to your family and your country if we have another four years under Obama's lack of leadership. At the end of they day, we are only responsible for our individual religion choices.
Many great points on this thread. This election reminds me of the Ross Perot election year: both demoz and repub candidate sucked but who is the independent this year. Ron Paul could have filled his shoes nicely. One day soon everyone will be independent. No more racism between parties just the best person with the best ideas.
The current tactic of 'the left' and all it's foot soldiers, is to try and frighten folks with Romney's religion. Claiming him to be a capitalist backfired. The hooplah over a few of Bain's entities failing (while 85% succeeded) didn't work. So, now, let's jump on this train to nowhere proclaiming him to wear magic underwear and secretly wanting to destroy Christianity.
That's the ticket! Voters will abandon convertasism by the hundreds and rush, in fear, to board the train of socialism, income equality and the chains of entitlement.
Frankly, nobody buys that crap. The election is all about B. Hussein Obama. Nothing more is important to America. Next the left will suggest there's something up with Romney taking small steps when he walks.
i want to hear from Bozo how Romney is spending 'millions of dollars to destroy the Christian Church.'
you sure the Scientologists aren't behind this?! speak o mighty Bozo!
What evidence is there that Mormons are attempting to destroy Christianity? What evidence is there that Christians do NOT believe in a 'city of gold'? Of course they do. It matters not what Romney's religion is or is not. There is only one factor to be considered and that is the reelection of B. Hussein Obama. Either that or sending him packing. Ernest T. Bass might as well be the Republican nominee.
My comments (I'm Bozo) only apply to Christians.
You McCainites can believe what you wish.
Shadowfox...do your research. Or...If you are not a Christian...don't worry about it.
touche' bozo,
i am not christian. but i would still like some explanation. dont get me wrong, i think the base of mormonism is nuts and (re)made up by j smith. but i also think they are 'christian'. just curious as to what you think he is doing.
The "christ" Mormons believe in is not the Christ of the Old or New Testaments. It is a christ fabricated by a con-man names Joseph Smith. The mormon version of christ visited the United States. Go figure.
The goal of Mormonism is to replace Christianity.
By the definition of some Christian denominations, Satanism is any effort to add to or deliberately confuse the Holy Scriptures. That would make Romney and all Mormons satanists.
Mormons have a rigorous program of proselytizing...that is trying to convince Christians they are wrong and they should accept the Book of Mormon and two other idiot books written by Joseph Smith as equal to the Holy Bible in authority. Romney has spent millions financing these efforts.
That should clear it up for a non-Christian.
There's plenty of information about the cult on the Internet. It is not benign. While it is not a danger to devout Christians, it can confuse those who are studying our faith.
At issue in the election is what would be the final authority in the decision making process for an American president. In this case you have choice between a Christian and a mormon. One would use the Bible as a final authority and one would use the Book of Mormon, the Pearl of Great Price and Doctrine and Covenants.
There are some rednecks who say Obama is a muslim. While racist ignorance can't be avoided, it can help you understand the source. Just more Republican junk.
Romney is out LAST HOPE!
No last hope. That line of crap is trotted out at every election.
The US is resilient.
You put too much importance on the office of president. Congress is where the action is. The news media puts the spotlight on POTUS because they are lazy...and because most people are too stupid to realize that the POTUS can only carry out what Congress tells him to do.
How is Joseph Smith any different from the authors of the gospels, who contradicted one another repeatedly, stole ideas from Zoroastrianism and a half dozen other sects, and fabricated unverifiable supernatural stories to gin up support for their cult?
Look, I was raised a Christian. I sympathize with your values. I oppose the left. But we're talking about a "God" who--according to his own infallible book--sent a pack of bears to murder children for making fun of a bald guy. And that's just for openers.
A universe run by that kind of psychopath is a hell of a lot scarier than the idea of non-existence.
It's time to grow up and let it go.
This is exactly what Obama loves, arguing over race and religion. He is about neither. Read "The Roots of Obama's Rage," by Dinesh D'Souza. Anti-colonialism is the name of his game, and it's happening while we all argue about race and religion.
Hey, I've got no issues with you and your beliefs.
You can choose to believe what you wish.
I'll choose to follow the psychopath.
Looking back at what the tag team of O'Biden and Obama have done and not done over the past three years, I'll go with the Mormon. I don't know what Joseph Smith knew about economics, but I'm pretty damned sure he didn't have a Saul Alinski or revrunt Wright as his guiding lights. The fear mongers posting above (from God knows where) are desperate to keep the socialist in office another term. We'll be halfway down the shitter by next June if that's the case.
The problem is you guys who follow the psychopath have made the world so much worse for the rest of us.
If you'd just put your money where your mouth is and go to live with him forever in paradise, everyone would be a winner.
@ 9:39 Got to call BS on that one. The followers of the psychopath made the world a better place for everyone.
It is the followers of the psychopath who taught the world the worth of human life and created a society based upon freedom of the individual to do what he pleased so long as it didn't infringe on another individual.
Three of the four nations developed by Christian protestants have been beacons for the world until the last 30 years when they turned their collective backs on the psychopath.
The greatest advancements in individual liberty, medicine and science have been made in countries that were populated by followers of the psychopath. How has that "made the world so much worse for the rest of us?"
How about all those Baptists who told us we shouldn't vote for a Mormon (Tegerdine). Yet they now use their prominent position as a statewide official to try and use tea party lingo to promote Romney. I'm disappointed in you SP.
@Shadowfax,
It is like you have had a coming of age right infront of our eyes. Some of your recent posts have been spot on. I'm speechless.
Sincerely,
Meople
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