Sunday, July 24, 2011

Rick Ward: The Real State of Our State

Former law enforcement agent and now novelist Rick Ward penned an ebook: The Real State of Our State. He takes no prisoners. He slams Barbour, casino & bingo influence in Mississippi politics, Phil, Moak, the lack of transparency in Mississippi government, and other items of interest. I've read three chapters now and can state Mr. Ward does not pull any punches. Whether or not his book is accurate is something we will put off for another day. Read the chapter that starts on page 169. Mr. Ward provides charts ranking legislators in terms of number of bills authored compared to the number of bills actually passed. His bio is at the end of the book. This is some interesting weekend reading as Mr. Ward even delves into Governor Barbour's family history. Fix a mint julep or light up a cigar and enjoy.

Here is the link to the book: The Real State of Our State

One final thought: Does anyone think Y'all, MIM, Cottonmouth, or hehe, Supertalk will even mention this book?


Anonymous said...

I just read the book - I was surprised to learn that Gregg Harper and Roger Wicker have an employee named Steve Guyton that has a bingo hall in Cleveland. His partner is Morgan Shands who is running Billy Hewes campaign for Lt. Governor. They have been pulling in hundreds of thousands of dollars for years. Bingo needs to be cleaned up in Mississippi. I can't understand why Harper would allow this to continue - with his Christian values. Someone could use this as a good campaign issue if they ran against either Harper or Wicker.

Anonymous said...

I've clicked on the links in the e-book. Ward has done his homework and everybody needs to read the book and see how croocked bingo is in Mississippi. I say that Amy Tuck was in a bingo hall, as well as Trent Lott's daughter. Go to Ward's website @
and download the book.

Anonymous said...

Bet Yall, Gallo and magnolia Report won't have the balls to do it! Glad you posted it - keep o digging!

Anonymous said...

What have Morgan Shands & Steve Guyton done with the money that went to the "St. Ambrose Leadership Academy"? I can't find any documents (other than the incorporation @ the Secretary of State's office). Looks like Delbert, Stacey and the Feds need to look into this. The Gaming Commission hasn't been doing their job either! Gregg Harper and Roger Wicker need to do something - it SMELLS and reflects upon their reputations!

Anonymous said...

Sounds shady to me! Maybe the money has been going into Guyton and Shands' pocket. The Gaming Commission is a joke - they regulate casinos, but not bingo halls - bingo halls prey on the poor in the name of charity.

Anonymous said...

Who is Rick Ward? What is his background?

Kingfish said...

His bio is at the back of the book.

Anonymous said...

Ward is a former investigator with the AG's office as well as the Gaming Commission. He did the investigation that led to the arrest and conviction of former Auditor Steve Patterson. He also arrested Sue Hathorn for fraud at her bingo hall. Bingo is big business in Mississippi for a lot of politicians in Mississippi. Read the book and look at all the names in it. Ward has done his homework - now it's time for the Regulators to do their job!

Anonymous said...

Gregg Harper should have known better! Wicker too! Both Guyton and Shands worked for Wicker! Shame Shame Shame!

Anonymous said...

I go to church with the Harper family and don't believe he knew about the bingo hall. I believe that Gregg will do the right thing and look into it!

Anonymous said...

I just read the book and saw that Mike Chaney paid Steve Guyton money to get out the vote back in 2007. How can a federal employee get involved with a campaign. I thought that the Hatch Act prohibited that. Wake up Wicker and Harper. The Billy Hewes campaign needs to look into it also. Something smells and it's not the oil as Phil would say!

Anonymous said...

We need to elect people who are honest and will clean up bingo. We need the candidates to declare that they will step forward and do it - we don't need lip service. The State Auditor needs to look into this now!

Anonymous said...

Look at all the campaign donations that Bobby Moak got from gaming. And he's Chairman of Gaming in the House! Maybe the Feds do need to take a look at it - the State of Mississippi is not doing it's job.

Anonymous said...

What do you expect out of Shands - he's worked for Mike Moore, Jim Hood, Jim Roberts, Mike Chaney, Roger Wicker, and now Billy Hewes.

Anonymous said...

So if this Ward guy was an investigator with the Gaming Commission, then why in the hell didn't HE do it?

I've only read the first 10-12 pages so far, but it's obvious the guy has an axe to grind. Maybe he's pissed because he got cut out of some of the spoils?

Anonymous said...

Wow - this guy has done his homework! Bunch of crooks! I smell RICO here!

Anonymous said...

He did - he made 45 arrests and got convictions. Then Larry Gregory got rid of him - Ask the Gaming Commission how man arrests and convictions since he left gaming. Legislators wanted him gone - read the rest of the book and you will see why!

Burke said...

Remember Inspector Javert in "Les Miserables"? Rick Ward makes Javert look like a cop who hangs out at the donut shop. He has a chip on his shoulder the size of a Suburban.

Cops like Ward divide the population into four groups:

1. People in jail.
2. People who have been in jail and gotten out but will go back to jail.
3. People who have not been to jail but will go to jail.
4. Cops.

Even so, nailing Patterson was a great public service.

Anonymous said...

Still reading.

Guy definitely has a chip on his shoulder. He makes a lot of connections, and finds a lot of conspiracies, but he's short on evidence of wrongdoing (so far). He names people who are connected to other people indicating they are guilty but offers no proof. After going through all of this he says,

"That’s not to say though that Steve Guyton and Morgan Shands, nor his family members or in-laws shown on the documents, have done anything wrong."

What? If they've done nothing wrong then why in the hell is he dragging their names and everyone they are associated with through the mud?

Sounds like a bitter old retiree who thinks he should have been the boss and never got the job.

Anonymous said...

I'd be glad to download it if the damn site would let me. It's slower than the road improvement crew that works on Fortification....oh...wait...

Rick Ward said...

Hello from Rick Ward. I have read your first 20 comments about my book. I won't come back and debate each person, I just encourage you to read the book. After all, I am giving it to you for free. If you don't know how to download it from my site, there is a link on this site that immediately opens the document. Some people should read to the end before making comments. Others are making very good observations. The only chip I have on my shoulder is the one that every Mississippian should have for the piss poor government we enjoy. I put the links in the document so YOU can verify my findings. I strongly encourage you to verify and I make that point in the book. To one writer, why didn't I do anything? I did make 46 arrests while there compared to 1 in the 4 years prior and none to the 10 years following. Why don't YOU do something about that, like demand answers from the Governor? If anybody would like to contact me directly for questions, comments, copies of the book you can do so at rickward47 ( By the way, I have been on the Gallo show several times and requested in writing to do so regarding this book. I got no response on 7-17 and no response on 7-22 after submitting it directly to Paul. One final comment, would any of you have the balls to point out issues like this to so many state officials, lawyers judges and congressmen? Neither would I, if I couldn't prove it. I have lived it , vomitted it and rolled over in it. Now I am making it available to you. What you do with it will determine how much you care. I'll be quiet until I read another 20 or so comments. By the way, I love the comment about me seeing people in different classes of jailbirds. It doesn't fit everybody in my mind but has a direct correlation to politicians.

Anonymous said...

Rick, I just finished reading your entire book. I have to commend you for writing it. I laughed at the part with you sending Phil Bryant a hearing aid.

What I did not think was right was you bringing Steve Guyton and Morgan Shands into your book, without some evidence or even inference that they did anything wrong. They are both good people, who have done a great deal of work for Boy's State. It smacks of some political axe to grind that you would mention them a week before the primaries and then say "well, i'm not saying they did anything wrong.. but...."

Otherwise a very interesting read.

Rick Ward said...


Regarding the hearing aid,I was just trying to show Phil Bryant that I could be just as arrogant and disrespectful as he was.

As for the mention of Morgan Shands and Steve Guyton's bingo hall, it was not the only one I mentioned. I picked two that I was familar with. One's Executive Director started out with more money than the governor started with and had family, friends/family on her board approving her salary. The other (Morgan and Steve - AKA "Bingo Baby") has all the characteristics that raise red flags, ties to high level politicians, family members on boards, questionable names or organizations that have little written about them. People listed in north Mississippi who live in south Mississippi, sub organizations receiving money untraceable by the Gaming Commission. If I were still there, I would look at it under a magnifying glass. However, the present administration under Barbour/Moak/Gregory don't want investigations/audits or enforcement. Thanks for reading it and the kind comments you made. Please pass it on. RICK

Anonymous said...

Wow. See, that's the problem with a bulldog if you teach them to bite. They bite when they decide to bite. And don't really care oftentimes whose hand it is sticking in their mouth.

Now if this will only get some traction. I used to love me some rat killing at a corn crib and this could turn out to be almost as fun.

Kudos to you Mr. Ward.

Anonymous said...

So, in other words, Mr. Ward, you don't mind implying guilt by association in your writings, even if you have no actual evidence to back it up? It just looks fishy so let's put it out there and make the implication.

No wonder you weren't rehired. Sounds like a shotty way to run an investigation to me. Certainly is a crappy way to write an article.

I'm sure you're a fine fella to drink a beer with, but your "book" and your responses on this website show you're quite ready to cast a wide net in the hopes of catching anything you can, and the evidence be damned. You seem short on credibility, which is something--if you ever had any--that is certainly all but lost now.

Rick Ward said...

Mr. Anonymous: I don't hide behind screen names and I don't seek evidence on somebody I am not trying to convict. You seem to be reading and excluding what you want and damn the rest. I'll match my credibility with yours any day and I don't even know who you (the masked man) are. I am not an investigator (paid) anymore but when I was I had a 99.9% conviction rate. I am a private citizen, showing other citizens what they should know that your politician buddies don't want told. I have spent my entire adult life in public service for peanuts. I guarded your country for 20 years while you slept. Read my bio. One thing I found to be true when dealing with criminals reminds me of your tactics. That is to: 1. deny everything 2., demand proof, 3. admit nothing and most of all "MAKE COUNTER ACCUSATIONS." Why don't you spend your time chasing down the politicians with my book and see if they can disprove my findings instead of making counter accusations? Best of luck, Rick Ward.

ChristiansAgainstGambling said...

I read the book today and we do need to know from the Governor why he never mentioned gambling in his state addresses. We also need to know why he didn't intervene when he learned no arrests were being made in the gaming industry, why his legislators were accepting cash from casinos and why the bills submitted by the gaming committee showed favoritism to the industry. I believe we are about to have casinos in Anytown, MS on Main Street. They get an inch and take a mile. They are already landside on the coast. Our church members need to come together. This book tells it all. Bless you.

Dr. D. said...

I downloaded the book just before midnight and just finished it at 4:10 a.m. I’ll have trouble sleeping knowing what I know now. Looks to me like most readers are missing the main point, focusing too much on bingo and campaign managers though. I am most astonished by the lack of performance by our legislators and gaming officials taking payoffs, legal or not. It appears the gaming business is buying protection. Mr. Ward has provided us plenty proof with copies of documents and links to other material. We need to focus on our politicians and stop shooting at the messenger.

Anonymous said...

I think we need to hold the politicans accountable to the voters. How can Congressman Harper and Senator Wicker allow one of their employees to work on campaigns? And yes I mean Steve Guyton. Go to his facebook page and look at the times he has made comments about Billy Hewes. It's been during normal business hours - when he's supposed to be working for for Harper and Wicker.

Anonymous said...

Gambling enforcement is a joke in Mississippi. Most convience stores have them but they are real popular in the poorer areas but they sell alot of scratch and win tickets just like the lottery states and even on a small scale I was at the Neshoba County Fair this weekend where all the politicians are and will be and there is a game on the midway where everyone is betting real money on the outcome of a dart throw just like roulette.

Anonymous said...

The problem with a blog is it defames the innocent because people don't know the real person or reason behind any of this. I know Steve Guyton, and he is one of the finest men this state has ever known. He dedicates his entire life to helping young people, keeping them off drugs, and encouraging them to improve their lives for themselves. he specifically targets underprivileged kids and not just the prep crowd. His job with wicker and harper is PART TIME. He helps them with military appointments because he knows the kids who are deserving. So before you people go on a witch hunt, you should investigate people and know more of the facts. Steve Guyton is a man with a mission to help kids, and anyone who knows him or knows anything about Boys State will tell you he is the most dedicated person they know to young people. So please stop slamming him and go help a person - that is what Steve will be doing today i can bet you!

Anonymous said...

Thank you, Mr. Ward , for your service and your courage in making this public.

Has federal law enforcement shown no interest?

Anonymous said...

I would just like to say that I agree with Dr. D. I think most of you are missing the point the author was trying to make. As the title “the real state of our state” implies, this book covers a broad spectrum of political problems in our state. Unless some of us are reading a different book, I read about lies, omissions, deceit, cover-ups, hidden taxes, a state sold out to the gaming industry, useless politicians, terrible performance, unfilled promises, partiers, cheats, potential bribery, unethical conduct, arrogance, narcissism, manipulation and the lowest credibility of over 20 professions. That’s what we need to focus on as the book does, especially with an election coming up. We need to say, "enough is enough" when we go to the polls this time. If a politician has told us what he is going to do, we need to look back on what he has done. The fact that he has already served in several state positions means nothin. If he rides on somebody else's shoulders, he is not a leader, rather a stair climber. Choose another candidate.

Gunny said...

To paraphrase a saying of the 82nd Airborne and use it as a metaphor, "kill 'em all, let God sort 'em out." in other words, let's fire 'em all (current state officials) and start over with a new group. After seeing the state this state is really in, I say, "re-elect nobody."

Anonymous said...

I have read the book in its entirety and I must say it is quite interesting, but not at all surprising as to what is and has been going on in Mississippi for a while now. I am sure all these folks are fine upstanding citizens and they are just getting what they can within the law, (within the law some of the time). I agree... "enough is enough" and the laws need to be changed. That's just it, the laws will never be changed with these politicians and officals serving in the capacity they are serving unless the feds take these guys down and hard. As far as Guyton is concerned, I am a firm believer of "if there's smoke there's fire" and there is a lot of smoke here. One can only wonder if Tate will bring it up. And then there's Elvis. I think it's time for me to start a charity.

Ex-MGC Girl said...

I used to work for MGC. I just read the book and I see Rick Ward mentioned Transportation Commissioner candidate Tim “Elvis” Johnson and his brother Rudy who is running for sheriff in Oktibbeha County. What a questionable and incestuous relationship.
Rick’s hands were tied by the legislature when he was there because of people like (then) Senator Tim Johnson. (All the agents' hands have been tied for years) Rudy runs a bingo hall that grosses in the high millions of dollars. Now, I also just noticed on the Jambalaya site that Rudy gave his brother Tim $150K for his campaign. That is probably a record for this year so far from a single donor. According to Rudy’s IRS 990 form, that is well over half his annual income of $214K. That might not sound too unbelievable since Tim is his brother (who was also making money from a bingo supported Madison County Bingo Hall for the last few years), but the fact is, Rudy is running for office too. He is trying to unseat an incumbent democrat sheriff (Dolph Bryan) who has been there 35 years and he is running as a republican in a county that almost always votes democrat. He has his own work cut out for him and need for campaign cash to defeat Bryan. But with the kind of money these bingo halls bring in (cash) and as Rick says, there is plenty to skim off the top, I guess these politicians drawn to bingo can afford it. Talk about the feds….Elvis and Elbow are the two that really need investigating.

P.S. They should start with the concession stand inside the hall and look for employees paid by the bingo funds which violate the law but can offer Rudy additional hidden money with a possible hundred percent profit from that organization. My guess is they will be able to prove he makes at least $275K with added concessions…. make that over $300K with cars and other benefits. My Gosh people, can't you see the impact BINGO has on our political system? This could be an easy mail-fraud case for the feds based on the IRS 990 forms mailed in.

retired said...

Actually, the correct phrasing is "Shoot them all down and let God sort them out."

This was the "unofficial" motto of the Army Air Defense Artillery.


Gunny said...

Thank you sir. I know the correct phrase but what I said was that I would be "paraphrasing" (not quoting). Once a Marine Always a Marine, Semper Fi.

Anonymous said...

It doesn't look like gaming commission has ever been interested in enforcing any law or regulation as it is its duty to do; rather, it has been all about repaying favors, protecting inept employees and avoiding controversy whatever the cost. It seems that illegal gambling, charitable bingo fraud and money laundering occur unchecked - if gaming is in over its head, maybe its time to let another agency come in an do the job.

Anonymous said...

Still nothing on MIM or Yall... wonder wht they are trying to hide.

Conservative said...

Maybe Haley hasn’t had time to deal with all these issues. You should ask Jerry St. Pe’, John Hairston and Nolan Canon why the gaming employees think they need to ignore the laws the legislature gave them to enforce. They are Haley’s representatives on that issue here in Jackson at least once a month.

Anonymous said...

The director had 10 years to get it right and still couldn't do it, from what I've read and heard the place is worse off - good luck MCOA

Anonymous said...

Seriously doubt, Y'all will cover this. Still laughing at their "election predictions". Talk about biased...

bill said...

I have read the first five chapters of Mr. Ward's book, and will try to slog through the rest of it after the primary. While uncovering some interesting factoids so far, it's also clearly written by someone with a huge chip on his shoulder. I hope the remainder of the book doesn't have as many unsupported speculations about what might have been happening or what someone might have been thinking, and the pages that were devoted to Greenwood Leflore, while interesting, weren't relevant to the topic. So far it reads like an op-ed piece out of the JFP, and I usually don't agree with those, but I'll withhold my final opinion until I finish the book. Bill Billingsley

Rick Ward said...

Mr. Billingsley:
Thank you for your comments. I understand your issues but I also know that whether it's you, me or anybody else, we will never gain concurrence of 100% of the people 100% of the time. That's one reason our 172 legislators can at best agree on 23% of the documents they write. You are entitled to your opinon and I respect that.
Regarding the relevance of the Greenwood Leflore matters, you also are entitlted to your opinion. However, I thought it was germain for several reasons:

1. Barbour boasted of his kinship and made it a part of the political process on TV and at the Neshoba County Fair so I think it was fair game.

2. At that time he was trying to screw the Indians out of a Casino just like Leflore screwed them out of their birth-right.

3. Barber consistently over eight State of the State speeches told us all about industry, jobs, tourism, revenue and catastrophes but conveniently left out Casinos, Gaming and Bingo. Our history books ommitted the fact that Leflore was a traitor and spun the story of his dirty deeds to his own people.

I could go on, but I think you get my drift. I think it was pertinent and of the 222 downloaders of the book in the last 5 days, I haven't heard any other complaints.

If you find the book that hard to read then I suggest you trash it. I don't think it has cost you anything so you would be ahead of the game.

Lastly though, I want to address your comment about me having a chip on my shoulder. I certainly do and I have agreed with two other bloggers who have made the same point. I think every voter in this state should have a chip as big ast he Capitol dome on their shoulder and they should be outraged and what we have that building to represent us.

We elect people that insist we can trust them. We expect them to go to Jackson and do a job. We expect our leaders to tell the truth. We expect our leaders to act in the best interest of the voters, not special interest groups or lobbyists. We expect a certain level of output from our legislators that we don't get. We expect our state enforcement officers to be able to enforce the law on ALL violators. We expect all industry to receive equal treatment.

Again, I could go on and on about what we expect and don't get but, enough said. Thanks for at least identifying yourself and showing a willingness to stand up and be heard. I admire that.


whatshername said...

Opps .... guess I missed my chance - it now costs $9.95? I'll wait for the paperback edition...

Rick Ward said...


You don't have to wait they are already on the website (, local delivery-signed copies in 2 days.


Mississippi Coal said...

The Corruption cycle continues in MS and am most interested in The Real State of Our State after the Aug 2nd primary. Mississippi.coal wordpress has been working to expose the Obama energy scheme set up for Barbour's Presidential run. It seems this could be the next book Rick Ward writes when the $2.8 Billion Kemper CO2 capturing coal plant scam damage to our economy hits full force.
It will be many of the same names 2nd Book.

Anonymous said...

Until I read Rick Ward's book I never really thought about members of the legislature using puppet strings to control puppets placed at the top of state organizations. Today I got a Billy Hewes campaign card in the mail showing Reeves as a puppet. What a joke. Hewes has long been in the studio contolling puppets where all the masters at it reside. He wants people receiving federal aid to take urinalyis tests (an attack on black/poor). How about having the farmer Ward talked about in his book (Nolen Canon) a Commissioner on the Gaming Commission, but a farmer in real life. Does he receive federal crop aid at times? If so, should he pee in a bottle? How about Hewes' kids' friends who may receive federal college tuition aid? Since college kids are probably more likely to use drugs, would Hewes be in favor of them wetting their little wee-wees? This book really stimulates thought. Ward has only touched the tip of the iceberg sticking out of the water. There are tremendous issues lurking below the invisible waterline. If Hewes' advertisement had been soft and at least two ply, I would know exactly what to do with it. He is (and will be) a loser. No more higher jobs for members of the legislature!!!

Think-about-it said...

Night before last at dinner in Philadelphia, this book was the talk of lobbyists. But Billy Hewes still harped on his experience in the legislature and Reeves' lack of experience in the legislature. Hewes had no experience in the legislature when he was elected 20 years ago and he has no experience now as Lt Gov or President of the Senate. So they are on equal grounds. Neither of them has had the job, so who do we trust the most? I don't trust a 20 year legislator considering the shape Ward has showed us the legislature is in. I don't want a Lt Gov 23 percent successful.

Analyst said...

Hey Think-about-it:

I agree with what you said except the fact that you don't want a LT Governor 23% successful. I looked at the author's charts carefully. Billy Hewes was one of those he talked about that introduced a lot of junk to appease constituents. On page 174 it shows he came out 4th in the number of bills introduced but out of 36, only got 6 passed giving him a whopping success rate of 17%. He didn't even make the list of co-sponsored bills at all. He was also in the below average chart for combined (proposing and co-sponsoring) legislation. Oh, and by the way, page 176 shows us he was at the top of the list for giving those ATTABOYs and even gave them to his colleagues in the Senate that could help him in his campaign! What a waste of our time and (our)money. Hewes - our 17% candidate. If old Ward keeps this up, he'll have 'em on the run.

Rick Ward said...

I have read responded to many of your comments. Some took information on certain people and capitalized on it for the upcoming election. In hindsight, I would not have released the book just prior to the election for that reason.

My original intent was to show just as the title implies, The REAL State of Our State. I don't think Barbour has ever done that because of omissions and misrepresentations.

Our legislators never pass laws to hold themselves seriously accountable. As far as I know, performance of legislators had never been measured or reported to us. I did that for you in this book.

Most agencies with law enforcement responsibility publish crime statistics within their jurisdiction but MGC treats us like mushrooms. Not only do they not tell us, their AG lawyers harass us if we ask for the stats. When the truth is known, they haven't done anything in the first place (at “enforcing the law” or making arrests).

Our legislators work 3 months a year while our teachers work 10 but the legislators get twice the retirement because of people like our career candidate Billy Hewes.

The Gaming Industry has become untouchable and cannot even be talked about in the state of the state speeches even though it brings jobs, revenue, tourism, etc., just like all the other business routinely mentioned. It must be a hush-hush business. Casinos will likely move from water front to Main Street soon.

Bingo Halls have become havens for politicians at all levels to be relied upon in hidden documents with bogus names and made-up charities, family involvement, untraceable addresses and so on. Their statements of purpose must say something about children, veterans, handicapped or something along those lines. That politicians associated with them political mileage and maybe a few bucks off the top.

Bobby Moak brought himself into the spotlight with his past conduct of catering to the gaming industry and writing legislation that favored them, while taking their donations.

What you should have walked away with:

1. Many of our leaders are liars.
2. Major issues are withheld from us.
3. Legislators write laws that protect themselves.
4. Term limits are a must.
5. Many of our politicians are arrogant and pompous with little regard for the little guy but plenty for their bourbon drinking buddies and lobbyists.
6. Our state agencies disobey laws and it is reported by PEER to the legislature who does absolutely nothing about it.
7. We put tons of money into casinos coming to town, billions on roadways and lighting in Tunica, Greenville and elsewhere and we don't even know whether or not it has been a good investment. PEER just reported MGC still has not done a Cost Benefit Analysis.
8. State laws are broken in Bingo Halls, but the offenses are handled by administrative fines paid not by the individual who committed the offense, but the charity who would have otherwise gotten that money for charitable use.
9. Major corporations in this state never pay taxes at all. The Gaming Industry is taxed at the lowest level of all states with casinos. Rather than tax them more, when the state is losing money, the governor cuts our crucial services and puts the money saved into the Rainy Day Fund, then brags about how much is in it.
10. When the end of the year comes and the governor who insists he is bound to obey the law and knows he has to balance the budget, again there is an "across the board" cut in state agencies so the money saved goes back into the budget. In addition to the cuts, he increases taxes then brags about balancing that budget without raising anybody’s taxes!

If this is not what you got from the book, go back and re-read it. This is truly, the REAL State of Our State, regardless of what the governor tells you.

Anonymous said...

I'm not surprised at anything Harper and Wicker are doing. They sure don't care about Mississippi. Cochran has most of Missisippi politics in his pocket. If he's involved I won't support it.

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Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).

Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.

In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS.

Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS