Friday, April 17, 2020

Governor Says "We Can't Reopen"

Governor Tate Reeves is holding a press conference right now.  The presser is streamed below. This post will be updated throughout the press conference. 




* Governor says "There is no replacement for paid work."

* The curve if flattening but "we are at the hardest most difficult point of the curve."

* Governor Reeves says "We can't reopen." He added "We just aren't there yet."

* Sheltering in place is working. He said we need "one more week." The goal is to prevent the overwhelming of the health care system.

* Lakes are reopened for fishing. Kingfish note: Rez should keep lake closed above Highway 43 and only open two landings.  Mr. Sigman said the main problem with fishing was there was a large line of fishermen waiting to launch in the mornings.  They wouldn't remain in their vehicles until launching but just had to get out there with their coffee mugs and shoot the breeze with each other until they launched.  Get an officer to play traffic cop.

Rez parks to remain closed.  Fishing boats can have no more than two people.  Recreational boats can only have up to half of the maximum recommended capacity for the boat.  

* Non-essential businesses can provide curbside or delivery services. Such businesses can include clothing and beauty supplies. This will allow smaller businesses to compete against the big boxes.

* 169 new cases and 11 new deaths will be reported today.

* 148 patients in ICU, 296 open ICU patients, 96 patients on vents, nearly 700 available vents.

* State Health Officer Dr. Dobbs asked recovered Covid-19 patients to donate plasma.

* Kingfish observation: Governor speaks much better answering questions than reading prepared statements.

* Dr. Dobbs recommends wearing masks in public.  He says it would be hard to enforce such an order.



59 comments:

Anonymous said...

Does Tate think we're all 6 years old and have all day to listen to his slow, slow, slow pronunciation? Get to the friggin' point. And while you're at it, who's the slovenly dude doing your sign language? Dude, how about washing your hair and getting those stringy bangs under control? Yeah, I know, I'm body shaming but I don't care. A slob is still a slob.

Anonymous said...

I go to church with the guy doing the sign language and I can promise you have never met anyone more genuine and selfless. How he styles his hair shouldn’t matter to anyone except him. Go find a hobby peckerhead!

Anonymous said...

Hey, 9:08, what do you have against Jake the Snake Roberts?

Anonymous said...

considering how some governors have butchered things- D and R- I feel great about ours. He’s handled things professionally, helped instill confidence that we will get through this, and has compassion for those who are fighting Wuhan Covid19. With all the health signs showing we have flattened it enough to not overwhelm the health system, one week to prepare to reopen is just what the state needed to
hear.

Anonymous said...

Not surprised by this. We have to extend it at least a week because too many people had to go to mama's house to eat Easter lunch. We will have to wait and see if the numbers start going back up.

Anonymous said...

9:08 is a dick. I bet you bullied crippled kids in high school. Dick.

Anonymous said...

I like the sign language guy. I think the whole "oh sh*t I just rolled out of bed after a bender, but now I've gotta do this statewide broadcast" vibe is pretty cool.

You do you, disheveled sign language guy.

TheClintonscantsuicideusall said...

"169 new cases and 11 new deaths will be reported today." Does that mean one way or another 11 people will die today of Covid? Leave the state shut down till June 27. Having a nice time driving to work on 9:08, you're right, I have no idea where they got the guy doing sign language for the Gov and one would think they'd have him clean up a bit, but then again, who knows. Roads which are not congested and actually seem cleaner, and with relatively good air quality. The lady and I exchange pleasantries while I pay for my food and coffee every morning, and less than 6 feet apart tempting death. You all stay hunkered down and I will pray for you all. Honestly do care for your welfare. Take care. The signer is ok, he's doing his part.

Anonymous said...

@9:21
Clearly you aren't in healthcare/Medicine... my entire gro up thinks tate really is ineffective as his speaking skills. I can tell you countless others that believe the same. Outpatient surgery centers should be open point blank. We have 700 cents available and can have 1500 more from other states that now claim unnecessary. This is a travesty... I'm posting cases daily but other groups aren't. Tate is no good. I voted for the guy because he was the lesser of 2 evils. I won't make that mistake again.

Anonymous said...

to 9:08............you need to oil up you buzz haircut, put on your 200$ columbia fishing shirt, put on your 400$ costa sunglasses, get out your yeti cooler, fill it with micaloub ultra light, preferably a flavored one, hitch your $80,000 bass boat to your $90,000$ extended cab pickup , both of which you are upside down on, and go out and ride around telling people how you are a professional fisherman gearing up for your next BASS tournament. while you out riding around see how many people on bicycles you can run off the road. use your big truck horn that plays ''dixie''. got to let em all know you are one of the beautiful people of the SEC.

Anonymous said...

9:08 is just mad that that he/she is non-essential.

Anonymous said...

These plastic surgeons on here crying about how things should be opened up make doctors look like morons.

Anonymous said...

Next thing that will happen is they will have us look under our beds for booger bears before we climb in at night. They are communists one and all. WOLVERINE!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

The man doing the signing is a good man. He has been a friend for over 20 years. He's providing a service. Find someone doing wrong to pick on or maybe pick a hobby. Not everyone needs a critic.

Anonymous said...

@9:08 Here’s the point. In Mississippi the evidence isn’t there to show we’ve got control of the spread of the virus. Confirmed cases and hospitalizations continue to grow. Even Trump says we need two weeks of declining cases before relaxing the restrictions. Hopefully the shelter in place order worked and the data through April 30 will back it up, but until then we’ve got to ensure keep up the fight to protect the population.

TheClintonscantsuicideusall said...

Live Free or Die.
Give Me Liberty or Give Me Death.
My only regret is that I have but one life to give for my country.
Whoever would sacrifice liberty for a little security deserves and will have neither.
versus:
SOMEBODY SAVE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

The reason we have to extend is the exact same reason we are #50. 30-40% of our population has no comprehension of what P E R S O N A L R E S P O N S I B I L Y means because they've never had to accept any. I.E. they don't know how to take care of themselves and they are basically wards of the state and need to be treated as such. Ya happy down there LBJ ?

Anonymous said...

Why should I give up my freedoms for someone else who is in poor health. If you are that sick or scared stay home and inside. We don't want you getting sick, but I don't want to give up my freedoms because you. Sorry that is how I feel.

Anonymous said...

9:32 am It would be perfectly fine with me for you and the person serving you coffee to take your own risks with your own lives.

The problem is that you also risk carrying the virus to others even if you manage not to get sick.

And, the irresponsible behavior of you and those with your attitude is what will keep this going longer than necessary and cause some to die and some to be irreparably damage.

As for the latter, if you don't know about the stroke and neurological effects that can happen after one recovers from the virus, it's because you insist on ignorance.

Anonymous said...

9:08 am YES...because he's seen the behaviors of far too many during this epidemic.

Frankly, it's more like 3 year old who have temper tantrums and no discipline. My children were smarter and more disciplined at 6 than you are at whatever your age may be.

Anonymous said...

to 9:08......the dreaded combo of the speech police and the fashion police strike yet again. tell us , what prestigious SEC UNIVERSITY GAVE YOU A degree in the kings english? while your at it tell us all about being a graduate of both the bill blass and coco chenel school of fashion . I've read a lot of disgusting drivel on this site but , you my fashion conscience redneck , you win the prize.

Anonymous said...

You know, this has been a fascinating study in government at every level. With the mixed messages from the federal level, states and local municipalities were left to figure it out for themselves. Even now, President Trump has decided to allow each state’s leadership to decide when to “re-open.” The post-mortem after this pandemic should yield a treasure trove of data around what was done properly and what wasn’t, especially when it comes to second- and third-waves as experienced during the Spanish Flu. Somewhat humorous to watch the Tate voters turn on him as he follows best practices for quarantine. The numbers may flatten, but it just takes a few days of uncontrolled spread and those ventilators are full up.

I’m in agreement with @9:55AM on the obvious division in healthcare folks. Bills have to be paid, and preventing those non-essential clinical services has really shown on which side of the aisle these physicians stand.

Finally: The sign-language guy has reached “God-Like,” status among the youth. My kids and their friends watch the pressers just to see his digs. His resemblance to Jake the Snake Roberts and careless whimsy when choosing his attire have made him famous. Closed-Captioning be damned, we want this guy working more on television.

Stay safe, y’all.

Anonymous said...

@10:18 If you were just risking your own life I'd say go ahead and do whatever you want that may kill you. However, the evidence shows COVID-19 is highly contagious. Not only does it start to spread 2-3 days before a person shows symptoms, in about half the cases the contagious person shows no obvious symptoms. This asymptomatic spread means that your actions could very easily contribute to the uncontrolled spread of the virus throughout the population and the resulting mortality that exceeds that of the flu by a factor of ten.

Individual freedom doesn't mean you have the ability to do whatever you want whenever you want no matter how much harm it may cause. With freedom also comes the responsibility to not do things that harm society. Unfortunately it is people like you that abuse those rights and make it easier for politicians to use you as the example for why those rights need more restrictions.

Anonymous said...

We don't need the government to tell us when to be opened or closed. These elected officials want to run our lives. Men have died in battle so that we can be a free people. And now we are asking Tate Reeves when we can leave the house? This is utter bullcrap. We shouldn't take this crap. And I'm not going to. I will go where I want, when I want. Arrest me if you don't f*cking like it. Politician run for office because they aren't capable of holding a real job.

Anonymous said...

10:16, if you want to blame LBJ for a lack of personal responsibility and (I will put words in your mouth here) wasted resources propagating your alleged lack of personal responsibility, HAVE I GOT NEWS FOR YOU...

That OTHER PARTY just gave away TRILLIONS of dollars in welfare to companies and investment funds who should have been zeroed. How's that for needing a lesson in personal responsibility? I don't think you can attribute those gross acts to LBJ wanting people to have food money.

Or you could do some hard thinking and blame Nixon and the subsequent TRILLION dollar Wah On Drugs...Instead of just telling telling they are responsible for the consequences of their own actions and bear responsibility for their own bodies. Hell, if that TRILLION alone had been spent on emerging disease defense we likely wouldn't be here now.

But please, tell us how the food money is the problem.

Anonymous said...

Individual freedom doesn't mean you have the ability to do whatever you want whenever you want no matter how much harm it may cause.

Stay alert. You'll be first.

Anonymous said...

I just drank a 20 ounce Dr. Pepper (my apologies to Michael Bloomberg). Now I need to pee really bad. Can someone tell me what government official I need to call to ask permission to urinate in the toilet that I own and paid for? I can't hold it much longer.

Anonymous said...

The longer this goes on, the more negatively it's going to affect people's lives, and the more they will resist.

It's going to cause domestic violence to go up
it's going to cause food to be wasted which will lead to more famine
it's going to cause suicides to go up
it's going to cause jobs to be lost
it's going to cause problems that we can't estimate today

but hey, so long as you don't get a virus that 98% will recover from, let's make sure they all suffer too.

TheClintonscantsuicideusall said...

The more individual liberty is restricted, the more people will exercise their right to object.

Anonymous said...

The question that needs to be asked is, "How many deaths are worth the death of our economy?" At most 3% of our country will die of the virus, no matter what steps are taken, while more than 90% of the country will feel dead because the quarantine tanked the economy and destroyed a way of living for so many (22 million at last count). How many lives were sacrificed to beat the Axis powers in World War II? Does quarantine change the reality that EVERYONE will not die sonehow, someway? I say let's let common sense and regular flu precautions lead the way while getting everything else operating. (In this land of hovering parents and political correctness no wonder running away and hiding is prefered to facing the enemy head on...)

Anonymous said...

Yes, 11:28. Go get a drink at the bar during happy hour today, and then tell us how that works out.

Anonymous said...

All you personal freedom dimwits - do you say the same about freedom from immunizations? If so, you’re an imbecile and can’t be reasoned with. If not, you’re a hypocrite. Now we have king of the dimwits fanning these flames. Fuck that guy. Seriously.

Anonymous said...

12:08 what a statement. 10M people is what you’re willing to sacrifice. 10M. Sheesh.

I’ve got to get off this site. I’m the idiots are making me want to drink.

Anonymous said...

@12:17 the bar isn't open, because the bar owners followed the government orders. However, if it was open, I would make my own decision to go or not. Rather than ask the government's permission.

I think the bar owner should be allowed to make his own decision to open or not. And I think that I should be allowed to make my decision to go or not. We don't really need the government making those decisions. But I think like a free man. I don't worship politicians.

Anonymous said...

Tater is a candy-ass

Anonymous said...

While I realize that to idiots, the NEJM is just another thing for doctors to waste time reading while billing insurance companies or waiting for one of their 16 Ferraris to be detailed, and they use to destroy the lives of good, God-fearing Americans, the sensible among you might want to read this:

www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMc2007800

You know it has to good information - it has lasers and stuff, just like sci-fi shows on Netflix. In terms so simple even an idiot ought to be able to understand:

WEAR A MASK!

Anonymous said...

We are Americans, not cattle.

Anonymous said...

Just be thankful that it's not Philbilly and Nancy New in charge.

Anonymous said...

Why don't we let bar owners decide how much to serve, despite the inebriated fellow falling to the floor? More profit. Serve Mammon, not God. "I have no responsibility" to my fellow man! /s

Peter, Paul, Jesus- all laid out our responsibilities. Love God, and love your neighbor. Especially the poor, and especially the sick.

Obey the law. Render unto Caesar. You cannot be a bad citizen and a good Christian.

Read the Scripture:

For those who profess Christianity this does matter, and the Bible does address how we should act in our respective society.

First, we have a neighborly responsibility. The Bible teaches the Christian’s greatest responsibility is the duty to love. Everything within God’s plan must begin with love, be filtered through the biblical ethic of love, and ultimately end against the backdrop of love. Jesus states this clearly in Matthew 22:37-40 when he said the Christian’s responsibility is twofold: 1) love God, 2) and love your fellow man.


Second, we have a civil responsibility. Please read Romans 13:1-7.

In this passage, three biblical principles emerge: 1) rulers are established by God (13:1); 2) those rulers legitimately function to protect the innocent, promote the good, and punish the evil (13:3-4); and 3) those who desire a well-ordered society ought to render the authorities the appropriate taxes and honor (13:5-7). This gives the clear idea that God’s rule frames “honor” within the civil and state realms.

Peter also emphasizes the importance of the Christians’ civil responsibilities when it comes to submission to authority. Read 1 Peter 2:13-17.

Both Paul and Peter make the same point: It is impossible to be a good Christian and a bad citizen at the same time.

Obey the guidance. Wear a mask. Social distance. Close if you are asked. Pay your employees first. Pay your taxes, and don't cheat or dodge them. Work for the betterment of society, and not just your own self interest.

Anonymous said...

Goddamn it, I want to drive 110 on County Road 82! But the goddamn pantywaists won’t let me. They are abridging my freedoms! And I ain’t gonna put up with it!

Anonymous said...

I’d prefer to watch the rock band hair guy...10 to 1...over our Sec of Ag...
while he’s INSIDE a Bldg...giving a speech...with his cowboy hat on!
Mr Ag...surely yo momma taught u...to take ur damn cowboy hat off
while...inside a Bldg?!? EVERYTIME I see him inside a Bldg
with his white hat on it’s cringe worthy!
#UAreAnElectedOfficialDoBetter!!

Anonymous said...

Been maintaining a lock down for the past 3 weeks. Been out twice, to pick up a piece of equipment that was going to be restocked and to the grocery store, which my wife normally does. (Call me a chauvinist, feel I should take exposure risk, not her). She has cabin fever so bad, she wants a “date night” to tag along next time I go to Walmart.

Anonymous said...

12:08, what you don’t seem to grasp is that isolating is not “running away”, it is actively fighting this head on with the only method that will work currently. It’s unfortunate there are so many tin foil idiots that are pretending this is some great attack against their freedoms and can’t be bothered to be even slightly less entertained for a few weeks in order to save lives. Grow up, take some responsibility and do your part to not be so selfishly ignorant.

Anonymous said...

For those who just want to let this play out like a regular flu, what happens if we lose 3% of all of our medical professionals, not to mention those that may be irreparably harmed by covid-19? There is already a lack of doctors and especially nurses in the country. Do you suppose we just give those students in med and nursing school free passes to take their places? This doesn't mention the 3% of the population in other industries with shortages. It doesn't seem like much, but dropping 10 million people overall will significantly change things, not to mention the other people who are going to die from all the other causes of death.

If our medical system was equipped to handle the surge in cases, I would be all for letting it play out like a regular flu, but we know that isn't the case.

Anonymous said...

The flu, since January, has still taken more people than Covid-19. And that's with a vaccination and social distancing for Covid-19 combined. Explain that.

Anonymous said...

It is funny watching you people run to the cattle cars. Covid 19 is a hoax the was made up by the government to take away your rights. They have FEMA coffins in Georgia the was order by the CDC under the Obama administration. You think Trump will save you think again. The orange man is evil. Trust nobody!!!

Anonymous said...

"EVERYTIME I see (Andy the Dandy) inside a Bldg with his white hat on it’s cringe worthy!"

Huh, whaddayaknow. I never realized it was the hat. I always figured it was our illustrious Secretary of Farmin', Bidness, and first and foremost, lawd JE-sus hisownself! CAN I GET A YEEHA...er, AMEN! I mean, he could show up inside a building NOT dressed like a cut-rate Jock Ewing and wouldn't most folks still cringe?

Anonymous said...

The funny thing is, most of the people ranting online about the "shelter in place" being so hideous are the exact people who stay in front of a computer all day on a normal day getting their thrills posting rants on Facebook and blogs and reading conspiracy websites.

Anonymous said...

Something all the "open it all NOW!" crowd seems to not realize or understand (which is understandable, since there are lots and lots of things they don't realize or understand) is that even if people were allowed to go out and do things, stores, restaurants and bars were allowed to reopen, you could pack as many people as you wanted into a clown car, etc., that doesn't mean that anyone with any sense would go out shopping, eating, drinking, etc., nor would workers with any sense go back to work.

So, take a waitperson who is an idiot and who works for an idiot who opens up and the waitperson goes in to work. The few customers they will have will be a few fellow idiots. So, they'll be risking their health (and that of others) for a few tables of idiots a week. And when the owner has to either stock up for a full menu and take the inventory hit, or, offer a very limited menu that causes the few idiots they had come in but don't want to pay $17.95 for a ham and cheese on white bread and leave, the whole "reopen" thing becomes much less attractive. True, on the bright side, they and their families now all have COVID-19 but good news - the medical bills are taken care of! Sure, someone near and dear to them will probably die or have lifelong effects, but come on now, isn't the thought of maybe selling a few over-priced sammiches to your fellow idiots worth it all? Well, not for the waitperson because dumbass motherfuckers are often brokeass motherfuckers...who don't tip particularly well.

But hey, while those of you "reopen now" idiots are there in your bed, drenched in fever sweat yet still cold, coughing like you got some bad meth and hurting really badly all over, you can comfort yourself by telling anyone who will listen, "I didn't let the gubmit tell ME what to do..."

Kingfish said...

People are so spooked they are not going to pack a restaurant. Zea's stayed open for a while while everyone near them shut down. Maybe handful of people would actually dine there. One well known restaurant had all of one table one night.

That is why I'm not too worried about some things reopening. Until the numbers really improve, most people aren't going to put themselves at risk in restaurants.

Anonymous said...

So how much are restaurants and bars going to drive up their prices when they do reopen? I have missed being able to drink scotch at a couple of certain places, but I won’t want to 30% more per glass for it when the shutdown finally ends.

Anonymous said...

There is no reason restaurants should have closed.

they could have easily operated on a distancing and cleaning design to at least maybe keep some of those employed

sit down restaurants could do it by reservation only, even to the point of taking orders with the reservation

the schizophrenic way all of the misinformation has caused people to react has grossly pointed out the lack of free-thinking common sense

Anonymous said...

10:10,
“Free thinking common sense” doesn’t equal wise, thoughtful decisions from experts in medical science and public health. Statements from those who have dedicated their careers in those fields are not misinformation.

Truth: Thousands of lives have been saved in Mississippi.

Quit spreading moronic opinions of faux enlightenment. Better to stay quiet and be thought a fool than to post this bs and prove you are.

Anonymous said...

Stanford University scientists just conducted a coronavirus antibody test, which tested 3,330 people, concluded that the infection is both more common than previously thought and possesses a lower fatality rate than what current data suggest.

https://californiaglobe.com/section-2/stanford-university-random-sampling-test-shows-coronavirus-more-widespread-and-less-deadly-than-experts-claimed/

Medicare pays $13,000 for admitted hospital 'diagnosis' of covid-19. medicare pays $36,000 to anyone put on a ventilator no matter the length of time. The CDC sent instructions to doctors saying 'if they suspect' covid-19 - no testing required to prove. Evidenced by NYC adding 3,900 covid deaths when the people were not tested for covid at all. They just suspect.

We have no real numbers except this Stanford study and some other studies throughout the country. The Obama leftover 'experts' used a faulty model from Gates predicting 2.2 million deaths.

Just wash your daum hands and don't be around anyone sick. Simple. It turns out they downgraded the number again. Yesterday there were 68,000 deaths expected ... this morning it is down to 60,000. A flu season.

Take care of your immune system. That's the ticket.

Anonymous said...

On behalf of the gentleman who is signing...Signers in this capacity are encouraged (almost required) to wear black. That allows their hands to be more readily seen and followed by the non-hearing population. You'll always see them dressed this way. I don't know him but I do know people who DO know him and he has performed this service for many years and everybody speaks very highly of him and his ability.

For those of you who made fun of him in your posts, I hope you have six tacos and two enchiladas for lunch and have run out of toilet paper but your wife forgot to tell you. And the Imodium bottle is empty as well.

Anonymous said...



"So how much are restaurants and bars going to drive up their prices when they do reopen? I have missed being able to drink scotch at a couple of certain places, but I won’t want to 30% more per glass for it when the shutdown finally ends."
April 17, 2020 at 6:37 PM

If you're so worried about money, why don't you just "drink Scotch" at home? The booze outlets are somehow considered "Essential Businesses", you know. Curbside service! (at a time when Kayaks are forbidden on the Rez, even) They DO sell Scotch, don't they? I'd assume it's cheaper that way. Even if those "certain places" you frequent, are not marking-up the booze, I'm assuming tips are expected.

Oh, and while I assume you already know that drinking tends to make a person fat, ugly, stupid, and poor, it should be pointed-out that alcohol also suppresses the immune system. But maybe you ENJOY having moobs? And maybe you'll ENJOY being on a respirator?

Anonymous said...

12:21, I’m not worried about money myself, not in the immediate future at least, and the question (6:37 pm on Friday) is not about me, sport. It’s a legitimate question, pertaining to the aftermath of that industry when the shutdown ends and those businesses reopen.

Try to grow up, be mature, resist whatever psychological issue it is that compelled you to “go on the attack” against another poster, and understand the big picture of what the question is about.

And yes, I agree that EXCESSIVE drinking will lead to those issues that you describe, but in the original comment I didn’t say that I do that (I don’t), neither do I frequent the places I like to go when I do go out for a glass once every week or so. Simply that while I will be able to, expectedly, pay a bit more than the pre-shutdown days, I don’t want to pay “too much” more so that I become more inclined to stay at home and make my own drink. However, there will unfortunately be at least some who won’t be able to afford dining out, and/or buying alcohol at restaurants, at the same frequency they were used to before this mess, and I wonder about the short-term and long-term effects to that industry.

Oh, and about your last couple of sentences. Lol! As for myself, far from it. That is all I will say about that.

Anonymous said...

"thousands of lives have been saved in Mississippi"

no, they have not.

The thoughtful experts have been killing infected by pushing them on to ventilators too soon. Ventilators are life-saving measures and, unfortunately, the measure used to help patients with flu-induced pneumonia actually causes more harm with patients with COVID-19, everything else remaining the same.

Let's be clear. There are no experts on this, there are never any experts for something novel. It is ok for those that don't have the capacity to reason through things. It is altogether wrong for people to just take the advice of someone because he is a supposed expert.... period. It's been that way in medicine from the beginning and it still stands today.

Lastly, let's remember that there was so much misinformation as this started from supposed experts (and actually continues) that simply confused everyone because they were "experts."

Anonymous said...

Oh please, people, stop bombarding the internet with preliminary research that ALL contains a caution about the limitations and unknown variables.

There is no UNIFIED approach so nationally Florida's data is different from a State that took measures sooner. Lump them together and they skew the data of the State they did well.

Do geographically limited research and it only tells you about that population and the measures taken have to be a factor.

The same is true with drug tests and diagnostic tests. It takes time to know if they really work as early results can be misleading.

God won't save us when He has given us the means to save ourselves and we don't use them properly.

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Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.


Note: Security provided by INS.

Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS
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