Comedian Lewis Black had a few things to say about dry counties at his Hattiesburg show last week. Enjoy.
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Trollfest '09
Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.
Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).
Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.
Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".
In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.
In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.
Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.
Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!
This is definitely a Beaver production.
Note: Security provided by INS.
Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).
Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.
Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".
In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.
In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.
Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.
Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!
This is definitely a Beaver production.
Note: Security provided by INS.
Trollfest '07
Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.
There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.
If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!
This is definitely a Beaver production.
Note: Security provided by INS.
There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.
If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!
This is definitely a Beaver production.
Note: Security provided by INS.
21 comments:
Another stand up that thinks you can't tell a funny story unless every third word is fuck.
Kinda like the crazy bitch in Walmart posted a couple of days ago - her stitch was found to be obnoxious, but we think this is funny.
Not a prude - use the f word often. But don't think it is a necessary part of speech, such that it has to be in every sentence, much less twice or more.
He's absolutely correct, but why couldn't he make his point without all the foul language? I remember when comedians were roll-on-the-floor funny without their limited four letter vocabulary.
Again, I agree with his point. Why are we still living in the dark ages? Local option has outlived its original purpose. Bootleggers didn't want legalized alcohol in Mississippi, but if it was coming they wanted dry pockets around the state so they could continue to ply their trade. With the number of wet counties and wet towns within the boundaries of dry counties bootlegging is pretty much a bygone thing. Don't feed me the religious aspect argument. I see many (and I mean many) of those professing to despise alcohol in church on Sunday dining out the rest of the week and guess what...most are enjoying a cocktail or glass or wine or beer with their meal. I seldom have alcohol touch my lips, but that doesn't mean it should be criminal in limited areas when it is (or can be) legal in the entire boundaries of Mississippi.
I see many (and I mean many) of those professing to despise alcohol in church on Sunday dining out the rest of the week and guess what...most are enjoying a cocktail or glass or wine or beer with their meal.
What church? Name it or BS.
I hope the Walthall County "powers that be" watched that . . .
Dry counties cultivate drunk driving.
It's exactly one beer from the Pike County line into Tylertown.
One and a half beers from the Marion County line into Tylertown.
Two full beers up state Hwy 27 from Washington Parish, Louisiana into Tylertown.
( That's If one is behind a log truck on that two lane "highway").
But what do I know.
Forgot to add, I agree this dude could have avoided the F-Word while still making his point.
In all honesty, some of these Walthall County/Tylertown "Holy than Though" types have almost forced me off the the road Sunday afternoons.
They have got to make it to "The Line" to pick a couple of cases of Budweiser, and then speed home to watch the Saints game.
"What church? Name it or BS."
Well, that's an easy question.
Tylertown Baptist is the first church that comes to mind.
Tylertown Methodist is riding in the same charter bus to Biloxi.
I'll refrain from saying anything "conventions" at the Beau Rivage.
And what is your next question ?
I can purchase 18 shots of Tito’s (albeit at a premium) at any restaurant in Flowood and drive them home all warm and cozy in my belly, but I can’t buy them in a bottle, drive them home and put them in my belly there
What a shiteater.
He’s a well-known and successful stand up comedian folks, it’s all part of his act. It’s ok if you only like g rated stuff or Christian comedy or whatever, but you’ve also got to realize that knowing people are getting offended at the language just makes it funnier for the fans who buy his tickets.
Mississippi needs to get out of the liquor business and let the free market work its magic. Dry counties and dry "judicial districts" are nuts. I cant buy a bottle of wine in Raymond, Terry, or Utica - I have go to Clinton or Jackson. Crazy neighbors complained about Gibbes Steak House in Learned and now we can't enjoy wine with our steak.
Tiresome and boring. I couldn't finish it. I really don't understand why comedians think every other sentence has to have a "bad word" in it. This kind of thing was transgressive and edgy sixty years ago; now it shows laziness or a lack of talent. The prohibition laws in Mississippi are ridiculous. They are easy to ridicule. But to use all of this language in scorn would seem to indicate that somebody has an unhealthy obsession with having alcohol in his house. It really is not an issue in dry counties to have alcohol in one's home--people do it all the time. The comedian is incorrect to say that the State cannot legislate what you have in your house. It certainly can and does legislate what you can legally have in your possession, any time or any place. This thing was childish.
“Profanity is the common crutch of the conversational cripple.”
Lewis Black is a comedic treasure. You dirt dumb hicks have probably never been out of Mississippi, and still hate "yankees". You have no idea what it's like to live in New York, and yeah, everybody knows - you have no desire to....that's why Mississippi is at the bottom of every performance indicator....you have zero experience outside your farm except knowing your backwards ass counties and hypocrite churches. Your government is in absolute shambles, the most corrupt in the nation. Black just captures the anger and frustration of many New Yorkers about THEIR city's obvious shortcomings. His shtick is meant to be childishly vulgar....and hilarious. The Jim Crow blue laws in Mississippi are from the stone age....like most things Mississippi....and its citizens keep voting for the same racist morons who keep it that way. Look at your state flag for fuck's sake....WHY and how in the crippling fuck do you justify keeping it?
@5:56 - because it drives people like you crazy, rofl
@5:56AM
And yet here you are on JACKSON Jambalaya. Not Brooklyn, Manhattan, or Williamsburg. JACKSON. I've got more stamps on my passport than you. I've visited more shitholes from Marakesh to Manila.
NYC is a den of rats feeding on each other. It isn't special. And Lewis Black is yet another unfunny "comic" promoted by an unfunny comedic industry.
@5:56
You need some neosporin for that butthurt?
As a prior DOR employee, the ABC Commission should be abolished. If you actually went into the warehouse in Gluckstadt and saw the pools of booze on the floor that the workers carelessly fling around or place on forklift fork (Not on a pallet on a forklift, just on the forklift tong and allowed to fall and break) you would be appalled.
Not to even talk about security. All the warehouse workers were "searched" which meant that a baton was pressed against their leg and run up and down to make sure no bottles were on their person. Didn't help that bottles of Crown Royal were found behind the warehouse on the railroad tracks, some of them broken, slipped through a vent.
Also when I had started years ago a rollout I was never questioned or searched when bringing in a backpack. Anyone could have slipped a bottle or three in and no one would have been the wiser. In fact, one time when we were doing some network troubleshooting with the handheld scanners someone put a bottle in a box and forgot to take it out. When we got back to DOR we were unsure if someone had intentionally slipped some cheap whiskey out until a coworker who was on site mentioned that it was one of the test bottles they were using and one of the ABC guys forgot to put back on the rack.
I remember when I lived in Clinton in the 90s we had to drive a few miles to Jackson to buy beer on Sundays. There was even a gas station on Highway 80 that put out a sign announcing that it was the first store where cold beer was available on Sundays.
Comedians who had great material learned years ago that they could spice up their act for the adult night club demographic by punctuating every statement with vulgarity. George Carlin, Richard Pryor etc. had talent and great material and basically refined the genre. They were funny even when they could not use foul language. Since then hacks without much material or talent toss around vulgarity because they aren't particularly funny in the first place. This guy found a subject that could spawn good comedic material if he was really funny. He has good reason to decry a non-alcoholic venue. You
need to be drunk to enjoy his show. He made a point, but he wasn't very funny.
You know what’s hilarious about this thread? The same snowflakes who gasp and clutch their pearls at four letter words have the nerve to call others snowflakes for not liking their dumb, racist jokes (or their traitorous state flag).
Get over yourselves.
Lenny Bruce's crucifiction paid for the sins of all comedians who have followed him.
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