Saturday, April 28, 2018

Stokes Gets Stoked Over the Zoo

The Saturday Night Crew will have fun with this post. Jackson  Ward 3 City Councilman Kenneth Stokes issued this bull against the Jackson Zoological Society and Ward 2 Councilman Melvin Priester, Jr. 





The entire video of the City Council discussion of terminating the lease of the Jackson Zoological Society is posted below.

Stokes: 10:50
Priester: 13:49
Stokes: 19:40
Stokes: 41:40
Stokes & Priester go at it: 43:45





This Facebook post is what drew the ire of Mr. Stokes.

46 comments:

The Clerk said...

NEXT !!

loess learner said...

Stokes is correct about exactly one thing in his letter: “our institutions are under attack in Jackson “. He simply has no idea, and surely never will, just who it is under attack from.
And that line at the end asking if this “is a punk thing” - a “punk” in Stokes’ community’s lexicon is a gay man.

Aint no pie left said...

Jackson doesn't have enough George Jefferson's to be movin' on up, to the east side, to a deluxe apartment in the sky, and the only ones getting a piece of the pie are those in charge of continuing their racially divisional tactics. A five million dollar water bill. Seriously. May as well be a damn ten billion dollar water bill, because either way, aint nobody gonna pay the damn thing. I was born and raised in Jackson. A 10 out of 12 year product of the JPS. I graduated from Callaway in 1981, after college lived in Ridgeland then now Brandon since 1996. The Jackson Metro area has been my life. It's been beyond sad to see the extremely rapid decay since the Harvey Johnson years. I've recently lost my elderly father who kept his home in Jackson until the end. Once it is disposed of I've got nothing keeping me here. I'm gone. AMF (and the first word is "Adios") Metro Jackson. Even Kanye West couldn't save that City. Chokwe and his minions can have it AND own it.

Ah nuts, I forgot said...

Kennuf seems to think The City of Jackson has "X-PER-TEECE" in someone in house being able to feed the animals at the Zoo. It's his culture to say something like that. The only thing any "animal" needs is food and perhaps for some, a roof over their head. Until they....get this now....need medical attention. Hey Kennuf. I've been to the UMMC ER on a Monday evening at 6:30. They don't have time, space or resources to see a rhino, a monkee, a giraffe, a crocodile much less a parakeet either. And thus the thought processes of the "Leaders" of the City of Jackson!

Anonymous said...

Stokes is, if nothing else, entertaining.

Anonymous said...

The memo/letter concludes with this question: "Is this a punk thing?" Since I don't speak 'hood' I don't have a clue what that means or what is being asked. Can someone tell me?

Anonymous said...

The zoo is located on Congress between Pascagoula and Pearl. And it features one of the world’s biggest jackasses.

Anonymous said...

Kenny needs a Snickers bar.......he's just not himself.

Anonymous said...

That was the longest Saturday night live spoof I have ever watched.

John said...

There seems to be plenty of bats, but most of them live in Mr. Stokes' head.

Anonymous said...

kennuf stokes has been right about alot of things. he recognized bernie ebbers as the crook he was and helped run him out of jackson. 2 weeks after his criticism of outside police jurisdictions presuing suspects into jackson, his prediction that some innocent person would get killed came true.

Anonymous said...

10:14

Even a broken clock is right twice a day.

Messick said...

6;29 AM,

Amongst black folks, a "punk" is another way of calling someone a "faggot".

Anonymous said...

Here's the thing, guys. There's not going to be any reasoning with Stokes or most of the folks he represents.

Our minds have powerful self-defense mechanisms that exist to help us avoid the conclusion that we are wrong, have failed, etc. Ironically, the worse the situation, the stronger the defense mechanism gets. So the farther down the road to failure you go, the more blind you become to the increasingly obvious clues about where it's leading.

This is true on an individual level. Sadly, I've had fairly smart relatives who slowly descended into hopelessness despite countless efforts to reason with them.

But it's also true on a broader social level: the people who remain in West Jackson are, by definition, people who could not or would not take even the most basic steps to improve their situation. I'm not talking moving to a gated subdivision in Madison; I'm talking moving to a small apartment in Clinton so your kids can have a decent, free education and be relatively safe.

Having highly developed denial and blame-projecting mechanisms is literally a prerequisite to living in a failed community situated near non-failed communities. If you don't have these in place, you already left.

Stokes is just the current manifestation of that fact.

F mickns said...

It's interesting to note that several of the above bloggers cheerfully spiel that the vast, vast majority of the current citizens of Jackson have neither the disposable income/investment resources nor the knowledge of the true economic power structure of the area, to do anything about anything requiring investments other than from government.

ALL of the majority Black cities and communities in this country are in the same boat!

So what are the powerless mice living with the big cats to do?

In my opinion, the key is for the mice, through their leadership, acknowledging their predicament and then using whatever governmental tax breaks, TIF's etc., they have in their quiver to cut a better deal for their fellow mice. Not the "best" deal, but a "better" deal.

Example, using downtown development tax breaks. Cut a deal with the developer to commit the developer to transferring funds from the downtown project to be used for work in communities outside of downtown for community maintenance. This would be analogous to the common policy of a government requiring that a certain percentage of the project costs include an allocation for "public art". community maintenance projects through community organizations formed and overseen by the city.

Community organizations similar to the Jackson Convention Bureau?. Funnel the money through certified Neighborhood Associations?.

Now wait a minute, you say, wouldn't that negate the effect of the tax breaks for the downtown developer? Yes and no because the taxpayers of Jackson will still be paying the bill, but the bill will be larger.

Why do it this way? Simple. When tax breaks for downtown projects, equals tax increases and fewer services for the citizens, are presented there is rarely any dissent from elected bodies. On the other hand,in the current political environment, elected officials NEVER suggest raising taxes for increasing community maintenance activities. In fact when the tax crunch comes due to the tax breaks given to the developers the FIRST thing elected officials cut are the Public Works and Parks and Recreation Departments, whose department heads in turn,cut funding for park maintenance, grass cutting, trash removal, pothole filling etc.

Now are the elected officials completely crazy for not supporting tax increase for City maintenance? No they are not crazy. If an elected official suggests or votes for a tax increase for the GENERAL FUND to SPECIFICALLY pay for community maintenance expenses, that elected official will not be re-elected.because , the citizens know from past and recent experience, that if the elected officials say the money for GENERAL FUND tax increases will be used for neighborhoods, that NEVER happens. The funds disappear into the "General Fund Black Hole", to finance the previous downtown developer tax breaks, pay for the errors of past administrations, or pay for the emergencies of today. They will not support tax increase to the General Fund.dedicated for community maintenance expenses, because the citizen/tax payers are not crazy.

Hey Frank would.t it be more cost effective if the City uses it's already in place management and larger buying power than to decentralize these tasks to new inexperienced organizations? Of course it would be more cost effective for those reason. However as stated earlier, citizen's know that the City NEVER makes community maintenance a priority

These same citizens/voters will, however, support tax increases for BOND PROJECTS. Why do citizens/tax payers tend to support bond issues tax increases? Mainly because the money is in a dedicated fund, separate from the ravenous General Fund, that can only be used only for the projects presented, and at the end of the day the taxpayer can see the result.

The Jackson community has not voted down a bond issue in the 40 years I have been in Jackson, including the 1% fund.

F mickns said...

CONTINUED

Hey, why devote the funds to community maintenance? Well as my mother always told me, " Frank we may be poor,and our clothes old and tattered , but we will ALWAYS BE CLEAN.

Again, the key may be putting the money from downtown development into community maintenance projects through local community control and therefor, if the community is unclean,it is that communities fault. If the Neighborhood Association fails in the task, the city could then take control of that association and form a new one. Cleaning up cannot be effectively done on a once a month basis. It is a daily activity.

Interesting thing is that once an area is cleaned up, it stays clean longer. I've personally picked up trash, trimmed hedges and/or cut grass at abandoned buildings/residences, corporate owned grocery store parking lots, Baptist Hospital sidewalks, Millsaps college sidewalks,etc. Once I do my cleanup the property stays cleaner longer. As for the property of the institutions I've cleaned up and manicured, they are so embarrassed that I actually did what I did on their property \], so embarrassed that they open their eyes and resources and care for the back side of their property (West St.) as well as they care for the front side (State St.) side of their property.

This is just one example of how the mice's political leadership can use their meager resources to get a better deal from the cat.

Hey Mayor, kinda radical huh?

I must confess that a somewhat similar scheme was used during the construction of the New Yankee Stadium in NYC. The Yankees needed to use the adjacent City parks as a "lay down" and storage area for the contractor. They reached a deal where the Yankees financed and constructed the expansion and improvements of the City owned parks through a somewhat convoluted financing scheme. Of course it was a struggle for NYC to get the Yankees and the NYC Parks Dept. to actually do what had been promised, but when the dust cleared, it got done.

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F mickns said...

CONITNUED

https://www.nycgovparks.org/park-features/future-parks/yankee-stadium-redevelopment

https://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/19/nyregion/19park.html

https://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/06/nyregion/heritage-field-opens-near-yankee-stadium.html

Anonymous said...

US VS THEM will it ever end? This time he sites some of his own community as them.

Anonymous said...

Give it a rest Mickns. Take your meds. Or take somebody else's meds!

John Grisham said...

After trying to read the book F mickns posted, I kept nodding off, so I will wait for the movie. I will also provide the popcorn.

Playing the part of Kennuff will be Fat Albert, if Cosby is still at home under house arrest.

F mickns said...

"April 29, 2018 at 12:36 PM Anonymous said...
US VS THEM will it ever end? This time he sites some of his own community as them."

Will "US" vs "THEM" ever end?

No it "WILL NOT" ever end.

US vs THEM may be Catholics vs Protestants, Cities vs. Rural areas. the Wealthy vs everyone else.

As long as their are limited resources to be distributed, there will ALWAYS be US vs THEM.

As long as power is not EQUITABLY (not necessarily "equally") distributed, there will ALWAYS be US vs THEM.

It's called "human nature".

In my opinion, what the blogger above is really complaining about is "Why don't THOSE folks shut up and accept things the way they are. Like it used to be. During slavery. During Feudal societies. During the time of industrialist and mine owners despicable treatment of their "free White" workers. Before Unions. Before Wage and Hour Laws. Before Child Labor was outlawed.

Let's make "America Great Again", and to hell with those who are not EQUITABLE beneficiaries of the wealthiest and relatively, calmest society in human recorded history.

Sure you dissatisfied folks can disagree, just do it silently.

Anonymous said...

John Grisham, you didn't miss much - the movie will have to be much better a novel. F Mickens fiction for fact wasn't even interesting to try to read. Lots of taking from the "rich" (anybody white or in business) and giving to continue to subsidize the rest of Jackson. Pretending that bond issues pass because people support them rather than recognizing that those that control the votes don't pay taxes to pay the bonds. Pretending that the politicians in Jackson don't raise taxes because the voters will not put up with it - again, totally failing to recognize that the politicians (City Council and Mayor) have raised the city taxes almost yearly, and without fear - again, because voters who have to pay taxes have very little voice in the outcome of the elections.

He also tried again to discuss a subject he obviously has no understanding - TIFs. Just as in his post on the last subject, he thinks west Jackson should be getting TIFs like (as he said) River Hills and Whole Foods received - neither of which benefited from a TIF. Also misunderstands that the TIF causes taxes to go up on others; again missing the fact that his "others" aren't paying taxes, and the TIFs don't raise anyone's taxes.

But, as you said, wait for the movie. Don't bring much popcorn, because even as a novel, its not going to keep anyone's interest very long.

F mickns said...

April 29, 2018 at 2:23 PM Anonymous John Grisham said...
After trying to read the book F mickns posted, I kept nodding off, so I will wait for the movie."

True-Dat.

You sound just like my wife.

All she says is, "Frank stop blogging, clean up around HERE and paint the GD house!

And yes there will be a book. I can aways count on the Kingfish bloggers to spot fallacies and holes in my logic so please keep the critical comments coming!

What I've learned from ANON@2:23 is too many words without an interesting slant and engaging style will not be read!

Anonymous said...


I'm confident Stokes will begin his crusade to save the Zoo with a huge personal donation.

Of course his donation will be matched by "Here comes the judge" Lorita.

Money will soon be falling out of the sky as everyone follows the Stokes' example!!

Anonymous said...

mickns - your latest mistake is in claiming there are 'limited resources'. Resources are not limited. But the willingness to invest personal time (work) in pursuit of them is limited. Folks like you would rather hang around and wait on the porch for (more) reparations.

Anonymous said...

Talk about everything leaving Jackson... Jackson dropped the ball with Costco being built on Lakeland!!!

Anonymous said...

US vs THEM was......never mind!

Anonymous said...

Jackson got played by Costco. Costco was never going to locate in Jackson. Costco only used Jackson as leverage to extract what they needed from Ridgeland.

Anonymous said...

@ 6:01
It was eastover neighborhood that caused Costco to pullout of that area for consideration. You know the wealthy jackholes that have weekend condos in Oxford or a beach house l. Let's not forget the ones with houses on Martha's vineyard for over $23 million.

Anonymous said...

Who is the radio host on urban station today around 3 pm... it's 97.7 fm... this guy is a total joke of information and acts as if the zoo was actually leaving the city. He obviously considers this area of NE Jackson too white and we only pay the majority of taxes in the entire city so hey we can't be considered a part of the city. He thought we were in flowood. Man is lacking knowledge

F mickns said...

April 29, 2018 at 2:41 PM ANON

I know for a fact that River Hills Country Club got a TIF (Tax Incremental Financing) because I know several of their board members. I said that these projects got tax abatement and/or TIF's. Whole Foods, and/or their landlord probably got some form of tax abatement.

For those who don't know, using River Hills as an example, a TIF is an agreement where the City will make needed improvements on City owned property, usually roads and sewage, drainage, etc. infrastructure improvements on the schedule required for the private entity. The improvements to the private entity property, not owned by the City, should increase the value and therefore the additional taxes paid by the entity. These additional taxes, in theory, should, over time pay for the City infrastructure improvements.

I never said West Jackson should go after a TIF.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tax_increment_financing

ANON makes the often espoused erroneous statement that implies that some folks, specifically "those folks" in Jackson, don't pay property taxes. Property taxes are usually the vehicle to pay off bond issues. He erroneously assumes that renters don't pay property taxes, while of course they do. Landlords ALWAYS eventually pass increases in the property tax they pay by increasing rents. Some landlords who exchange a limited level of rent control when they accept Section-8 rent subsidy vouchers, for a steady and predictable supply of renters. A steady supply who reduce the largest risk landlords face, vacant properties.

As for politicians not raising taxes, I said NINE TIMES that for the very specific example I presented the politicians won't raise taxes specifically to pay for "community maintenance expenses".

ANON which politicians control your vote? Please explain how a politician controls votes. I can authoritatively say, and you will agree if you think about it, that politicians didn't control votes. It's quite the opposite. They get elected based on how successfully they can convince voters that they will do what the voters already want done.

F mickns said...

"April 29, 2018 at 5:03 PM Anonymous Anonymous said...
mickns - your latest mistake is in claiming there are 'limited resources'. Resources are not limited. But the willingness to invest personal time (work) in pursuit of them is limited. Folks like you would rather hang around and wait on the porch for (more) reparations."

Well if you really think that the concept of limited resources is false, you need to look up the definition of the study of economics. If resources of personal time, and raw materials were not limited, then we all should have everything we need with no investment of time or mode exchange. Living in paradise as it were. Picking food off the trees for free.

But let's say I agree with you. If you cannot afford to pay for what you need why should others, who are working, support you?

Hey ANON Do you have folks in your family on Social Security, Disability, Food Stamps, subsidized home health care, getting VA Veterans benefits, special needs education at a public school, going to a state supported college or university, riding on a public road? If any of these scenarios are true, and I agree with you. let's throw the freeloaders out.

Of course what you are really saying, especially when you use the word
reparations", is that Black folks shouldn't get public support.

Fact is, the vast majority of folks getting public support are White!

Most of Mississippi's White folks lived one step away from poverty and ignorance until those rich and progressive White folks in the North, through the Federal government, subsidized all of those poor, White, porch sitting free loaders. Rich White folks in Mississippi did very little for their fellow, less rich, or poor, White cousins.

Just saying.

F mickns said...

April 29, 2018 at 5:04 PM Anonymous said...
"Talk about everything leaving Jackson... Jackson dropped the ball with Costco being built on Lakeland!!!"

Jackson dropped the ball when the State of Mississippi, through MDA, offered COSTCO "cash support", plus tax incentives, to locate in Madison rather than Jackson.

Kingfish said...

Wrong, Frank. The developer applied for the rebate as one could have in Jackson.

Anonymous said...

This is peanut and banana BS.

It's Me It's Me It's Frank T. Bass! said...

With each new post, Mickns proves himself more outlandish. It's as if he's in a padded cell, bouncing off walls, with a laptop and they can't catch him to medicate him. He's the new Ernest T. Bass running around and jumping and tossing rocks through the windows, constantly.

Then there's this: "Hey ANON Do you have folks in your family on Social Security, Disability, Food Stamps, subsidized home health care, getting VA Veterans benefits, special needs education at a public school, going to a state supported college or university, riding on a public road? If any of these scenarios are true, and I agree with you. let's throw the freeloaders out."

Well...the 'freeloaders' in my family have always paid tuition to state supported universities. And those tuition payments racked up student debt instead of student grants and handouts.

And those who received Social Security were merely getting back a portion of the government had confiscated over fifty years of their working lives. A few died after collecting their money for one year or not at all.

I pay taxes to ride on public roads. Many in Jackson do not pay taxes - They just low-ride.

Mickns' primary issue is with society. He sees himself and others who look like him as disadvantaged, trampled upon, used up and tossed aside, de-valued and spurned. Held back and not given a chance to release and deploy their talents. And they are all certainly owed all the government can heap upon them in whatever form they can get through whatever avenue they can manage.

Frank! Your wife is correct. Get off the damned internet and paint the house! Or prune your petunias. And drink some prune juice.

Anonymous said...

@ 7:54,
I'm not familiar with the station 97.7 FM... I can only imagine what the radio host was claiming as facts though. Probably had stokes on for the fact checking. I would say 97.7 urban radio has very little political advise apart from the plantation mentality and it's all the white peoples fault.

Anonymous said...

The problem with the city of Jackson is... the city of Jackson!! Mayor's office and the Council are ultimately responsible for the conditions the city is in. Not the white man because the city IS majority African-American and has been for many many years. I think it's sad at what the city is now and what it once was! Moving the zoo to the museum/park area is a great move... and guess what it's still IN THE CITY!!!! Jackson lost out on a lot of BIGGER projects because the way the city is/run. The City did it to itself... and Kenny is one of those to blame! Why do you ask??? He is one of the longest seat wearing out member of the council (even when his wife took his seat). I understand the city is in Wards but until the Council makes decisions for the city as a whole and not just their little kingdom/ward the city will remain the same. It's time the citizens hold the Council to the high standard they expect, want, and definitely need! Don't hate because other communities can do better than you. WAKE UP JACKSON!!!

Anonymous said...

So two murders on Sunday and a third victim in critical condition and this is what the leadership of Jackson is spending their time on.

Anonymous said...

WHERE ARE YOUR EYEBROWS KENNETH ?

Anonymous said...

The Doctor you hired says you've got cancer and if you don't do surgery now, you are going to die. Kennuf Stokes says the doctor is killing me and I need to get rid of him. Mr. Priester seems to be saying maybe we should at least consider what the doctor is saying since cancer CAN kill and we are not doctors. Maybe a second opinion is needed. Kennuf says he's got a second opinion...mine. Other council members say, surgery sure will hurt and we don't want to hurt. Kennuf say's stop being a sissy cancer happens all the time and it's probably just indigestion anyway. In the meantime...

Anonymous said...

"the State of Mississippi, through MDA, offered COSTCO "cash support", plus tax incentives, to locate in Madison rather than Jackson."


So there's a second Costco going up in Madison too?

F mickns said...

"April 30, 2018 at 4:31 ANON"

ANON SAYS: "Well...the 'freeloaders' in my family have always paid tuition to state supported universities. And those tuition payments racked up student debt instead of student grants and handouts."

FM SAYSs. http://www.controller.msstate.edu/records/2017/Sch_01%20FY17.pdf

Well lets examine this. MSU got 155 million (page 3 of 8) from the Feds and 256 million from Tuition and Fees (page 2 of 8). That's a ratio of 60% of Fed support to tuition support. Now I never said that people who get subsidies are free loader. All I said was when you think you are paying your full ride at state colleges, you are actually getting heavily subsidized. As I also said,the issue seems to be that its okay for White folks and corporations to get subsidies and a crime if Black folks get subsidies.

ANON SAYS: "And those who received Social Security were merely getting back a portion of the government had confiscated over fifty years of their working lives. A few died after collecting their money for one year or not at all."

FM SAYS : Same for Black folks. In fact Blacks die much earlier then Whites so Blacks get back less than Whites. ANON you should be happy with that.

ANON SAYS I pay taxes to ride on public roads. Many in Jackson do not pay taxes - They just low-ride.

FM SAYS: ANON, EVERYBODY pays state and local taxes through color blind sales taxes and color blind property taxes levied upon renters by landlords rent increases to cover the property taxes. MS Income tax is so low it's really not worth talking about.

Yes, the Federal government does give "poor and poor working folks a break, but that's done in a color blind fashion as well. There are more poor and working poor White folks than Black folks in a similar situation Blacks. Of course you wouldn't know it from the local media. Need proof? Go to the South Jackson "Wal-Mart" early on Saturday morning. Truly eye opening!

ANON SAYS: Mickns' primary issue is with society. He sees himself and others who look like him as disadvantaged, trampled upon, used up and tossed aside, de-valued and spurned. Held back and not given a chance to release and deploy their talents. And they are all certainly owed all the government can heap upon them in whatever form they can get through whatever avenue they can manage.

FM SAYS: Tru Dat!

This will be my last post on this site other than to respond to comments I may receive from my previous posts.

I have more than enough "vitriol" for my book. Thanks to all of you ANON posters. I will neither have to get your permission to use your comments nor pay you any royalties!

I will also clean up around and paint my house!

I will also continue to support Kingfish financially with my meager donations. He is truly a valued contributor to our State.

Six Two and Even. Over and Out.

Anonymous said...

Frank: Can you at least come back and sign off like Walter Cronkite?

F mickns said...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G5tdqojA26E

Anonymous said...

A lot of you commenters need to take a chill pill. Or at least drink a beer and calm down. The sky is not falling.

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Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).


Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.


Note: Security provided by INS.

Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS
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