Monday, June 30, 2014

GOP chair provides certification & challenge procedures.

Mississippi Republican Party Chairman Joe Nosef issued this memo to county party chairmen.  A reader was kind enough to send it to me so you can see the rules for yourself.

Mississippi Republican Party Memo 

To: County Chairmen


Joe Nosef, Chairman MSGOP 
Mike Wallace, General Counsel MSGOP

Re: Process for certification/upcoming deadlines, etc.

We have received several questions from our county committee members as well as received and observed communication that indicates some confusion regarding the process of vote certification and the impact on potential challenges and review of voting information. In addition, issues related to the new Voter ID law raise questions about how counties and the state executive committee should deal with potential practical timing conflicts created by the new law. 

1. County Certification Process: Under Section 23-15-597, each county executive committee should have already met to certify the returns.  If you have not completed that process, you should do so Monday, orTuesday morning at the latest.  

There are two reasons for this.  First, section 23-15-911 requires counties to transmit your results to the state committee, and the same statute requires the state committee to meet on Tuesday, July 1 at 2pm, to canvass the results from the 82 counties. The statute left the state committee no discretion about when to meet.  

Second, section 23-15-911 allows persons who may want to challenge the results to have access to the ballot boxes only after the county committees have completed the certification process.

This is written in this manner because of a practical reason: the committees need those boxes to complete the work required by statute, and two sets of people can't be working with the ballots at the same time. 

Each party has 12 days from county certification to review the poll books and other ballot information. Notice of 3 days is required however in the event one campaign wants to review the materials so that the other campaign may have a representative present. The circuit clerk and not the county party oversees this review. 

2.  Impact of new voter ID law:  We will simply use the same process outlined below for dealing with these timing challenges under the new Voter ID law as we used for the state executive committee meeting held after the June 3 primary.  There were no complaints about this process after the first primary, and we need to be consistent with our process. 

You should report your results immediately, whether or not your county still has outstanding ballots under the new voter identification act which have not been verified by a voter coming to the courthouse to present his identification.  Since the voter identification act did not amend the time limits in section 23-15-597, the county committees must still complete the certification and transmit the numbers before the state committee meets on Tuesday July 1 at 2pm

If your county has no unverified ballots under the voter identification act, there is no problem and no additional information to report.  

If your county has some unverified ballots, and if voters come to the courthouse with proof of identity after you send your results to the state committee, then simply be sure that your circuit clerk counts any newly verified ballots and transmits the results to the state committee.  

The state chairman will include those votes in your county's final totals that will be transmitted to the Secretary of State on Monday, July 7, as required by section 23-15-599.  

3.  Challenge Process: Many people have asked questions about the process of challenging the runoff results. Under 23-15-923, a complaint may be filed with the state committee after we finish the process of reporting the vote to the Secretary of State on July 7. Some have said that the meeting on Tuesday July 1 ends the time for which a complaint may be filed but that is not the case. 

4.  State Executive Committee meeting:  The purpose of the state executive committee meeting on Tuesday July 1 at 2pm is to simply add the certified totals received from the counties and pass them on to the Secretary of State by the July 7 deadline. This meeting is not a "certification" of any totals and as stated above a complaint may be filed with the committee after the July 7 deadline has passed. 

This is basic information but very important so that everyone understands the significance or lack thereof of some of the events of this week. If you notice anything in this memo which you feel is incorrect please let us know so we can correct or explain it. Thanks.

Joe Nosef, Chairman 
Mississippi Republican Party 
415 Yazoo St 
Jackson, MS 39201


Anonymous said...

YAY!! Let a little sunshine in so we may all see the fraud which took place for Cochran to snare a faux victory on June 24th and for McDaniel to have been declined his victory on June 03rd too!

Challenge Time = Party Time!!

Break up the Mississippi GOP establishment bull malarkey, Chris McDaniel! Break it up!

Oh, and ignore all the whiners on this site who cry about the fact you are doing what is the legally right thing to do!

Anonymous said...

I was never a McDaniel fan and I didn't vote for him. This November I plan to vote Democratic for the first time since 1976. The shameful tactics of the GOP-Cochran crowd are an embarrassment.

If my vote keeps Harry Reid in power, so be it. The Ms GOP is amoral. I can no longer vote with them as the less of two evils.

Anonymous said...

If the Certification Process required by Mississippi Statute is followed, and the McDaniel Challange is upheld, will this Certification work against his being the Republican Candidate in November?

Anonymous said...

This will be my first time to vote democrat since 1978- I guess vote the lesser of the two evils- but at least the democratic candidate has been a gentlemen and does not glow with such arrogance. But I tell you what ....the Democratic Party needs to get involved in this too as illegal voting could impact the Democratic results as well. Sooo Travis.....if you are reading this, you need to partner with CM at least make sure that the right thing is done in November-- for your sake. Maybe by Chris paving the way for an ethical voting standard, it will change the voting results in November------so you can thank Chris for implementing this when you win. Also don't forget to thank the Cochran campaign committee for allowing the TP guy to bring this to our attention. (Even though CM is doing the right thing, most likely he has figured he will not hold the senator position as the money machine is too big for him but I do respect and admire ANYONE that has passion for doing what is ethical) . Personally, I would not want to win anything by cheating or by unethical means. Go Chris we are with you!

Anonymous said...

Yeah Chris. Thanks for being such a swell guy. You remind me of Wally Cleaver, or is it Eddie Haskell?

Anonymous said...

Just curious 3:11 ethical or illegal? Please re-state you opinion about Travis and arrogance when you meet with him and talk (too bad you didn't know him when he held local office having lunch with Joey Langston) I am having a hard time understanding what is wrong with a registered voter voting during an election? My thoughts and opinions are mine, how does anyone know what I hold for a candidate.

Last point someone please define a Reagan Democrat.

Anonymous said...

This is the same letter that is sent for every election. It's cute that you still have hope.

Anonymous said...

"I'm goint to show how conservative I am by voting for a Democrat!"


Anonymous said...

@1:31 and @3:11, are you both f'in kidding me? How can you both be SO misguided??? I voted for McDaniel twice, because I didn't think Thad was the man for the job any longer....and I still don't! That being said, if it's found Chris was legally defeated - in whatever unseemly way - it would border on insanity for me to now consider voting for the democrat!! That's so incredibly short-sighted it almost escapes words! Why do Republicans / Conservatives continue to make the same HUGE mistakes over, and over, and over? It defies logic! If you're a fan of Harry Reid and President ObaMAO, then vote for the person who will certainly further their agenda (i.e., Travis Childers). However, if you see the rare opportunity that's before us - that is, to take back the Senate and hopefully further impede ObaMAO's destruction of this country - then you should perform the selfLESS act of voting for the man (irrespective of whether you like him or support him) that may allow the Republicans to regain the control of the Senate. It's time to get over being butthurt and do the right thing for our COUNTRY, not yourself!

All of this should be so apparent to any non-democrat that it's hard to believe it even needs to be said. However, over the last week, I've seen too many Republicans standing in our far-too-familiar circular firing squad, so people need to be shaken awake.

If Chris is found to have been LEGALLY beaten, all you whiners need to shut the hell up (about this election, anyway) and vote for the remaining man (Republican) who can help the democrats LOSE the Senate. To hell with Cochran, the point is, we can no longer survive the current onslaught from the democrats. It just so happens that Cochran may be our only hope for protection from their further reign......just remember, when all is said and done, either Childers or Cochran will be the next Senator from the State of Mississippi, and it's PREPOSTEROUS to claim that Childers is the same as / is better than the Republican!!!!! That's what we said in 2006 (and we got Nancy Pelosi and set up the perfect storm for ObaMAO) and that's what we said in 2012 (and we've now got the tragedy that is ObaMAOCare).

People, WAKE UP! This is a much bigger issue than Mississippi! I hate what happened in the Mississippi election, but the eventual ramifications are national! Just think what happens if - God forbid - we lose a conservative justice on the Supreme Court. Will a democrat Senate be acceptable then? I submit, it absolutely will not be.

Think, think, think. Don't give this election to the democrats because you're butthurt. Be a thinking adult and VOTE in November, and vote Republican!

Anonymous said...

These duffusses who claim they've had enough and are going to now vote Democrat...Who gives a rat's ass who you vote for? If you're enough of a mental midget to base your life decisions on such idiocy, you deserve the irrelevance you invite upon yourself. Your momma probably made imitation banana puddin' too.

"I'll show them all. I'm gonna vote for 'pencil-thin'" What a hoot!

Anonymous said...

State GOP certification on Tuesday July 1st at 2:00 pm. I guess the fireworks for the 4th will start early this year.

Anonymous said...

5:47p.m.....haley, that you? hmmmmm, must be worried about your meal ticket. well, y'all shoulda thought about that before you trashed the party. dinky danks and mayor mary oughta charge y'all with elder abuse for dragging that tired old man around everywhere, making him run for office when he didn't want to...

Anonymous said...

We welcome all of you to the Democratic party.

Anonymous said...

5:47 pm They aren't kidding.

They just don't understand.

They don't want to understand.

They will believe what they want to be true despite any and all evidence or rational arguments to the contrary.

It's called " denial". It is particularly strong in " right fighters".

They will burn the barn down rather than admit they made an error in construction.

Or else they are the folks that will follow a charismatic leader if it means sacrificing their children.

Anonymous said...

6:10. Vote for the Democrat. Do you idiots not understand that the NATIONAL TAKE on the election of Childers will be the "fault of or reason given" you stupid TP's.

Have balls TP's. Do it. Elect Childers. That will be the best thing EVER to bury your dumb asses nationally. Good God Does anybody over there have brains and not just testosterone??

Anonymous said...

The Cochran campaign paid for ads claiming McDaniel had Klan ties.
People on this website tell McDaniel supporter they are nuts and/or Nazis.
McDaniel's supporters are told to leave the GOP and vote independent.
If you don't care about these people now perhaps if Childers gets 185,000 votes no one expected then maybe these people will not be marginalized by their own party.

Anonymous said...

It's when the Tea Party focuses on policy that it sounds best. But when they get off track and into tactics like voting for Childers as the less of two evils, that's when they lose people. Less government, less taxes, balanced budgets, and free markets are things people can believe in. But, when they start sounding like fanatics with irrational tactics and extreme messaging strewn with runaway emotions, that's when they sound like a bunch of nuts. Vote for Childers and hand Harry Reid the senate???? That's nuts. And it's something that doesn't attract people to the Tea Party.

Pappy Odaniel said...

@5:47...welcome to Recent History 101. The Dems came into power in 2006 because W completely turned off conservatives with his "big tent" republicanism that brought Medicare Part D, No Child Left Behind and that conservative wunderkind John Roberts. Obama was brought about because Rove, Hayley, Thad and every other go along to get along Republican said ONLY John McCain could beat Obama, only a left of center Republican could reach out to enough voters to beat Obama then hit repeat in 2012 with an even weaker candidate who was too exhausted from destroying the personal reputation of every Republican candidate to stand up to Obama.

Anonymous said...

One interesting tidbit from the Stevens article. McDaniel didn't campaign until the Saturday after the primary. That is pretty telling and I believe gives insight to the entire McDaniel team. In their minds, the runoff was a mere formality. They had it won. I bet senior staff were already googling apartments in DC. Completely blindsided by last Tuesday they have, in effect been throwing a week long temper tantrum. I was talking to my 80 year old mom earlier tonight. First thing out of her mouth. "You know, he's never going to be able to run for anything again." Too bad those around the candidate obviously have no wisdom.

Anonymous said...

It was interesting that the 50th Anniversary of the Freedom Summer was celebrated this weekend and recently in the Media. Also interesting that we observe a very strange dichotomy between black and white voters. And also how that correlates to MS and who is Democrat and who is Repupublican and how they voted and/or could "legally " vote in a primary. Are there any Colin Powells, Condoleeza Rices, Ben Carson's, TJ Watts, Etc. that might be a doctor, engineer, academic, farmer, etc. that is Black and a fan of Cochran? I think their are. The Democrat party for decades in MS was run by whites and here we find ourselves in a pickle. People have the right to vote for who they want and they have the right to change their mind. Please respect that right to vote. This is not about individuals, this about making MS a better place.

Pappy Odaniel said...

@815...Nothing that happened last week honors the Freedom Summer participants. In fact, those African American voters went and voted for a man who was a Ross Barnett democrat that summer. Thad was on campus when Ole Miss was integrated, I don't recall seeing any pictures of Thad arm in arm with him pushing for guess is Thad was showing off some of his old cheerleading skills with his Rebel flag when Ross Barnett gave his I love Mississippi speech

Anonymous said...

One of the methods of challenging someone voting in EITHER party's primary is asking them if they will support that party's nominee in the general election, no matter who the nominee is. Those of you that supported and voted for McDaniel and are now pledging to vote Childers in November are breaking the very rule about which you are so upset. Stop and think: Why did voters turn out Childers after just one term in the House of Representative? Now you want him in the Senate? I don't think so!

Buckwheat said...

"I bet senior staff were already googling apartments in DC. Completely blindsided by last Tuesday they have, in effect been throwing a week long temper tantrum."

Bingo. Everyone (myself included) thought McDaniel had this thing in the bag after June 3. But after the primary a lot of Cochran supporters who stayed home on June 3 came out on June 23, in addition to many black crossover votes (who were prodded by what were allegedly "dirty tricks").

I say all this as a Democrat who cast a vote for Cochran. TL; DR -- McDaniel's not going to stop fighting for this; he feels like he deserves it, and tbh I see where he's coming from. At any rate, here's to hoping he spends all his political capital and never becomes anything more than a two-bit state senator from backwoods county USA.

Anonymous said...

@8:00 the same stuart stevens that orchestrated the Romney defeat. give me a break

Anonymous said...

I don't think I have ever read a post on this website that disagreed with the Tea Party that did not include the word "nuts" or some other derogatory term.
I wonder if the establishment GOP is so bankrupt for ideas that all they can do is engage in name calling.

Anonymous said...

Got 'em!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

8:15 Is that your list of "good ones?" Always fun to see a certain segment of our society reel off the same few blah people they like.

Anonymous said...

8:15 it's good to see a certain element of our society reel off that same list of "good ones."

Anonymous said...

I'm guessing McDaniel is hoping to turn this failed campaign into a paycheck of some sorts. Maybe as a consultant or a radio gig, who knows. The election battle
was really waged between the PAC, Club for Growth, and
the mainline Republican Party. The Koch brothers are the
force behind the PAC and if the Tea Partiers think McDaniel was going to represent them instead of doing the Koch brothers bidding, they were mistaken.

Anonymous said...

Don't overlook it:

Anonymous said...

If the allegation in this article ( is true, then the RNC, the MS GOP and the MS Secretary of State need to DO THEIR JOBS and prosecute the Cochran campaign for election fraud and tampering. (If the Cochran campaign gets away with these tactics here in Mississippi, the GOPe will use them in everywhere.) If we are EVER to get our country and our State back on track, then we absolutely have to clean up our election laws to close loopholes, clean voter rolls, and make sure our elections are clean. As citizens, we also have to become INFORMED and ACTIVE in the process. Otherwise, we have NO democracy; our votes DO NOT count; and we are NOT represented in our government.

Anonymous said...

5:08a.m......why not? ALL news media in this state and ALL elected officials sure will....

p.s.the breitbart story is a little better....who knows, maybe they'll just throw little Kirk sims under the bus along with the black guy saleem Baird

Tuesday Alert said...

First; Kingfish must be dining at Primos this morning.

Second; Hello Dunce! McDaniel doesn't include an 's' at the end of his name.

Third; Cackruns is in deep shit now.

Anonymous said...

Do not go to GOTNEWS.COM

Do believe that is CHUCKIE'S newslink. Don't go there and give him the respect of reviewing his lies, distortions and idiocies. A basic google search shows that this is his "newly launched newslink".

He's being paid for by the National TP, for his work, it appears.

Chuckie -- glad you're reading our post (see above the anonymous post ("Don't overlook it:" and others), however, believe it or not, we can google too!

Anonymous said...

It's funny to read Tea Party people objecting to name calling.

Funnier still to see them complain about fact based ads ( McDaniel has a close relative and contributors with a history in the Klan) when their ads ( like Thad voting for the stimulus and the Busby robocall) were outright lies.

When some of your members/McDaniel supporters post outrageous beliefs like there was a Democratic runoff after the primary and that an adult can be " driven" to suicide( and worse ,accuse others by name of doing that)...

When the first politicizing of a tragedy is by Tea Party people...

When you defend the break in at St Catherine's and worse, blame St Catherine's and clearly know nothing about the facility...

When you assume that there are no black Republicans or conservatives or anyone simply not in town for the primary who were eligible to vote in the runoff ...

When you post garbled extractions you claim are from the US Census as proof that whites are more educated and suggest blacks were manipulated and misled into crossover voting for Cochran because they are stupid...

When you say you are never going to vote for a Republican again but say in the same breath you are conservative...

When you continue to claim soliciting crossover votes is somehow illegal and unethical when the Tea Party has done the same...

You trash Madison's mayor and every GOP office holder and party official in the state with accusations of wrong doing without any offer of proof and yet your candidate ran as a Republican.

KF posted the only outrageous Cochran campaign tactic...the flyers. I didn't see Cochran supporters defending those. And, I didn't see Cochran supporters saying Pete wasn't drinking and driving either.

And, add to the above that McDaniel supporters have evidenced in their comments little understanding of the election process, how Congress functions or how government,in general, functions. You imagine the impossible or unrealistic far too often.

If you don't like people thinking you are " nuts" or " crazy" then stick to the facts and don't defend bad behaviors and don't believe things that aren't true and stop the behavior associated with sore losers ( I'm taking my marbles and leaving) and offer specific proposals for solutions to that you don't like!

Anonymous said...

instead, DO GO TO this link if you give a shit about democracy in america.....

thanks haley....

Anonymous said...

"I bet senior staff were already googling apartments in DC"

I'm thinking they would all have lived in Virginia to stay in the Confederacy. They don't believe in public transportation so anywhere near Metro is socialist. Maybe out in Manassas for the symbolism and to be outside the Beltway and away from the immigrant enclaves closer in.

Anonymous said...

Of course if Childers is elected the GOP establishment will blame the Tea Party, and rightly so. The GOP will then have a choice: continue to ostracize the TP and become the Whigs of the 21th Century, or, to cut out the dirty lies of their radio ads and flyers and view the TPs as allies and start winning elections.

Anonymous said...

8:22 appears to be the nut and goofball around here. How about sources rather than exaggerations?

Anonymous said...

Props to Joe Nosef for putting out an accurate statement on vote certification and challenge procedures. I think his public statements since election day have been balanced and fair to all sides. He seems to get the difficulty of the task ahead for the party and deserves some credit for trying to ratchet things down a few notches.

Anonymous said...

If the TP people that want to make sure the coutry goes to hell by refusing to help beat the Democrats and letting Obama get a liberal Supreme Court then here is an aritle by Sowell to read. We have got to get the 51 votes. Swallow any resentment and stop this coming disaster if Obama appoints another liberal judge and the Democrats have 51 vote to confirm.

America's Birthday!

Thomas Sowell

All is not lost. But all could be lost -- especially if too many of us take freedom for granted and focus our attention on other things, while ignoring such dangers as nuclear weapons in the hands of suicidal fanatics, with a track record of savagery, whom we are too squeamish to call anything stronger than "militants."
Nor are all the dangers abroad.

Within our own country there are all too many signs of people blithely ready to sacrifice the interests or freedom of Americans for the sake of symbolism or passing fashions.

When a former Speaker of the House of Representatives announces that she is going down to our border to greet and welcome masses of people crossing that border illegally, you know that something is fundamentally wrong.

No one knows, or apparently cares, how many of these "children" include teenage criminal gangs to whom murder is no big deal. Worst of all, no one knows, or apparently cares, that the elected representatives of the American people were cut out of the loop when it came to making these decisions.

All that matters to people like Nancy Pelosi is the symbolism of welcoming the oppressed, especially if they represent more votes for Democrats, who will shower the taxpayers' money on them.

As if to make clear the elite's contempt for ordinary Americans' intelligence, President Obama tells us that the people crossing the border "love" America. How could he possibly know that, any more than he could know how to "invest" the taxpayers' money in "the industries of the future," which have in fact gone bankrupt?

What is involved are not just bad policy choices. What is involved are policies imposed unilaterally by the President, in defiance of Congress' authority to legislate and in contempt of the Constitution's separation of powers -- on which all our freedoms ultimately depend.

The people who wrote the Constitution of the United States understood what dangers there are to the freedom of the people -- and that freedom can be quietly eroded by degrees, rather than taken all at once.

Too many people today seem oblivious to such dangers. So what if the government used the muscle of the Internal Revenue Service to keep groups opposed to the Obama administration tied up in red tape or litigation in an election year? Enough games like that can make our elections meaningless.

This arrogant abuse of power does not end with the federal government. In Massachusetts, teenager Justina Pelletier was taken from her parents' custody and held virtually incommunicado for over a year, because her parents preferred to continue to have her treated as the physicians at a medical facility associated with Tufts University had treated her,

Fortunately, enough media attention, especially by former governor Mike Huckabee on Fox News Channel, finally got this child freed. Perhaps we can hope that all is not lost -- yet. But if this case is a symbol of Americans fighting back, it is also a symbol of why it is desperately important to fight back.

That spirit is the best birthday present for America.


Anonymous said...

Is the governor so hasty to "certify" the votes so that McyD can't challenge? Is the governor pushing so hard for Sen. Cochran because Cochran will retire as soon as he starts his term and then the governor gets to put in whomever he wants? This is what i had heard, dont know if its true.

Anonymous said...

The Cochran campaign paid for ads claiming McDaniel had Klan ties.
People on this website tell McDaniel supporter they are nuts and/or Nazis.
McDaniel's supporters are told to leave the GOP and vote independent.
If you don't care about these people now perhaps if Childers gets 185,000 votes no one expected then maybe these people will not be marginalized by their own party.

7:01 for the win. Failing that, I guess we could continue the definition of insanity, and then wonder why nothing ever changes.

Anonymous said...

All these TP nuts who are vowing to vote for a Dem after voting in the Repub runoff - did they somehow miss about a million posts recently FROM THEIR OWN TEAM pointing out that it is illegal to vote in a party runoff unless you intend to vote in November for the winner of the runoff.

I guess they figure they are above the law because, you know, they report directly to God or something. Hypocrites.

Anonymous said...

@ July 2, 2014 at 10:08 AM

Since when did we ever see all of those Dems cross over and vote in a Republican Run-off...? Especially if they already voted on June 03rd? Bah! That is double voting and it is illegal!

However, they are suppose to stick with Thad in November. I say, let them stick with him.

Anyone who didn't vote for him owes him NOTHING and I am not giving another wasted vote...!

Travis Childers, are you ready for your B I G win in November? It's coming because we McDaniel supporters have had enough of Thad and his jackass supporters.

Enjoy your glee today, Cochran supporters and Cochran and staff. Tomorrow, we laugh last!

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Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).

Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.

In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

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This is definitely a Beaver production.

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Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

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