Monday, April 9, 2012

Is Tiger coming to Mississippi?

Apparently the new management team for the True South Classic flubbed a press release. CBS reports:

"Let's say you operated a lower-tier PGA Tour event, held at one of the smallest towns on the circuit, opposite one of golf's Grand Slam events.

Obviously, you'd be bucking long odds in terms of landing marquee players, because they'd all be trying to win a major championship elsewhere.

No matter.

That didn't stop the apparently clueless group that has just been hired to manage the True South Classic outside Jackson, Miss., from sending out a self-congratulatory email Monday announcing that it had taken over the event and was expecting none other than Tiger Woods and his top-rung pals to play.

The company, Bruno Event Team, caught everybody at tour headquarters completely off guard when it sent out a dispatch which, at first, read like a hoax. Incredibly, it isn't. More like incompetence, with a taint of bait-and-switch fraud thrown in for added spice.

Verbatim, from the Bruno email:

All the stars on the PGA Tour including Tiger Woods, Rory McIlroy, Phil Mickelson, Vijay Singh, Dustin Johnson, Keegan Bradley, Bubba Watson and more are expected to compete for the $3 million purse. The tournament will feature a standard eligibility field of 132 players and 72 holes of stroke play .... Past champions of the tournament include Fred Funk (2004), John Huston (2003), Steve Lowery (2000), the reigning FedEx Cup champion Bill Haas (2010) and the current No. 1 in the world ranking, Luke Donald (2002).

“We are very excited to be back involved in this tournament with its rich history,” stated Gene Hallman, President and Chief Executive Officer of Bruno Event Team. “Jackson and the entire state of Mississippi have always supported this event in a big way. We will work closely with the Century Club Charities and fully intend to dedicate our company's resources to ensure this a permanent event on the Mississippi sports calendar.”

Looks like Hallman might want to proof-read his releases a little more closely. The tournament is set for July 16-22 at Annandale Golf Club, which is the same week as the British Open..." Article

Too funny.

Posted by Kingfish at 10:52 PM

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'd love to know how much this guy makes. I don't know squat about golf and I knew the tourney was opposite the British Open.

I also know the PGA needs to allow the tourney to move back to October. Too hot, too humid in July!

April 9, 2012 at 11:36 PM
Anonymous said...

$3 million seems like a pretty big purse. Is that how much it was last year? and I assume Randy Watkins is no longer affiliated??

April 10, 2012 at 9:06 AM
Anonymous said...

it's not even on their website--

April 10, 2012 at 9:25 AM
Anonymous said...

$3 million is one of the smallest purses on the circuit. It's less this year than in years past.

April 10, 2012 at 9:31 AM
Rebekah said...

He already came to Mississippi once. To rehab.

April 10, 2012 at 9:18 PM
Anonymous said...

Rebekah! Thank you for posting that! I was thinking it, but got sidetracked before getting a chance to post it! Hahaha! :)

April 11, 2012 at 3:03 PM

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Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).

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In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.

In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

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Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS.