Monday, October 14, 2024

Meet the Fraud Detector

Out with the polygraph and in with the newfangled fraud detector.  



USA Today's Dan Wolken predicated what Alabama fans can expect based on Deboer's history: 

It is far too soon to tell whether Kalen DeBoer is going to be a good enough football coach for Alabama, but he’s going to do wonders for the state’s diamond-producing industry. Every Saturday in the fall under DeBoer’s watch, there are going to be enough clenched fists, jaws and other orifices within a 300-mile radius of Tuscaloosa to make De Beers consider a rebrand.

That’s just how DeBoer rolls. It’s always going to be a high-wire act. Through five games as Nick Saban’s replacement, we are seeing all the same stuff – good and bad – that we saw from DeBoer’s teams at Washington. 

Bold playcalling that borders on reckless at times. Receivers making video game plays down the field. Defense that is often, um, questionable. And games that resemble the last few laps of the Indy 500 when everyone is exhausted and the drivers just throw all strategy out the window and start passing each other, hoping that they end up in front when the finish line comes. 

DeBoer won eight football games that way last year at Washington, and it often didn’t matter how good or bad the competition was. But it was enough to get the Huskies to the national championship game, which earned DeBoer an offer to replace Saban at college football’s preeminent program. ...

But there’s a little thing called regression to the mean, and it hits like a bout of food poisoning that gets you out of bed in the middle of the night and makes you never want to eat another meal in your life. 

When you live as dangerously as DeBoer has done at both Washington and Alabama, you will eventually end up bent over a toilet. For Alabama fans who don’t remember much before Saban arrived in 2007, violent puking might even be preferable to what they watched Saturday in a 40-35 loss to Vanderbilt.  Rest of article.

Welcome to the Les Miles era, Gump-style, where you play to the level of competition no matter how good or bad it is.  Domination? That is so January 2024.  Oh wait, at least Miles had killers on his teams even when the offense was stuffy and predictable.   Hopefully Deboer will right the ship as he just needs to get his players in there.  



10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Kirk is correct, this wasn't their best work. I'm surprised they didn't make a jab at Kirby Dumb.

Anonymous said...

Just here to roll out the red carpet for the one fun-hater who's going to show up talking about how not funny all of these are.

Anonymous said...

No shot at LSU rushing the field against Ole Miss? Those arrogant bastards(WOAM's) probably appreciate that as much or more than an actual win in Death Valley. They are the National Champs when it comes to moral victories.

Anonymous said...

Just here to step onto the red carpet and double the number of fun-haters.

Anonymous said...

If you were keeping score, ole mess flopped 3 times

Anonymous said...

9:55: Is it really necessary to just make stuff up to feel slighted about? Surely there are enough actual insults floating around out there.

Anonymous said...

If someone has to flop to prevent the other side from a quick-snap for the purpose of preventing a replay, I say that's fair game.

Anonymous said...

UMAA - Exceeding expectations yet again

Anonymous said...

$13million roster and that's what you get? If Ole Miss had a year to win it, it would have been this one. Seems Lane is better at trolling on twitter than winning SEC football games.

Anonymous said...

Kiffin and Kalen (both west coasters) are no Saban. Supreme talent and great execution mean nothing without discipline. "Players' Coach" is woke speak for "Friend Coach". Saban knew better and produced better. It's on full display.

Used to be that parents shaped their kids, and coaches forged their players and teams....now it's backwards due to a lack of managerial courage and grit needed to do both.


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Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).


Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.


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Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

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