Wednesday, August 28, 2024

Robert St. John: Florida 2024

WATERCOLOR, FL— August. The end of summer. It’s that time of year. Since our first child was born, 27 years ago, we have travelled to the Florida Panhandle to spend a week at the beach. Actually, only part of the family spends time on the actual beach. I catch up on work, handle pressing issues from back home, and visit as many restaurants in a seven-day period as I can. To most, that sounds like work, but to me it’s just doing what I love to do.

The alarm never gets set while I’m down here. So instead of waking at 4:00 a.m. or 5:00 a.m. I sleep a little later (I made it all the way to 7:00 a.m. today!). Everyone has their version of vacation time. For some it includes a lot of golf. For others it’s shopping. For me it’s food and restaurants. The restaurant business is my primary profession, but it is also my hobby. Why not do my hobby while I am away from the office?

For the past decade or more this week at the beach has included my wife, daughter, son, and several of the kid’s friends. We rent a house and allow them to bring as many friends as they want as long as there’s an available bed on which to sleep. At times they’ve slept on a swing on the front porch (looking at you, Darby).

Typically, my son would bring three or four of his friends and my daughter would bring a few of hers. She is four years older, so the earlier days were spent as two separate groups with two separate interests. In later years, with all of them either in college, or recently graduated, they spent more time together, especially when they went out at night.

To some, having almost a dozen twentysomethings sleeping all over the place might not seem like a restful, relaxing proposition. To me, there was pure joy in it. I don’t rest or relax well. It’s just not in me, so there was no loss there. I just enjoyed seeing my children having fun among their peers and friend groups. There is a form of peace that comes with that. To know that your offspring have made it through the teen years and come out on the other side— not just alive, but— well adjusted, happy, and semi-responsible. Plus we love their friends and have always treated them as family.

I always encouraged the kids to invite as many friends as they liked. I wanted a house full. I was happy to host them at dinners out or for a boiled shrimp supper back at the house. There were never any solid schedules imposed on anyone. Those who wanted to go out to dinner could do so, those that preferred hanging back would.

This year is different.

In 2024 we have crossed some new milestone. Gone are the days with loud rambunctious boys running through the house and staying out past curfew. No longer are teen girls vying for position in the bathroom. On this trip no one has slept on the front porch because they came home after everyone had gone to bed and forgot the door code. Surprisingly, all my phone chargers are intact and plugged in. For those with young kids, you will soon learn that one of the greatest assets and commodities in the teen/twentysomething years are phone chargers. Lack of a phone charger will turn the most honest and upright youth into an unapologetic downright thief.

Sorry for the tangent, there. Back to why 2024 is different. This year is the first year we are friendless, and everyone is accompanied by a significant other. My daughter brought her fiancé, and my son brought his longstanding girlfriend. There are just six of us. The house is quiet and calm, and the kids seem to want to spend more time with their mom and me. That almost makes it the perfect vacation.

Almost.

My wife tends to overdo the shopping thing. I’m not sure if she was ever a girl scout, but the whole “Be prepared” thing (or is that just Boy Scouts?) is ingrained in every inch of her constitution. In the days when there were three or more teenage boys in the house, we made daily trips to the grocery store to restock supplies, this after filling two carloads to the roof with food on the way down. At the end of the previous trips, it always seemed as if we hadn’t made a dent in the food supply even though we had gone to the grocery store often. We always ended up bringing as much home in the car as we brought down.

This year I put my foot down and insisted that we dial down the food we were bringing down and just purchase most of it once we got here. I lost that battle, and we filled two vehicles with enough food to feed a junior high football team.

We are almost halfway through the week, and I have been to the grocery store every day, twice yesterday. I never mind going to the grocery store. Actually, I enjoy it, but the price of groceries these days is disturbing. It’s my prediction that I’ll end up with a full truck on the return home trip, Saturday.

It all that pales in comparison to having my two grown children here with their significant other. We have moved from late night bar runs, to trivia on the porch. I loved all the other stages of their childhoods, but I seem to be warming up to this one most. My son and I spent some time floating in the Gulf and walked along the beach while talking about the restaurant business. We’ve had fine dinners full of engaging conversation, and we have laughed. We have laughed loud, and we have laughed often. We have laughed so much that I could care less how much money I have spent on food and beverage. Afterall, it’ll all make its way home and be consumed once there.

That’s all for now, gotta make another grocery store run.

Onward.





Cioppino

Cioppino Stock

1/4 cup olive oil

1/4 cup butter

1 1/2 cups onions, medium dice

1 1/2 cups leeks, hand-chopped fine, white part only

1 1/2 cups green bell peppers, medium dice

1 1/3 cups carrots, small dice

1 cup celery, medium dice

1/4 cup fresh fennel, chopped fine

2 1/2 quarts canned crushed tomatoes, highest quality, drained, liquid reserved (approximately 4 28-ounce cans drained and rough chopped)

1 6-ounce can tomato paste

2 1/2 quarts water (or stock)

2 tablespoons salt

1 1/2 tablespoons Tabasco sauce 1 tablespoon oregano, dried

1 tablespoon basil, dried

1 tablespoon thyme, dried

3 bay leaves

1 Tablespoon Creole Seasoning (page xxx)

Sauté onions in olive oil and butter. Do not brown. Add leeks, green pepper, carrots, celery, and fennel and cook 5–10 minutes until soft. Add remaining ingredients and bring to a boil. When stock begins boiling, reduce heat immediately. Cover and simmer 2 hours stirring frequently. This stock should be made a day ahead of time and refrigerated.

Yield: 1 1/4 gallon

Cioppino

1/2 cup No-Stick Grilling Marinade for Seafood (page xxx)

1 1/2 pounds shrimp, 21-25 count, peeled, deveined, and skewered

1 pound sea scallops skewered

1 pound redfish pieces

1 pound fresh mussel, cleaned and beards removed

2 Tbl Olive Oil

1 Tbl garlic, minced

1/2 cup white wine

1 1/2 quart cioppino stock

1 pound jumbo lump crabmeat

Toasted French bread

Fresh chopped parsley for garnish

Rub the surface of the shrimp, scallops and redfish with the no-stick seafood marinade and refrigerate for 20-30 minutes.

Prepare the grill. Cook the seafood over direct high heat for 6-8 minutes, turning once while cooking. Remove the seafood from the grill, and cool slightly.

Heat the olive oil in a large sauce pot over low-medium heat. Add the garlic and cook for one minute. Add the wine to the pot and reduce by half. Next, add the cioppino stock to the pot and bring it to a simmer. Remove the shrimp and scallops from the skewers and cut the grilled fish into 1/2 inch cubes. Add the mussels and cook until they pop open, about 6-7 minutes. Once the stock is simmering, add the grilled seafood and jumbo lump crab. Divide the cioppino into serving dishes and garnish with parsley.

Yield: 6–10 servings


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Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).


Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.


Note: Security provided by INS.

Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS
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