Sunday, July 2, 2023

Will They or Won't They?

 Will the Madison County Board of Supervisors approve the construction of a gas station by the entrance to Lake Caroline tomorrow? 

A site plan and application to build a gas station at the intersection of Stribling Road and Bellevue Drive was submitted to the Planning and Zoning Board. The property is zoned C-2 and owned by Lake Caroline, Inc.  Mark Jordan is the President of the company. 

The applicant did not appear at the meeting.  The minutes state (p.4): 

There next came on for consideration, the Site Plan for Stribling Market. The property subject to the Application is on Stribling Road, and Bellevue Drive (near entrance to Lake Caroline), is currently zoned as Planned Unit Development (“PUD”) over C-2 Highway Commercial District, and is in Supervisor District 4. Attorney Clark advised the Commission that the representative for Stribling Market had indicated that he was not coming, and that there was no reason for him to appear. Attorney Clark advised the Commission that that was not correct, and a representative must appear to submit the Application. 

Mr. Clark advised tabling the application if the applicant did not appear. Lake Caroline homeowners made it clear they opposed the gas station: 

Jeff Portwood, Executive Director of Lake Caroline Owners Association, Inc. appeared on behalf of the Board of Directors, and its Membership. Mr. Portwood stated that LCI/Mark Jordan is a friend of Lake Caroline Owners Association and has had a hand in the success of Lake Caroline as a whole. Mr. Portwood stated that they would love to have a convenience store in the area, but are just concerned with the location. Mr. Portwood distributed a written statement to the Commission, and such statement is attached to these minutes as Exhibit “B.”(KF: p.7)  Mr. Portwood then read the statement for the Commission’s benefit. In particular, Mr. Portwood questioned exactly where the project was to be located, and stated that it was there understanding that the site is approximately 100 yards from the main entrance, and could possibly be part of the neighboring property which is currently zoned A-1. Mr. Portwood stated that they were not sure, but that it could extend over to Mr. Olive’s property, and if so, questioned as to when was such property zoned commercial. Mr. Portwood further questioned as to whether there has been a traffic study during peak traffic hours. 

Mr. Portwood stated in the letter that Lake Caroline had 2,000 property owners and the master plan approved another 1,000 lots.  

County Engineer Tim Bryan and Zoning Administrator Scott Weeks expressed concerns over traffic.  Mr. Bryan said in an email that a traffic study might be required.  One resident communicated his traffic worried in an email to the Board: 

I live in Lake Caroline and I am writing regarding the proposed Stribling Market on the upcoming P&Z meeting agenda. The traffic on Stribling Road, especially during school season, is significant. Exiting from Lake Caroline turning left onto Stribling Road can take a long, long time. There will be even more congestion with this new store. Would you please consider requiring the developer to construct a deceleration lane going west on Stribling Road starting before the store entrance and continuing to Caroline Blvd? Would you also require the developer to construct a left turn center lane going east on Stribling Road starting before Caroline Blvd and going to the store entrance? In a perfect world, it would be nice to have a traffic signal at Stribling and Caroline Blvd. If that is not an option, please add the turn lanes. Thanks for your time and consideration. (p.9)

Attorney Don McGraw appeared and addressed the Board:

Prior to any action on the application, Don McGraw, Esq. appeared on behalf of the Applicant. Mr. McGraw presented the Site Plan and the conceptual drawing. Mr. McGraw stated that the subject property is currently zoned as C-2, and pointed out the details listed on the Site Plan as to setbacks, parking, ingress/egress, and other matters on the Site Plan.  Mr. McGraw addressed the concerns of the location, traffic flow, and whether the entirety of the site was on other property. Mr. McGraw confirmed that the map and fence line shows that the entirety of the property is owned by Lake Caroline, Inc.  Commissioner Billingsley inquired as to whether a traffic study had been conducted, or would be conducted. Mr. McGraw stated that he did not know whether one had been conducted, or was planned to be conducted. Administrator Weeks clarified that the County Engineer had opined that a traffic study may be necessary for this project.

The Board voted unanimously to approve the application subject to the County Engineer's approval: 

Upon motion by Commissioner Billingsley to approve the Site Plan for Stribling Market, conditioned upon review and approval by the County Engineer as to detention calculations, traffic study, if needed, and any other modifications that the County Engineer may suggest or require, seconded by Commissioner Brown, with all voting “aye,” the motion to approve the Site Plan for Stribling Market, conditioned upon review and approval by the County Engineer as to detention calculations, traffic study, if needed, and any other modifications that the County Engineer may suggest or require, was approved.

The application is not on the agenda for tomorrow's meeting of the Board of Supervisors.  However, the Super could bring it up under the "new business" section of the agenda.  

Stay tuned. 

 

56 comments:

Anonymous said...

While you’re at it, ask the developer to widen Catlett Road to three lanes, from Stribling to Stribling Rd. Extension and I petition to have Stribling Road Extension renamed to Church Road. Thank you!!

Anonymous said...

I hope they like random groups of people wandering down the road late at night to grab smokes and socialize.

Anonymous said...

Money is about to change hands, if it has not already done so!

Anonymous said...

Odds are very high that the answer is YES it will be approved.

Regardless of what side you’re on, Democrats Banks, Griffin and Steen are almost certain to vote yes and 3 votes wins.

Anonymous said...

Why do all these wealthy NIMBY's in lake caroline not want a gas station?

Anonymous said...

I live out here. I moved out here to be AWAY from strip malls and gas stations and garbage like this. Gas stations are like apartments. They depreciate and go down hill fast and become eyesores.

Anonymous said...

Who in their right mind wants a gas station inside the main entrance of their high-end development?

This will end in a train wreck of traffic, crime and garbage all over the place.

Furthermore, the roads in that area are going to buckle - they are not rated for tanker weight trucks.

Anonymous said...

Gas stations are fine with me......as long as they are located near someone else's house and not mine.

Don Drane said...

Confused as to Billingsley's motion to adopt, conditioned on yada yada.

Why not just punt it all back to the developer and tell him to come back when he's met certain recommended conditions. Table it for a month and then let it die for resubmission, if not addressed.

Of course the P&Z Commission (not a board) has no authority to REQUIRE anything at all.

Andy Clark is correct in that the petitioner, or his representative MUST appear before the Commission.

Back in 2017, we, The Commission, put that rule in place. At that time, we had a Planning and Zoning Director who would assume the floor and say there was no need for the petitioner to appear as the matter was a 'slam dunk'. I think he learned a lesson when he was advised that he was an invited resource person and did not set the rules of the Commission.

Bottom line is, regardless of the wishes of the community and/or the thoughts of the P&Z Commission, the three democrats (who depend on contributions from the construction and building industry) will approve the project.

And you'll notice it's not in the district of any of the three democrats.

Anonymous said...

Let's throw a Dollar General in too!

Anonymous said...

If you don’t want adjacent vacant property developed, you should buy it.

Anonymous said...

$5,000 is the going price for a vote in Madison County. Go ask Gerald Steen, and Shelton Vance.

No C-Store in Lake Caroline Says said...

Kingfish, thank you for taking up the cause of the people who are adamantly opposed to this project. There are three supes ready to vote "aye" taking the side of the developer while ignoring the will of the people that voted them into office.

In a private opinion poll taken of Lake Caroline residents, 73% OPPOSE this project. I have to assume the 27% are Biden/Harris voters. Declining property values, increased traffic that is already out of control, crime and the riff raff that c-stores attract and too many other reasons to list. Only dimwits would vote for this...and that's why we're concerned.

Thanks for also pointing out that the three Democrats: Banks, Griffin and Steen are ready to vote "aye" for this project even though two of the three potentially have conflicts of interest and should potentially recuse themselves. (Yes, I realize Steen has an R behind his name but watch who he votes with on this Ridgeland voters)

Please don't be fooled by the Madison County Journal reporting (???) and the supervisor's Pravda approved version of this story. Particularly the part where it's "by" Lake Caroline. This "country store" with eight gas pumps and twenty-two parking spaces is going to require paving over the green space located just inside the entrance to Lake Caroline and require exiting to an already crowded and backed up boulevard not to mention the many other reasons to oppose such a project in a residential neighborhood.

Thanks to the power of JJ and social media we are only beginning to fight and expose these "always the smartest guy in the room" and condescending politicians. We, the people, will be watching this vote closely and subsequent votes to ensure that this and future votes ensure that commercial projects are surrounded by other commercial projects and that residential areas are protected from the greed of developers and the politician's with noses so far up the money folks derriere's that they know what they had for breakfast two days before.


Anonymous said...

6:13, why buy something that you don't need when there are laws in place to protect other land owners? And there are plenty of convenience stores within 5 miles of this location.

Anonymous said...

Please okay this deal so I won’t be saddled with this happening at Reunion. I moved here to avoid this type of blue collar home development.

Anonymous said...

Why isn't the Homeowner's Assocation pitching a fit?
Now, all the fish in Lake Caroline is going to taste like Ass, I mean Gas.

Anonymous said...

@ 6:30

It's not about what you don't want. It's about what you do want which is control of someone else's property for free.

If you don't want a gas station, get out your f--g checkbook and start buying the land.

Anonymous said...

Who is the developer that says he won’t show up? That sounds like some egotistical shit that Mark Jordan would do, but Mark wouldn’t know how to develop a c-store. Him and Judge Shanks thinks the world owed them the plating worn off their mom’s silver spoon.

Anonymous said...

Mr. Steen, why are your palms so greasy? Maybe it's the humidity.

Anonymous said...

By a vote of 3-2 the motion carries. Next on the agenda….

Anonymous said...

I call dibs on the rights to the condom machine, in both bathrooms. This one may have a third, pronoun proper room. I’ll let another entrepreneur have that one.

Grease them palms said...

@8:54 PM - Very likely, and sadly none of the three live in that district.

No C-Store in Lake Caroline said...

@8:02, thank you for replying Mr. Jordan. What's your asking price?

Ben Wundrin said...

@ 6:30 - Not sure how you view this thread as Kingfish 'taking up the cause' of the objectors.

He's only reporting (most of) that which has occurred or has been said by others. The part he can't (yet) report on is the true cost of Steen's vote. He's never held a vote that wasn't for sale.

Please reveal what is meant by Sheldon Vance knowing the price of a vote.

Anonymous said...

6:30 AM, you can thank the knucklehead “I want to be the last one in(ers)” that were so opposed to the 500 acre low density upper end home development on Stribling Road that they 1st - voted Republican Supervisor David Bishop out in the primary election because he voted for the common sense development, then 2nd - lost to Democrat Karl Banks in the general election.

Now Democrat Karl Banks, thanks to redistricting that Democrats weep and gnash their teeth about, will likely live the rest of his life as a Madison County supervisor – and – because of Democrat Steen in Ridgeland (pretending to be a Republican), the home owners paying the most taxes that live north of Ridgeland and south of Canton will continue to get the least representation.

So, the moral to this unbelievable story is - this is what you got for the knuckleheads that “oppose everything.”

In this case Democrats didn’t even have to be smart enough to take over Madison County, because Republicans were stupid enough to give it to them.

Anonymous said...

@4:06
Bingo!!

Anonymous said...

I think it’s a terrible spot for a convenience store and I don’t want it there.

Having said that, the property is zoned C-2 within the PUD. So every single Lake Caroline resident, including the ones griping on here, purchased a home knowing that a C-2 use could, and probably would, go in that location. Now they want to stop it. If someone had stopped them from using their purchased residential lot for a home, they would think the world had turned communist. But that is what they are doing to a developer who has a parcel for C-2 use.

If the site plan criteria is met, all 5 supervisors should follow the law and vote for this. This is a site plan, not a rezoning.

Anonymous said...

The “blanket statement” you buy the land if you don’t want it developed is an ill-informed stupid argument. This blanket idiotic argument means there would be no zoning and a garbage landfill could be placed next to residential subdivisions.

If you don’t want a 500 acre low density upper end home development on Stribling Road, that’s right next to and across the street from other home developments, some not as nice by the way, “you buy the land if you don’t want it developed” applies perfectly.

Anonymous said...

I drive a dump truck through there every day, we don't need the extra traffic.

Anonymous said...

6:45 am is exactly right. This shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone.

Anonymous said...

Bunch of fat dumb jerkoffs obsessing about Democrats every day. That's this site.

Anonymous said...

@5:26-Let me try to explain . Last months campaign contribution report had 2 contributions for Shelton Vance . One was a loan from Mr Vance’s and the other was a $5,000 donation from Mr. Steen. Now why would a county supervisor make that kind of a donation in a Tax Collector race ? Inquiring minds want to know if Mr. Vance knows something about Democrat wantabe Steen when he was County Administrator. WLBT reported recently that Shelton Vance knew of the problems in the Tax Collectors Office and told Kay Pace they could fix it. Something smells real fishy( not insult to KF).

Anonymous said...

@6:30 and the 73% of residents as they claim embody the term hypocrite. If they believe the 27% in favor are Biden/Harris voters, that must mean they are GOP. Lake Caroline is a heavy GOP neighborhood so while the math may not completely add up there is some truth there. But, wait, I thought that conservatives believed in limited government and freedoms? Now you want the government to stop a project on property it's zoned for because it's something you don't like? You sound like the same Republicans who wanted Ridgeland to stop Costco. I'm willing to bet that just like those same limited government conservatives who are now Costco members, there will be many who oppose this project that will be in that gas station at least once a week buying something. Better to be principled in your politics and not just a spoiled brat who wants to bring up politics only when convenient.

Bubba Joe said...

Only people who wear overalls with just one side hooked not wearing any underwear and no shirt still refer to these types of facilities as "gas stations".
They are convenience stores and petroleum products is just one of many items sold.

Anonymous said...

Unless cities enact sensible legislation on gas stations, we will continue to see them fester across our beautiful communities.

Anonymous said...

Since it is already zoned for a convenience store/gas station, the Supervisors have no legal way to stop it, despite it being a terrible idea and unfair to the homeowners.

Other Madison County subdivisions should be aware that there is similarly zoned property next to your neighborhood. See the corners of Gluckstadt Road and Catlett.

On the meantime, the Supervisors have been negligent in improving the main artery roads to handle the traffic. But at least there is a beautiful expensive park and lake in the wilderness of northeast Madison County.

Kingfish said...

You nailed it. This is similar to the M Bar expansion case. The homeowners objected to the expansion but the real problem was they never bothered to check the zoning classification of that area for years. Hence the expansion was allowed under its zoning. The time to object was in past years when they could have gotten the zoning changed to disallow bars.

Here, the property has been zoned C-2 since 1988 is my understanding. The homeowners got lazy and happy, figuring Mr. Jordan would never want to put a convenience store next to LC. Well, things change and this is what happens when you allow such zoning to remain in place.

Anonymous said...

Bunch of fat dumb jerkoffs obsessing about Democrats every day.

And you, a deranged voyeur, who drops by nearly every day to share that he gets off watching.

Anonymous said...

First, let's get it explained that a stinkin' 349K house is NOT a "High End" property. Even in MS. I'm in a metro area today, very distant mountain views, where you cannot even get a starter model 2 BR townhouse for blue collar folks for that little. That's on former polluted brownfields. SFHs start at 550K, and that's in a lousy school district NEXT to a literal landfill (but their landfills don't reek like Jackson or Monroe). And, no, that's not hyperbole; they are selling them like hotcakes next to Mount Trashmore. 30 miles from workplaces. Some of you simply have no idea how lucky you aged folks are to cash in on property at all, here, but how expensive housing is US wide. A ticky tacky fake stucco starter like that is over a million in most places.

And the US is not about to switch over to all electric, either. So, you've planned for 1000 MORE homes needing gas, just in your huge subdivision, but don't want gas stations. Classic.

I've just driven about 15,000 miles North, South, East, and West, and it's a challenge sometimes to hit a pump. If you recall, the GubMint EPA rules on in ground storage tanks eliminated nearly all the old country stores with gas pumps. And first WalMart destroyed them, and now Dollar General is filling in the gaps, eliminating the stores with gas and sundries. (Including that nice one by CCJ) So, now, all you folks "buying in a quiet area" are now competing with 10s of thousands of other folks who demand quiet but need gas. So there is demand to replace all the great old country stores that used to sell gas (and minnows).

So you chest beating "Capitalists" who don't want taxes but LOVE "free enterprise" just deal with a simple store by your precious little starter home subdivision, oh, sorry, "High End" "upscale" properties with "amenities."

Go back to old property maps and gas sales regulation and see how many areas out there used to have small stores with gas pumps. Even in areas where Biff IV is screeching they don't need no stinkin' gas station, "mah property values," and "Ah move out to the country...." (but didn't buy 5000 acres) and need roads and need utilities but "don't build nuffin else..."

Stores go with rooftops and pedestrian and car traffic. And Lake Caroline brought all that. And now they bleat.....

Sheldon Knows Where The Bodies AND The Money Are Hidden said...

@ 8:22 -You nailed it. Steen has no reason (cough cough) to donate $5000 to Vance. Gosh, how does a man who rides around from gas station to gas station (in his job) even come up with that kind of cash to donate (cough cough).

I was once told by a County Supervisor that "Sheldon is the only man in town who knows what's what and what goes on in his job or ours. If we ever lose him, we can't replace him". Having said that, of course Vance knows all of Steen's dirty laundry. And it's now apparent the two were, ah, closer than we thought.

Anonymous said...

Will this be a Sprint Mart convenience store like the one Mr. Steen works for?

Anonymous said...

I am a Lake Caroline resident. I am also conservative. I believe that Madison County's dirty little secret is how many crooked people we have in elected positions (Supervisors, school board, etc..) and that we should focus more on changing our local politicians than what is going on in Washington.

But this one is legit. We should have had the zone changed years ago if we wanted this to not happen.

Anonymous said...

Well, they followed their CYA script and voted to have a traffic survey after school starts, which is conveniently AFTER the election.

A private traffic engineer just happened to be in the audience to which a sole source contract was given, and for which the taxpayers will fund, even though the Lake Caroline developer should fund said survey. What a coincidence.

Anonymous said...

@10:05 you couldn't have the "zone changed years ago". You can't legally rezone property you don't own, unless you have written permission from the landowner.

Anonymous said...

The MC board will approve the market.
Baxter and Jones will vote no. It will not matter.

The MC Board has not denied any convenience store even after Traffic studies or whatever they call those are done, shared and then more bs, blah blah at the meeting.
The MC Board has not denied any convenience store even after citizens concerns or objection.
Their statement will be zoned correctly for site plan, all conditions met.
Espy will mumble something that is a CYA comment.
Just look around.
The first beer sale to a minor, or drug deal with a local teenager or vape laced with Fentanyl purchased in the parking lot and ohhh we will be so saddened.
The first golf cart maniac and a big boy truck with a intoxicated driver we will be so saddened.
Banks is just telling those voters at the MC Board meeting today what they want to hear.

Anonymous said...

Stribling Market / concerned citizens begins at 43 minutes - 1 hr 11 minutes.

https://livestream.com/accounts/17271861/events/10887387/videos/236735610/player?width=480&height=270&autoPlay=false&mute=false

Anonymous said...

Well, they followed their CYA script and voted to have a traffic survey after school starts, which is conveniently AFTER the election.

Unless you are referring to the general election, it doesn't matter.

Anonymous said...

I was about to post something here, but @6:45 on 7/3 said exactly what I would have. I've built projects before, and I was always surprised at how landowners / homeowners never bother to look into what is located near them or could be located near them in the future. In fact, it's quite the opposite. When they buy their property, they see what they can see, and then they take "mental title" to all the property around them. That way, they can be "assured" things in their field of view will never change.

Like several above have said, in reality, the only way they can prevent the change to which they object is to buy the subject property and change the title from mental to legal. Unfortunately, indignation is SO much more practical (and much less expensive).

Anonymous said...


@12:36 pm
See Karl Banks doesn’t really care what the voters think
He’s told a few the past few weeks.
Steen is the swing vote..
Watch

Anonymous said...

@2:03 why should it matter what the voters think? This is a site plan, not a rezoning. Do the voters get a say-so in what you eat for supper tonight, or what brand of vehicle you buy? Do the voters get a say-so in where you go on vacation? The voters had their say on this property when this was rezoned to a PUD that allowed C-2 in that area. The voters spoke at that time. A convenience store would simply be using the property in a manner that the voters already approved.

Anonymous said...

Bring it! We need it! Love the design!

Anonymous said...

@ 9:38 - I hate admit it, but I read your post carefully, trying to find a point related to the subject. I failed. I guess YOU did too.

Anonymous said...

@2:12 pm Karl Fan club?
Do you all miss Rudy?

Anonymous said...

"You can't legally rezone property you don't own, unless you have written permission from the landowner." July 3, 2023 at 10:51 AM

That's about as idiotic as saying 'You can't post a lie on the internet'.

Every county initially zones and later rezones property they neither own nor have owner's permission to rezone. Neither is needed. It's a legal process. Please have a seat.

Anonymous said...

The smell of fresh gas in the morning, the glow of beautiful blue light all over the place at night. Oh the wonders of sitting on the curb and drinking 40s in brown bags with your buddies. Sweet sounds of engines revving on your evening walks. The sparkle of little debbie wrappers how lovely in the bright sun. How fun it is to kick back in the car and relax while your sitting behind another car in the road.

What a wonderful world it is

Anonymous said...

We were sold large lake, nature, green space, tranquility, and the owner pulled a bait and switch and changed it to commercial right before eyes. Special place in hell for this man. ��

BOS PAID OFF… ��



Recent Comments

Search Jackson Jambalaya

Subscribe to JJ's Youtube channel

Archives

Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).


Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.


Note: Security provided by INS.

Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS
.