Beware the helicopter parent for its numbers increase while damaging all they touch. Not content to control their kids school time and play time, now they try to rule their work time as well. The Wall Street Journal reported today:
Anxious parents have shepherded their kids through high school, college and a pandemic. Now, they’re entering the workplace. Recruiters and hiring managers say they are seeing an uptick in parents inserting themselves into their children’s professional lives, calling up hiring managers, applying for jobs on their behalf and even showing up on the job to help mediate conflicts. During the pandemic, while Williams was working at accessories store Claire’s, a mother came in to apply for a job for her daughter. Such interventions, Williams says, aren’t particularly helpful—her manager, unimpressed, never called the girl for an interview—but she says parents sometimes do have a role to play.... At Smugglers’ Notch Resort in Jeffersonville, Vt., parents haven’t only applied for summer jobs on behalf of their children, they frequently try and sit in on their interviews, too, says human-resources coordinator Sam McDowell. “They generally come in the door first, and their children come behind,” McDowell says. “Sometimes it’s a little bit confusing about who’s actually there to interview.” Hiring managers at the resort occasionally allow parents to stay, but most don’t allow them to do so, he says. Some parents go further still. The mother of a teenage lifeguard at the resort recently confronted McDowell to argue that her son deserved a bigger raise.... Since Covid, the phenomenon of parents applying on behalf of their children and shepherding them through the workplace has accelerated, several hiring managers say.... Lake says she has been hearing from more job candidates who have cited their parents’ influence in determining what salary or benefits to push for, or whether to accept a job in the first place. “They’ll call and say, my mom doesn’t think it’s a good idea,” she says. In Zoom interviews with prospective candidates, she sometimes sees parents moving around in the back of the room. “You’ll sometimes even hear them talk, whispering, ‘say this,’ or ‘ask about that,’ ” she says of questions about perks and whether a job can be done remotely. Kylie Bayer, who works in human resources for a water utility in Beaverton, Ore., says her organization has gotten calls from parents asking about employment for their children. She says she empathizes with the instinct to help one’s offspring, but that parents are stunting their children’s’ self-reliance. “Let them deal with it on their own,” she says. “They’re going to have to do it all their life.” Too much interference can backfire in other ways, too. In Seattle, Wash., Houston Wade, 42, recalls working at a restaurant where a co-worker’s parent called the manager, asking to reschedule her son’s shifts so he could watch Sunday football games. Word got around, and the employee became a laughingstock. His schedule stayed the same. Article
41 comments:
Thus the term.......snowflakes.
Not a shocker - blue, snowflake states.
Had an interview with recent college graduate who explained (quite matter of factly) that his Mom, who also accompanied him into the lobby of the building, drove him to our meeting "because it was raining".
I don't know his Mom's schedule but I do know that I need a reliable employee, regardless of the weather forecast...so he did not receive an offer.
I am a proud helicopter child. Chopper 1 has had my back this long, why should I stop a good thing now?
What in the world??!!!!
Granted, I see the benefit of your parent sitting out of sight in a zoom interview and giving the young one feedback about how they did, that's actually an invaluable resource to have that would have benefitted many of us....
BUT.......the rest of this.....is sheer lunacy
If anyone was wondering why this generation cowers at the utterance of an incorrect pronoun or becomes anxious after wondering too far away from the nearest safe space…
I would immediately reverse my hiring decision.
11:47 AM -- Complete and utter bullshit. Don't pin your personal experience and anger on an entire generation. Bring some facts or go back to your video games.
@11:47am - Truth. They’ll never take responsibility for it though, that would be showing “weakness” and actually admitting they suck.
11:47 couldn’t be more wrong
On a local facebook page recently, a mom posted asking if anyone knew of any jobs available for her son who was an ATTORNEY with 10 years of experience....ummmm...I'm thinking he could probably job hunt and make connections on his own if he was a capable attorney. Goodness!!!
The parents who themselves have had to cope with the struggles of real life realize that they have done an inadequate job of teaching their kids real-life skills. They realize that they and society have spoiled their brats and they feel it is their responsibility to compensate somehow. Not so long ago you had to be tough to make it through childhood and the teens. Now? Only the bad kids and the foreigners are tough. A generation of wimps.
Right before Covid, I called the listed number on a resume' for a graphic designer gig I was hiring for. Instead of reaching the applicant, I reached her mom -- keep in mind, the applicant had graduated from college and was already working somewhere else. I asked why the applicant didn't list her phone number, and her mom said something like "well, she doesn't always respond to calls/texts in a timely manner, so I told her to list my info."
I ended the call immediately.
Parents are just failing. Plain and simple.
But they will blame it on everything else.
33 years ago, I was sitting in a Business Law class at Millsaps. Most of the class were going for their MBAs. The professor, a Yankee and typical herd-thinking East Coast type, asked for a show of hands, from those who regularly read the Wall Street Journal. There were very few raised hands. The professor was horrified. "I guess most people in this class, are just punching the clock, getting the degree, uninterested in keeping up with events, uninterested in doing more than the bare-minimum, uninterested in current events."
I wanted so much, to say, "But isn't the WSJ just a propaganda tool for deluding the rubes and manipulating the market?" I kept my mouth shut, though.
My classmates, most of them from cynical, sneaky, avaricious Jackson families (kids who ended-up doing very well for themselves) also kept their mouths shut.
Fast-forward to the "Pandemic", and the WSJ is trumpeting the official narrative (you will have your own opinions of that narrative, by now, and whether or not it was wise to believe). The WSJ has gotten a lot WORSE, since 1990. With the WSJ, as with any mainstream media outlet, one should first wonder, "Why are they telling us this?"
11:47
Bingo. People love to shit on millennials, but it was the boomers who raised them. For example, the whole “participation trophy” phenomenon- who the hell do you think gave out participation trophies? It certainly wasn’t the kids idea.
L
@11:47 AM, you must be smoking some of that 'good' stuff. Maybe I'm just an exception to your blatant stereotype of GenX, but I think my boomer parents did a pretty damn good job raising me and my brother. I can't speak for my brother and how he is raising his kids, but I'm the farthest thing from a helicopter parent with my kids. I support them in whatever they decide to do, but they will either sink or swim for themselves.
11:47, while I wouldn't have phrased it like that, is mostly right. Most of us were sort of ignored and left on our own. Much of it had to do with both parents working and an increasing divorce rate. It instilled resilience, but we didn't want to have that kind of relationship with our own children. We didn't have many examples of healthy boundaries, and went too far the other way with our kids.
2:23-never sink your kids
I am not disagreeing with 11:47.
But, when do adults have to take ownership of their "failed upbringing" and correct the mistakes of Boomer parents that neglected them. Get therapy or work on yourself. Or maybe, just don't have kids if you think the correct course-correction in a knee-jerk in the opposite direction?
We charge 18 year olds with murder as an adults. But you whiny babies can't be bothered to pick up a self-help book and work through your trauma and think its ok to be bad parents because your parents were bad?
Personal responsibility. You aren't taking it for your own failure as a parent, you worsened the problem by also being a failure as a parent...and you still want to be mad at Boomers.
Start saving now because your kids are going to accuse you of screwing them up, and they will expect you pay for the therapy. Its YOUR fault afterall. The beat goes on.
All of these kids need a real crappy job to appreciate a good job and work hard. Friend of mine worked for the Jackson animal control back in the day, you can imagine. Have neighbors where the kids 15 and up, have never worked a Summer in their life and they just travel 10 days a month somewhere and sit around all Summer. Mom posts about how the kids will feed animals when they are in town for extra money but it has to fit there schedule.
When did the whole Summer become travel and have fun days so the kids can point at all the things they did when they get back to school? I understand a 10 year old but 16, 17 year old's need a Summer job. Have you ever read some of the articles about college graduates who have never worked anywhere in their life till they graduated?
Many of my/boomer generation of parents have been pretentious narcissists hell bent on making sure their little baby has a close to a perfect life as possible.
And while certainly not politically correct to say, the facts are that women, and wimp men that won’t say know to their wives, almost surely represent the vast majority of this problem.
It’s all about keeping up with the Joneses, regardless of the cost – and weddings are a fine example of the insanity.
Company just hired one. He's got a college degree and can't pour piss out of a boot. He's been here a year and just as dumb today as he was when he walked in the first day. Good kid but he has been handed everything and his parents still monitor him like it's his first year of kindergarten. It's obvious he never held a flashlight for my dad.
I loved the joke that employers could designate a "Bring Your Parents to Work Day." Or is it a joke?
Studies have shown that boomers are the most sensitive generation - I.e. the snowflakes. It is odd how comments stating as much aren’t published here. I guess some generations really do need a safe space.
This IS a snowflake situation. But I have to admit, my fellow conservatives (especially boomers) have become some of the most pearl clutching, easily triggered snowflakes anywhere. They’re offended by EVERYTHING and ANGRY about what they’re offended by. Case in point, this comment will trigger some snowflakes.
3:01 plus one and amen
Wah, my parents didn't hug me enough or talk about feelings so I am going to take my spoiled brat to Disney every year instead of teaching them to be self sufficient.
And parents wonder why these kids gravitate to the political party that agrees they should not have to pay the student loans they willingly signed up for.
I am one of the young ones who was lucky enough to have GenX parents that found a balance between emotional acceptance and fiscal responsibly.
So maybe don't blame Boomers if your parents were too busy being victims to fix themselves. You should really try to break the cycle for God's sake.
I think 2:38 said it pretty well. There seems to be a lot of over-correction from parents who didn't think their own parents did a good enough job of raising them.
I see it in people close to me. Some became total helicopters. Some became overly-permissive. Few who try to correct for their parents' perceived failures seem balanced in doing so.
Where is this 11:47 of which y'all speak?
And to 12:09, what about incorrect verbs?
This is the same parent who holds their kids back to give them a academic, social and athletic advantage and then get some bogus diagnosis so that they can take ACT untimed.
2:38 here. To 3:01 and 4:25, I can recognize my own mistakes in raising my kid so far; thankfully he's still young enough that we can do a course correction and help him learn self-sufficiency. He is so far a well-adjusted and well-thought-of young man.
That said, there's nothing wrong with recognizing that my parents raised me one way, with few healthy role models of adult relationships, and I wanted something different for my kid. I am adult enough to admit my mistakes and choose to do something different.
Blame it on the kids when it’s their parents fault. Kids issues today are not the kids fault but the parents fault, they raised them to be like they are. My usual response to some crusty old timmer is they’re your grand kids, your kids raised them.
@6:47 PM - You left out the woke/progressive teachers.
I agree with you, 6:47. I'll also add that when those kids get to be of certain age and still don't grow up, it's their own damn fault.
Nope...It's not a 'blue states' thing. I worked an entire career screening, interviewing, hiring, training, promoting, firing prospects and employees.
While it's not that common, parental 'involvement' in the hiring and firing process does happen.
It's not only parents, however. Also relatives, preachers, AA sponsors, doctors and politicians insert themselves into these processes, I assume at the request of applicants (or their parents).
In 1997, I had just rejected an applicant who red-flagged as a cocaine user in our pre-employment process. I advised him via telephone and he said he understood.
The next day I got a call from prior governor Bill Waller, recommending the man and wanting me to over-ride our process. Nope.
Just to calibrate this and to educate the ignorant, Boomers are 1946 to 1964 -- the youngest would be 59 years old. I seriously doubt any are helping their children find jobs. Now Gen-X (1965–1980) is another story.
This really is not that new. I managed a local pizza shop in the '80s and this was happening then. I had to let a young lady go and it got real ugly with her mother calling me and threaten to kill me.
@ 3:01 I had a bunch of hard, crappy, low paying jobs growing up. I worked hard at all of them and it certainty made me appreciate my first "adult job" after graduating college. I remember seeing a janitor in the office my first day and thinking "I guess I don't have to clean something up at the end of my shift" and laughing to myself. I worked with others who had not had prior jobs like mine and they bitched all the time.
None of those examples had a "helicopter" father. 43% of boys are now raised by single mothers. 78% of teachers are female. So, almost half of all boys have 100% feminine influence at home, and 80% feminine influence at school. Toxic masculinity isn't the problem. It's the lack of masculinity that is.
Can we get the State Auditor to do a study that might correlate helicoptering parents with children who go to prison or engage in a life of crime. Surely he has time for that.
@11:23am Ha! That's why he became a social worker rather than a law-enforcement officer that he's supposed to be. He DID do that research (which as been around for a long time) and the statistically significant correlation between entitled children (i.e. parents being a friend) and being involved later in the criminal justice system is reliable and valid.
When you grow up thinking you're equal to your parents, you have zero concept of answering to a hierarchy of authority. Of course Shad "Sleight of Hand" White found this out, but blamed in on fatherlessness to have a social worker's platform. It's actually the single mom's who over-indulge their kids because of the absence of a father, yet. But lack of structure does the trick regardless.
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