Tuesday, June 9, 2026

How to Sober Up in Two Seconds

 The Louisiana, yes, Louisiana State Police issued the following statement. 

On Sunday, Troopers with Louisiana State Police Troop B responded to reports of a Toyota Supra being driven recklessly on Interstate 10 near Bonnabel Boulevard in Jefferson Parish. The vehicle had also struck a concrete barrier and sustained a tire blowout.
Troopers later located the Supra traveling south on Interstate 310 in St. Charles Parish and conducted a traffic stop. While speaking with the driver, identified as 40-year-old Victor Rivas of Montz, Troopers observed signs of impairment. During the DWI investigation, Rivas fled on foot and jumped from the elevated portion of Interstate 310 into the swamp below.
Troopers and deputies with the St. Charles Parish Sheriff's Office began searching for Rivas, who was later spotted walking along U.S. Highway 61. When law enforcement approached, he fled again into a swampy area, where he was attacked by an alligator and sustained injuries to both arms. Despite his injuries, Rivas continued fleeing before being located and apprehended with the assistance of drone technology.
Rivas was transported to a local hospital for treatment and later charged with DWI and Resisting an Officer. Additional warrants were obtained for Hit and Run and Careless Operation in connection with the earlier crash in Jefferson Parish.
Impaired driving can lead to serious and unpredictable consequences. Motorists are urged to make responsible decisions, plan ahead, and always designate a sober driver. Louisiana State Police appreciates the strong partnership and coordinated efforts of the St. Charles Parish Sheriff’s Office in bringing this incident to a successful resolution.

23 comments:

Anonymous said...

What a dipshit....

Anonymous said...

Dumb azz

Anonymous said...

Score one for the gator.

Anonymous said...

That’s a real coonass. Not one of those fake ones on cable TV.

Anonymous said...

Dumb Butt

Anonymous said...

Alligators have been known to take a bite out of crime.

Anonymous said...

Picture?

Anonymous said...

I would have let him marinate in the swamp overnight with the drones on him then catch him about lunch the next day. That would have been a lesson!

Anonymous said...

Al E. Gator...https://i.dailymail.com/1s/2026/06/09/17/109232259-15886317-image-a-49_1781022116367.jpg

Anonymous said...

That was fun. Let’s do it again.

Anonymous said...

Need to give that gator a badge and put it on the payroll!

Anonymous said...

Keeping it real in bayou country

Anonymous said...

Is the alligator alright?

Bogeyman said...

Until this guy, "Alligator Arms" meant that you didn't want to pick up the dinner check.

Anonymous said...

On occasion, LoserAnny Man is a strong challenger to Florida Man. I give him credit for continuing to flee after being a gator chew toy for a “bit.”

Anonymous said...

He’s Crocodile DUIndeed.

Krusatyr said...

5:56pm
Coonass-Crazy but persistent, long-suffering, spirited, freedom loving, with a flair for reckless daring-do. Worthy of a comic hero figure in Marvel or DC Comics as 'Mutant Swamp Lizard'. In the comic version, the attacking Gator's DNA would invade the Coon-ass' morphology, producing scales, a tail, and a penchant for poodles.

Krusatyr said...

8:23am:
Snort, snicker.

Anonymous said...

That's impressive. Depending on where he went over the side, some of 310 near 61 ain't no girly jump.

Anonymous said...

https://www.knoe.com/video/2026/06/09/body-cam-man-attacked-by-alligator-during-dwi-investigation-st-charles-parish/?utm_source=taboola&utm_medium=organicclicks

Anonymous said...

At least he didn’t shoot at the cops while trying to escape, like certain Mississippians in the news.

Anonymous said...

Publish a libelous JP article? Just sayin....

Anonymous said...

Missing is just what exactly will legally support the DUI charge in court.


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Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).


Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.


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Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

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