I think this sketch by Marshall Ramsey yesterday, one of his best, says it all. Feel free to comment.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Frank is Gone (posted a year ago)
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Trollfest '09
Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.
Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).
Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.
Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".
In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.
In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.
Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.
Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!
This is definitely a Beaver production.
Note: Security provided by INS.
Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).
Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.
Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".
In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.
In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.
Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.
Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!
This is definitely a Beaver production.
Note: Security provided by INS.
Trollfest '07
Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.
There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.
If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!
This is definitely a Beaver production.
Note: Security provided by INS.
There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.
If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!
This is definitely a Beaver production.
Note: Security provided by INS.
28 comments:
Very fitting and yes, one of Marshall's best.
RIP Frank.
However one feels about Melton's time as mayor, the cartoon tugs at heart strings.
Is it true that his dog, died on Monday ??
Yeah. He was pretty broken up about it from what I understand.
I can't look at that cartoon without crying. I think grief over Abby's death is what finally stopped his already-broken heart.
Well, I can sure understand that, I HAD A DOG, Chelsie, she was taking 4 different medications, & going to the Vet Dr. once a week, when I had to "take" her to the Dr. for the End, well that wrapped up - having a dog for me. When ever a friend ask if I want a puppy, I says... Thanks but I had a dog {and that was about 6 years ago}
I got a really nice card from the Vet Dr & their Staff, which I have framed with Chelsie's picture !!!
He really did die of a broken heart. I know that I will miss him.
Marshall just brought the class on this one. I got an immediate lump in my throat. Certainly one of his best.
Yawn!
Sorry. I don't mourn bad people. I simply do not get this. Everyone is now sad that he is gone? I will never mourn the death of an oppressor.
He loved Jackson and he loved his dog. I will always think his heart was in the right place.
Sometimes your dog is the only friend you have...
Sunday, that is SOOOO. TRUE ###
The headline "Frank is gone" really puzzled me - didn't he die a year or two ago on Election Day? Why is it dated next Sunday?
RIP Frank. Hope you and Abby are together now.
Frank meant well and had a very good heart, but he was just one stubborn man. It was his way or no way, and this attitude caused him many problems. There was no doubt he loved Jackson, and he tried hard to make it a better place. RIP Frank. You are missed.
Stephen said, "I will never mourn the death of an oppressor." Let me be the 1st to use the words, pretentious, unctuous, jackass, in describing you. Oh woe that your parents ever met. I have to ask though out of morbid curiosity,after the divorce, did they still speak as brother and sister at NASCAR races, "rasslin" matches and family reunions?
Frank Melton spent ever dime of money and health he had to try to reform Jackson into less of a 3rd world, festering cesspool of crime and decay. He invested his personal energy from the crack houses to the Springer show Jackson has for a city counsel. In the end, it drained him of everything. And for what? Damn Jackson. Fence it after the decent people get out! My suggestion is to rig a trebuchet and fling every remaining resident a crack rock the size of a regulation softball, a 10 pack of lighters and a 25 auto and 100 rounds of ammo on the 1st of each month.
RIP FRANK...you did your best.
can't help but laugh at and feel sorry for the people defending that CROOK.
extremely sad, and exactly the reason Jackson went nowhere but down during his administration... You ignorant people definitely get what you deserve.
Oh, give me an effing break!
Jackson was well, well on it's way down the crapper before Frank Melton came along.
I don't agree with everything Frank did, or how he did it. I believe he was very stubborn and egotistical and therefore did not work efficiently in city government. He becomes mayor, and almost immediately there seems to be a line drawn, Frank vs Them. That's no way to get anything done, and Frank should have somehow generated a spirit of teamwork, right from the get go.
But he was a well-intended man, a driven man, and he was willing to commit to a formidable problem.
He is dead now, and it's not at all classy to talk about him as if he was the scum of the earth. He wasn't, and he's no longer here to defend himself. There are persons alive at this time in Jackson government that are much, much more worthy of your criticism.
Anon@9:39.
So........ what are you trying to say?
Frank was evil. Don't matter how you try to say how good he was, and what 'good' he did for Jackson. NONE of it was good. He lied and got elected, and then lied throughout his entire mayor-ship.
RIP, Frank. Jackson was too far gone with crime and drugs when you were elected Mayor, but you still tried hard to make it a better place for families and businesses to call home. Your work was appreciated, and Jackson will never have another mayor who loved the city more than you did. RIP, Frank. You are missed.
I didn't like Frank as any long-time reader of this blog knows but I reposted this for two reasons. It was one of Marshall's better cartoons and Frank meant alot to many people I know so its more out of respect for them, not frank.
Frank was a nut.
Name one drug arrest during his tenure as mayor.
Public officials can't violate the constitution under the guise of crime fighting, and anyone that believes otherwise is a bigger fool than he was.
At least Frank let people know he was Mayor, what does Harvey Johnson do? It seems that the only thing you see him involved in are social gatherings. It is said that he was effective when he worked for the Mississippi State Tax Commission.
Correction to above, it was said that he was NOT effective when he worked for the Mississippi State Tax Commission.
Frank was a polarizing figure but he tried to effect positive change for his city - I don't see why anyone could not appreciate that - he was a flawed human being but he cared. Peace out to a complicated, misunderstood and good man.
R.I.P. Frank and Abby.
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