Monday, August 9, 2021

Dan Berger: Dealing With Wine Snobs

 Ever encounter a wine snob? I have -- far too often, alas.

    And dealing with wine snobs is an art form calling for subtlety. Rule No. 1: laughing out loud is verboten. 

    Still, you'd simply not believe some of the things I've heard over more than 40 years of drinking wine. Bad times often happen when buffoons are in charge of the wine selections.

    There was the time a guy brought to a dinner a bottle of 1969 Chateau Latour. He displayed it with a flourish and proudly said it was a First Growth (it is), implying that the wine had to be very good. It was swill. The 1969 vintage in Bordeaux was horrid.

    Then there was the Burgundy from the 1940s that was so maderized only the guy who brought it would drink it -- while waxing poetically about its ethereal existence. 

    And I can't count the number of sparkling wines that had no fizz, the chardonnays that were closer to vanilla shakes or undrinkable 96-point reds I thought came from Sun-Maid. And I haven't scratched the iceberg yet.

    Here are some tips when confronted by snobs.

     First, as previously mentioned, keep a straight face. Even a smirk will be seen as a putdown. Second, come up with a vocabulary that doesn't place you into the snob category or embarrass the elitist.

    When a wine is sound but weird, say it is "interesting." Or "exotic." When a wine is flawed because of bad storage (oxidized or maderized), just say it's "just over the hill." 

    If the flaw is a lot worse, smelling like nail polish remover, and it is so bad you won't drink it, just wait until the next wine arrives. An all-purpose escape clause is, "What a wine!"

    And what do you do when the wine you brought is of questionable quality? My strategy is to try serving it first. The first wine of any party is often likely to be OK since there's no wine prior to it to which it can be compared.

    There is a major exception to opening older reds first: With truly great older wines, try to open them after a mediocre one. A great wine will usually stand on its own merits, but it's often a contrast to a mediocre wine served just before it.

 

    Another art form is knowing what to bring to wine parties. A great deal of this relates to who's going to be there and the format of the event. If it's a sit-down dinner and you're asked to bring a wine for the main course, find out what that course is and who the guests are.

    The larger the group, the more likely a modest wine will be broadly appealing. At such events, great wines usually will be disliked by some people. 

    It's also important to get to know what kinds of wines the guests prefer. I once knew a terrific cook who drank only white zinfandel. One of my sons loves grenache, so that's an easy choice. 

    One friend likes carefully matured older red wines, but once told me that after 10 years, most don't have enough fruit. Three others love Italian reds, any age will do.

    Two other friends prefer young, bold reds from the New World. One person told me she hates any sort of chardonnay and recently discovered bone-dry riesling -- much to my personal joy.

    Finally, if the host of the party says the choice of wine you bring is "wide open," one guarantee of success is to bring a dessert wine. A great dessert wine often seals a fun evening since no one dislikes great dessert wines.  

Wine of the Week: NV Gazela Vinho Verde, Portugal ($7): This extremely light (9% alcohol!) white wine is an absolutely perfect prototype of the northern Portuguese region from which it comes. Made from a blend of two local white grapes with excellent acidity, Vinho Verde is the ultimate summer quaffer. It's slightly off-dry, has a delicate aroma of kiwi and lime and is easy to sip on a patio with light cheeses.

    To find out more about Dan Berger and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate webpage at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2021 CREATORS.COM

13 comments:

5R5P said...

Sounds like someone is just mad they can’t afford the good stuff.

Anonymous said...

8:39
Nobody in MS except maybe a Sanderson Farms heir knows anything about truly expensive wine. I am talkin $10k a bottle stuff.

Diddywahdiddy said...

My wife and some friends in 2019 spent a week in Positano, Firenzi/Sienna, and then at a villa in Tuscany. I drank whatever the local mid-priced wine, or cold beer, was suggested. I preferred the Amalfi/Positano beer, actually.
While in Tuscany, our group of seven couples were treated to one night that was "The wines of Chianti", as a Chianti Region wine expert brought six different types for the after-dinner wine-tasting. Something about the "Black Rooster" on the back of the labels caught my eye.

It turns out that my favorite...as I like to buy wines with a pretty label and a range from $12 to maybe $30 if it's a really pretty label...was a Chianti that we've been buying (not too bitter, not too dry, just right and smooth) at "The Quarter". Gosh, it had a pretty label and the Black Rooster on it, the "Chianti expert" recommended it, and it was my favorite. Some of the others were so strong I had trouble keeping a straight face. I'm not a wine snob, but my children say ('cuz I like to hunt different states/areas) "Dad, you're a deer snob and a beer snob". Well, if faced with a beer or wine that my amateurish tastes find less to my liking..."My, that's outstanding!".
Best,
DWD

Anonymous said...

Cigars are susceptible to shallow and annoying snobbery, as well.

Anonymous said...

KF, mind if I hijack this thread? I have friends and family that smoke cigars, and I would love some gift-giving recommendations from the folks out there. I personally do not smoke, so I have no preferences.

Anonymous said...

Re: gifts of cigars (or wine) and suggestions.

I'd suggest gift certificates to a good store or simply finding something else to give. Someone who doesn't know cigars (or wine) trying to pick specifics for someone who does rarely ends well because tastes are so different. It may be a well-thought-of cigar (or wine) by many but if the person who receives it isn't among that many, it is simply a very nice gesture and thought gone to waste.

I don't pick out my wife's dresses (I just admire the results...always) and she doesn't pick out my suits (shirts and ties...well, again, I just admire her choices...always - not the hill I wish to die upon). Most couples we know are much the same. I cannot recall ever hearing of a argument, much less a divorce, based upon the topic. Must mean something.

Anonymous said...

He is right that higher priced wines are often overwhelming for some people, especially those that are heavily oaked (think Stags Leap Cab). My all-around pic is any Malbec from Argentina: very approachable and inexpensive red wines that are dry but not as dry as a Cabernet can be. You can get in trouble quick with cheaper cabs.

As to cigars: Romeo y Juliette Nicaragua is a cigar that would probably appeal to most. It’s not as light as a generic Connecticut but not as strong as a Maduro, but a pretty safe middle ground.

Anonymous said...

wine is for women and limp wrists . . .

Anonymous said...

"wine is for women and limp wrists . . ."

Hang on a sec, King - you approved THAT and punted the shrimp boat comment? You ought to be ashamed of yourself. May you be forced to consume an entire case of two-buck...oops, nope...hoping to get this one under the wire...

That'sMisterDeplorableToYou said...

When I drink wine, which is exceedingly rare, I always drink merlot over ice. You want to see a wine snob have a coronary and an aneurysm and go apoplectic all at the same time? Let him see you pouring wine over ice.

Anonymous said...

"When I drink wine, which is exceedingly rare, I always drink merlot over ice. You want to see a wine snob have a coronary and an aneurysm and go apoplectic all at the same time? Let him see you pouring wine over ice."

Why not just keep the box in the fridge? Then, fill a foam or plastic cup (or one of those stainless quart logo'ed tumblers, if you are the fancy sort) with CRUSHED ice, dispense the wine, and serve to the wine lover in your life. If you really want to get festive, put the wine in a tea pitcher, add a couple of cans of fruit cocktail, and serve as above. We did that for a fish fry with a couple of cases of 2000 Petrus taking up too much room in the garage and everyone said, "What a drink!"

Anonymous said...

Waste Management has been tricking off of Jackson by using temporary labor. Those guys don't have any insurance and could get a better wage with this new company.

Anonymous said...

"Waste Management has been tricking off of Jackson by using temporary labor. Those guys don't have any insurance and could get a better wage with this new company."

Er...OK? But kind of wine and cigars do they like?

Maybe they could get better jobs on a shrimp boat down in Bayou...er, oops...off-topic.


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