You.can.not.make.this.up.
That was then.... this is now:
Perhaps we should get rid of the smallpox or mumps vaccines. Think of all the morticians and health care workers who would stay employed.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Dumbassery on display
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Trollfest '09
Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.
Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).
Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.
Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".
In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.
In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.
Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.
Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!
This is definitely a Beaver production.
Note: Security provided by INS.
Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).
Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.
Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".
In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.
In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.
Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.
Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!
This is definitely a Beaver production.
Note: Security provided by INS.
Trollfest '07
Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.
There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.
If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!
This is definitely a Beaver production.
Note: Security provided by INS.
There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.
If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!
This is definitely a Beaver production.
Note: Security provided by INS.
49 comments:
Words fail me.
The best part about this is that it is a shorter time frame than the usual "Progressive" crawfishing. It took a decade between the time that they said to quit calling fat kids "fatty" and stuff to the point now where the First Lady is calling every kid a fatty on national television.
(Or the 1970s global cooling, we are all gonna DIE! to the 1980s global warming, we are all gonna DIE! to the 2000s Catastrophic Climate Change, we are all gonna DIE!)
Every single "Progressive" is an idiot. There is no intelligence on the left AT ALL.
That's like blaming the Ford Motor Company for killing the buggy whip industry...
Or digital cameras for killing film production, film developers, and other associated jobs.
Idiotic, for sure...
Just as idiotic as the birther/Muslim/the economic sky is fally nonsense.
Scaring the base and the Big Lie is what passes for political discourse these days.
Jesse Jackson, Jr and Michelle Bachman SHOULD BOTH be embarrassments.
But, no...neither party will get the smote out of their own eye.
economic sky is falling nonsense?
How is the economy doing? or unemployment? What I'm looking at is what happens if interest rates rise 100-200 basis points. How much of our deficit is financed with short term T's?
Anon 9:14, I think that you need to reread Matthew 7. Smote?
I always liked Nat King Cole's version of Smote Gets In Your Eyes....
It's important to remember that to the Keynesian, production isn't something that happens in order to fulfill the desires of consumers -- it's an end unto itself. The actual goal of the Keynesian economy is production for production's sake, in order to achieve 100% employment.
The discussion doesn't have to be about books or publishing -- it literally doesn't matter what the product or service is, whether anyone in fact wants it, or if it's profitable. The government can pay one group to dig holes and pay another group to fill the holes in, and we'll all be "richer" because everyone is employed.
Ignoring the fact, of course, that nobody digs holes only to refill them unless it's by government fiat, and that no wealth is actually being created. The Keynesian economy is actually a less-than-zero sum game, in that no wealth is created, just transferred and divided between groups, losing value in every coerced transaction.
Excellent comment, Mr. Geoffriau. I actually covered that very same point yesterday at my blog. Albeit in a less intelligent way.
I think we should go back to carving tablets on stone. Lots of brick masons will benefit.
Several years ago, someone asked Jesse Jackson, Jr. what he thought about Beirut.
He said "Hank Aaron was a better hitter."
wow wow wow....and he is paid to represent illinois...
brains are not needed for public office :(
It is apparent that he needs to actually read the Constitution and the Jefferson Federal Papers. Nowhere in either of those "publications" does it say anything about the government has to provide anybody anything. It does state clearly that the government cannot force the citizens to purchase any goods or services from it. Hmmm, is he from the same district as Obama?? Might explain a lot....
Mark Geoffriau is a pretty smart fellow...
The sad thing is that Jesse Jr. makes a lot more sense than his daddy, and he's Carl Sagan compared to some of his colleagues. They're alive because their bottle cap sized brain is strong enough to support involuntary muscular activity, such as breathing and blinking when something is about to stick them in their little eyes. There's barely enough working neurons to give them any hope of clear thought so they honestly believe their own drivel. Worry about more giveaways, not who's going to pay for them...Bill Billingsley
In case y'all are wondering, Jesse Jr beat Alice Palmer for his House seat. Palmer hand-picked Obama as her replacement when she ran for the US House. So, YES, Jesse Jr. is smarter than Palmer who hand-picked Obama.
Go figger.
Another "mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy.” (Joe Biden's greatest moment.)
Unfortunately, Mr. Jackson doesn't have the common sense of a grape.
KF, don't you remember much of the same rhetoric on the deficit at the time of The Contract with America? And, do you not remember how the deficit was gone by the Clinton administration and it was trillions then as well?
It wasn't magical or draconican.
In 8 years under a Republican administration, by the way, the deficit reappears on steriods along with a deep recession and anyone that thinks it's two wars and 9/11 only has their head ( and calculator) in the sand.
Might want to look back and see how the last deficit was brought under control.
Not saying we don't have serious economic problems . I'm saying that the economic sky isn't falling. If your 401K isn't thriving, you need to get better investment advice.
And, talk about dumbassery...why is it The Donald doesn't know that the child of a female American citizen is an American citizen even if that child was born on Mars? For Obama not to be an American citizen, his mother would have had to formally renounce her citizenship and the documents on THAT would be easy to find ! But, apparently, the media is too stupid to know that as well. Or is it that news is entertainment now and the invented controversy gets viewers?
I'd like both parties to disavow their lunatics!
Yeah, Anon 8:49, the Republicans back in the mid1990s had NOTHING to do with curbing spending and lifting the onerous business regulations, it was all Clinton and his tax hikes. Those pesky welfare reforms from the Contract with American did nothing.
By the way, W. Bush inherited a recession, in your limited worldview, that had nothing to do with the dot com bubble bursting, nothing to do with Clinton's ramped up HUD regulations that forced the new cottage industry of mortgage origination companies, et al.
Geez, talking about head in the sand.
President Obama and Democrat rule since 2007, with the 40% increase in minimum wage has done wonders for the economy. Maybe those wonders will be undone by the time I am dead.
54 TRILLION in unfunded liability for social security alone. Nicely played, Democrats.
8:49, you might be right about the child of an American citizen being born abroad automatically becoming an American citizen, but the Constitution is pretty clear about the President having to be born here. We don't have a single President or candidate that I know of who was born outside the country to an American mom - including, in my opinion, this one - but I think a Constitutional challenge could be mounted if someone admittedly born in a foreign country were to ever try to run for President. I hope we never have to find out - there's already way too much nonsense associated with campaigns. Bill Billingsley
Anon 10:02, John The McCainiac was born in Panama.
Sorry, my comment was directed at bill. John McCain was born in Panama.
Bill, the only other example that comes to mind is McCain -- his candidacy was called into question as he was born in the Panama Canal Zone in 1936. A 1937 law granted American citizenship to those born in the Canal Zone after 1904, but there remains a legal question of whether McCain is truly a "natural-born" citizen.
Eh, Paul beat me to it.
Of course, Mr. Geoffriau, The McCainiac's father was Navy and stationed there, but the question was any candidate born outside the country.
I actually think that Obama was born in Washington state because his mother was THERE the day before he was born. But, there simply has to be something on that BC that he doesn't want us to see. My thought on that is that he was born a girl because he sure acts like one and he is not very athletic and downright clumsy and not very smart.
10:16 - "Not very smart" = editor-in-chief of Harvard Law Review, eh?
I suppose you think Dubya IS "smart?"
And, do you not remember how the deficit was gone by the Clinton administration and it was trillions then as well?
Don't expect to be taken seriously when you can't get this sentence right. You are so f'ing ignorant it isn't even worth trying to lead you back to Jesus.
Anon 10:33, Obama was the only President of the Harvard Law Review that never published anything. He was a TOKEN BLACK MAN in the Ivy League.
By the way, the HLR is a college newspaper, I know that attorneys will take offense to that, but that is EXACTLY what it is.
Holy Shit. Donner Kay must have let the staff that works for free out early for Good Friday. She is so kind.
Paul, the more you bloviate, the less sense you make.
Paul, the more you bloviate, the less sense you make.
Well then that would qualify Paul to apply for an associate assistant managing editor job @ the Bugle.
Anon 10:56, sorry, I'll try to type slower for you.
You must be one of those special people that thought Obama was smart.
I love Paul. He's my favorite.
I just wanted to say that.
Thanks Stiletto. I appreciate that.
Paul, you ought to start hiding out and not walk down any dark alleys in Jackson or the surrounding communities because of your moronic statement about acting like a girl. EXACTLY how do girls act? We are not athletic or smart? EXACTLY where did you get your factual information on that comment? EXACTLY what evidence do you to back up your post?
Anon 1:45, it is called humor. Get over it, Baby.
^^giggle...snort^^
I forgot about McCain being born in the Canal Zone. It seems like it was ruled that he was a natural born citizen since he was born of American parents serving overseas on an American base. For the purpose of qualifying for President, I think that would be different than being born in a foreign country just because that happened to be where you were living at the time.
My research uncovered a little factoid that I found interesting. First President to be born in a hospital? Jimmy Carter. Total number of Presidents that have been born in hospitals? Four - Carter, Clinton, Bush 43 and Obama. BB
I knew Jimmuh was the first born in a hospital, but Lillian Carter said that she should have stayed a virgin.
I agree.
Paul, it's " editor" of Law Review. Calling any school's Law Review " a college paper" is ridiculous!
Obama's mother was an AMERICAN CITIZEN, it's doesn't friggin' matter where he was born or what the birth certificate says.
I don't know who the hell Donner is and haven't noticed great sentence construction among the bloggers on this site, but emote on true believers...emote on. Forget the inconvenient economic past and live in fear.
Anon 6:05, according to the NYT, it's President and it is also run by students. Let's just say that you are wrong and be done with it.
http://www.nytimes.com/1990/02/06/us/first-black-elected-to-head-harvard-s-law-review.html
Paul, I actually know lawyers who were Law Review at Harvard and the reporter or writer of the press release just doesn't quite " get it". What Obama was is Editor in Chief of The Harvard Law Review. Some will refer to the Editor in Chief as " president" as well but it is not a good description .
And calling any Law Review " a college paper" shows you don't have a clue and have never read a Law Review publication.
Being Editor in Chief or " president" means he was the top student in his Harvard Law School class.
I did get a good laugh that you picked a liberal newspaper online blurb as your definitive source of information. Did you use Cliff Notes in college , too?
Oh and I love the way everyone " name calls" rather than deal with the real point which is Obama is not stupid and he is an American citizen because HIS MOTHER WAS.
I don't think he's been an effective President, but everytime he's attacked on nonsense rather than on ISSUES and POLICY, conservatives lose credibility with anyone who's had a decent education or educated themselves well.
The POINT is that CRAZY , DUMBASS is CRAZY, DUMBASS and both parties need to rid themselves of their irrational idiots and get back to debating issues and policy! Instead, I see name calling like children and rumor mongering like mean old biddies.
But, it does seem that aspiring to be well educated and well-informed and mature enough to be in check of ones emotions so one doesn't name call like a 6 year old and can have a disagreement without being disagreeable is no longer fashionable.
I used the Times because it bolsters my point with a source that is ideologically opposed to me. "All the news that is fit to make the President look like something other than what he is."
Like I said, I know attorneys will take issue with my saying that the Harvard Law Review is a college newspaper, which it is, but the whole point is that Barry Obama has accomplished nothing but win elections. Being President of the Harvard Law Review is the same thing for him. It was time to have a black President of the HLR and Barry just happened to be the closest token. Sign him up. However, if you look at that, you will find that he NEVER published, which is just unimaginable. Most HONEST attorneys will back that point up, too.
That said, this whole debate was about intelligence, shown with the Jesse Jr. videos. Jesse Jr. that defeated Alice Palmer, who basically GAVE her Illinois Senate seat to Barry.
Furthermore, I do believe that we can all agree that there are no people left on Earth, that matter actually, who still think that Obama is anything other than a stuttering, leftist moron. He got elected because he ran against the McCainiac and because Barry was just not too black.
Did y'all see that COMEX ran out of silver yesterday? Wonder why? Could it be because of the economic policies of the Smartest President in History?
9:23 is a bona fide dumbass. Yes name calling. Deal with it, woosie.
Don't care if you name call 6:06 pm. Just making sure you know it's a sign of immaturity and the inability to defend your position with facts.
Paul,you keep demonstrating that you don't know much about law review and how it works. HLR averages 2000 pages every month and Editors in Chief seldom have time to write articles themselves. Nor do you seem to know how one becomes Editor in Chief or " president" as the less common and less descriptive title you prefer.
Those attorneys who were law review can handle it. They won't be offended,they'll just take you less seriously.
Both Paul and 6:06 conttnue to attempt to deflect from the point that BOTH parties have " dumbasses". Unless y'all want to defend Birthers and then you are among your parties " dumbasses".
Anon 11:57, why do you want to bring up Hillary Clinton in your comment? What does her investigation into Barry Obama's weird past and no proof of natural citizenship have anything to do with Jesse Jackson Jr. being smarter than Obama's patron, but still an idiot?
It is UNHEARD of that Presidents of the HLR did not publish. Even the national media admitted that back when Clinton was the presidential legacy. Dang, now I see why you brought up Hillary's birther movement. Kudos, you pretty much brought down the whole sordid Democrat mess with your brief comment. Breitbart would be proud!
Anon 9:12, seems Ace of Spades finally was so bold as to figure out Barry Obama's IQ. 116.
And while on the task, he found this from the Crimson. Barry was president: http://www.thecrimson.com/article/2006/6/5/law-review-debates-affirmative-action-policy/
oldie but a goodie. I would pay to watch a debate between jj and this fool.
http://youtu.be/zNZczIgVXjg
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