Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Don't worry, Jackson Jambalaya is here

Don't worry white folks of Jackson, Jackson Jambalaya is here to help you after Harvey's win tonight. I predicted Harvey would win 60-40, and was pretty close to the final results. Now some of us are making preparations in earnest to help those who will be in need of assistance after Harvey's win.

With the help of several NJammers such as Wilson Carroll, Colonel David Sanders, the Y'all Politics nation, Ben Allen, and Sonjay Poontang, Jackson Jambalaya is setting up an underground railroad to help white people escape Jackson. This will be a traumatic time for many, as Harvey and his mob force them to leave their homes, but don't worry; JJ will be ready to help those in need, thanks to several grants provided by MEMA. The starting point for the underground railroad will be provided on this website tomorrow. In the event Harvey decides to ship them back to Europe, JJ has worked out a deal with the federal government whereas a special booth will be set up to expedite passports to a same-day level of service, so refugees are not held up at Gitmo and can go back to Europe. Free booze will be provided by Better Jackson PAC sponsor Fenian's as it literally liquidates its inventory. Stay tuned to this website for further details or listen to the Gallo Radio Show, as Paul Gallo broadcasts on his new underground radio station (WFMN goes to Perez as he will bring back the Q).

Note: JJ has been unable to determine if there is any truth to the rumor that the Johnson administration will be setting up re-education camps in NE Jackson for black NJammers.

30 comments:

Anonymous said...

I hear there's an underground passage which begins under Char. You simply go in, have a drink, then quietly disappear behind the bar into the underground passage. The first exit is somewhere near the Old Agency Road area.........

Anonymous said...

One of the great things about this website is that you always keep your sense of humor. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

One more thing. Great election prediction. Not sure many saw that large a margin.

Anonymous said...

You are so bad... LOL

Anonymous said...

Do you think the Jackson population will continue to decrease under the Johnson administration? It would be a very difficult task to instantly make a positive impact, but what do you think?

Anonymous said...

I ain't " cutting and running" from Jackson. I'll stay and fight for my home... not going to be run off to the land of faux towns and strip malls. Not going expect others to " stand and fight" if I don't have the guts to do the same!

Anonymous said...

@ 7:32

Here here!

Anonymous said...

Me, too........but I might need a blankey.......

Anonymous said...

I'm not moving but politically Weill, and the Ward 1, made a huge mistake.

Anonymous said...

Yesterday proved that Sheriff Campaign Contribution can be beat.

Robert Johnson, are you listening?

Atlas said...

Unfortunately, Jackson will have to collapse before it can be rebuilt. The sooner that happens, the sooner everyone can get to work making Jackson a great place to live.

ElPresidentBF said...

Crisler carried 16 of 90 precincts.

11 of the 16 were in Ward 1.

2 of the 16 were the Belhaven precincts.

3 of the 16 were in Fondren.

1 of the 16 was downtown.

Crisler polled 75.2% of the vote in Ward 1.

Crisler polled 38.4% of the vote in Ward 6.

The numbers tell the story.

stilettoGOP said...

MOTIVATED SELLER! 4br/2.5bath great NE Jackson location. Um, close to everything. Mature landscaping. Wet bar. SECURITY SYSTEM. Simply beautiful home. Contact Stiletto today.

Schoolmarm Harriett Van Johnson said...

"We, the white, god-fearing citizens of [Jackson] wish to express our extreme displeasure with your choice of [mayor]. Please remove him immediately."

Anonymous said...

I ain't " cutting and running" from Jackson either. As soon as that 60 and older generation (black and white) die out, Jackson will have a chance. The young folks here "get it" and don't really give a hoot about the race crap. They want good jobs, good quality of life and a great place to live. Doesn't matter what color, sex or religion.

Anonymous said...

Reviewing the results what I find shocking is the tin ear of the Crisler campaign. No way around it he was swamped.

Anonymous said...

How many candidates did the Jackson Progressives push into the win column? LMAO

Anonymous said...

I don't recall hearing about the Jackson Progressives backing any candidate. Did you?

Anonymous said...

There is no getting out of Jackson and you know it. It is the Hotel California. YOU CAN NEVER LEAVE!!!

Anonymous said...

@ 7:50 a.m. -

Hear ya! Hoping Robert Johnson is listening, too!

Anonymous said...

Kingfish so funny, one day we'll be the deserving recipients of reparations.

Anonymous said...

Leslie McLemore on WLBT this morning:

"Marshand Crisler would have lost under any circumstances."

Kingfish said...

Fight the power.

Anonymous said...

HA I'm WHITE and Harvey WILLINGLY HIRED me to work for him...hmmmm looks like he's not all about race...

Anonymous said...

Judging from the folks at his party last night, it looks like Harvey will be surrounding himself with some of the same lame people that were with him last time in city hall. If one of his problems was PR and communication then he needs a new PR team, not the same lame people he had last time. But, it didn't look like based on last night. I wish him luck, but I'm not holding my breath.

Anonymous said...

If he hires Faye Peterson for anything other than maybe city court prosecutor, we can anticipate another four years of incompetent city government.

Anonymous said...

You should all be worried about bigger problems. School is out next week! Lock up your valuables!

Anonymous said...

The good news is, the underground railroad out of Jackson is ahead of schedule.
The bad news is, Karen Irby is the engineer.

Anonymous said...

I'm stocked up on self-tanner so at least I can fit in with the hip, new Mexican crowd in Ridgeland if need arises.

Kingfish said...

Yup, she is the engineer but don't worry, her husband will be the bartender.


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Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).


Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.


Note: Security provided by INS.

Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS
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