I recently ran across an old boyfriend I dated in college from one of those class connections websites. Last time I saw him some 20-something years ago, I yelled and cussed him out. It was about six months after we stopped going out after I was extremely mad at him for leaving me at home after several of us went out one night, and driving a friend home instead of staying with me. (Yes, very mature, huh?) I was so mad I didn't even listen to why he came up to talk to me on campus.
Anyway, he asked by email if I was still mad at him, and of course, I am not. He THEN tells me he was about to ask me to marry him! I said "What the he**? I never knew he even had feelings like that for me! So we exchange a few more emails with pictures of our respective children. I find out he married and been left with his children to raise alone. I was pretty surprised at that to say the least. I tell him I'm twice divorced and just don't think I am made for marriage. Then on Valentine's I get a dozen chocolate covered strawberries delivered to me.
So, this goes one for a couple of weeks, and we exchange phone numbers. He sends gourmet cookies to my house for me and my boys. He calls one day and asks if I'd ever give him another chance. My mouth falls open. I never expected anything like that. Two or so more weeks later, he starts talking how he wishes we could see each other. I put him off for a while. Then about two weeks after THAT, he says he loves me and probably always has. KABOOM.
I became completely whacked after that, and started putting him off when he mentioned seeing each other. He told me he smoked, so I mentioned how much I do not want anyone who does that. He also mentioned he drank a few beers most nights, and again I say I don't think it's right to drink all the time for no reason. So what does he do next? He pours out all the beer at his house, throws out the cigarettes and goes and gets Nicorette. Again, my mouth falls open when he calls to tell me all this. Then, I get flowers delivered to me on my birthday last week.
OK, I'm meeting him this weekend face-to-face and have no clue what will happen. He says this is all romantic and seems meant to be. There have been many times I have my hand on the phone to call him and the phone rings with him on the other end. Too many times I get a text from him while typing one to him. We finish each other's sentences on the phone. YES THIS IS FREAKISH.
I've gotten so nervous now I'm thinking of cancelling this weekend. What do I do? This is not "Days of Our Lives", but oh boy, I need help!
Help me out: dwfinms@gmail.com or post a comment.
See other posts by DWF:
DWF Asks
From DWF to women raising boys
DWF was a cougar before cougar was cool
DWF Introduces Wacko Woman
DWF Wants To Know...
What Women REALLY Think
Election Notes from DWF
Dear DWF
On a date? Please try to relate.
Sunday Morning Coffee w/a Cougar
Packing for a Safari
A Caged Cougar? HA!
If Stella Can Ger Her Groove Back...
DWF Asks
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
DWF: "My Life As A Soap Opera Diva"
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Trollfest '09
Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.
Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).
Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.
Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".
In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.
In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.
Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.
Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!
This is definitely a Beaver production.
Note: Security provided by INS.
Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).
Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.
Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".
In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.
In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.
Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.
Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!
This is definitely a Beaver production.
Note: Security provided by INS.
Trollfest '07
Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.
There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.
If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!
This is definitely a Beaver production.
Note: Security provided by INS.
There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.
If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!
This is definitely a Beaver production.
Note: Security provided by INS.
11 comments:
Without the benefit of hindsight, had things gone differently and had he asked would you have married him 20 some odd years ago?
How many children does he have and what are their ages?
Yes, I would have married him before our fallout. His children are grown, 24 and 21.
What could it hurt? However people change. You cannot really tell if he has quit smoking and drinking since you have not been around him. He could be saying that to get you to go out with him.
It sounds to me, though like he is a bit anxious. Those kind make me nervous.
I'd go a bit slow, if I were you. REAL!!!! slow.
I second the 6:36pm Anonymous on all counts. I'm no dating expert, but it sounds like he's chomping at the bit HARD and he hasn't even spent time with you lately.
This means, to be cold, that the person he's in love with might not actually be you--it might be the you he knew 20 years ago (through his time-filtered memories), or an idealized vision of you. Whatever idea he has of you is probably impacted by his loneliness and his post-divorce sense of failure. Likewise, you may find that you don't like the person he has become over the past 20 years, at which point his level of emotional investment could be a problem. Or you may find that he hasn't changed a bit over the past 20 years, but that you've outgrown him emotionally, and/or that you got it right last time you broke up with him. When I was 20 I had no idea what I wanted out of a long-term relationship; I knew this, so I didn't pursue one. Now that I know who I am, I'm kind of horrified by the thought of how badly things could have turned out if I'd jumped headlong into a relationship.
The fact that he has made major lifestyle decisions before your most recent first date freaks me out a little bit, frankly. I tend to clean up the office and cut down on snacks when my heart is pitter-pattering over somebody, but I don't tell her about it. Not right away. And what does he do if it doesn't work out? Go right back to drinking and smoking? He's making himself appear very, very vulnerable right now, and that doesn't augur well at this stage of the relationship.
My advice (brutally blunt but hey, you asked): Go out to have fun with him, but don't let yourself get guilted into showing more commitment or long-term interest than you actually feel. Choose a nice neutral location where you won't be forced to either hurt his feelings or spend more time with him than you really want to. Try not to hurt him, but don't let yourself be manipulated, either, if it starts looking like that's what he's trying to do.
That said: A close family member reconnected and fell quickly in love with an old high school sweetheart she hadn't seen in decades, so these things certainly happen. If it does in your case, enjoy the ride. :o)
Thanks Tom. Your comments are very close to what I was thinking!
DWF-I second Tom's assessment.
He sounds a little, um, desperate. Once again, this is meant as no slight to you, but people automatically giving up vices and professing love BEFORE a date sounds a little hinky.
Me and a girlfriend experienced this about two years ago...we were both single and found several guys we had dated in college started calling and all of a sudden wanted to "give it a go". We realized that they had just decided it was "time to settle down" and, I swear, were RANDOMLY calling old girlfriends to see which ones would bite.
This doesn't mean this is what happening to you now, it just gives me a bad feeling with all the hyper-attention he's giving you without the benefit of a good old fashion "sit down" date.
Good Luck and just have a good time with it!
exactly. You think I'd give up jackassery before ever asking you out?
What we all want to know DWF is did he meet, maybe exceed, your "performance criteria" 20 years ago? Say no more.
Actually, YES, I have fond memories of THAT part of the relationship.
Ok, I guess i'll somewhat 3rd Tom's assertion. Don't cancel the plans or he'll really be disappointed. Definitely go out with no expectations. He definitely is chomping at the bit but you both may be disappointed, who knows. But I think you should keep the plans and go and take it from there.
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