Wednesday, July 31, 2024

Robert St. John: 2024 Jubilee

When I was a kid, there always seemed to be chaos surrounding the scramble to get ready for Sunday School. It’s hard to recall exactly what created the disorder, but I remember always having a hard time finding my “Sunday shoes.” One would think that an item of clothing worn once a week would have a permanent storage spot, but that was never the case. While the shoe scramble was underway, the television in the den— still left on from earlier episodes of “The Three Stooges” or “My Favorite Martian”— was blaring in the background. The theme song to “The Gospel Jubilee” rang throughout the house, and is still on a loop in some type of Happy Goodman time warp in the back of my brain all these years later.

I never sat down to watch the show, but the show’s opening track seemed to be the official soundtrack of the Sunday morning scramble. I have no idea what time “Gospel Jubilee” aired on our local station, but I suspect it was whatever time Sunday School was set to begin, which meant we were late and still had to drive downtown to make it to church.

“Jubilee! Jubilee! You’re invited to the gospel jubilee.” I spent the next 20 years thinking a jubilee was only about religious music.

Coastal kids knew better. They grew up hearing stories about jubilees in Point Clear, Alabama where someone would run into the lobby of the Grand Hotel yelling, “Jubilee! Jubilee!” Hotel guests and locals would then grab a net, and an ice chest— or any container they could find— and walk out into shin-deep saltwater and scoop up blue crab, shrimp, speckled trout, flounder, and several other Gulf species that might be trying to reach the oxygenated shallows.

A jubilee is a natural phenomenon that occurs when the oxygen level of the water is low, the temperature of the water is high, and a wind blows out of the north. It usually happens early in the morning or near dusk when the plankton hasn’t had time to break up and produce oxygen. It’s rare when all of those factors come together at once, but when they do it’s a seafood jackpot for all in the vicinity. Fish, shrimp, and crab head to shallow water in search of oxygen and local citizens head to the shoreline in search of supper.

Over the years I’ve heard of people leaving the shore with a pick-up truck bed of crabs, washtubs full of shrimp, and over 100 flounder that can be gigged easily. That is quite a haul.

It wasn’t until 1987, after I opened my first restaurant, that I learned of the Mobile Bay version of a jubilee. I met a man in the Purple Parrot Café who was from Point Clear. He had been a part of several jubilees over the course of his lifetime. I sat in awe as he recounted numerous jubilees he had participated in since childhood. I gave him my phone number and told him to call me anytime of the day or night the next time a jubilee occurred. He said they only happen for an hour or so, I said, “I don’t care. I will be there quickly. I have to see this.”

The call never came.

For a seafood lover, I can’t imagine anything more thrilling. There is something romantic to me in a culture that lives on the water in an area where something like that could occur at any minute. Over the years I have told other friends and acquaintances to call me if it happens. I never received a call.

Until a few weeks ago.

Kelly, a former co-worker, longtime Mobile Bay resident, and one I knew would definitely call when it happened, texted me stating, “Birds are talking! We may have another jubilee! Tons of micro baby shrimp at the water’s edge. We’ll see.”

It never developed into anything, but I told her. “Please keep me in the loop. I’ve been waiting over 35 years to witness— and be a part of— a jubilee. I’ll drive down any time of day. I can probably be there in 90 minutes if I hit the traffic just right.”

Then I received a video text from Kelly at 7:18 a.m. this morning. In the reel, there were hundreds of fish swimming near the shoreline. Another followed. Then the text, “The birds aren’t here but the shrimp, finger mullet, catfish, baby eels, and a few small flounder are surfacing.” Damn the timing! I am loaded up all morning with appointments that can’t be cancelled, in addition to a newspaper column deadline in a matter of hours.

A few minutes later a photo popped up on my phone of Kelly’s husband, David, with a gigged Flounder, followed by the message, “Okay, big flounder now. Everyone is at work and has no clue this is going on.” Followed by a couple of more photos and, finally the four words I have been waiting over three decades to hear, “It’s definitely a jubilee!”

Ah the luck. I was out of town all last week and am out the rest of this week. Today is my only day to catch up and the day is loaded with meetings. The jubilee gods are working against me.

I called Kelly on the phone and made sure she knew not to take this as disinterest for future jubilees. I also asked permission to use the pic of David and his flounder.

They say timing is everything. Whether it’s trying to make it to Sunday school or seeing a mass invasion of seafood, one must be ready to take advantage of every situation in life.

Most people have bucket lists of things they hope to do and tasks they hope to accomplish before they die. Those lists are filled with things like visiting the great wonders of the modern world such as the Great Wall of China, The Pyramids at Giza, and climbing up to Machu Picchu. I just want to get knee deep in Mobile Bay with a net and an ice chest and take part in one of the great wonders of the Southern world, a jubilee.

Onward.

Smoked Crab Dip

One of the most intensely flavored and deeply satisfying dips you will ever try. Smoking the crab is easy and extremely important to the outcome of the dip. This is a great dip for a party. It also travels well. Pack a small container full of the crab dip in an ice chest, make a batch of herbed pita triangles, and take them to the beach. Add the other half pound of crabmeat for a more intense smoke and crab flavor.

1 /2 cup softened cream cheese

1 /2 cup sour cream

1 1 /2 tsp horseradish

2 Tbl minced red onion

2 Tbl minced celery

2 Tbl chopped parsley

1 Tbl lemon juice

1 tsp garlic salt

1 1 /2 tsp creole seasoning

1 /4 tsp fresh ground black pepper

1 TBL hot sauce

1 /2 pound smoked lump crab meat*

Blend the softened cream cheese and sour cream with the paddle attachment of an electric mixer until there are no lumps.

Add in all other ingredients except for the smoked crab and blend well. Gently fold in the smoked crab by hand. Chill for 3-4 hours before serving.

Smoked Crabmeat

1 pound Crabmeat, picked of all shell

1-2 cups wood chips, soaked for 1-2 hours in water.

Prepare a very small amount of charcoal as stated on manufacturer’s directions. Place one pound of crabmeat in a colander and place the colander on a small metal baking sheet. Sprinkle 1 /4 of the wood chips onto the glowing charcoal, and place the baking sheet with the colander on top onto the grill in your smoker or grill. Place the crabmeat as far from the heat as possible, (crabmeat is already cooked). Be careful not to dry out the crabmeat during the smoking process. Smoke 40 minutes, adding new wood chips every 10 minutes. Remove the crab from the smoker and chill completely before making the dip.

Yield: 2 cups


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Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).


Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.


Note: Security provided by INS.

Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS
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