Friday, December 18, 2020

The Fall of the Tribe of Hotty Toddy

 And there arose to the north of Eden a tribe called the Hotty-Toddys, who were also called metros. And the Hotty-Toddys were very displeasing; they didst place centerpieces on their banquet tables, and didst exalt themselves much. And they didst glorify the southern kingdom of the past.


And for a brief time they didst enjoy success on the battlefield. But in the second year of the reign of John son of Joseph, a man named James, of the house of Meredith, of the nation of Cush, didst attempt to enter the seminary at Oxford. But the Hotty-Toddys despised and oppressed the Cush-ites, and refused him entry. But the Judges decreed that James must be allowed to enter. And the Hotty-Toddys rose up with great vengeance and furious anger, and didst burn their own city, and even slew two aliens in their midst. And the LORD saw that it was no good, and was much angered, and uttered a curse upon the Hotty-Toddys:

"THOU SHALT TASTE VICTORY ONCE MORE, THEN NEVER AGAIN SHALL THOU BE FIRST AMONG THY BRETHREN"

And after the following harvest, they didst enjoy their last great victory, then their warriors became lost in the wilderness. And a man named Elisha, who was also called Archie, didst attempt to lead them back to glory, but was wounded in the land of Eden and tasted not the fruits of victory. Then a great famine fell upon Oxford, until Eli son of Archie arrived upon a white horse. Eli led the Hotty-Toddys to many small victories, and girded his loins against an invasion by the warriors from Eden.

But Eli fell backwards*. And a great roar arose, and Johnny of the house of Vaught, the great king of the Hotty-Toddy past, didst ask "What be the meaning of this tumult?" For Johnny was a very old man, 93, and nearly blind. And the Hotty-Toddys cried in despair, "The invaders from Eden hath carried off the West championship! Our curse is still upon us, and the Heisman shall never come to the house of Manning."

And the LORD then caused a great delusion to fall upon the tribe of Hotty-Toddy, and they drove their general David from their midst, even though David had led them to victories for the first time in forty years. And they chose a recruiter of warriors from a western land, Bay Bay of the house of Yawyawyawyaw, because their delusion kept them from seeing he was a fool. And Bay Bay disdt tear his garments, and shout words none could understand. And the LORD loosed against the Hotty-Toddys bands of Cowboys, and Bulldogs, and even Commodores, who laid waste to Oxford. And the Hotty-Toddys continued to exalt Bay Bay, even as half his warriors disappeared from Oxford, and rued the days of Cutcliffe. And finally Les of Eden came to Oxford and destroyed it once and for all. 1 Samuel 4:3.

Then there arose a false prophet from the House of Nutt. Although he was cast out by swine, the faithful's hope was restored as he trampled the Tiger, vanquished the Raiders of Red, and slew the Cowboy in the House of Jerry. There was much feasting as milk and honey flowed from the rivers of the Delta to the lands of Elvis. However, more sorrow smote the tribe as the prophet's promises proved false when the curse struck him with a madness that left him speechless and confused. The prophet wandered at times on sidelines alone, quiet at times, babbling at others, while the faithful said oh no, we've been cursed yet again. However, Les of Eden was not without mercy as he was indeed a just man and knelt to end the game. 1 Samuel 4:4.

However, Les suffered the same fate as King Saul by showing mercy to the enemy. The Lord shewed his wrath and withdrew his favor from Les of Eden. Les and his Edenites came back to the land of the Hotty-Toddys, boastful of their strength. The Hotty-Toddy's drank the blood of many sacrifices to their false idols in their pagan temple called "The Grove" as they worked themselves into a frenzy. The Edenites fell into a trap as their exalted general Zachariah slept while the Hotty's caught them unawares. When Zachariah finally awoke, he slew many Hotty's but alas he fell in the end. The Hotty's made more sacrifices to their false idols as they feverishly danced naked after they vanquished Les of Eden.

However, the Hotty-Toddy's grew lazy as they lived off the fat of the land and drank much wine. They returned to the Valley of Death led by a young king named Beaux, III. He danced naked before the enemy, pointed three fingers at the heavens, ignored the counsel of his lord, and died in the Valley of Death. The Hotty-Toddy's were held to much scorn as their pride went down along with their downfall. 


Prediction: This game is usually close, regardless of who wins.  LSU slaughtered Ole Miss in the first half last year but Ole Miss refused to quit and ran like crazy all over LSU in the second  half.  LSU had a great win against Florida but is still thin and bedeviled by quitters.  Kiffin has a chip on the shoulder while Orgeron is trying to figure things out this year.  LSU isn't going to sneak up on Ole Miss last week.  Despite the win, Florida still gained over 600 yards against Bo's defense.  Expect Ole Miss to set records Saturday night. Ole Miss by ten points.  

2001: Ole Miss win.
2002: LSU by 1.
2003: LSU by 3
2004: LSU by 3 despite a record-setting rushing performance by Broussard.
2005: LSU blowout because Ole Miss quits on Orgeron.
2006: LSU in OT
2007: LSU comes back in fourth quarter
2008: Ole Miss ass-kicking
2009: Les Miles can't tell time.
2010: LSU wins at the end of the game.
2011: The knee game.
2012: LSU needs 4th quarter comeback to win game.
2013: Ole Miss wins by 3.
2014: LSU upsets Ole Miss 10-7.
2015: Ole Miss won 38-17
2016: LSU won 38-21
2017: LSU won 40-24
2018: LSU won 45-18

23 comments:

Anonymous said...

I predict that history shall record that this national obsession with football was a prime contributor to the downfall of the United States. More people can name football players than can name their elected officials and members of the various committees they participate in.

Anonymous said...

Alas, Yea though they prance into the Valley of Death, fearing no evil, the Tiger shall Slew them. And there will be great gnashing of teeth, and moaning of the Searsuckers and Rebel Yell drinkers. If, as in times past, they still carried the banner of the lost cause, they would rip it asunder and cast it to the ground, for their hopes would be lost until the passing of another season.

Anonymous said...

This piece was total waste of time and effort on somebody's part.....

Anonymous said...

As an LSU alum who is completely unbiased, I predict the LS-Shoe Tigers to win by 3. The Rebels will be without Moore and Yeboah.

Also, will Ole Miss witness history repeating itself (see Tuberville/Ole Miss/Auburn - 1998) by Sunday?

Anonymous said...

LSUX more the never.

Anonymous said...

@9:28 AM.Anxious to see what your time and effort produces?

Anonymous said...

Beating Alabama is the absolute measure of LSU greatness, losing to Ole Miss is the absolute measure of LSU futility.

When is the past past, Ole Miss?

Anonymous said...

9:14, you are spot on. in his tome, The Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire, Gibbon pointed to the obsession with athletics as one of the main reasons for Rome's fall.
signed by an Ole Miss alum who also likes LSU

RebInvasionOfDeadValley said...

There's nothing like coming into an opponent's stadium and taking over their hallowed ground and making them like it!

And so it will be this coming Saturday.

You just thought you couldn't understand Coach Oger's speech speak...just wait until his post-game interview when he's waxing upset with the lowly tiggah's loss in Dead Valley!

Anonymous said...

Here's the difference between State and Ole Miss. Ole Miss has false sense of entitlement; State has an inferiority complex.

Kingfish said...

Actually, Gibbon blamed Christianity for sapping the martial nature of Rome.

Anonymous said...

1:26 It's more like finding a big buck deer on the side of the highway that was run over by a bus... and taking it home and mounting the head in your den. What a trophy! Hoddy toddy!

Anonymous said...

There's a game tomorrow? Who knew?

Anonymous said...

" And they chose a recruiter of warriors from a western land, Bay Bay of the house of Yawyawyawyaw, because their delusion kept them from seeing he was a fool. And Bay Bay disdt tear his garments, and shout words none could understand."

From book two of the Bay Bay chronicles:

And Bay Bay, which no one could understand . . . and whom had turned his back on his own tribe of Eden for a gold coin . . . was accepted back into his tribe of Eden.

For in his first year back in his tribe, Bay Bay of the house of Yawyawyawyaw led Eden to greatness.
He was worshipped as a great general. Yet he continued to speak words that even the tribe of Eden knew not.

When asked about lost battles, he would only speak about foodstuffs.
The tribes of all nations knew not about Alligator Sauce Piquante.

Some within Bay Bay's tent claimed he was nervous about facing the Hotty Toddy tribe.
Others within his tent say he will banned from Eden.

His predecessor, the one name Miles . . . (which means the eater of the grass) . . . is long gong.

And yet another past head man of the Eden Tribe . . . the one named DiNardo . . .
( which means seller of the Spaghetti noodle ). . . has offered Bay Bay refuge in the unknown land called Indiana.

Anonymous said...

9:28 pretty much said it all. A meaningless waste of effort.

Anonymous said...

this is getting really old and tired. you have worn it out fish. the beautiful people of the SEC and all of the eternal sophomores out there thrive on this kind of bs. people who are well north of 30 but just cannot seem to put aside the fact that they were once in college. they got to relive it everyday. all the while the house note goes unpaid and the kid dont get raised properly because daddy has a unhealthy obsession with chicken shit college football.
i would hate to think that my whole life revolved around the fact i spent 4 years at a shithole like ole mss, southern, or mississippi state.
add to that all the losers out there who are a fan of this college or that college, but never went to college anywhere

Anonymous said...

I have never gave less a shit about football than I do now. I didn’t even watch the egg bowl. Ole miss alum 2005 thru 2009- seriously fun times. Found a life, had some children and have decided to move towards disengagement with this and many other things the prior generation venerated. Of course, things aren’t the same as they once were.

Anonymous said...

RebinvasionOfDeadValley@ 1:26: Never mind.

Anonymous said...

#laintrain #werunthesip #hydr. Losing the ball on the 25 from a fumble while driving is typical #hydr. Fitting Mr. Pissinendzone opted out. He was with them until they needed him. F’em. Go to hell ole miss. Some time you get what you deserve.

Anonymous said...

Hey 4:57 & 6:39...news flash...ole miss wasn't any good this year...their defense was almost last in the 120 team stats for the ncaa...so don't feel as though lsu did anything last night of any notoriety.

As well, lsu only notched 1 more victory this year than the lowly rebs...chew on that for awhile.

From the outside looking in, lsu is going nowhere with Orgeron (but at least he's dating that lsu cheerleader on the side, but that's all he has going for himself), but it appears LKiffin is taking that other program up and past lsu and others in the next few years.

Again, pound your chests all you want, but you only finished 1 victory ahead of the program you beat last night which ain't too spiffy. BTW, ole miss had 6 turnovers (of which you scored 34 of your points from) and you barely beat those yahoos! You coonies need to sober up and read the tea leaves 'cause it ain't pretty for your future!

Anonymous said...

And for you lowly miss state bulldogs who think that you are so much better than those lowly ole miss rebels, take great solace in knowing that you will be playing in the "vaunted" Armed Services Bowl somewhere in Texas, while those crappy rebels will be playing in Outback Bowl in sunny Florida.

Oh yeah...some teams DO get what they deserve, don't they poor ol 4:57!:D

Anonymous said...

i look forward to this every year. some of you need to go and get checked for covid and see if it also removes your sense of humor

Anonymous said...

5:05PM if we had to go the Outback Bowl again, I think I'd puke. Is that 5 years straight with the plantation not having a winning season now? Why yes, I believe my math is correct!


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