Thursday, September 25, 2014

JJ needs your help

There is a map of New Orleans on Judgmentalmaps.com. It would be fun to create one for Jackson soooo..... since I am slowed down a little bit, you guys are welcome to make suggestions for such a map in comments or emails.  Have some fun. See below for an example.





18 comments:

Anonymous said...

I've been back to the city once, just after Katrina. But I went to Tulane (most miserable days of my life, and it wasn't just the Yankee guttersnipes I went to school with: the city is an IMPOSSIBLE place to live, if you have goals in life other than being drunk and wasting time - and that's BEFORE you factor-in the crime).

Anyway, the map shows the city EXACTLY as it was pre-Katrina. I assume the "Nice!!!" over on the West Bank is English Turn. What a brilliant idea! And it's actually much more informative than any other map or guidebook I've ever seen.

The "Not as old money" (if I've got my bearings) refers to the lakefront homes of Mafiosi (the ones who haven't moved "ta da Nawt Shoh".

Oh, and "Scary place" is precisely that. And if you've ever taken an exit where it says "dead bodies dumped here" or "more bodies", you'll see why they're the preferred spots for dropping off the bodies in da trunk udduh Townkoh.

Kingfish said...

I mean create a map for Jackson. Rename parts of the area in similar fashion.

Anonymous said...

Sorry, just commenting on the wonderfulness of the New Orleans map. The Jackson map should be really fun to do.

I'll start with the RAPE'-n'-GO GAS STATION in West Jackson (where the poor lady got gang-raped, and the man behind the counter wouldn't even call police for her).

BIG LABELS: Madison County: 'Rednecks'; Rankin County: 'White Trash'; and Jackson, of course:'Blacks'. Really, at a glance, the Jackson Metro should offer those three main choices: Rednecks, White Trash, and Blacks.

Then, you can subdivide, and have a 'Black Aristocracy' label for Hanging Moss Road, and 'Old Black Money' for Pecan Park, maybe.

'Swingers', of course, for the Yacht Club and for Reunion. With maybe a pineapple graphic... (and if centers for each of the many swinger cliques in the metro can be identified, I think that labels such as "Rich Geriatric Swingers", "Pineapple Cult Swingers", "Affluent Middle-aged Swingers", "Starter-home Swingers", "Elite Reservoir Bodybuilder Swing Group", "Trailer Park Swingers", "Fratrat/Suzie Swingers"... that would be something New Orleans' map doesn't have.

'Fake Old Money' for Eastover. 'Old Fake Money' for Country Club of Jackson.

Madison can be labeled 'Switzerland' (I swear, there's a fancy new bank on every street corner), while Canton can be labeled 'Haiti'

Lost Rabbit can be 'Edge of the Known World', with sea monsters from medieval maps depicted in the Rez.

Other labels like 'Trailer Parks', 'Bad Trailer Parks', and 'Really Bad Trailer Parks'.

And how to cleverly (and with fewer words) indicate that an area would have been a nucleus for a community Jackson doesn't really have? ("If we had any Old Money, they'd live HERE", or "Gays would live here, if there WERE any.", or "This once had potential for becoming a thriving Jewish neighborhood", or "Intellectuals would live here, in Belhaven") Or amenities Jackson used to have (movie theatres...).

But that New Orleans map is brilliant, and it's going to take a lot of thought...

Anonymous said...

Madison city hall: no democrats allowed

St. Catherine's....photography studio


Trace grill....best baby back ribs in the state


Ross Barnett...muddy pond


Downtown jackson...Detroit wannabes.


Ben aliens office....propaganda from a pro jackson cheerleader


Anonymous said...

Meadowbrook to Northside from 55 to the river is White Island.

Anonymous said...

Clinton - closet Baptist gays

Reservoir - supposedly a resort area, but mainly rednecks who got tired of drinking wine coolers at their Mexican restaurants

Pearl - trailer parks and a world class resort destination

Brandon - Jesus freaks who are scared of black people

Midtown - made up district for hipsters and apologetic white people

Fondren - artsy fartsy (including the gays) and on the edge of the ghetto

Belhaven - historic houses with terrible foundations and public roads riddled with begging bums

Downtown - wasteland of businesses no more and the Capitol Street River

County Line Road - newer wasteland of businesses on one side and the barrio on the other.

Ridgeland - from County Line to Lake Harbor - Little Mexico

Highland Colony - Towards Jackson - wasteland that attracts no developers - Towards Madison - overpriced colony where you can live, drink, and play

Flowood - Chain restaurants for the rednecks that move here from the north part of MS. Also, supposedly a resort area.

Madison - inflated property values due to poor leadership to the south and north

Richland - wish we were livin right, but just rednecks and trailers trash

Florence - more high class rednecks and trailer trash

Eastover - old money trying to hang on for dear life

Leftover - close enough to Eastover to be safe - maybe

Lake Trace / Pear Orchard / Northtown - specimen for studying white flight










Anonymous said...

Fondren - hipsters/artist

Belhaven - self-affirmed intellectuals

Eastover - 'mo money, 'mo problems

NE Jxn - use'ta'coulds

County Line - restaurant graveyard

Renaissance - little Sunset Blvd

Madison the City - "NOT UP IN HERE", brick mason's pipe dream, nary a cell tower

Brandon - Good ole boys

Rez - My boat's worth more than my house

Anonymous said...

Jackson overall should be labeled Fem-O-Cratville, then sub-divided into People on parole, people on trial, people on the lamb, career criminals, wanna be criminals, rapist, muggers, home invaders, car jackers, shoplifters, robbers(armed and un-armed), scammers, crooked politicians, people who wear cartoon clothes and have made up names like Abdullah Lallapalooza,

Anonymous said...

Madison- Redneck Riviera of Madison County.
Martin Luther King Dr.- Gateway to Jackson.

Bailey Ave.- Zoo Keeper.
West Jackson- Drug Mall.

Jane said...

Just label the whole thing "THE CITY THAT SHOOTS DOGS."
http://www.msnewsnow.com/story/26630764/like-snipers-neighbors-describe-animal-control-killing-dogs

Anonymous said...

The gas station rape incident was in SOUTH Jackson, so make sure to correct before labeling! But yeah, most of these suggestions sound on point, with of course a lot of humor involved so don't take them seriously, no one is making fun of anyone's lifestyle. But as for as Jackson the City goes, I think it should be divided into North Jackson (which would include Northwest & Northeast, Fondren, Meadowbrook, Broadmoore), East Jackson (Eastover, Leftover), West Jackson (West Capitol, Bailey Ave, I-220, Clinton Blvd), South Jackson (Terry Rd, Highway 80, McDowell Rd, Daniel Lake Blvd), and the Downtown area (East Capitol St, Amite St, Pearl St, Pascagoula St). As for the suburbs like Ridgeland, Madison, Clinton, Brandon, Flowood, Richland, & Florence, those are small enough to where we don't have to divide those up any.

Leftover Dave said...

Oh, there are a LOT more names for neighborhoods just within the Jackson city limits. This'll be fun when I have a little time to work on it. I'll leave the surrounding areas to others...

Anonymous said...


Clinton - Mayberry gays

Reservoir - redneck haven

Pearl - white trash and proud of it.

Brandon - Jesusland

Midtown - we got away from Jesusland

Fondren - coexist

Belhaven - Cognitive dissonance

Downtown - don't tell me there is no hope at all

County Line Road - big box blight

Ridgeland - from County Line to Lake Harbor - the melting pot

Highland Colony - Towards Jackson - Underground Railroad of drugs - Towards Madison - Corporate welfare

Flowood - our kids get the best drugs

Madison - reverse mortgages coming soon!

Richland - white flight hwy

Florence - bubba land

Eastover- the Jackistocracy

Leftover - underlings of the Jackistocracy

Lake Trace / Pear Orchard / Northtown - now what happened here?

South Jackson - Hood rats and bullet casings

West jackson - hit the deck!

N. State street - dont cross the train tracks!













Anonymous said...

lower Rankin Co.- Ex-South Jackson Middle Class, now we live in South Jackson East

Anonymous said...

why the hate to Clinton Baptists? we have so many fabulous baptist churches that are just spectacular! snap!

there's also a few 'other' churches out here that see right through it..

I Live Here said...

8:41: Eric Stringfellow's daughter in law works at Madison City Hall. You can bet your sweet ass she's a democrat. But, you could change that to: Madison City Hall ~ We actually screen resumes.

Anonymous said...

Be sure to label I-55 as a black motor speedway. Not sure if anyone has noticed, but Sunday afternoons on 55 north have become suped up crotch rocket and import shitbox speedway. Pretty sure there are several all black clubs in town that race around 20,220,55 for sport. Almost was rear ended again. Where are the cops? Fuck Jackastan.

Anonymous said...

Excellent addition to the map, 8:26! People need to know that it's becoming dangerous to simply drive THROUGH Jackson... on the Interstate.

Last year, I think it was during the State Fair, I was nearly rear-ended by SEVERAL of the sort of cars you described - within maybe a minute. Considering that they all sounded alike, and were modified in the same manner, and all traveling easily in excess of 100, I would assume they were racing - weaving around other cars in early-nighttime traffic.

And those 'Crotch Rockets' seem to come out of nowhere. If only one loses control, then a deadly Interstate pileup would be pretty-much inevitable.

If you can't even drive through Jackson or Birmingham or Chattanooga without being endangered, then maybe the entire REGION is becoming too dangerous for reasonable people.

So, YEAH! Let's label Jackson's major thoroughfares appropriately.


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Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).


Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.


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Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

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