Wednesday, August 13, 2014

McDaniel: We are going to court.

The Chris McDaniel campaign issued the following statement:


Last week we filed our election challenge with the State Executive Committee of the Republican Party of Mississippi. Now more than ever, it is crucial that we be able to fund this fight. Please chip in if you can. 

The State Executive Committee of the Republican Party refused to hold an open hearing on our challenge.

The Republican Party State Executive Committee would have been the perfect venue in which to present the evidence we've been collecting for one reason: the Party is responsible for running the Republican primary.

So where do we go from here?The next step is to file our challenge with the courts.

Our case is a strong one. We have over 300 pages of affidavits detailing the many problems with the Republican Party's primary system.

There are over 15,000 questionable votes, thousands of which are ineligible crossover votes, and many thousands more of which cannot be explained by those responsible for the election.

These are not just clerical errors.
There was a coordinated effort on behalf of some of the leaders in the party to mislead some of those in charge of elections at the precinct level.

The result is thousands of irregularities, including the co-mingling of absentee ballots with in-person ballots, wide-scale ballot box chain-of-custody failures, and serious questions about the mechanisms put in place to prevent crossover voting.

We will file our challenge this week in the judicial system, and our fight for election integrity will continue.

A few notes on the challenge:

  • ​Despite rampant misinformation, it is not necessary that we demonstrate that more than 7,700 crossover votes were cast in order to win, though that would certainly be helpful.
  • ​Party raiding has been declared unconstitutional under the First Amendment. 
  • According to case law and Mississippi statutes, it is clear the Cochran campaign solicited illegal votes. 
  • Combine the illegal party raiding with wide-scale documented irregularities listed below, and it's clear we have an actionable case.
  • Absentee ballots were accepted which failed to meet legal requirements. 
  • Four counties failed to document security of voting machines.
  • Twenty-two counties failed to keep ballot boxes sealed and secure.
  • Seventeen counties failed to secure proper records in the ballot boxes as required by law. 
  • Nine counties failed to maintain the security and inventory of issued ballots. 
The fight won't be easy, and it won't be cheap. So I'm asking you to chip in $50 or more to help us fund this fight.

This fight isn't just about my senate campaign. It's about honesty, transparency, and the integrity of the Republican Party's nomination process.

The results of this challenge will have far-reaching consequences here in Mississippi and across the nation.

It is imperative that we send a message to the establishment that conservatives are here to stay, and we will be involved in our Party's nomination process even if it means taking this fight to court.

We will file this challenge in the courts soon. I'll keep you posted. In the meantime, please consider chipping in with whatever you're able to contribute. Even $5, $10, or $15 will help.

We're almost there. We are nearing the end of this process, and will carry it out to its logical legal conclusion.  Your support in this effort has been vital, and it is well apprciated

Thank you very much for your continued support.

In liberty,

52 comments:

Anonymous said...



If you race bait...
you might be a racist;

If you use GOTV...
you might be a Democrat;

If you facilitate 17+ trillion in debt...
you might be a liberal;

If you attack the messenger...
you might be a Saul Alinskyite;

If you favor militarization of our local police forces...
you might be a police statist;

If you label your opposition as “Dangerous Extremist”...
you might be Obama or Thad Cochran;

If you are all of the above...
you are not a Conservative, you are a Progressive.

Progressivism is an American leftist, politically correct, user friendly word for Marxism and Fascism
and if you do not see it... you have not been paying attention.



Anonymous said...

"The Republican Party State Executive Committee would have been the perfect venue in which to present the evidence" because the word "evidence is more loosely applied.

It's pretty ridiculous that, although McDaniel has been criticized for begging for money with every release, he continues to do so.

It is also ridiculous that he used words like "refused, implying that the party failed in it's duty, web everyone has read Nosef's letter which explained the party's reasoning very clearly, i.e. that there was not sufficient time to hear the challenge and afford McDaniel the chance to timely file for judicial review. In other words, it would be a huge waste of time. It's obvious that McDaniel lives in a make believe bubble, but does he really think everyone else does too?

Anonymous said...

Herr Goebbels has been resurrected and is now employed by Chrissie McDenial.

Anonymous said...

Hmmmm. Offshore bank accounts much?
Blah

Anonymous said...

Three solicitations for money in the letter. Pathetic.

Anonymous said...

Ja, mein Vaterland ruft Furher! Chris! Chris!!

Anonymous said...

If you don't ask you don't get.

Anonymous said...

>>>We're almost there. We are nearing the end of this process, and will carry it out to its logical legal conclusion. <<<

I think that opinions may differ as to the "logical legal conclusion" that we are hopefully headed for. Its is almost like watching a self administered rope-a-dope.

Anonymous said...

Grifters gonna grift.

Get 'Em Chris! said...

Why, pray tell, is it 'ridiculous' that he asks for contributions. The chicken shit republican committee didn't have the backbone or balls to hear his complaint. He has no option other than to say, "Oh, OK. thanks for listening to me", or take it to court. And nobody goes to court without funds.

It's in the best interest of the citizens of this state that this issue be resolved. And it ain't gonna be resolved by the goobers here on this blog who cow-tow to Thadeus and Haley.

Take it to court Chris! You've already gotten my two contributions!

Anonymous said...

1. How does the McDaniel camp conclude that the votes they question were all cast for Cochran and act as though their conclusion should be a nonissue?
Party raiding? MISSISSIPPI VOTERS DON'T REGISTER BY PARTY!
2. It's insulting to the County Republican committees that were in charge of the primary & runoff to be accused of a conspiracy to allow an unfair election to take place and even more insulting to the Poll workers, many of which have been working the Republican primaries since before McDaniel was 13 (the age that he claims to have become a Republican).
3. The after the runoff poll of Democrat voters conducted by McDaniel is a joke. The conclusions they reached from that and the other far-fetched calculations sound like a Barney Fife investigation theory.
4. Although they seem to have backed off these numbers some, McDaniel has claimed that Cochran received 40,000 Liberal Democrat votes. That seems to be based on the 38,000 increase in votes Cochran received on 6/24. In my Delta county, 60-70% of his increase was from his regular supporters that did not vote on 6/3 based on the individual precinct results.

This episode has gone beyond rational thinking to a personal inability of McDaniel to fathom the thought that HE DID NOT WIN! I do not think that he now is capable of conceding, even when he gets slaughtered in a court of law.
It's all about him now.

Anonymous said...

Thank you 4:23pm for reminding us how crazy McDanielites are.

Your post is almost worthy of The Uni-Bomber except he was actually bright and well-educated before gripped by mental illness and didn't have to try to steal from a comedian.

There's something fitting about that as you are definitely a sick joke!

Anonymous said...

KF, how long do you think it will take for the legal process to wind to an end?

Can TTV and McDaniel take this to The Supreme Court?

I'm concerned that far reaching consequences of this continuing embarrassment will haunt us for years to come.

Anonymous said...

I keep reading "party raiding" as "panty raiding" and having flashbacks to summer camp as an adolescent.

Anonymous said...

Is this all a parody by The Colbert Report? Have Colbert and McDaniel ever been seen together? They sure look alike and have similar comedy chops.

Anonymous said...

This is what trial lawyers do and why they have such a bad reputation.

Anonymous said...

After seeing what Mitch Tyner asserts as "evidence", I think I should ask to be excused should I ever find myself on a jury for a case in where Mitch was one of the lawyers. I can't ever take the man seriously again. If this is McDanie's "unbiased legal advice", then he has been poorly served. The same holds true for Michael Watson who appears to have the disturbing shine of zealoutry in his eyes.

Anonymous said...

I wish, 7:13. I wrote them 3 times to no avail.

Anonymous said...

Get 'Em Chris @August 13, 2014 at 5:55 PM
Nice handle, did it come with knee pass? Didn't you send Erick Erickson a text message earlier?

Anonymous said...

Why did McDaniel go to Disney World, when he has created the biggest circus ever here !!!!
While we all suffer listening to his attorney Mitch Tyner making BS claims and creating a carnival bigger but more bogus than the Ringling Bros, he is off enjoying himself in Florida while he agitates his supporters to create hatred in Mississippi !

Avery Wiseman said...

@4:23, if you're still giving money to McDaniel...
You might be a hayseed.

Anonymous said...

Will anybody ever engage Tyner for legal services ever again?

Anonymous said...

Only if you want a really big smile with your loss

Anonymous said...

Did McD grift out a fundraising plea from Disneyworld? I know McWaffles aren't cheap, but gee whiz at the nerve.

Anonymous said...

Forget those Grateful Dead quotes a week or two ago.

I'm thinking if the Dead Kennedys were still around we might be hearing Jones County Uber Alles on the radio.

Anonymous said...

Wait, wait wait! Are you all telling me that McDaniel is at Disney World while all this is going on and he is "fighting the good fight"?

Here is a question for "Get 'Em Chris" @August 13, 2014 at 5:55 PM and every other McDaniel supporter doing an honest day's work for an honest day's pay and being asked repeatedly by this guy for money: how many times have you been lucky enough to take your family to Disney World?

Yeah, give this guy more money, I hear that FastPass+ can be expensive.

Anonymous said...

10:06, only the deranged tinfoil hat crowd that still supports Mack Daniel. Of course that might be enough to sustain him.

Anonymous said...

This has gone beyond ludicrous. "Hey working middle class, send me $50 bucks while I'm at Disney World! When I get back, I promise to use that money to disenfranchise you even if you voted for me!"

I Advocate Constitutional Rights! You Don't? said...

Lemme help you out here, anon at 5:58....

1. How does the McDaniel camp conclude that the votes they question were all cast for Cochran and act as though their conclusion should be a nonissue?

It's not necessary for that to be shown, nor is it being claimed, but thanks for reminding us all of what we already knew about registration in Mississippi. And you even did it in caps.


2. It's insulting to the County Republican committees that were in charge of the primary & runoff to be accused of a conspiracy...

Actually it's insulting to voters everywhere in the free world for the rules to be broken like they were and for the so-called republican leadership to wink and grin at it while having a Scotch and an imported seegar.

3. The after the runoff poll of Democrat voters conducted by McDaniel is a joke.

Really? But will you admit that a challenger (or anybody else) has a right to exercise that authority? Or is that right restricted to black democrats who shove their belly up against people leaving the polling place and liberal editorialists?

4. Although they seem to have backed off these numbers some, McDaniel has claimed that Cochran received 40,000 Liberal Democrat votes. That seems to be based on the 38,000 increase in votes Cochran received on 6/24. In my Delta county, 60-70% of his increase was from his regular supporters that did not vote on 6/3 based on the individual precinct results.

Oh, suddenly you claim to know how people voted and who exactly supported whom and when. How do you manage to have this talent?

Rational? Did you mention rational? Actually your post contains none. But, you can still send a link of your post to your mom.

Anonymous said...

The "old guard" republicans who post here all seem to want to refer to McDaniel as a joke while aiming insulting remarks like hayseed, tinfoil hats, neanderthals at the McDaniel supporters, who made up 50+ percent of the Republican voters in the first primary election. Now that you have managed to thoroughly piss that 50+ percent off I have another joke for you, SENATOR CHILDERS!!!
Not so funny now, is it?

Anonymous said...

5:57 am

1. Clearly McDaniel is showing that some of the votes in question were for him. That is why he listed his own attorney as a vote that shouldn't be counted. And, yes, he does have the right to be stupid and destructive and we have the right to call him on his bad behavior.

If all McDaniel is doing is wanting to improve the election process to reduce human error, he should have run for Secretary of State or done something while on the Elections Committee in the legislature. Instead he's costing the taxpayers a lot of money and getting bad publicity for our state.

2. What "rules" were broken by the Republican committees? I've seen no evidence presented to support those claims and I did plow through all the documents. Every time he can't prove one set of claims, he invents new ones.

3. Polling has nothing to do with authority. I can conduct a poll tomorrow. But, a poll is meaningless unless it's conducted properly. A well structured poll has a +/- error rate. Like McDaniel, you've ignored the math. A poorly constructed poll isn't worth the paper it's written on and that's the problem and why the word " joke" was apropos.

4. You missed the point that McDaniel claimed these numbers. He can't prove them and also changes his number claims. The person you responded to had, at least, some statistical data to back him from past election votes cast for Cochran. There is no data to back up McDaniel claims.

Your reasoning is reminiscent of that of the OJ Simpson jurors. They rejected DNA but they believed in police conspiracy and phantom drug dealers without one whit of evidence to back up those claims by the defense.

And, to make your post even more revealing of how intellectually bereft you are, you end with a snide remark you apparently think is worthy of a 5th grader. It's not.

The post you criticize is not the best I've ever seen, but yours is appallingly lacking in logic or fact.


Anonymous said...

Mitch Tyner needs to take care of his personal business before trying to destroy the republican party. I just got my Madison County Herald and I see where he is delinquent on property taxes on 25 parcels= in Madison County .His law firm is delinquent also.

Anonymous said...

7:12
Any Republicans with a lick of sense who voted for McD before are jeering him now. The irony is that if there ever were a do over McD would have only a ms mall group of dead Enders voting for him. You can't fool all of the people all of the time.

Anonymous said...

8:03, that's pretty interesting to me. Here I am thinking he's making money fist over fist, but now I see that he has some debts to pay off; further raising questions as to what the real intent of moving forward with a challenge this week all the while assuring everyone they "stand a great chance" to not only make their point but even win.

You just can't make this stuff up.

I Advocate Constitutional Rights. You Don't? said...

7:12; Try to pay attention. I realize you posted early, probably before your Brandied coffee. Nothing was said about the committee breaking rules. Try to follow along with sentence construction.

The rules that were broken involve the illegal crossover votes. Although the committee winked and grinned and refused to deal with the protest document, they didn't break a rule in that stupidity, nor did I claim they broke a rule.

What they did do, however, was send a message to thousands of Mississippi voters that they won't bother to consider, review and investigate a legitimate protest.

Thank you for your lesson on polls. You fail to mention that most polls are meaningless, sort of like averages are meaningless. I know you understand that concept, I just KNOW you do.

Your snarky little attempt to compare my logic with the jury in the Simpson trial fizzled before the fuse got sparked well. Contrary to your opinion, it is NOT incumbent upon the challenger to PROVE who people voted for, might have voted for, intended to vote for, accidentally voted for or forgot how to vote. It is only necessary to show that a large number screwed up accidentally or on purpose and violated the established rules, thereby affecting the contest outcome.

Anonymous said...

"Mitch Tyner needs to take care of his personal business before trying to destroy the republican party. I just got my Madison County Herald and I see where he is delinquent on property taxes on 25 parcels= in Madison County .His law firm is delinquent also."

"Only the little people pay taxes"
- Leona Helmsley (before she went to jail

Who knew "The Queen of Mean" was a closet Tea Party supporter? :-)

Anonymous said...

7:12 Nice response, but you violated the first rule of blogs: "Don't feed the trolls" :-)

Anonymous said...

If that's what you got out of the Republican press release, God help you. In the time span allotted, there was NO WAY to go through a document that was so broad and generic, not to mention the volume of it.

You can believe whatever Chrissy tells you to believe, because he's going to stamp his foot every time he doesn't get his way. But Joe was right on the money here. Most agree, even many McDaniel supporters I've spoken to.

Be realistic, please.

Anonymous said...

The election challenge is legitimate. Let's allow McDaniel a chance to obtain, and present, his evidence before making a final judgment.

The malice and vitriol toward Mr. McDaniel, who himself gets labelled a wild flame-thrower, is ironic, in my view.

Anonymous said...

Pro-tip--- Every time you refer to "black Democrats" you come across as just racist enough to totally destroy any legitimate point that you may be trying to make. Not that you have a legitimate point. You certainly don't have a legitimate protest. On a side note, inclusion of his own name as a questioned vote only proves, yet again, that Tyner is not setting especially high standards for what he considers evidence. Or even bothering to read it. I'm not seeing how all the promises of revenge and purging will come to pass. Those threats are coming from people who've already shown they can't elect their guy with support for him at its highest. In their passion, they seem oblivious that this farce is costing them. Attaboys from national talk radio hosts and FB support from people who don't vote, or even live, in Misssissippi means nothing.

Anonymous said...

I always thought it was strange that the Tea Party initially aligned with the Republicans. When you think about who they are, basically downtrodden people who have been economically tricked and socially cheated all their lives, they are more of a natural constituency for the Democrats.

We see the beginnings of the transition here in Mississippi, where they are openly praying for violence against the GOP, and openly moving their votes to the Democrat column.

Anonymous said...

@August 14, 2014 at 12:00 PM
Your comment would have been accurate circa July 1. However, it's now mid August. McDaniel showed us his "evidence" at his last press conference (see the dramatic "put up or shut up response." Well McDaniel put up and his evidence is not ... well it isn't really evidence. Apart from McDaniel and his crack legal team, no qualified legal commentor, website, blog, or scholar has had anything positive to say on the purported evidence. It is a joke. So no, the challenge is not legitimate . McDaniel has had two months to obtain evidence and present his challenge. Like the Sopranos, it's over.

Anonymous said...

Disney Wold is the perfect place for McDaniel to visit. It must be great for him to see another make believe world apart from his own. He is no doubt taking notes and trying to find out how that have sustained it for so long.

Gin Please, Table Three said...

"They didn't have nearly enough time to respond in time allotted." Oh, so now that's going to be the claim of the Haley-Ites? If that were the case, don't you reckon they would have said so? Or were they counting on you side-liners to provide their alibi for incompetence.

There's not two people among the throng in that two story white building with enough sense to pour piss out of a boot, much less work up a response to a legal election-challenge.

They've even relegated ole Jeppie to the basement with an assignment to pour back over the voter I.D. petitions from three years ago, poor soul. Ain't nobody left in the building with enough sense to respond intelligently.

Anonymous said...

RINO/Barbour fanboy types who regularly post here, take a look in the mirror. Your "sell by" date has expired. Even if McDaniel fails in court, Haley and the RINO establishment is finished in this state. I don't even care at this point how it turns out, mission accomplished Chris. The conservative base in this state has spoken and it wasn't for your boy. Whatever kind of horse shit response you have is irrelevant.

Anonymous said...

10:08 am I was responding to 5:57 pm and actually was defending you .

I hit the 8 instead of the 7 so you thought it 5:58 am.


I would have thought that an obvious mistake since I was agreeing with you!

Anonymous said...

@8:03 AM

Tyner can't pay his taxes because McDaniel can't afford to pay him. They are using all of the money for the Truth and Justice Tour, his Governor campaign, and his Disneyworld trip. #whatalife

Anonymous said...

Gin Please, Table Three:
"'They didn't have nearly enough time to respond in time allotted' . . . . If that were the case, don't you reckon they would have said so?"

Um do your homework, that is exactly what Nosef said in the letter to McDaniel declining to hear the challenge. Talk about a sideliner.

Anonymous said...

11:09, not sure if 5:34/GinPlease was confused or not, and if so, your reply will only further confuse them. So I'll spell it out: in the letter that MSGOP chair Nosef sent to Tyner, two days after getting the challenge-notice from Tyner, he gave this excuse for refusing to hear the evidence at the SREC level, this was the explanation, paraphrased.

1. I've already spent a couple days thinking about whether to call an SREC meeting.

2. If I did call an emergency SREC meeting today, repub party rules say that the SREC members must have seven day's notice.

3. Finally, state law says that the SREC must decide whether to approve or deny the challenge, within ten days of when it was filed with the SREC (aka two days ago).

4. Since 2 days wasted + 7 days waiting around + 1 day all met together is 10 days, we would only have *ONE DAY* to decide whether to approve or deny the challenge (Nosef was careful to use that emphasis in his original).

5. Therefore, because nobody could EVER have predicted that an election-challenge would occur, and because there is no way for SREC members to review the evidence they ALREADY have in hand prior to actually meeting (all 52 members got a copy on 8/4 the same day Nosef got his copy), and because the repub party could never have predicted that election challenges would need expedited procedures not subject to the normal seven-day-notice rule, rather than hear the challenge we will simply refuse to hear it whatsoever.

Meanwhile, of course, the Butler Snow lawyers (Haley's employer in 2012) for team Cochran are on teevee, saying that their big strategy is to have the evidence McDaniel presents ruled as inadmissible in a court of law on technical grounds... sigh.

So everything should be perfectly clear now: if not, compare the situation of the state-court election-challenge, with the federal-court public-record challenge, where Nosef is also heavily involved. When TTV sues the sec-state, they say that the MSGOP is responsible for certifying elections, not them. When TTV sues the MSGOP, they say the circuit-clerks are responsible, not them. When TTV sues the circuit-clerks, they say that the state of Mississippi is responsible not them, because they just got off the phone with the sec state's office. Double sigh.

Point being, 11:09, it is a totally valid question: if the SREC knows they don't have enough time to respond within the 10-day-limit, don't you reckon they would have said so? If not, why not? In other words, why didn't somebody in the repub party, since they KNEW that someday an election challenge would happen, figure out that their own 7-day-notice-rule, combined with the state-election-code-10-day-maximum-rule, would NEVER give the SREC enough time to actually hear an election-challenge, when one finally got made?

Well, the answer seems to be obvious: the rules are rigged so that the SREC can refuse to hear any challenge they would rather fight out in court (if they believe that benefits their preferred nom), and at the same time, the rules are also rigged so that the SREC can opt to hear a challenge themselves (again depending on if they feel it will help their preferred nom). Having one's cake, and eating it too, in other words.

Kingfish said...

I wouldn't use TTV in support of anything. That entire ordeal in federal court has been a joke and an embarrassment to TTV. The lawyers are incompetent. The President doesn't know what the hell she is doing and got caught lying to the court, blatantly lying actually, and they run a real risk of sanctions.

They couldn't even plead right until I showed them how to do it on this website. I posted that Brunini pleading against Phil Bryant as a joke, no idea they were so clueless they actually had to follow it.

Kingfish said...

as for the party rejecting the challenge, allow me to play devil's advocate. As many votes were involved, it probably would have taken more than a day to examine the evidence.

Hang on, calm down. Think for a second about every serious or successful election challenge you have seen.

Hattiesburg, Canton: How long did those challenges take? How long did it take to review questionable votes? The special election in Canton for alderman (Don Bates won) took nearly a week as they fought over every absentee and affidavit ballot as Truly tried to get his wife in the runoff.

I would be shocked if they could do it in a day while giving each vote the scrutiny the McDaniel campaign requested.

Anonymous said...

12:40, yes, the TTV folks jumped in with both feet, before they knew what they were getting into. They are beginners, and in particular, beginners in MS elections, hence the confusion over the meaning of voter-roll versus pollbook and such. Amateur mistakes are not the whole story; they are also just making some flat-out DUMB mistakes, too.

But I wasn't talking about the actions of TTV, I was talking about the MSGOP and sec-state reactions: they both immediately said "we both gots nothing to do with elections and thus you cannot sue us". This is technically true, from what I have seen in other election-law cases (esp. ones where the first amendment right to free association plays heavily e.g. Illinois), but that does not mean the game isn't rigged. Or that I have to like it. ;-) The game is most definitely rigged: the parties (dem or repub) can set their party rules up any which way they please, for selecting nominees and/or selecting delegates, and use the national party to override the state party or vice versa as fits their whim of the moment, but when challenged in court claim they are 'not responsible' for electing presidents/senators/etc. Similarly, it is already nearly impossible to sue a government, and if you try to sue them over primary-election-procedures, the usual cop-out is to say that the parties are in charge. It is a dance; I dislike it, and not just from the McDaniel election (which as you point out is flawed).

@12:43, your points are cogent, though of course "a day" should be "three days if two were not wasted", but the larger fact remains: in ANY primary election, there are going to be hundreds of thousands of votes. In ANY election-challenge worth hearing, there are going to be thousands of votes. Too many to handle properly in a 1-to-3-day window. This is no surprise to anybody. Nosef acting as if it were 'unprecedented' is kabuki.

Now, an obvious fix is for the party to upgrade the rules at the 2016 msgop meeting, cutting the 7-day-period down to 48-hours in case of an emergency election-challenge. Eight days of review would be enough for the SREC (or quorum thereof) to decide if they wanted to keep the challenge internal, or air their dirty laundry in public, as it were. I seriously doubt such a change will be made to the party rules though, because as I said, the current rules let the SREC have their cake and eat it too.

In any case, the reality of 2014 is that the SREC challenge was refused even a hearing, and the excuse was that there was not enough time. It is a pretty GOOD excuse, since even spending 8 days reviewing the evidence would not necessarily lead the SREC to a correct decision. McDaniel does not have a slam-dunk case (i.e. >7700 illegal-double-votes), so it would prolly have gone to court anyways.

p.s. Yes, I suspect that TTV (and McDaniel lawyers for that matter) would probably profit by hiring you and John Pittman Hey. [grin]

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In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.


Note: Security provided by INS.

Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS
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