Wednesday, January 14, 2026

Robert St. John: Tea Over Time

 Iced tea has been called the house wine of the South. Rick Bragg once wrote that a glass of iced tea can tell you just about everything you need to know about where you are and who you’re with, and he wasn’t wrong. Around here, iced tea is just part of how things are done. It shows up early and sticks around.

These days, I drink about five glasses of iced tea at breakfast. Unsweet, with just a splash of Stevia. And I can stretch that single Stevia packet out through all five glasses. That’s the current chapter. It took a while to get here.

I consider myself a southerner to the core. But the crazy thing is that I didn’t drink a glass of iced tea until I was eighteen. Before that, milk was the drink of choice. My brother and I went through about a gallon a day between the two of us. A half gallon at breakfast and a half gallon at supper. Meatloaf, pizza, fried chicken—it didn’t matter. Milk was on the table and we drank it willingly. Our mom didn’t force it. It’s just what we liked. Tons of milk as a kid, and not a single broken bone to show for it. Draw your own conclusions.

The first glass of iced tea came courtesy of hard labor and low wages. In the summer of 1980, I was working for my brother’s landscaping company, laying sod in Mississippi heat that could either knock the ambition right out of you or make a strong case for staying in college, depending on how you looked at it. I don’t remember what minimum wage was back then, but it wasn’t much and lunch money was tight. The crew liked to eat lunch at North Heights, a classic meat-and-three in Hattiesburg that stayed open twenty-four hours. You got your meat and three vegetables, and iced tea came with the plate. Soft drinks cost a dollar extra. I was counting-change-in-the-sofa-cushions broke back then and a dollar mattered. That made iced tea less of a preference and more of a practical decision, and practicality was doing most of the deciding back then.

The tea was cold. It was wet. It did its job. Good enough, but it didn’t change my life. For the next couple of decades, soft drinks were still the main attraction, with iced tea making an occasional cameo.



When the first restaurant opened—the Purple Parrot CafĂ©— we served iced tea with a sprig of mint and a slice of orange. The mint idea came straight from my grandmother, who always added it when guests were coming over. She kept a generous patch growing right by the back door. The orange slice came from somewhere else— I don’t remember where— but truth be told, orange and mint play pretty well together. Still do.

Somewhere in my forties, the slow break-up with carbonated beverages began. Iced tea showed up more often, especially at lunch— half and half for a while, then a long relationship with Arnold Palmers. By my fifties, the switch was final. These days, a couple of quarts at breakfast isn’t unusual, followed by several glasses at lunch and a few more at dinner. After breakfast I just go for a glass of unsweet tea with a splash of sweet tea. Water fills in the gaps, with a goal of about a gallon of H2O a day. Hydration is no longer optional at this age. It’s a requirement.

In most Southern restaurants, iced tea just arrives and keeps coming. Nobody explains it. Nobody makes a big deal of it. It’s part of the table, same as the silverware and napkins.

Tea became the habit without much discussion.

Travel complicates things. In most of Europe, iced tea simply isn’t a thing. They love their coffee, though, especially the Italians. I am not a fan of coffee. I like the smell of coffee, I like the idea of coffee, coffee shop conversations and every romantic notion attached to them. I just don’t like the taste of coffee. Every ten years or so, I think— maybe I’m a grown-up now. Maybe I like coffee. And then I take a sip. Nope, still tastes like coffee.

Hot tea came into my life through the side door. A sore throat in Italy and a group to host didn’t leave many choices. Tea with honey got me through it. Time spent later in England, Scotland, and Ireland turned hot tea into something I actually enjoy. Cream tea, especially, stuck.

Cream tea is the British tradition of hot tea served with scones, clotted cream, and preserves. Simple and honest. For years, scones never impressed me. The ones stateside—including plenty made in my own bakery—seemed dry. In England, that problem disappears. Soft. Moist. Fresh. Built for clotted cream and jam. Add a pot of English Breakfast tea with honey, and the whole thing makes sense.

As a sixty-four-year-old man, sitting down with a proper cup of English tea almost makes me feel like an adult. Almost. Hot tea still feels slightly unexpected, even at this age.

Some drinks come and go. Trends pass through fast and leave just as quickly. Iced tea never left. It waited patiently while other choices had their moment. There is something comforting about that kind of quiet confidence.

That glass sitting on the table at breakfast, sweating in the Mississippi heat, feels earned now. Not fancy. Not dramatic. Just right. A long way from that first glass at eighteen. Right where it belongs.

Onward.


Orange Cranberry Muffins

Makes 12 muffins

Preheat oven to 400°F

2 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1/2 cup light brown sugar, packed
2 tablespoons orange zest (divided)
1/2 cup unsalted butter, melted
1/2 cup half-and-half
2 large eggs
1/4 cup fresh orange juice (plus 2 tablespoons for the glaze)
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1 teaspoon orange extract
1 1/2 cups fresh cranberries
1 1/2 cups confectioner’s sugar

In a large mixing bowl, combine the flour, baking soda, baking powder, and salt. Mix well.

In a separate bowl, whisk together the granulated sugar, brown sugar, 1 tablespoon orange zest, melted butter, half-and-half, eggs, 1/4 cup orange juice, vanilla extract, and orange extract until well combined.

Using a wooden spoon or rubber spatula, gently stir the wet mixture into the dry mixture. Avoid overmixing—stir just until no dry ingredients remain visible. Fold in the cranberries.

Line a muffin tin with paper baking cups. Fill each cup three-quarters of the way full with batter.

Bake for 17 to 19 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center of a muffin comes out clean.

Allow the muffins to cool while preparing the glaze.

For the Glaze:

2 tablespoons fresh orange juice
1 tablespoon orange zest
1 1/2 cups confectioner’s sugar

In a small bowl, stir together the orange juice, orange zest, and confectioner’s sugar until smooth. The glaze should be thick but pourable.

Once the muffins have cooled, remove them from the tin, place them on a serving platter, and drizzle with the glaze.

These muffins also freeze well, so you can make them ahead of time and simply glaze them before serving. Great for gifting or to enjoy with a hot cup of coffee on a chilly December morning.

 


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Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).


Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.


Note: Security provided by INS.

Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS
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