Wednesday, November 13, 2024

Governor Announces over $100 Million in Economic Development Projects

A map showing the projects can be found here.

First Consul Tate Reeves issued the following statement. 

 Governor Tate Reeves today announced the state of Mississippi is investing over $110 million toward economic development, infrastructure upgrades, workforce development, tourism, and conservation efforts throughout Mississippi.
The majority of grant approvals, totaling over $97 million, will be invested into projects that will further strengthen Mississippi’s economy through site development, infrastructure improvements, and workforce training support. This massive investment will help expand infrastructure capabilities at sites across the state and better position Mississippi to secure even more record-breaking private sector investment. Funding for these projects is available through the Mississippi Development Authority (MDA), Appalachian Regional Commission (ARC), Delta Regional Authority (DRA), RESTORE Act, GOMESA, and Southeast Crescent Regional Commission (SCRC).
“Mississippi’s economic development results have been historic and unprecedented,” said Governor Tate Reeves. “We’ve secured billions in new private sector investment and created thousands of jobs across the state. The funding we announced today will go a long way toward continuing Mississippi’s economic momentum and will help create more high-paying job opportunities for Mississippians across the state.”
Through its Site Development Grant Program, which provides funding in three categories, MDA is committing $29,358,784 in site development grant funding. Created in 2021, the Select Sites program, which is invitation-only, was designed to increase the number of highly competitive industrial sites available to meet the needs of prospective companies. The Premier Sites program is designed for properties that have a minimum of 100 acres and have distinguishing site location attributes, such as being in high-demand locations and offering intermodal and/or port access. The Ready Sites program is designed for properties that have a minimum of 20 highly developable acres that are site-work ready within six months or can have utilities on site within 12 months. 
  • Site Development Grant Program – Select Site Grants
    • East Metro Center Industrial Park – Rankin County  $2,360,803 to extend water and sewer lines.
    • MS River Energy Complex – Adams County – $3,292,000 to clear and level 140 acres.
    • MS River Inland Port Complex Megasite – Warren County  $10,483,796 to conduct wetlands mitigation as required by the site's U.S. Army Corps of Engineers permit. 
    • Springs Industrial Park – Marshall County – $486,000 to conduct a transmission line scoping study to determine the necessary route for running power to the site.
    • Gateway Industrial Park – Pike County – $1,114,875 to clear trees, conduct grading to improve ingress, add signage and complete site due diligence.
    • Stennis Technology Park – Hancock County – $3,000,000 to grub, grade and construct two building pads, design and construct access roads, extend water and sewer lines and make drainage improvements.
    • Martintown North Industrial Park – Union County – $1,711,000 to construct a 300,000-square-foot building pad in Martintown North Industrial Park.
    • I-59 South Industrial Site – Jones County – $828,500 to extend water lines into the site, rehabilitate an existing 1,000,000-gallon water tank and improve an access road.
    • Eagle One Mega Site – Forrest and Lamar Counties – $2,430,000 to conduct the necessary engineering to pursue a U.S. Army Corps of Engineers permit for the site.
    • Pearl River County Industrial Park – Pearl River County  $1,438,650 to construct a water tank and relocate power lines.                                             
  • Site Development Grant Program – Premier Site Grants
    • Harry A. Martin North Lee Industrial Complex – Lee County – $250,000 to construct a 100,000-square-foot expandable building pad.
    • Bailey-Morrison Site – Rankin County – $250,000 to clear and grub, forestry mow, construct a preliminary access road and complete a geotechnical investigation.
    • Northwest Industrial Park – Hinds County – $150,000 to conduct site due diligence and clear and grub.
    • Coldwater Site – Tate County – $212,560 to conduct a water and wastewater capacity study and pre-engineering for water and wastewater improvements, relocate a fiber line and clear, grub, grade and fill selected areas of the site.
    • Greene County Rail Site – Greene County – $250,000 to clear and grub 125 acres.
    • North Ripley Industrial Park – Tippah County – $250,000 to purchase an access road right of way, conduct roadway surveying and design and engineering and conduct a geotechnical investigation.
    • Leake County Business Park – Leake County – $250,000 to grade the site.
    • Greenwood-Leflore Industrial Park – Leflore County – $200,600 to develop a master plan for the park and conduct site due diligence.
    • Wynndale Industrial Center – Hinds County – up to $250,000 to conduct pre-engineering for a rail spur and concept mapping, as well as site due diligence.
  • Site Development Grant Program – Ready Site Grants
    • Cleveland Municipal Airport – Bolivar County  $50,000 to construct a building pad.
    • Lamar County Industrial Park – Lamar County – $50,000 to conduct a geotechnical investigation and an ALTA survey, as well as clear and grub.
    • Highway 45 Weyerhaeuser Site – Kemper County – $50,000 to conduct site due diligence and concept mapping, clear and grub and construct a building pad.
Governor Reeves also approved $7,815,655 in ARC funding recommendations that will be used for site development, workforce development, and infrastructure improvements. The projects include:
  • Kemper County Site Development – Kemper County  $400,000 for site development on a 40-acre industrial site off Highway 45.
  • East Bank Port Rail Extension – Lowndes County – $500,000 to extend current rail by 6,700 linear feet to the end of the East Bank Port property.
  • Starkville Road Wastewater Improvements – Oktibbeha County – $750,000 to update the wastewater system and replace the sewer force main that serves North Star Industrial Park.
  • MSU Research Technology Building Construction – Oktibbeha County –$1,500,000 to construct a building adjacent to Thad Cochran Research Park.
  • Corinth Parkway Access Road – Alcorn County – $600,000 to improve and expand South Parkway Road.
  • Martintown North Industrial Park – Union County – $1,711,000 to install a water well to complement the forthcoming elevated water tower in the Martintown North Industrial Park.
  • MSU Advanced Composite Institute Stitching Equipment – Oktibbeha County – $600,000 to support the build out and tech transferability of blended wing technology in the aerospace industry.
  • Noxubee School CTE – Noxubee County – $800,000 to build out an industrial maintenance training program.
  • Kemper County School HVAC – Kemper County – $32,795 for HVAC equipment at the John C. Stennis CTE Center to provide training to students on HVAC repair, installation and maintenance.
  • Chickasaw CTE Expansion – Chickasaw County – $921,860 to expand CTE in Houston by constructing a 2,850-square-foot facility, adding classroom space for 10 welding stations.
Additionally, Governor Reeves approved $3,679,557 in DRA funding that will also be used for site development, workforce development, and infrastructure improvements. The projects include:
  • Cleveland Airport Drainage Improvements – Bolivar County – $408,000 to improve the drainage in Northwest Cleveland, specifically at the Cleveland Municipal Airport, and to allow for the development of the North Airport Industrial Site.
  • Cemetery Road Improvements – Carroll County – $339,024 for the rehabilitation of Cemetery Road and Mary Street, which provides access to North Carrollton Industrial Park.
  • Mize Sewer Lagoon Improvements – Smith County – $281,750 to complete necessary improvements to the sewer lagoon.
  • Montrose Water Improvements – Jasper County – $343,784 to replace approximately 4,700 feet of small diameter pipe in the water system with new 6-inch PE and PVC pipes, connect the existing customers to the new piping, and abandon the old pipes.
  • Highway 51 Intersection Improvements – Pike County – $607,603 to reconstruct the intersection of Pearl River Avenue and Locust Street (Highway 44).
  • AC Waterline Replacement Phase III – Smith County – $239,976 to replace approximately 2,500 linear feet of asbestos cement water line with PVC pipe on County Road 528 in the vicinity of County Roads 139, 538E, and 150A; to connect the existing customers to the new piping; and to abandon the old asbestos cement pipe.
  • County Road 430 Improvements – Carroll County – $500,000 to rehabilitate County Road 430, include leveling and overlaying approximately 1.5 miles of the road.
  • Town of Tunica Water System Repair – Tunica County – $509,000 for water system improvements.
  • Simulator for Employment Reentry – Bolivar, Carroll, Holmes, Issaquena, Washington, and Yazoo Counties – $450,420 to MAGCOR to provide one fully equipped DRA Simulators Integrated Mobile Unit to teach NCCER Core, NCCER Welding Level 1, NCCER Heavy Equipment Operator, and DOT-approved Commercial Driver's License training classes at six regional correctional facilities.
Governor Reeves also approved $28,426,244 in RESTORE Act funding that will be used for site development, workforce development, and infrastructure improvements. The projects include:
  • Project Seaway Rail Truck (SRT) Bulkhead – Harrison County – $2,750,000 for construction of an intermodal transload site.
  • Kapalama Road Sewer Infrastructure – Hancock County – $1,650,000 for improvements to meet current and future sewer needs.
  • Highway 63/Escatawpa Gas Pipeline Installation – Jackson County – $1,650,000 for installation of a new natural gas line.
  • Port of Gulfport Expansion East Pier – Harrison County – $1,210,000 for engineering and design of the east pier expansion containment.
  • Trent Lott Airport – Jackson County – $1,100,000 for apron and taxiway improvements.
  • MS Cyber Center – Harrison County – $6,600,000 to support the construction of the Mississippi Cyber and Technology Center.
  • Pearl River Community College (PRCC) Hydrographic Technicians – Hancock and Pearl River Counties – $1,925,000 to provide a career development pathway from Hancock County Career and Technical Center to PRCC for hydrographic science instruction.
  • Mississippi Artificial Intelligence Network (MAIN) Program – Coahoma, Copiah, Newton, Kemper, Hinds, Holmes, Itawamba, Jones, Lauderdale, Pearl River, Pike, Prentiss, Sunflower, Stone, & Tate Counties – $7,141,244 to develop a workforce training program to support the growing AI and technology fields.
  • Jackson County Port Authority Bulkhead Expansion – Jackson County – $4,400,000 to support a 500-foot-long renovation of outfitting bulkhead and associated dredging to support increased capacity.
Additionally, Governor Reeves approved $1,984,316 in SCRC funding that will also be used for site development, workforce development, and infrastructure improvements. The projects include:
  • Nicholson Water & Sewer Expansion and Upgrade – Pearl River County – $446,888 to the Nicholson Water and Sewer Association to extend water and sewer infrastructure along the I-59 corridor.
  • Intersection Improvements and Turn Lane/Signalization Installation – Clarke County – $500,000 for infrastructure improvements in Clarke County.
  • I-59/Sycamore Intersection Improvements and Frontage Road – Pearl River County –$500,000 to Pearl River County for the Sycamore Road Intersection and Frontage Road project.
  • Poplarville-Pearl River County Airport Advancement Plan – Pearl River County –$50,000 to Pearl River County for the development of a strategic advancement plan for the Poplarville/Pearl River County Airport.
  • Highway 489 Pump Station Rehabilitation – Newton & Scott Counties – $175,428 for the rehabilitation of the Highway 489 pump station.
  • Ole Miss Coastal Business Growth Accelerator – George, Harrison, Stone, Hancock, Jackson and Pearl River Counties – $312,000 to the Mississippi Small Business Development Center (MS-SBDC) for a two-year initiative to support small businesses in Stone, George, Harrison, Pearl River, Hancock, and Jackson Counties.
Governor Reeves also approved $25,712,924 in GOMESA funding that will be used for site development, workforce development, and infrastructure improvements. The projects include:
  • Center City Infrastructure Improvements – Hancock County – $4,000,000 to extend sewer and water systems to Waveland’s “City Center” district.
  • Working Waterfront Marina Expansion Phase II – Harrison County – $2,500,000 to the City of D’Iberville for engineering, design and partial construction of the city's marina expansion along the Back Bay of Biloxi.
  • Washington Avenue and Front Beach Utility Improvements – Jackson County – $1,200,000 to the City of Ocean Springs to improve water and sewer infrastructure and to elevate the roadway between Front Beach Drive and Lafontaine.
  • Martin Bluff and Hickory Hills Sewer Improvements (Gautier) – Jackson County – $2,701,150 to expand the sewer system.
  • Poticaw Road Sewer Extension – Jackson County – $1,200,000 to the Jackson County Utility Authority for installing approximately 6,000 linear feet of infrastructure and placing a lift station at the Highway 57/Poticaw Road Intersection to Paige Bayou Road.
  • Sewer System Improvements Phase III (Diamondhead Water/Sewer District) – Hancock County – $1,000,000 for the rehabilitation and repair of approximately six miles of sewer main as well as the attached services located in Sewer Basin 3.
  • Asbestos Water Pipe Replacement (Hancock County Water/Sewer District) – Hancock County – $1,000,000 to replace five miles of 12" and 8" asbestos cement pipe with 12" PVC.
  • Highway 603 Sewer Expansion (Kiln Utility and Fire District) – Hancock County – $2,452,575 to enhance existing sewer infrastructure by expanding the sewer service from Highway 43 to Cuevas Town Road.
  • Front Beach Bulkhead (Ocean Springs) – Jackson County – $1,600,000 to the City of Ocean Springs to complete design and permitting for the Front Beach Bulkhead project, with the bulkhead and living shoreline components to be the first phase of construction.
  • Mitigation of Hurricane Impacts on Mississippi Gulf Coast Municipal Harbors – Hancock, Harrison, Jackson Counties – $2,370,376 to Hancock, Harrison, and Jackson Counties to map harbors and update maps over five years.
  • Marine Aquaculture Demonstration Center for Economic Development – Jackson County – $3,163,823 to help foster business in South Mississippi by operating aquaculture businesses in different seafood industries.
  • Gulfport Wastewater Treatment Plan Upgrades – Harrison County – $1,725,000 for wastewater system improvements.
  • MS Coastal Map Revision Project – Hancock, Harrison, Jackson Counties – $800,000 to assist with finishing the project.
Governor Reeves also approved $13,193,587 in additional grants. The projects include:
  • ARC: MS School for Math and Science Lab – Lowndes County – $300,000 to update the chemistry lab at MSMS.
  • GOMESA: Riverfront Coastal River Protection (Moss Point) – Jackson County – $3,750,000 to help provide coastal protection, conservation, restoration, hurricane protection and infrastructure for coastal wetlands.
  • GOMESA: Storm Water Park (Moss Point) – Jackson County – $118,500 to enhance stormwater parks, mitigate flooding, and reduce non-point source (NPS) pollution into Bayou Casotte.
  • GOMESA: Fixed Lab Equipment (Mississippi State University) – Jackson County – $865,000 to support the purchase of fixed equipment to complete the analytical and biosafety laboratory capabilities.
  • GOMESA: Using Brood Stock Reefs to Enhance Oyster Production (The Nature Conservancy) – Hancock, Harrison, Jackson Counties – $1,000,000 to build a high vertical relief oyster reef on a commercially leased water bottom.
  • GOMESA: Dolphin & Sea Turtle Hospital and Enhancement of Rehabilitation Facilities at Institute of Marine Mammal Studies (IMMS) – Harrison County – $1,000,000 to construct a permanent and enhanced dolphin and sea turtle hospital.
  • RESTORE: Mississippi Sound Estuary Program (MSEP) – Coastwide – $1,100,000 to inform the development and implementation of a Comprehensive Conservation and Management Plan (CCMP).
  • RESTORE: Living Shoreline Technical Assistance – Coastwide – $1,100,000 to provide expertise and resources encouraging waterfront property owners to conserve and restore intertidal habitat within their riparian rights zone.
  • RESTORE: Addition of Interactive Exhibit – Harrison County – $1,100,000 to the Mississippi Aquarium for education and tourism.
  • RESTORE: Speckled Trout Enhancement Program – Harrison County – $1,100,000 to support the restoration and long-term sustainability of the Spotted Seatrout.
  • RESTORE: Downtown ADA Boardwalk (Bay St. Louis) – Hancock County – $1,100,000 for construction of an ADA-compliant boardwalk connecting the municipal harbor, beach access, and downtown businesses.
  • SCRC: Sue Ellen Recreation Center Rehabilitation (Moss Point) – Jackson County – $252,500 for the rehabilitation of the Sue Ellen Recreation Center.
  • SCRC: Burnside Park Improvements – Neshoba County – $312,000 to Neshoba County for the construction of public restrooms in Burnside Park.
  • SCRC: Saving Wechsler School, 1951 Addition (Meridian) – Lauderdale County –$95,587 to renovate the 1951 addition of the Wechsler School.

24 comments:

Anonymous said...

No surprise that ol' conservative Tate is not above speaking out of both sides of his mouth while pushing pork projects and taking credit for them.

Anonymous said...

We’ve secured billions in new private sector investment and created thousands of jobs across the state. And how much tax abatement given to private companies? Trent Lott airport? What a joke…airport already in Gulfport and was there before the Lott largess

Daniel Boone said...

The last time I checked, neither Mississippi nor South Carolina had anything to do with the Appalachian Mountains. How the heck did they finagle membership in ARC?

Steve said...

The Sip got all four trotters in the trough.

Anonymous said...

Dang Jackson County cleaned up
Hinds is most populated county but don’t see much
Who at Ole Miss pissed off Tare?

Anonymous said...

5:51, uh UMMC anyone?

Anonymous said...

Wow. Look at all that fruit salad along the Coast.

Anonymous said...

Rephrase. Who in Lafayette County pissed off Tate?

SoSo said...

As John Stennis said when the ARC was created “ I can the Appalachian hills from the front steps of my home in Kemper County”.

Anonymous said...

Looks like he skipped right over the Capitol and Hinds County

Anonymous said...

Can you blame him?

Anonymous said...

"We’ve secured billions in new private sector investment and created thousands of jobs across the state."

"We" have? Name even one billion in "new private sector investment" and even one thousand jobs "created" by it.

That said, a little pork adds something to a pot of greens, as long as it isn't so much to make things...greasy.

Anonymous said...

How much of Tate's largess is Joe Biden money?

Anonymous said...

Daniel, check again; the Appalachian Mountains technically spread into NE Mississippi and NW South Carolina.

Anonymous said...

8:16 said he skipped over Hinds County and the Capitol?

There are 3 projects in Hinds county on the list.

Madison county said...

In Mississippi, “economic development projects” translates to pay back for political favors.

Anonymous said...

5:43 The actual Appalachian Mountain chain in no real way extends into Mississippi but here’s an interesting article on how Mississippi became an ARC state. “This movement to invent what segregationists called “Appalachian Mississippi” countered the War on Poverty’s economic empowerment of rural Black communities.”

https://www.southerncultures.org/article/the-making-of-appalachian-mississippi/

Anonymous said...

7:37, I was speaking geologically; the Appalachian Mountains play out in NE Mississippi. Granted, it’s just the foothills, with peaks rising to only 700’ to 800’ such as Bonds, Harwell, and Woodall mountains, but it’s the Appalachian foothills nonetheless. I certainly agree we don't have what most people would consider a mountain range in Mississippi.

Anonymous said...

As always, southwest Mississippi , the HWY 84 and 98 corridors, get jack crap out of the deal. Yeah, Pike and Adams Counties get a little something, but that part of the state is suffering.
No help for us, I guess. No industry, no blessings.

Anonymous said...

That's a lot of gov't cheese just to adhere to Corps of Engineers strong-handed oversight. And folks are complaining about Chok washing all that money.

Madison county said...

He certainly loves the gulf coast counties. Is that where most of his “contributions” come from?

Anonymous said...

Three project in Oktibbeha County (MSU) and zero in Lafeyette (Ole Miss). Tate Reeves is such a petty little man.

Clarence King said...

@ November 14, 2024 at 7:58 AM - Speaking geologically, according to the US Geological Survey, Mississippi is not a part of the Southern Appalachians. Reference the map on page 2. https://pubs.usgs.gov/gip/birth/birth.pdf
Politically, is another story...

Anonymous said...

Clueless Tate’s pen prolly running low on ink, working on all those projects.


Recent Comments

Search Jackson Jambalaya

Subscribe to JJ's Youtube channel

Archives

Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).


Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.


Note: Security provided by INS.

Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS
.