Wednesday, December 3, 2014

$15 X 0 = 0

WLBT reported that local fast-food workers will go on strike tomorrow:

Fast-food workers will go on strike for the first time in Jackson as a part of a growing movement for $15 an hour and union rights.

Workers from McDonald's, Wendy's, Burger King, KFC, Domino's and other fast-food restaurant locations in the metro area will go on strike on Thursday, December 4 starting at 7:30 am in the Walgreens parking lot on Northbrook Drive.

The goal of $15 an hour has become a reality in SeaTac and Seattle. Just last month, San Francisco became the third city in the U.S. to adopt a $15 minimum wage.

However, the Wall Street Journal pointed out a few inconvenient facts on its editorial page about such things a few weeks ago:

If there’s a silver lining for McDonald’s in Tuesday’s dreadful earnings report, it is that perhaps union activists will begin to understand that the fast-food chain cannot solve the problems of the Obama economy. The world’s largest restaurant company reported a 30% decline in quarterly profits on a 5% drop in revenues. Problems under the golden arches were global—sales were weak in China, Europe and the United States.

Unions have made McDonald’s a particular target of their campaign for a $15 an hour minimum wage and have even protested at corporate headquarters in Oak Brook, Ill. The pressure was enough to cause CEO Don Thompson this summer to capitulate and endorse President Obama’s call to raise the federal minimum to $10.10 an hour from $7.25. Many states have already enacted wage floors above the federal minimum.

If higher wages force higher prices on the menu, will union-backed activist groups agree to compensate McDonald’s franchisees for futures sales declines? We’re guessing not. So we’ll offer the chain some free consulting and suggest that with sales slipping lately, higher prices probably aren’t the way to draw more customers. Alternatively, McDonald’s could cut its beef costs by changing its popular burger to a fifth-of-a-pounder and hope nobody notices.

The McDonald’s earnings report on Tuesday gave a hint at how the fast-food chain really plans to respond to its wage and profit pressure—automate. As many contributors to these pages have warned, forcing businesses to pay people out of proportion to the profits they generate will provide those businesses with a greater incentive to replace employees with machines.

By the third quarter of next year, McDonald’s plans to introduce new technology in some markets “to make it easier for customers to order and pay for food digitally and to give people the ability to customize their orders,” reports the Journal. Mr. Thompson, the CEO, said Tuesday that customers “want to personalize their meals” and “to enjoy eating in a contemporary, inviting atmosphere. And they want choices in how they order, choices in what they order and how they’re served.”

That is no doubt true, but it’s also a convenient way for Mr. Thompson to justify a reduction in the chain’s global workforce. It’s also a way to send a message to franchisees about the best way to reduce their costs amid slow sales growth. In any event, consumers better get used to the idea of ordering their Big Macs on a touchscreen.

Entry-level fast-food jobs have never been intended to support an entire family. So-called quick-service restaurants provide opportunities to lots of young people with few skills and limited experience
$15/hour is great if you can get it but there is that matter of hours - the other part of the equation.  15 X 0 is still 0.   Or Chokwe Economics + math = 0.


Anonymous said...

A trade show this past summer (2014) demonstrated robots that can cook 600 hamburgers per hour. If you automate the ordering and cooking there will be damn few jobs available for anyone.

I suspect this process will continue no matter what, so investors may want to look into investing in companies that make these robots, and current unskilled/low-skill workers should check into the unemployment benefits in their state(s).

Anonymous said...

Reality: Instead, lately, the trend has been toward more, not fewer, humans: Fast-food restaurants employ nearly 3.8 million people -- the highest number in 10 years, according to statistics aggregator Statista.

"Ultimately robots are not going to replace humans in food service," Darren Tristano, a food industry expert at the research firm Technomic, told HuffPost. "They would likely reduce some of the labor costs, but I can't believe it'd be significant, even to a burger chain."

Anonymous said...

The sad part is that very few jobs are immune to
automation and/or offshoring. Don't be so smug about
uneducated workers, they are actually earning less now
due to inflation than they did 40 years ago. Hard to
imagine whose going to buy the boomers assets
in the future unless the immigration floodgates are

Anonymous said...

Riddle me this, @10:41. If you have X hours per week that you need staffing and you can staff with Y full-time employees. (Disregard the Z part-time employees for a moment.) Now assume, hypothetically of course, that the government effectively penalizes you for staffing with full-time employees. Do you:
A) Raise prices to cover the effective penalty for full-time low-skilled work?
B) Change your hours such that you can be staffed with current headcount working part-time?
C) Convert full-time positions to part-time positions and increase headcount accordingly?

Take your time. I'm sure the answer is in the Huffington Post somewhere.

Pittpanther said...

"Entry-level fast-food jobs have never been intended to support an entire family. So-called quick-service restaurants provide opportunities to lots of young people with few skills and limited experience."

Doesn't matter what the intent is or was. The reality is that these restaurants are being staffed by adults who are heads of households. Can't blame them for fighting to get the most dollars they can. It's basic economics. McDs is now free to respond however they choose - for everyone who strikes, lay off everyone in favor of robots and touchscreens, raise salaries, whatever.

Anonymous said...

Want a raise? Speak clearly, ditch the tattoos and body piercings, be on time for work everyday. Finish high school (NO GED) with a "B" average. Graduate from a trade school. Maybe then you will deserve more than minimum wage.

Anonymous said...

The gubmint has subsidized low income workers/businesses/employers for years, and will no doubt continue to do so in some fashion. What's being overlooked in these comments is the expensive real estate, buildings (which in most cases are not adaptable to other uses), and the so-called high tech equipment. Pile the interest/rent paid on capital, in addition to these factors, and add stockholders greed to achieve their adequate/desired return(s), and you have a myriad of variable factors, other than labor cost. Many of these franchises change owners on a regular basis, with the franchisor(s) creaming theirs {Profit) on the front end. You can debate it on and on, but these people should earn enough to buy gas to get to work.

Anonymous said...

So how did the Walgreens on Northbrook Drive hit the lottery and get them to select their location as the place to "strike"?

Maybe we should all chip in and buy some sacks full of McD's sausage and biscuits and drop off for them as an act of generosity. Wonder if they would accept?

Anonymous said...

"these people should earn enough to buy gas to get to work."

I agree - but that means they need to acquire skills valuable enough to an employer to get paid that much.

A minimum wage job basically means you have no skills whatsoever and no training or work experience. Everyone starts out that way (I started at $1.75 an hour when I was 16). If you are 40 and trying to support three kids and you are still making what someone with no skills and no marketable training or work experience the problem is with you, not your employer or society at large.

After 20 years at work, if your only skills are still just what it takes to empty the wastebaskets and sweep the floors (my original work skills) then I don't know what to do about you.

Anonymous said...

I think a lot of this argument would go away if the argument was changed to use the term "entry level wage" instead of "minimum wage" - then the focus would shift to where it should be for these sad cases - why is a 40-year-old with three kids still working an entry level job?

Basically, your salary is based on what it would take for your employer to replace you. If you have rare, valuable skills they will pay you more to stay where you are and produce profits for them. If you could be replaced by the next 17-year-old with no skills or experience who walks through the door - not so much :-)

Anonymous said...

Fast food workers on strike? No Whoppers? No Big Mac? Are The Stokes Twins on suicide watch?

Anonymous said...

Standard rate for a training contractor in Iraq or Afghanistan is now $250~ daily for a 10 hour day. $25 per hour. They get shot at, and risk their lives. Guess a grill burn might be risky business now. Can someone give these people a reality check.

Anonymous said...

BASE Pay rate for an E6 - STAFF SERGEANT in the military with 2 years of EXPERIENCE is $28,569.60. That equates to $13.73 per hour. 2080 hours per year (40 hour week, 52 weeks and WE KNOW soldiers do not work 40 hour weeks).

If fast food workers get $15 per hour for 2080 hours -- they will make ~$31,200 annually.

I know South Jackson is dangerous -- but give me a break --- when we pay someone to flip burgers, more than we pay someone to defend our interest abroad -- we have a REAL problem.

Anonymous said...

Simple. Fire anyone who calls in without a physicians note.

Anonymous said...

Probably won't see any difference in the service if they strike (innuendo intended).

Anonymous said...

A few years ago a friend of mine made this observation about some labor unrest where he worked - "They found out that if you go on strike and you aren't in a union it's called quitting.'
How come that national media never questions the so called leaders of this junk. For instance - If everyone at McDonalds makes at least $15 who will eat breakfast there when they could eat at home? Or this - With teen unemployment continuing to spiral out of control, especially among blacks, why would you make the problem even worse for them by paying wages that effectively price them out of the workforce? I could keep going, but I am preaching to the choir.

Anonymous said...

A guy can make the rank of E-6 Staff Sst. with only 2 years? By the way your stats failed to mention that housing & meals are furnished. A +/- $15,000.00 value.

Anonymous said...

I started working at 14, menial labor. Stayed in school. Got a better job as a senior as a sales clerk in a retail store. Went to college. Got a job as night manager at a small grocery store. Worked summers on road construction. Graduated college while working as a bartender. Went to law school working summer on road construction and during school as a bartender. Graduated law school and have made a pretty good living for the past 30+ years. As I improved, people behind me took my place as I moved up....

Anonymous said...

5:48 -- you also failed to mention DANGER involved in the job. Guess in your mind, flipping burgers is risky business. In addition -- check the tables -- I gave the link. If it's good enough for the military to include, I guess it's good enough for the rest of us. Check out the lower ranks -- they're all underwater compared to your guys who are out there, fighting the good fight at the local grill.

Just for fun -- how much should a 2 year burger flipper make???

You're outnumbered here -- give up.

Anonymous said...

4:09 -- I reviewed the tables and it appears that an E4 with 6 years of experience or an E5 with 4 years, still makes less than your fast food worker. All the other pay grades below that are well below your guys.

Also, interestingly, a 2nd LT, who has a college degree, with 2 years of experience makes only $2k more. Hmmm --- I think we should all just forego college or higher education and work at McDonald's.

Anonymous said...

$15 an hour is more than most teachers, emt's, firemen, and police officers make in the state of Mississippi.

Anonymous said...

I don't have any thoughts on whether $15 is too high, but I can't help thinking that if X's business model relies on paying its employees too little money for them to make a living, then perhaps there is something screwy about X's business model.

Anonymous said...

The Migrant Tourist are headed to the front of the line, with full support from the feds. Let's fire all the present employees and hire them. You will have to learn a second language to be served.

Anonymous said...

9:33 -- X's business model was never to provide a living wage --- X's business model was to provide part time work for thousands of young people, households who needed a second income, etc. It was always an entry level job, and the premise in America is that we enter, and move up. If the Peter Principle is at work, and these people have risen to the level of their competence -- then there is nothing we can do to help them. Motivation to achieve more is integral in American success --- getting by, based on having "enough" is a cultural and societal killer in America. Soon the "enoughers" are sucking the life out of the "motivators", and no society can exist with an upside down "business model" such as this. "In and up" not "in and stay".

Anonymous said...

It is not in your best interest to use ebonics math, your figures don't add up.
And yes, I will take fries with that the way, the restroom is out of paper towels.

Anonymous said...

"X's business model was to provide part time work"

So I'm to believe that everyone at McDonald's, etc. is part-time?

Anonymous said...

12:19 -- Not now -- with your OBAMA recovery! The once dynamic American entrepreneurial market that led the world -- now considers working at McDonald's and desiring a living wage for cooking burgers. How'd that work out for you Democrats?

Anonymous said...

12:03 -- One other thing -- there is a little item called the "unseen paycheck" -- it consists of things like FICA, Medicare, Health Insurance costs, keeping the lights on so the worker can actually work....basic costs associated with having that person on the payroll --- Overhead, Administrative, and Fringe is the basic language for these items and each component is a percentage of that person's salary. Some call it the burdened salary or wrapped salary -- These people don't costs JUST $31.200 but normal burdens would be 1.3 more than the $31,200, or 1.4 or potentially 1.5 more than that -- so you're current person, would costs the employer potentially $40k - $50k at a $15 per hour full time wage with the "unseen paycheck".

INTERESTINGLY, Going with a current $7.25 per hour rate, and burdening it at 1.3-1.5 (and that would include healthcare which you normally would not provide part-time workers), you're looking at $10k annually for a 1040 week. You could employee 4-5 part time people (think the huge amount of unemployed teens who are developing NO work ethic, based on lack of employment opportunities) for the one person you're employing at $15 per hour.

These burdens are items that business owner's understand well -- when you run a business -- come talk to us. Then you'll have some credibility. This is not EBONICS math -- but MBA math.

Anonymous said...

WHY are you telling me, or anyone else here about this? It sounds like you have started an argument with your self, what we want to know is who is winning?
I remember the scene in "Back To School" when the student (Rodney Dangerfield) stood up and put the teacher in his place......
Now, when you have real world experience in business management, come on back....until then, complete your homework assignment, there may be a test on this.
NO amount of your "complex figures" will convince me that a fast food worker is worth $15 an hour, but give it your best shot.

Anonymous said...

Ebonics=language. "MBA Math"=pre-calc and algebra. Wow. GS is probably looking for you as a quant. And you're a Klan member to boot! Yes, Miss. is dead last in health, income, education, and, now, per Forbes, business and careers. There's your "MBA Math."

Anonymous said...

3:16 -- I think you're confused -- and you're the one in a circular argument. I'M commenting on WHY you we DO NOT want to pay $15 per hour for fast food workers. Read carefully! The entire argument is against $15 per hour workers. Why would anyone want to have a "career" at Mcdonald's.

The math was to point out that you would ultimately pay someone $40-$50k for full time work --- why do this as an employer when you could and should hire 4-5 part time workers.

BTW -- I do have "real world" management experience -- and sign the front not the back of the check, and don't spend my time watching Rodney Dangerfield movies. I believe anyone who really runs a business -- understood the logic of my post --- then some of you who don't......didn't!

Anonymous said...

4:07 -- as a last resort - ALWAYS pull out racism, when you cannot argue the facts.

Anonymous said...

4:42.......when you are lost in the woods, continue to walk in a straight line, eventually, you will find your way out.
EVERYTHING I have said has been AGAINST the $15 per hour debate, am I typing too fast for you?
PLEASE, if you cannot keep up, take notes, your arguments are running in the same style as a Chinese fire drill.
Oh, and we no longer issue paychecks, we use direct's the way it's done these days, get with the program man.
And IF ...IF, you really have a business, nevermind, you wouldn't understand, since this whole topic has been so overwhelming.
BY THE want to take pot shots at me for watching a movie, you also send the same message to anyone else here who enjoys a flick, so explain how have time to be such a keyboard warrior !!

Anonymous said...

In America we have a trump card for all these discussions - that is 'If you think you can make more money elsewhere, leave' and the correlation 'Sure, you can try to run a business paying those wages. But if you cannot hire anyone who is competent, you may have to raise the wages.' The "x" business model guy is forgetting that McDonalds has been around along time. They seem to have enough workers. We must assume that the workers are reasonably satisfied with their pay or they would quit. Or perhaps they did quit somewhere else, say Wal Mart and found that no one would pay them the amount they dreamed up, they shopped around, and found that McDonalds paid them more than anyone else would. Folks this is a self regulating system. With the internet, you don't even have to take off work to look for a better job. The Unions and the government need to stay out of it. It works just fine in the long run. You want a raise, fine. Work harder and smarter, gain experience. Prove to your boss you are worth more.If he then won't pay more, find someone who will. But McDonalds and every other business has the right to pay the least amount they can pay so long as they can keep enough help to run their business properly.

Anonymous said...

5:21 -- you sound very confused -- I think the rest of us are having a hard time following you. Pay checks, direct deposit, where is this all coming from??? I'm with 4:42 -- go back to watching your movie.

Anonymous said...

Talk about split personalities. I guess that's another side effect of someone trying to be the Grand Poobah of the room. Anyway, you win, you have outshined us all. I guess that's why you were elected the President of the local chapter of "He-Man Woman Haters Club".
I'm done here, anything else would would be me acting like you.

Anonymous said...

I say give 'em $15 to take Economics 101, then pay what the market will bear. It ain't $15.

Anonymous said...

Doesn't matter what the intent is or was. The reality is that these restaurants are being staffed by adults who are heads of households. Can't blame them for fighting to get the most dollars they can. It's basic economics.

It has nothing to do with "intent." If head of household adults are working low-paying jobs, it's not the jobs' responsibility to alter itself to accommodate those workers' needs. Business is about making money and making the most money it can. Some businesses can skimp on customer service, product value or whatever and remain in business. Others have to concentrate on customer service or premium product value to remain in business and cut elsewhere.

The point is, the law (supply/demand) is to make the most money. Everything else falls in line and if allowed to operate with moderate regulation works itself out over time. Manipulation with things such as minimum wage does nothing but squeeze businesses out of business. Minimum wage simply raises the floor for everything and only for the wage earners temporarily as the cost of living catches up to the new minimum wage.

To the subject, jobs such as fast food restaurants are bridge jobs. They are not meant to be careers unless you stay in the business and move up the chain. Our entire model is built around staff turnover. If you can't make a "living" at a job, it's not meant for you to.

As an aside, some mention owners "can afford it" (raises). Raising minimum wage $5 per hour (less than what is proposed) would cost the average single location over $10K per month with no increase in production. That's about 15% of the monthly income for that location, which erases all profit from that store.

Anonymous said...

I don't have any thoughts on whether $15 is too high, but I can't help thinking that if X's business model relies on paying its employees too little money for them to make a living, then perhaps there is something screwy about X's business model


Why would there be something screwy? Ever been in mall? Water park? Sno-cone stand? Physical labor farm? etc?

The issue can be taken all the way back to the notion that everyone should get a college education. That even remedial jobs require a college diploma. It's not a job requirement, nor does it help.... it's just a floor standard that has helped funnel money from the middle class into the university system.

Not everyone can be a professional. We need people working on cars, picking up garbage, working in low wage fast food restaurants, etc. But we need the American Dream, not this new American Nightmare. There is no more innovation in everyday life because of the oppressive red tape and regulation for those low-wage workers who have the American Dream. They can't get an idea remotely moving because every aspect of life is taxed or regulated to death. When a small business HAS to hire an accountant just so that they can remain lawful (younguns, the amount of regulation on small business has tripled since the 1980s)

Government has become the helicopter parent and is ruining the self and individual.

Anonymous said...

9:23 -- I"m in full agreement. As a small business we have our accountant and attorney on speed dial. It's just the new "overhead" we have to factor in....sadly.

Also, for 9:56 p.m. -- I'm a PUBETTE -- woman, not a Poobah. Just thought you'd like to know whom you were responding to :) No el Presidente of the He Man Woman Haters Club here. Just a conservative woman who realizes that taxes and regulations are stifling small businesses.. we experience it daily. Both 9:09 and 9:23 a.m. eloquently outlined ALL the issues with the $15 per hour wage.

Anonymous said...

I dunno why ya'll prefer to subsidize Walmart's crappy wages so their CEOs can get more rich. A lot of wally workers qualify for Mediciad, food stamps and a lot of other stuff you guys hate, specifically BECAUSE places like Walmart don't pay nothing. Hey, if you're good buying their food stamps then keep advocating against a decent wage.

Anonymous said...

11:00 -- a lot of Walmart workers should be looking for better jobs in other places, now that they experience. Other "entry level workers" can then join the Walmart company, have stock shares, etc.

Then those on Public assistance who ARE NOT working, can at least work at an entry level job in preparation of moving up and out, not just sitting and spinning. Instead of thinking inside the box -- look outside the box and look for other opportunities, once you've gained experience.

Also -- CEOs get salaries, COMPANIES retain earnings and those earnings are used for downturns, reinvestments, etc. ECON 101

Anonymous said...

So where else ya gonna work in Leland or Tutwiler beside that Walmart or McDonalds? That's all there is, friend.
And while we're talkin' about them there CEO salaries--is there any reason Wally world ceo Mike Duke makes 1,034 times what the average Walmart worker makes? You really think he works 1,034 times as HARD as you or me?

Anonymous said...

Personally, I can't wait for the robots to take over. I find the quality of the human interaction in these places to be ABYSMAL. There's no attempt to sound or act welcoming to customers. I hate being greeted with an "attitude".

$15/hour??? My very first job was a McDs in Chicago. I made $1.50/hour plus a $0.15/hour food allowance. Hard work is what teaches you the value of hard work.

Anonymous said...

If fast food franchise owners would put a pencil to the high costs of their employee turn-over because their best workers leave, I would bet that the extra time and money spent recruiting, hiring, training, and managing new employees, the lost productivity and efficiency, the wasted product because of screw-ups, the lost customers or sales because the food and the service are not as fast as expected, etc. they would find that it would be cheaper to pay higher wages to keep their best workers.
There was a study several years ago when New Jersey raised the minimum wage a dollar higher than in Pennsylvania. The economists thought New Jersey low-wage employers in the Philly suburbs would suffer and have to raise their prices but what they found instead was less employee turnover in NJ and resulting increases in productivity and efficiency.

Anonymous said...


That's just plain ignorance.

The Card/Krueger study you reference is bogus. I assume you don't understand economics, much like Krueger, who was chair of the white house council of economic advisers. If you would look, you would find that even Card and Krueger admit the inaccuracies of their study, especially in light of studies showing it to be bogus.

Krueger is the guy that likes to talk about Rockanomics and the social aspect of economics, not the economic aspect of economics.

Millions of dollars are spent within major industries looking for different kinds of efficiencies. If the industry thought for one second, it would be more profitable and efficient to pay a much higher wage and move away from being a bridge job, then it would.

It's very simply understood as supply and demand.

Anonymous said...


The average Walmart worked doesn't have a job without the CEO. Someone with something, whether it be organizational skills, intelligence, or whatever makes and keeps a business going.

Business doesn't just survive by chance. Someone is making decisions. A business can thrive without laborers but it can never survive without direction. But, most business NEED laborers and laborers need jobs. it's not a charity and there is no logical concept that the dumbest should make as much money as the smartest. Otherwise why not complain about the dumbest people not getting scholarships so that they can go to college and become a doctor.......

Anonymous said...

Why do Southern men like 10:47 still apologize for rich people? You've fought, killed and died for some rich dude's right to own people and not pay them. You voted for years to support sharecropping. Now you're fighting to justify wages that can't feed people, just so a CEO can make more money in an hour than a minimum wager makes all year.
I don't care if that crutty CEO craps gold--he smells like a king. And we already told King George where to stick his crown more than 200 years ago.

Anonymous said...


That's simply being stupid, either intentionally or not.

Anonymous said...

3:30, I'm gonna press the issue on this one 'cuz it's important. I need ya to tell me how I'm being stupid. I need to know which stupid thing was I said, because the Mississippi Articles of Secession DO state that we seceded specifically cuz wealthy people wanted to own people so they did not have to pay them for work. We went to war so they could keep doing that. And sharecropping didn't happen cuz grampa saw the love in picking cotton for pesos and pocket lint. It happened cuz a majority let wealthy landowners get away with it. And you--right now--are arguing that a guy with a $140 million RETIREMENT ACCOUNT should be able to pay his workers the hourly equivalent of the price of a cheeseburger meal, and that they better be thankful they got a job at all--just like the landowners told our poor ol' sharecroppin' elders.
Boys, minimum wage folks ain't just a sour face handin' you a hotdog. It's a momma who grabbed her kids and ran from the house cuz hubbs was beatin' her kid's face too many times, or a nephew facing a $50,000 college bill and no promise of a career in law cuz the legal field in Mississippi tanked while he was off in college.
As long as you're seeing minimum wagers as greasy black faces or dirty hippies you'll never realize who your real enemy is.
Guys, Mike Duke ain't yer friend. He never will be. You're just another buck in his pocket.
I dunno what it takes for you to get this. C'mon, man, get it.

Anonymous said...

I want to work part time holding a sign near a polling place once every 4 years and make a "living."

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Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS