Friday, January 6, 2012

Text of Lieutenant Governor's speech

Here are Lieutenant Governor Tate Reeves' prepared remarks for his inaugural speech yesterday:


Thank you, Thank you! What a great day in Mississippi. Congratulations to Delbert Hosemann, Jim Hood, Stacey Pickering, Lynn Fitch, Cindy Hyde-Smith and Mike Chaney who took their oaths alongside me here today.

Voters placed their confidence in everyone elected in this chamber to keep Mississippi on a path to a brighter future. They want better-paying jobs, better schools and a safe place to raise their children. Speaking of children, I’d be remiss if I did not mention my family who is here with me today. During my first campaign for State Treasurer I said that my wife Elee was my biggest asset, but my friends kept telling me that she was my ONLY asset. Our family has grown since then. Many of you know my girls Tyler and Emma and we have another little girl on the way. It’s my hope that the work we do together in this building will make their future and the future for all Mississippi kids brighter than ever.

And I believe we can accomplish that. We need to continue to improve the climate for companies to bring highly-skilled jobs to Mississippi – keeping taxes low and providing the best in workforce training opportunities. We need to look at innovative ways to provide quality education through our public schools, community colleges and universities. And we need to ensure our law enforcement has the tools needed to keep our families safe.

We can move toward these goals, but it will not be easy. Our state’s economy – like the nation’s – is struggling. Revenues are coming in at slightly higher-than-expected levels, but that could change over the course of the next six months. Most economists, including our state economist, believe revenues will continue to be sluggish and won't return to pre-recession levels until FY 2014 or 2015. Caution should be the standard as we design a budget for the next fiscal year.

We will need to budget conservatively and look for more ways to save money. We should pass legislation requiring agency heads to find more efficiencies in government. And that is why I created a new committee in the Senate named Accountability, Efficiency, and Transparency – whose charge will be to help accomplish this. By right-sizing government and holding down the state’s debt, we can make Mississippi a more attractive place to do business. In all things we do we should remember that government does not create jobs, instead we should strive to provide an environment that encourages the private sector to invest capital and create jobs.

We have seen great success in economic development over the past eight years. Mississippians are making solar panels in Senatobia and Hattiesburg. They’re making jet engines in Batesville and defense systems in Columbus and on the Gulf Coast. And, of course, Mississippians are now making cars in Canton AND Blue Springs.

But we cannot let these successes lull us into a false sense of confidence. Our neighboring states have taken notice of our accomplishments, and they are positioning themselves to be more competitive and to attract the higher paying and highly skilled jobs that we want here.

We cannot lose our intensity and focus on economic development. A big part of that is workforce training. We have to keep upgrading the skills of our workforce. A well-trained workforce is the key to recruiting better jobs for Mississippi. And with good jobs, we can keep our children at home to raise their families.

Like many of you, Elee and I grew up in small Mississippi towns … went to a Mississippi college … graduated and got great Mississippi jobs … got married and started raising Mississippi kids. Most Mississippians want to do just that. But not all of them have that option. Our job is to change that.

Everyone in this Chamber knows someone who moved to Texas or Georgia or Florida or somewhere else to get a better career. We need to reverse that trend. Too many Mississippi teens do not see college as part of their future, and we need to change that mindset.

We will start by improving the education attainment level of our students. We have to make sure that we’re providing access to a quality education for all of our people. Black, white, rich and poor. We have to improve the early education curriculum to get children off to the best start possible. We have to put college within reach of every child who needs it.

We all want these things to happen for every citizen in Mississippi. So, whether you serve in the Senate or the House … whether you are from the Hills or the Delta, the Pine Belt or the Coast, working together we can accomplish our goals.

I look forward to working with Governor-elect Bryant, Speaker Gunn and each of you to keep Mississippi on that path to that brighter future. God bless you and may God bless the State of Mississippi.

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Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).


Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.


Note: Security provided by INS.

Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS
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