Wednesday, April 9, 2008

DWF: The Stormy, Stormy Night

In the aftermath of the storm this past weekend, one event will always stand out in my memory: driving in the dark to my 26-year old hottie's place, arriving to candlelight with high anticipation.

I get the text: come on over, it's time. Of course I go. I drive up to his house, seeing the candles flicker through the curtains, with trees down in his yard, debris everywhere. It feel as if I'm arriving in some surreal state of mind. I knock on the door and hear him say "come on in".

The house is filled with candles and some music is playing on a portable CD player on batteries. It is Seal, sounding all sexy. My hottie doesn't say much, just comes towards me, kisses me like no one else can, takes my hand and leads me into his bathroom to the huge tub filled with a bubble bath, surrounded by candles and two glasses of wine sitting near. (Thank goodness for gas water heaters.) We get in, sip the wine and get reacquainted by way of touching and kissing.

After a while, we get out, with big white towels wrapped around us and he takes me to his room. He changes the music to Daughtry. The towels fall to the ground and before I know it, I see flashes in my head and feel explosions throughout my body. His damp body and long black curly hair are a huge turn on. He holds true to his Energizer bunny reputation and sets a new record. Of course, it's a new record for me, too. He gets another bath ready, leads me back to it, and we relax for a while, chatting about nothing special. He leans over and massages my neck and back. I think I'm in heaven. Maybe that's why I kept saying "Oh God"?

I get one last goodbye kiss from this young man in only a towel, and eventually leave. We decide to see each other again soon. I drive back home through the debris, all the while sealing to memory my own stormy night.

Yes, the 26-year old is much more enjoyable than the former boyfriend from college. I think it's time to give the former boyfriend the heave-ho and mail back the Wal Mart ring. I would take one night with the 26-year old over a dozen with the old boyfriend. . . . If that makes me shallow, who cares?

What do you think? Am I shallow? Should I care? Boot the old boyfriend? Email me: dwfinms@gmail.com

(To see earlier DWF posts, scroll down and look in the right column on the main page.)

Posted by DWF at 6:04 AM
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10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh my!

April 9, 2008 at 7:05 AM
Kingfish said...

Sorry DWF, but I'm not really 26.

April 9, 2008 at 7:45 AM
DWF said...

Don't make me come after you! I know your true age. HA HA

April 9, 2008 at 8:14 AM
Anonymous said...

Oh my is right!

April 9, 2008 at 12:59 PM
Tom Head said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
April 9, 2008 at 3:15 PM
Tom Head said...

It sounds to me like the old boyfriend hasn't even progressed to the "booting" stage. Have you given him any reason to believe you're actually interested? If so, it'd be cruel to continue the charade. 'Course he's also being cruel with the whole "I've waited 20 years for you" schtick, when he obviously hasn't (his kids are proof!).

This would be true regardless of whether you had a 26-year-old hottie on the side, but I'm glad you had a good weekend. ;o)

At any rate, by my reckoning there are approximately 40,000 single women of what I would consider eligible age in Jackson, 125,000 in the greater Jackson area. I only plan on settling down with one, but that doesn't mean there's anything "wrong" with the other 39,999, or the other 124,999, so don't think you have to have a reason not to be interested in the old boyfriend. What you need is a reason to be interested in the old boyfriend.

April 9, 2008 at 3:17 PM
Anonymous said...

Oh, great another sex story on the internet.

April 9, 2008 at 10:32 PM
DWF said...

"Oh, great another sex story on the internet."

Yes, dear, but this one happens to be true and if you don't like it, just write something you DO like and share it with us.

April 10, 2008 at 5:46 AM
DWF said...

"It sounds to me like the old boyfriend hasn't even progressed to the "booting" stage. Have you given him any reason to believe you're actually interested? If so, it'd be cruel to continue the charade. 'Course he's also being cruel with the whole "I've waited 20 years for you" schtick, when he obviously hasn't (his kids are proof!)."

I have tried twice to mail back the ring, and he keeps sending it back to "keep until I feel comfortable wearing it". So for now, I will keep it in a drawer, and carry on. The 26-year old came over this past weekend. Much more fun and no strings.

April 14, 2008 at 8:56 AM
DWF said...

"It sounds to me like the old boyfriend hasn't even progressed to the "booting" stage. Have you given him any reason to believe you're actually interested? If so, it'd be cruel to continue the charade. 'Course he's also being cruel with the whole "I've waited 20 years for you" schtick, when he obviously hasn't (his kids are proof!)."

I have tried twice to mail back the ring, and he keeps sending it back to "keep until I feel comfortable wearing it". So for now, I will keep it in a drawer, and carry on. The 26-year old came over this past weekend. Much more fun and no strings.

April 14, 2008 at 8:56 AM

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Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).

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Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.

In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

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Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS.