Thursday, April 4, 2024

MCPP: How Do We Drain the Swamp?

America is now six months away from a Presidential election.  If current polls are correct and Donald Trump comes out ahead in the key battleground states, we could soon see a conservative in the White House, and a conservative-controlled Senate and House.

It is one thing to gain power.  It is quite another to know what to do with it.  Conservatives who try to run the federal government without a clear strategy in place soon end up being run by the federal government. Why is this so?

  The administrative state, with its vast alphabet soup of federal agencies, is fundamentally un-conservative.  Some might even say anti-conservative.

  That is not to say that there is some sort of Deep State conspiracy against conservatives. (Federal officials struggle to issue visas or approve new medicines on a timely basis. I highly doubt they are competent enough to engage in conspiracies). 

No, the problem is the mindset of those that work for the administrative state.  Or, what the French call “déformation professionnelle.” 

  Those that work for big government bureaucracies tend to favor more government.  If your career is spent working for a federal agency, you will perhaps see federal fiat as the answer, whatever the question.

  Many of those that work for the government are very smart.  Smart enough, in fact, to fall for the conceit that you can successfully engineer social and economic outcomes from above. 

Now that Diversity, Equity, & Inclusion has become the official ideology of America’s public institutions, federal officials likely find it easier to implement “diversity strategies” and talk about “microaggressions” than deliver competent government.

Being part of a national bureaucracy in Washington makes you more inclined to want to work closely with supranational bureaucracies such as the UN, WHO, or the EU.

  What can an incoming conservative administration do about all this?  It is not enough to instruct the administrative state to govern differently.  We need a plan to re-wire the administrative state itself.  Here’s how:

1. Find the Right People.

  Donald Trump’s decision to appoint Neil Gorsuch, Brett Kavanaugh, and Amy Coney Barrett to the Supreme Court proved to be one of the most consequential things he has done.  As a result, the US Supreme Court now has a conservative majority for the first time in over half a century.

Trump did not appoint the right people to the Supreme Court because he happened to know them.  It was the Federalist Society that identified and vetted suitable candidates for him.

  I am delighted to be (a small) part of a project run by the Heritage Foundation and others to help identify the right people not so much for judicial appointments, but for positions across government.  Unless conservatives find the right people to install in the myriad of federal agencies, those that work in those agencies will nominate their own and little will change.

2. Shrink the Federal Machine. 

  Argentina’s new President Milei almost halved the number of government departments in the week after he took office.  U.S. conservatives should do something similar. 

Do we really need a US Department of Education (created in 1980) or federal Housing department (1965)?  Surely education and housing are matters that can be left to each state? 

  Why stop there?  There are currently 438 US federal agencies and sub-agencies.  Conservatives should go full Milei on them.

3. Control the spending.

  What is the single biggest threat to the United States?  It’s not China or Islamism.  It is the ballooning national debt.  The US national debt is now growing by $1 trillion every 100 days.

  Conservatives urgently need to bring federal spending under control. 

Remember that kerfuffle a few months back when Rep Kevin McCarty tried and failed to be elected House Speaker dozens of times?  One of the objections that the conservative refuseniks had was the fact that Congress did not seem to control federal spending.

  The process by which Congress approves federal budgets is far too convoluted.  One committee approves agriculture budgets, another defense, and so on.  This makes it easier for various vested interests to ensure that their preferred spending items get approved.

  We need to return to the principle that there is some form of unified Congressional budgetary oversight.  This is the only chance of restoring Congressional control over the administrative state’s spending.

4. Return authority to the states.

  The 10th Amendment clearly states that “powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.”

  Since the days of Woodrow Wilson, there has been a creeping coup that has seen federal agencies, abetted by the Supreme Court, usurp the primacy of the states. Until now.

In a little noticed ruling in 2022, in West Virginia v. the Environmental Protection Agency, the Supreme Court essentially said that a federal agency could not presume to make policy the way the EPA was trying to.  The ruling puts a question mark over the presumption that Congress has delegated major political and economic questions to executive agencies.

  Conservatives need to build on this, and other similar rulings, to push back against decades of self-aggrandizement by federal agencies. 

How often do conservative voters vote for conservative leaders, but end up with more soft-left statism?  I would argue that this has been a constant feature of U.S. politics for over half a century, with a brief break from business as usual when Ronald Reagan was in the White House for 8 years in the 1980s.

  Unless we are to see more of the same, we need to ensure that if and when conservatives gain control of the federal government, they use their one chance to achieve fundamental, strategic change to the way America is run. There may never be another.

  Our aim must not be just to oust liberals, or even to install a particular leader.  Our goal should be to renew America by overturning the incremental coup that has created in Washington DC an administrative state that our Founders never envisioned and never sanctioned.

Douglas Carswell is the President & CEO of the Mississippi Center for Public Policy.

The Mississippi Center for Public Policy sponsored this post. 

57 comments:

Anonymous said...

Amen Douglas.....100% agree. What can we do to achieve the same in MS and Jackson?

Anonymous said...

Way too much emphasis on Executive branch.

If you want to make a difference, refocus the media and voters on the legislative branch, particulalry in the state legislature.

Anonymous said...

Yeah good idea let's elect Trump and a conservative house and senate---then we will have a bat shit crazy President and a bunch of cone hat wearing idiots to govern. Sounds like a good plan and a great way to go backwards.

Anonymous said...

This article is straight up comedy. Pretending that Trump is a conservative with a clear strategy (he has no policy ideas, nor has the GOP produced a platform in the last 6 years) is laughable. Suggesting he is the guy to "find the right people when his former defense secretaries, generals, national security advisors, chiefs of staff, press secretaries, white house counsels, economic council directors, secretaries of state, UN Ambassadors, and Attorney Generals have publicly stated he is a threat to the very existence of the country is a joke. These are people he picked. Oh and yes, lets be more like Argentina...are you insane? Poverty in Argentina surged to a 20 year high this year. The peso has been devalued by 50%. Its annual inflation topped 250%, making it the highest in Latin America. Oh, but he'll control spending...surely you jest. See 2016-2020. Largest increase to the National debt incurred ever.

Anonymous said...

The Department of Education has 5,000 freaking employees. What do they do?

I do think it is laughable to think that anyone in the leadership of the GOP is willing to cut spending, especially the mandatory spending that is driving the deficit. Basically, there are maybe 30 true conservatives between the House and the Senate. The numbers just aren't there.

Anonymous said...

Donald Trump IS NOT WINNING. Biden won in 2020 and never left his basement. Trump had about as good a 3 year run (up to the plandemic) as any POTUS. A major city, like ATL, can swing the whole state, this happened in 2020 and will happen in 2024. Accept that Biden will get reelected. The only way to fight his policies, is for republicans in the house/senate to stop funding Biden's priorities, but they don't seem to have an appetite for that. We're on the precipice of a sharp decline in traditional American values. The best thing you can do is protect your own, send you kids to private school and work to get as debt free as possible. Stay off social media. If you have a professional job, be wary of what you say in range of SIRI, Alexia, etc.

Anonymous said...

My hope is that folks will eventually realize how morally wrong it is to vote for the whore mongering, business cheating, self-possessed, messianic delusionist, anything for a dollar, pervert Domald Trump is.

I am not accusing him of being the anti-Christ, but he is a pretty sound candidate for the job. For him to stand and tell people they need to buy a Bible with secular junk added that is not God's Holy Word to benefit his own greed is against everything I believe to be righteous and justified to God.

That he is selling Bibles to help fund the court's judicial punishment for fraud, hush payments to cover publicity for his years long adulterous sex with two different pornography actresses, false election tampering and an organized attack on the duly elected representatives in our Nation's Capitol is an affront to the Righteous Holiness of God and our system of laws that good men have fought and died to establish and maintain.

My prayer is that God will figuratively say "this use of me for immoral reasons has gone far enough and I will act on my righteous indignation to set this evil man straight and eliminate him from achieving his desires for sinful power in the world I created, filled with many people I love."

It hurts my soul every time I see a Pastor, who claims to be a Man or Woman Of God, using the pulpit of God's House to support the Moral and Righteous evilness that is Donald Trump. There is no defense on anyone's part to say he is the lesser evil because whatever Joe Biden has done pales in comparison to Donald Trump.

Please pray on this and do what God tells you to do! Our LORD is watching to see what each of us does in the days ahead.

Anonymous said...

Come election day, I will not vote for Trump; I'll vote against Biden. This country is in a sad state when these two are the best it has to offer. But if it takes a "whore mongering, business cheating, self-possessed, messianic delusionist, anything for a dollar, pervert" to get Biden out of the WH, then I'll vote against him several times on that day.

Anonymous said...

Voting history:

Bush
Bush
McCain
Romney
Johnson
Biden

Happy to vote Biden again despite policy differences to rebuke R's and Trump, who puts himself first, doesn't have the character to serve as the American president, and believes that American elections/courts are fraudulent (but only when he loses).

Anonymous said...

To you Biden Belly lovers...describing DJT as "whore mongering, business cheating, self-possessed, messianic delusionist, anything for a dollar, pervert Domald Trump is."

Biden is a career politician who has never had a real job but has sucked on the boob of handouts his entire political life. Where'd his money come from? Sure DJT had a father that was a business man and DJT benefitted from his upbringing and education.

Truly, are we better off now than 4 years ago?

Anonymous said...

April 4, 2024 at 10:19 AM, you must not be listening. If you were listening, you would hear this, 2 Chronicles 7:14. The problem is not GOD blessing America, the problem is America is not honoring, and blessing GOD.

Anonymous said...

Trump will be president again. If you all accept that now, you will not be so angry when it happens. Biden, hands down, is the worst president this country has ever seen. It doesn't take much to see that.

Anonymous said...

I’d take Obama back before I’d entertain that bumbling idiot Joe. But then again if you look at the Democrat voters I can see why they voted for a bumbling idiot. But it’ll be a good year of watching all the idiot voters back at it again, I’m stocking up on popcorn to watch you clowns freak out.

Anonymous said...

I am so tired of electing the slightly less awful old man.
But I will hold my nose and vote against Biden.

Unfortunately every liberal will be doing the same. The ones that admit Biden is horrific will still vote against Trump. And I think they have the numbers thanks to Abortion headlines and Conservatives that are too stupid to focus on the borders and the economy.

So we are doomed to 4 more years of the Unpatriotic PePaw.

Anonymous said...

Democrats probably already have ballots in the trunks of multiple vehicles ready to be pulled out and used if needed!

Anonymous said...

@11:04 - Truly, are we better off now than 4 years ago?


Ummm...I would say unequivocally we are in a better place than where we in April 2020.


@11:26 - Biden, hands down, is the worst president this country has ever seen.

I'm truly curious as to what you think Biden has done that makes him the worst president ever. You may not like him, but you'd be in the minority thinking worst ever. But seriously. He's been a rather uncontroversial, boring president. Economy seems to be doing well (DOW higher than ever, Unemployment at record lows). You'll probably say inflation as if the $4T Trump dropped into the 2020 spending has nothing to do with it. Maybe you don't like what is going on in Israel or Ukraine. He's at a minimum kept us out of those wars. We can't control every other foreign country. You think his kid is a dipshit? no duh. Seriously, how does one get to that conclusion?

Anonymous said...

I wouldn't vote for DJT if he was running for the Mexican border. He's a Putin wannabe that will gladly oversee the destruction of this country if he thinks that he will make a profit from the experience. I will gladly take the security of a boring president over a loose cannon like DJT. Oh, and I am definitely better off now than 4 years ago.

As for congress, over any given stretch of time, BOTH reps and dems vote for bigger government and higher taxes. As Lewis Black said, they are two cheeks on the same @$$.

Anonymous said...

April 4, 2024 at 12:57 PM, if you're convinced your president is doing such a great job, there's nothing a “sane” person can say to change your mind.

A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.

Anonymous said...

@12:57pm - Save your breath, you’re arguing with someone that has no more thought process than parroting Fox News propaganda talking points.

Anonymous said...

Biden will win again. It will legitimate like the first time. Polls are already tightening as reluctant Biden voters are re-connecting. Trump is a pariah. Biden is boring, but I love not thinking about what a President is saying or doing every day. Those of you that think Biden is the worst ever need to turn off the TV and radio and enjoy life. I feel like I know many of you because I live and work with so many miserable Republicans. Remember Fox News and Clay Travis make money off making you miserable.

Anonymous said...

" He's at a minimum kept us out of those wars"

How many billions has Slow Joe sent to Ukraine? How about on the ground advisers, do they count as being war participants?

He did get us out of Afghanistan, of course he left 87 billion dollars worth of military equipment in enemy hands. It nearly looked as bad as our retreat from Vietnam.

I notice you forgot the southern border, and the millions of invaders that he has welcomed. Some of those invaders are believed to have ISIS loyalty, and are expected to retaliate for Israel's attack on Iran.

I'm sure it slipped your mind about the crime wave those invaders are unleashing on innocent citizens. I wouldn't try to list all of those crimes, but here's one from my neck of the woods.

https://www.wlox.com/2024/04/04/man-arrested-looking-under-stalls-womens-restroom-diberville-walmart-police-say/

Anonymous said...

12:57, really?!? What has he done for this country? He is barely there, just listen and watch him. The world knows he is weak. I could not vote for Biden if he was the only one on the ticket. Even Nixon had enough dignity to resign. Everyday it's gaslighting from this administration. Everytime he speaks he tells lies. Easily verified lies. He is not presidential at all. All you have to do is listen to him talk and know something isn't right. But, coming from a political party that thinks men can have babies, why do you expect?

Anonymous said...

That Joe Biden is doing a helluva a job, and the people love him. Check out his poll numbers.

https://news.gallup.com/poll/610988/biden-job-approval-edges-down.aspx

Anonymous said...

1:51, not everyone thinks like you do. Some of us care about this country. Please keep supporting Joe, his defeat will be so much better.

Anonymous said...

How about some Biden vs. Trump polling. Read em and weep.

https://news.gallup.com/poll/643100/biden-bests-trump-likability-trump-seen-better-leader.aspx

Anonymous said...

Biden sucks.

Trump is a snake.

Simple as that.

Anonymous said...

11:03 AM Exact same voting history here!
Bush
Bush
McCain
Romney
Johnson
Biden

And will repeat Biden over the dictator wanna be.

Anonymous said...

For those who are unfamiliar with this program, it's called "Project 2025" and being put together by the Heritage Foundation (which used to be a very respectable conservative group). Why didn't the author mention it? The Project 2025 book is around 900 pages and available on the Heritage website. It covers every aspect of the government and the changes this group feels need to be made. They have been working hard for years and want to be ready on Day 1 of the next Republican Administration. This is what a Republican vote will get you. Trump doesn't care, these people do.

Here are some highlights from a non-profit:
https://www.mediamatters.org/heritage-foundation/guide-project-2025-extreme-right-wing-agenda-next-republican-administration

Be careful what you wish for.

Saltwaterpappy said...

For those of you like me who can't support Trump or Biden, I respectfully suggest that you consider voting for the Libertarian candidate. The Libertarian philosophy is for the part consistent with the issues that have been raised in the article.

Anonymous said...

@218 I am so glad you love the country and that you called out those who disagree with you who must hate America. You are obviously such an awesome person. Teach me more.

Anonymous said...

If Carswell and the rest of his type are really serious about setting this country on a path to a sustainable future, he would be talking about reforming our so-called two-party system. If anything the founding fathers did not have in mind it would be a situation where the vast majority of people know that their only choices for president would be a fool or a despot (your choice). Sadly this is not just an isolated situation but appears to be the trend in American politics even reaching to the state level. We can do better, so why don't we?

Anonymous said...

The GOP is the swamp with Trump and his Russian backers!

You won't even believe Barr or Bolton or Pence or Kelly. Oh no! You believe those Trump had to pardon. You don't believe his former "best friend" or what Manafort is now admitting.

You credit him with accomplishments that were entirely Mitch McConnells! He can't tell you and never has given you a PLAN to implement a single policy. He can't. He's not a genius. He's a "poor little rich boy" who has a tantrum every time he doesn't get his way and blames others for his mistakes!

Who pays billions for Truth Social when it loses $4 million a year and then watches the stock fall? A guy with Russian creds!

What is it about the Trump University scam you all missed?

What is it about being a draft dodger y'all missed? And, he loves the guys imprisoned for actually damaging our Capitol and hurting cops in the process and he HATES wounded vets.

He's said he be " Dictator" on day one and have ONE PARTY takeover of government.

What you will have is NOT a fiscally conservative government but a Liar, Con-Man in Chief and a guy who envies Putin and Jong Un and loves that those psychos because he is dumb enough to think they love him and will do what he says.

Qanon is so determine to spread crazy lies that it's hard not to believe that Q is sitting in Moscow or China as I type.

Now I understand how Hitler came to power and why he destroyed Germany. He was too damn crazy and dumb to run a country! And, the "good Germans" didn't see it until it was too damn late!

Anonymous said...

April 4, 2024 at 3:55 PM, let me guess, you don't like Project 2025. But, you have no problem with what we have now, which is 180 degrees from Project 2025? The pendulum is moving to the right. How far, I don't know, but it will not be stopped. Put your seat belt on, it's going to get rough.

Anonymous said...

" We can do better, so why don't we?"

Because we really have no say. It is only an illusion of choice, but your ego will not allow you to see that. You're not alone in this, the majority of citizens have the same problem.

Anonymous said...

April 4, 2024 at 5:01 PM, you prove your ignorance in history by saying the German people put Hitler in power. Would you like another try?

Kingfish said...

Media matters? Seriously? That psycho Brock? You funny.

Anonymous said...

"He's said he be " Dictator" on day one"

Are you talking about those in charge now? They have cemented the entrenched bureaucracy now, making it impossible to dismiss 2.2 million bureaucrats in Washington.

https://www.eenews.net/articles/biden-cements-civil-service-protections-from-trump-firing-spree/

Your party is setting it up for the dictator.

Anonymous said...

"He's at a minimum kept us out of those wars."

What about the war he is starting with Russia? If Ukraine joins NATO, Russia will make war with NATO. Putin has said he would use nuclear weapons. This Biden, not Trump.

Anonymous said...

4:13, feed into the media too much. I love this country but sometimes feel we are going the wrong direction with everything. So, I will disconnect from all this and hope you all the best. Time to try living for awhile, the weather is getting warm and it’s starting to be gorgeous days. I do hope everyone on here can find some common ground on these issues. It will keep going as long as you feed into it.

Anonymous said...

Trump is not a conservative and I am way better off than I was four years ago. My kids are in school, I'm at work with plenty of toilet paper and I'm not standing in line to go to the grocery store. My investments are on fire. And, Biden isn't saying he will be a dictator on day one. Biden isn't saying that anything he does he covered by immunity. Biden isn't denigrating our military heros. Low bar? Absolutely, but he is still way ahead of Trump. (And, if you think Joe is losing it listen to dear Trump. He struggles to put a cogent thought together as well.)

Anonymous said...

Donald Trump is alot of things, but conservative is not one of them.

I seriously cannot believe that the GOP didn't come up with a different candidate. Someone else could have *possibly* ousted Biden. Not Trump. Biden may not be the best ever, but he's neither a traitor nor a dictator wannabe...and that's what will matter more to most Americans.

Anonymous said...

I don't vote but what I read that is written negatively against Trump and what I have seen that he does and what he says are totally opposite. He is the guy that would buy the runaway girl a meal and help her and keep her safe along with kind words. Biden. is the guy who would abuse her and pass her along to his son and watch while he abuses her. You know what I mean by abuse. People tell lies about Trump and when he says stuff back they say what awful things he says. Liberals lie and I think they believe they are telling the truth.

Anonymous said...

" Biden isn't denigrating our military heros", is that why Biden had the vet arrested at the lies to the nation speech? You aren't very good at this gaslighting, are you?

The reason there's no line at the grocery store is because people don't have enough money to buy those sky-high groceries.

https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2024-03-17/grocery-prices-are-up-25-in-four-years-that-s-hurting-biden-s-economic-pitch

The ticking time bomb is debt, both government debt, and private.

https://www.gao.gov/americas-fiscal-future

https://www.cnbc.com/2024/02/06/credit-card-balances-jump-to-new-1point13-trillion-record-at-end-of-2023.html

The public is using credit cards to make ends meet.

With the economic war China, Russia, and the rest of the BRICS members are waging against the U.S. dollar, the future looks challenging to say the least. I suggest you invest in gold, and silver.

Anonymous said...

Trump is a true leader in our time, but the die was cast when the evil powers showed their true colors after losing, and also showed how far they are willing to go to either:

1) Corruptly interfere in the election again so he doesn't become president

2) Burn this nation to the ground to rule over the ashes (Sun Tzu)

Anonymous said...

Yeah, let’s have another “election.” That’ll fix everything. Go vote your way out of this train wreck of a “democracy.”

Anonymous said...

Donald Trump should be in jail, not the White House. There is a decent chance he will be a convicted felon by Election Day. I agree that Joe Biden is not a strong President, but he is not a criminal. While I am concerned about having Kamala Harris as VP, Biden will get my vote.

Anonymous said...

"There is a decent chance he will be a convicted felon by Election Day."

There isn't the slightest chance Trump will be a felon. Trump is one of the club. What you're seeing is a dog, and pony show.

Anonymous said...

Alright, which one of you Trump haters is this;

https://twitter.com/JackPosobiec/status/1775616965043741138?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1775616965043741138%7Ctwgr%5E83ff304f9cc8bfe9ce9be7f7ddc1cfd10649074b%7Ctwcon%5Es1_&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fnotthebee.com%2Farticle%2Ftrump-derangement-syndrome-is-back-and-this-guy-is-one-of-my-favorite-patients

Anonymous said...

We, the people, will not have any choice in who is president. It has been many years since our vote mattered. The choice of president is made by a very few people. The media has a lot of control and the media is owned by a certain group of people.

During the last presidential election we let fact checkers chose what was released to the public. Many lies were released to the public as the truth and many true things were deleted by fact checkers. Just look at who the fact checkers are.

In the next presidential election the people will again be spoon fed what the rulers want them to know. Election laws will be changed just before the voting starts. There will not be any investigations concerning the election.

Anonymous said...

If anything the rise of a Donald Trump as "leader" has proven the fear of our founding fathers who wondered if we could sustain a republic form of government. The man has proven that his only loyalty is to himself and all his subordinates must maintain absolute loyalty to him, not the country. The last "leader" who demanded personal loyalty above all else oversaw a world war that shattered the 20th century. I think Biden is a sorry excuse for a president but I think he will walk away if he loses. I'm not sure Trump and his minions will leave the country in one piece if he loses again.

Anonymous said...

Incredibly amazed at the stupidity of saying Biden is the better President. Better person -- hmmm, not really.
He's just more rehearsed. Man, oh man . . . . He couldn't even choose a VP -- probably should have been his easiest job . . . and you know it because she is kept in hiding at all times! Pathetic -- truly pathetic!! Thanks, but I'll vote for the better policies -- as we all should!

Anonymous said...

Biden may be boring but at least he doesn't use the Holy Bible for political/monetary gain but yet cheats on his wife with porn stars.

Anonymous said...

Rejecting decency and democracy in order to implement preferred public policy is a way to get neither.

Anonymous said...

Sure is a lot of Bagdad Bobs commenting up in here. Not sure if they are part of that 90% or the 4%, being discussed in that other thread.

I am going to put my money on it being a 4% contribution as to the excellent job the selected, geriatric dementia patient is doing. Then there is the whole aspect of anyone, least of all Biden, thinking he is president of anything.

On a humorous note, thank goodness the initial are interchangeable as to what 1600 Pennsylvania really is, Wh_ _ e House.

Anonymous said...

Old man Biden is on his last legs, both physically, and politically. To put it in pro wrestling terms, Trump is coming off the top rope with the people's elbow for the win.

https://twitter.com/Rasmussen_Poll/status/1776063531701465535

Anonymous said...

Drump is in trouble , the amount of descent against trump in miss we see speaking up against the lies and liars.
people are tired of his childish rants in parts of the country that will cost him the election.

Anonymous said...

April 6, 2024 at 6:47 AM, that post is hard to decipher, would you like to give it another go?



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In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.


Note: Security provided by INS.

Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS
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