Ruth Cummins authored the following press release for UMMC.
As office parties, family and social gatherings, and holiday trips ramp up, there’s often a reason not to be merry: awkward or potentially contentious situations can spoil the fun.
And, family squabbles or offensive words can do more than take away the joy. They can result in long-term harm between people who may or may not get along in the first place.
How can you avoid the fireworks, including if you don’t see it coming?
“What I tell people is that before you get into that setting, identify what role you want to play in the relationship with the person” who could potentially cause conflict, said Dr. Danny Burgess, associate professor in the Department of Psychiatry and Huma Behavior.
“It’s important to remember you don’t have to participate in every argument or disagreement you are invited into,” said Dr. Nick McAfee, an assistant professor in Psychiatry and Human Behavior.
“You may know ahead of time one of your family members likes to stir the pot, and you can set an intention to stay on the sideline or shift your attention elsewhere.”
McAfee is director of UMMC’s Student Counseling and Wellness Center. The holidays can bring stressful challenges for students returning home whose choices clash with that of family members.
“Mostly with my medical students, I talk with them about going home for the holidays and their parents might not like who they’re dating,” Burgess said
“That can be a huge complicating factor for those who are beginning to be more open and expressive, and their families aren’t as supportive.”
Whatever the disagreement, “if that person isn’t open and receptive to discussing an issue at hand in a respectful manner, you can’t change that person during a Christmas dinner,” Burgess aid. “You’ll need to decide what your role will be.”
Best efforts to avoid issues likely to cause conflict, be it politics or a nasty divorce or past hurts, can fail. In that case, “you need to decide how much you are willing to endure and tolerate with this person, and what your boundary will be after that,” Burgess said. “It’s really about coming prepared on how to handle a situation when you feel like you can’t tolerate it anymore.”
That includes an exit plan. “It might mean leaving earlier than you would and not storming out,” he said. “Have reasons in place for leaving early. Or, go outside the house. Go drive around. Shop or run errands. If you don’t come up with plans, you feel stuck and those emotions will keep building. If you don’t feel like you can escape, then you explode, and it turns into an argument or a fight.”
Another strategy: “I’d recommend focusing on commonalities when thinking about how to interact with family members,” McAfee said. “No matter how different you may perceive others to be, you likely have many things in common you can discuss. Sometimes, it takes an intentional focus to find the shared good rather than the perceived negatives.”
And, remember the potholes along the way, they advise.” Sometimes it’s easy to opt for another glass of wine to cope with social anxiety or the stress of being around family,” McAfee said. “Keep in mind that one too many may lead to unintended consequences – for example, saying something you wish you could take back, or ruining the next day with a hangover.
“It may be best to set a limit ahead of time, and have some water in between each of your alcoholic drinks.”
When it comes to personal attacks or other bad behavior, Burgess said, boundaries can be subjective. “What you might tolerate is way more than another person can handle,” he said. “You’ve got to figure out your boundaries in terms of what they say about me, my partner, religion or another sensitive issue. How much makes me feel disrespected?
“Some family members say a lot of things out of complete ignorance,” he said. “They might get a bigger boundary. Say it’s your great-grandmother. She doesn’t know anything else but this. There might be leeway with someone like her, but other family members can be intentional with their disrespect. Their boundary might be one and done.”
Know what rules you’re going to play by, and how much you’re willing to tolerate or endure. Have a plan in place rather than trying to figure it out in the moment.
“In those moments of conflict and tension, you’re emotional,” Burgess said. “Identify on the front end what the boundaries are for you.”
35 comments:
No thanks. Not taking any more orders from you scamdemic tyrants.
What a bunch of stupid advice. If one of my family members says something idiotic about politics or if they are dating someone I don't like I'm going to lay into them. This is 'Merica dagummit!
Fauci/CDC regurgitation.
Is this real? WTF?
I agree with 2:46. For starters, the author of this "advice" would have a hard time passing basic college English, and if this piece is the best that UMMC, a $1.8 billion dollar business the last time I checked, can put out, it is time to start asking the hard questions about whether it is now time to remove UMMC from the control of the University of Mississippi and the IHL.
If I want personal advice, I'll ask Ann Landers. Besides, some relatives should be smacked - & not only at Christmas gatherings.
Most importantly, they left out to go get your 6th booster prior to an indoor gathering.
Most of us morons that live in Mississippi will not take this advice or really any advice or wisdom. We live by our own set of rules. I got my freedumbs and 50th place baby.
The pu$$ification of America. This country is getting soft AF. A University Hospital spending time and resources to spew this BS is telling of it's leadership. Do they think that medical students can't think for themselves?
Is someone missing their 15 minutes of relevancy? What a crock!!!
Really? Somebody at the lowest ranked medical school in the country and associated with one of the worst universities in the world is going to tell me how to behave around my own flesh and blood?
What a bunch of psychobabel. It’s like they are talking to folks who have zero common sense.
1. Just call it UMC
2. Surely no exec at UMC signed off on this
3. If any of your holiday gatherings get out of hand, please go live
I also agree with 2:46. This is simple common sense. And we needed a press release for this?
Gee, Thanks for the pep talk. I’ll have to make sure to drink between drinks! FYI grandma can say whatever the *#&! She wants !
This is embarrassing on several levels.
How ridiculous. Our previous generations, who braved so much and sacrificed enormously, would be embarrassed to see what we have become.
This is not a call for the removal of the UMMC leadership, however after this embarrassment, maybe it is time to seriously consider who is running the show out there. 4:07 may have a good idea.
Are we taxpayers paying for this BS? Huh? Seriously - I'm tired of this crap. Mississippi needs cleaning up. So much waste with our tax dollars. We have problems .
I'd put this in comparison to going into someone/anyone's bathroom... holidays or otherwise. Look ahead and make sure there's paper BEFORE you...
Unsolicited advice. Worth exactly as much as the people who offer it.
I am thankful that my entire family is 100% based and redpilled.
"And remember the potholes along the way, they advise."
(The only practical advice in that entire goofy press release).
Are either of these two the holder of a Ph.D.? Because this sure looks like it’s Piled higher and Deeper.
This was written for the extra sensitive privileged liberals that exist in your family, unfortunately. They don’t interact well with normies and end up running outside and screaming “reeeeeeeeee” to the sky.
This will save a life....said no one ever.
It would not be surprising to learn McAfee has a problem handling people who disagree with him on a personal level.
Is this coming from the same university that throws trash on a player of an opposing team when he is hurt in their endzone, then spends NIL cash on pulling the same player away from said opposing team? The same university that embraces a player hiking his leg in the endzone? The same university that spent a lot of money on travel nurses but laid off their staff nurses? And they want to lecture about conflict avoidance and resolution? LOL, that's what they call "rich". We are not laughing with you, we are laughing AT you with this one!
As a former UMC faculty member, this is embarrassing.
Department of Psycho Human Behavior, huh? Bull**** -- who needs them to handle these kind of situations?
My table and house then the inappropriate guests get invited with appropriate vigor to cease and/or leave.
Their house and table then I grab a whopper meal on the way home.
Put that stick down you'll poke someone's eye out.
What a joke. Our tax dollars at work.
UMMC doctors are about to change compensation plans. Completely RVU based.
No more credit for teaching or research.
Lead by:
https://www.umc.edu/UMMC/About-Us/Leadership/Nelson-Weichold.html
Nelson lives in Colorado. How is the CFO of UMMC allowed to live in Colorado?
UMMC doctors are about to be squeezed big time. New compensation plan is going to crush them.
Poor doctors have dealt with COVID, no nurses, no BC/BS and the administration now wants to squeeze them more. I suspect a lot of doctors will be leaving
They fancy us as epsilons.
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