Monday, July 18, 2022

Explaining the Law to JPD

JPD took a break from stopping criminals to harass a private citizen recording a crime scene with his cellphone yesterday even though he has a right to do so.  

An unknown assailant shot up a white Hyundai at the intersection of Northside Drive and Hanging Moss, killing one person and wounding another.  The drive sped down Northside Drive, got on the entrance ramp to I-55S, and stopped before getting on the interstate.  There were at least five bullet holes in the car as well as bloodstains on the body.  

A citizen pulled over in the parking lot of a private business on the frontage road and quietly started recording the aftermath on his cellphone.  He was at least 50 feet away and no impediment to law enforcement.  

Enter Officer Whitney.  The JPD Detective walked up to the citizen and told him he was going to confiscate his cellphone.  Watch the video below. Can we say "Whit You?"


The cop told him to leave the private property or else he would confiscate the phone.  He said if the citizen is a crime scene - get this - because he might have shot footage from an angle the police did not have.  The citizen left under protest.  

 What the cop did is against the law but the Lumumba Junta ruling Jackson has shown time and time again it has no respect for the law, right? 

JJ covered this topic five years ago when the Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals ruled in the Turner case that citizens had a right under the First Amendment to record the police performing their duties.   

We conclude that First Amendment principles, controlling authority, and persuasive precedent demonstrate that a First Amendment right to record the police does exist, subject only to reasonable time, place, and manner restrictions.

The First Amendment protects freedom of speech and freedom of the press. But “the First Amendment goes beyond protection of the press and the self-expression of individuals to prohibit government from limiting the stock of information from which members of the public may draw.” News-gathering, for example, “is entitled to first amendment protection, for ‘without some protection for seeking out the news, freedom of the press could be eviscerated,’” even though this right is not absolute. The Supreme Court has also recognized a First Amendment right to “receive information and ideas,” means within the law....

The right of citizens to inquire, to hear, to speak, and to use information to reach consensus is a
precondition to enlightened self-government and a necessary means to protect it.” Filming the police contributes to the public’s ability to hold the police accountable, ensure that police officers are not abusing their power, and make informed decisions about police policy. Filming the police also frequently helps officers; for example, a citizen’s recording might corroborate a probable cause finding or might even exonerate an officer charged with wrongdoing....

We agree with every circuit that has ruled on this question: Each has concluded that the First Amendment protects the right to record the police....

As the First Circuit explained, “[t]he filming of government officials engaged in their duties in a public place, including police officers performing their responsibilities, fits comfortably within [basic First Amendment] principles.

Seven circuits ruled citizens have a right to record the police performing their duties: First, Third, Fifth, Seventh, Ninth, Tenth, and Eleventh.  None have ruled citizens did not have such a right.  

There is no excuse for JPD's actions yesterday.  Someone should explain the law to JPD. JPD has enough challenges without getting a case of the stupid as seen yesterday.  

Let's see, JPD hides crime stats, blackballs reporters, and harasses citizens who dare record the police.  Noticing a pattern? 

The Fifth Circuit opinion is posted below for JPD. 


74 comments:

Anonymous said...

I am the law!
-Judge Dredd

Anonymous said...

That big greasy ogre doesn’t give a shit about this blog. He is the law in Jackson. Who the fuck do you think you are? Why not confront him man-to-man, instead of passively-aggressively blogging like a woman?

Anonymous said...

Fat Melvin's body twin.

Anonymous said...

It the citizen had said fuck you to defective fat boy and just walked away, defective fat boy wouldn't be able to pursue him. What an embarassment X2 (fat and stupid).

I. Cube said...

Yo Dre, I got somethin' to say. . .

Anonymous said...

Pontificate the putrescence

imagine the smell

Anonymous said...

Whoever the guy is videoing…

Well done sir.

Very respectful and to the point armed with actual knowledge…and respect.

Thanks

Anonymous said...

How did he pass the pull-up physical?

mmorris1908 said...

At the end of the day, you are recording a crime scene during an investigation. ya'll forget that the shit can hurt the case in the long run. If sensitive information is released that they didn't officially release to the public, how can they correctly narrow down suspects or take hints? You'll want JPD to do the work and solve crimes but when you disrespect them or interrupt them when they are working when they do. but get mad and say they are not working. can't have it both ways.

Anonymous said...

These morbidly obese, Melvin-esque "protectors" of our safety sure don't leave me all warm and fuzzy.

Anonymous said...

Virtually all major city police depts. have gyms or access to gyms. Apparently, Jackson doesn’t.

Theca Jones of the Roguish Gent Podcast said...

Yes, I am fat. That's the joke.

Anonymous said...

9:52 You have no idea what you are talking about. Videoing a crime scene does not hurt an investigation. You are just making up stuff to defend the indefensible.

There was no unknown sensitive information to be gained by the video. The police officers were uneducated and untrained on the law. They had no right to do what they did.

Anonymous said...

That fat waste of a cop is only worried that the video would reveal he doesn't know or didn't follow procedures. He's more CYA than concerned about the incident.

Anonymous said...

@10:16 AM - Exactly. If that had been a local TV reporter nothing would have been said, because fat boy would know that he would have been all over the news.

To improve physical fitness in LE, the carrot vs. the stick works best. You offer a monetary incentive to meet annually tested standards. For example, if an officer passes the annual test, the officer receives a monthly increase of $100, $200, $300, or more.

Anonymous said...

I don't understand why the popo gave a rats ass about someone taking a phone video (vertically, no less), 100 feet away from the car. But, he could have taken off on foot and if followed, they'd suffer exhaustion and heat stroke before they got to the Waffle House.

Anonymous said...

Congrats. You have drawn attention to and ran off the last person willing to police jackson. Good job.

Anonymous said...

Did Clay Edwards delete his FB post about the cops mishandling his cameraman that was getting so much flak?

Anonymous said...

I guess I've never understood either side of this. Would any of these folks say to themselves, "WOW! A plumber changing a faucet! A mechanic under a hood! A computer programmer...programing! Where's my phone?! Where's my phone?!" OTOH, I don't get the police perspective in these situations, either. You are on the side of an interstate highway doing your job, there's no body(ies) to show respect, no suspects who are innocent until proven guilty*, etc., so why mess with weirdos who want to video without interfering. I guess if I had to come down on one side or the other, I'd say that if the police asked me to move along in such a situation, I'd just show them some respect and move along, so that is what I would expect other reasonable citizens to do.

If the primary goal of these amateur video-takers is to aggravate/taunt police who are doing their job in a reasonable fashion into doing something improper, then I think the video-taker should be considered just as wrong as a cop who entraps a citizen. If a citizen happens to see a cop being truly abusive, highly unprofessional, committing a crime, etc., then by all means they should get as much information as possible, including videoing, but to harass people trying to do a job is just wrong, be they cops or plumbers.

*While citizens may have the right to video such things, they are not "journalists" or "the media," and the term "citizen journalist" is just as nonsensical as "citizen neurosurgeon," "citizen Supreme Court Justice," or "citizen nuclear engineer." "Citizen reporter" might cover a select few, but "citizen witness" covers the vast majority. And before anyone goes there, from both a legal and industry standard, Kingfish is almost certainly legitimately called a (professional, as in engaged in it as an income-producing pursuit) reporter but probably not a journalist (I don't know enough about KF's education and professional background to offer a firm opinion).

Anonymous said...

10:44 speaks for many.

The pervasive attitude in Jxn: Just accept and tolerate mediocrity, rather than pointing out errors and inefficiencies. If this is the best JPD can get, then duh, we should just allow it.

Kind of like JPS. How dare we point out that they are failing the young people.

So sad that Dems use this mantra and impoverished areas allow it.

Anonymous said...

Spare us the journalism mumbo-jumbo @10:56. It is total crap.

Anonymous said...

"How did he pass the pull-up physical?" He obviously can't pass the push away from the table physical.

Anonymous said...

All this did was make me wonder what they didn't want us to see.

Anonymous said...

10:52 - The very first amendment to our constitution affirms the right of Freedom of Press. Everyone is press. We have inalienable rights to monitor our public servants. It’s simple.

Anonymous said...

What is the ancestry of the photographer? For the record, that might be important too!

Anonymous said...

Well known and tested in court. Unless there is obvious obstruction this is protected by the 1st Amendment. It could actually help the police in some cases by having another point of view. Approach people correctly they will actually send you the link.

Carl Bernstein said...

Journalist
Neurosurgeon
Supreme Court Justice
Nuclear Engineer

Which of the above require no formal training, no college degree, no formal licensing, professional testing, residency, etc prior to employment in the field noted?

Kingfish said...

Where did Cronkite get his journalism degree?

Clay Edwards said...

@10:52 I decided to push the content to my youtube channel, it's monetized there (capitalism yo)

Anonymous said...

Cronkite was a college drop out. Bernstein was kicked out of school for bad grades.

Somebody above said...

"What is the ancestry of the photographer? For the record, that might be important too!"

I didn't see the cops confiscate his bag of Zapruder's Cajun Crawtaters but I do see what looks to be a red cooler against the median barrier in the highway above the grassy knoll and no disputing the million-dollar sign truss on the grassy knoll.

Anonymous said...

Were it not for citizens recording police we would have never heard of George Floyd. How will Lumumba spin that?

Anonymous said...

Check Officer Whitney previous police agencies and history of complaints. This is nothing new. JPD knows about his behavior but yet promoted him to detective. This citizen had every right to record. Whitney should’ve been more worried about the victims and apprehending the suspect. If he’s a part of this so-called CAT team as they call it, then Jackson is more lost than ever. He’s lazy and don’t give a fuck about what you citizens think. Not slamming him, just speaking the facts.

Anonymous said...

Blame leadership. Not the untrained cop.

Anonymous said...

This would have not been seen if it was a Rankin or Madison police office oh but its Jackson. Just plan hate.

Anonymous said...

Cronkite was a Martha's Vineyard libtard who consistently pushed his agenda about the Vietnam War.

Anonymous said...

10:56 is fine with it as long as they can be the line producer deciding what should be shot. People should document the tragedy that is jackson. They should press for the facts. They should document the chimneyville Nero fiddling while the city burns. All the cop had to do was ask him to send the video to him.

Anonymous said...

The JPD investigator tells the cameraman that he has to move because he's on private property. In that case, the property owner is responsible for filing a complaint, not JPD. I'm on private property every time I go to Kroger's or McDonald's - that's no reason to threaten me with seizing my phone for chrissakes. The investigator changed his story several times after realizing he was wrong.

Anonymous said...

@11:21 AM There are no age, experience, or education requirements at all to be a supreme court justice.

Anonymous said...

10:26, If you take a horizontal video (like taking a photo correctly), the video isn't wider, it's sideways (at least on an iPhone). Try it.

I guess there may be some way to go back in and edit it afterwards to re-orient it, but I'd wager the majority of people don't know how. Me included.

Anonymous said...

Seems like the detective knew he was wrong to ask, he used semi-legit reasoning for the request. Personally I think the police should be allowed to tell anyone to beat it, but I also know the courts don’t agree, so I don’t really care. But the uniformed guy is either is very ignorant of the law or doesn’t care he is doing wrong. He seems to be the kind of guy that has been fired from several other departments for showing his ass and JPD is the last place that would give him another chance. That’s they guy that needs to go.

Anonymous said...

I have 3 observations.

The cop in the George Floyd incident probably would've gotten away with it if there were no videos of what happened. Cameras = accountability. This makes me wonder what the detective wants to hide.

2. Always assume you're on camera. Cameras EVERYWHERE, especially in Jackson. You're probably already being filmed even if you don't see a phone pointed at you. I have a camera that looks like a street light. No one ever even notices it.

3. Is this guy the last remaining detective in Jackson? Seems like I heard there is only one or two left. If so, we're in even worse shape than I thought...

4. We desperately, desperately need new leadership in Jackson. This mayor has COMPLETELY DESTROYED city services, including the police department, by making conditions intolerable for decent employees. Departments are profoundly understaffed, undertrained, under-resourced, under-supported, unfairly blamed, etc.

I'm not sure where we can find a decent candidate for mayor that would have a chance of winning, but we should be looking for that person right now. It may already be too late...

Anonymous said...

Turner vs. Driver is always being misquoted.

Anonymous said...

"Journalist
Neurosurgeon
Supreme Court Justice
Nuclear Engineer

Which of the above require no formal training, no college degree, no formal licensing, professional testing, residency, etc prior to employment in the field noted?"

In the US? Only the neurosurgeon requires a med degree, residency, exams/boards, licensing, etc. Being a SCOTUS justice doesn't require a JD or even a high school diploma or even being a lawyer/judge as a profession. In fact, of those four, being hired as a professional "journalist" by any major media outlet would be second on the list behind neurosurgeon as having the most formal requirements for employment. And no, I'm not a journalist nor defending them or the profession but I do know a few. Around the world, the requirements vary, but you there are places where there are no laws, or enforced laws, regulating such designations.

Reporters and journalists are two different things and while neither require any specific degree, they are professional standards for both, which is why "citizen journalist" makes no more sense than "citizen Justice" or "citizen plumber" (being a plumber would require some amount of training, etc. as well as exams and licensing in many states/jurisdictions).

mmorris1908 said...

Whenever JPD does something ya'll are never satisfied. if they enforce any rules it's a problem. Respect the investigation and they are working on the case. FYI when the media are at a crime scene, you don't see the crime scene in action they are always in front of another building the next day or another car.

Anonymous said...

The law was explained to him....in plain English. The fine officer stated that he didn't care about legalities! There's no need for any more explanation or discussion at that point.

Anonymous said...

I don't think a law enforcement officer of any level, being unfamiliar with the law or not smart enough to remember it if taught, is newsworthy.
It used to be worthy of a phone call to their superior before exaggerating mistakes became a political pursuit.
Barney is everywhere,because Barney wasn't a mental giant.

Kingfish said...

JJ is an absolutist on these things. Ridgeland, Madison, Pearl, or Brandon would get the same treatment. In fact,

Anonymous said...

July 18, 2022 at 1:31 PM

To become licensed, engineers must complete a four-year college degree, work under a Professional Engineer for at least four years, pass two intensive competency exams and earn a license from their state's licensure board. Then, to retain their licenses, PEs must continually maintain and improve their skills throughout their careers.

So, the Journalist can take at least one step further down.

Anonymous said...

"To become licensed, engineers must complete a four-year college degree, work under a Professional Engineer for at least four years, pass two intensive competency exams and earn a license from their state's licensure board. Then, to retain their licenses, PEs must continually maintain and improve their skills throughout their careers."

GOOD LORD! No wonder it is so hard to find janito...er, sanitation engineers, and when you can luck up, they want $50 an hour. What must the folks who plan, design, and specify things like Jackson's roads, sewers, water supply lines, and the plane Mayor McCheeWee is always taking somewhere have to do to get a job?

All kidding aside, I didn't say anything about licensed engineers, but it amusing to see yet another profession standing up for their own profession while dismissing others. It happens in all professions, medicine and law, along with PEs and certain PhDs, being among the snottiest about it.

Anonymous said...

In fact, of those four, being hired as a professional "journalist" by any major media outlet would be second on the list behind neurosurgeon as having the most formal requirements for employment.

Seriously? More rigorous to be hired as a journalist than a nuclear engineer?

Thanks for playing but your comment is complete garbage.

Anonymous said...

Now I can understand why Jackson cops do not chase criminals.

Anonymous said...

So a policeman can tell you you can’t do something that in fact you can…and then a second officer says you can be arrested for not following the directions of the first officer(who is wrong)? Sounds like the mayor vetoing a “no vote”. Did they learn from him?

Anonymous said...

Actually to answer the question of "Journalist, Neurosurgeon, Supreme Court Justice or Nuclear Engineer

Which of the above require no formal training, no college degree, no formal licensing, professional testing, residency, etc prior to employment in the field noted?"

The Constitution does not specify qualifications for Justices such as age, education, profession, or native-born citizenship. A Justice does not have to be a lawyer or a law school graduate, but all Justices have been trained in the law. Just like our vaunted Justice Court Judges.

Anonymous said...

"Seriously? More rigorous to be hired as a journalist than a nuclear engineer?"

OK, list the requirements to be hired as a "nuclear engineer." But first, cite the standard worldwide definition of "nuclear engineer."

For any other less-literate or illiterate folks out there, ask someone to read, "...having the most formal requirements for employment..." and then explain the difference between "formal" and "rigorous" to you.

Anonymous said...

So who in here is actually going to contact JPD, the detective, and the officer and inform them of the law, or is it just easier for everyone to argue in the comments?

Anonymous said...

Breaking news, a cop went on a power trip and thought their feelings carried the weight of law. This happens every minute of every day in this country. We need better training for officers and an ability to fire those who fall below the lowest of standards they are held to. I’m not sure there is a job in the country with less accountability.

Anonymous said...

Did anyone read the court opinion that KF posted? The 5th circuit upheld qualified immunity on the police officers, saying they did not violate the plantiff's 1st amendment right to record officers, and that the police officers only lost for an unlawful arrest.

Kingfish said...

I reported it in the earlier post. Big difference between recording police performing their duties and recording a police station for hours.

Happily Retired from the madness said...

This is what happens when you run senior Officers off that have experience to train and mentor young Officers and Detectives.
The city of Jackson are going to right a check for violating of basic rights.

Anonymous said...

"...but all Justices have been trained in the law..."

Well, that explains the number of SCOTUS justices who were graduated from law school at Ole Miss, the Harvard of the South...Harvard Total Landscaping, in South Philly.

Anonymous said...

Are there not even any physical requirements
for the detectives anymore ?

Regarding that little white boy street cop ...
(Barney Fife 4.0. is an understatement).

I will say that I truly believe the vast majority of JPD are great guys & girls.

Anonymous said...

Local news people show up to most of these crime scenes with camera and microphone and no one says anything to them. He should have been doing his job instead of worrying about a civilian recording a video. Oh yeah if you take his phone that is stealing, but if you are LEO its okay.

Anonymous said...

If the cops in Jackupedtown spent as much time fighting REAl criminals as they did with the white dude behind the camera, the city would be about 90% crime free.

Anonymous said...

These 1st amendment auditors are just in it for the clicks/views . They really have no purpose other than acting like Sovereign citizens. The only ones who support them are people who have been on the other side of the law plain and simple .

Anonymous said...

@7:26 - if a cop doesn't have knowledge of the 1st amendment and one of these guys catches that on camera, I think it's a worthy cause. How can a cop not know the very 1st amendment of the constitution? It's the first one, surely they've had to read it to become a cop.

Anonymous said...

11:21...
Journalis and Supreme Court Justice

Anonymous said...

Hey, hey, hey, to protect and to serve.

Protecting their own asses, serving their own interests.

Anonymous said...

Bradshaw, the white cop, is a dumbass.

Anonymous said...

A cop doesn't have to know what the law is. He's going to make that up as he goes along with an eye towards getting whatever end it is he wants. He's going to find a charge -- any charge -- later on after he's taken you to the hellhole jailhole just to make his point and ruin your day just for ruining his. "Failure to comply" is a popular option, a bullshit charge a cop uses to force a subject to move on down the road, clear the area, whatever the cop wants done no matter whether it's law or not. If he can't persuade you to obey the law he's promulgated to you, he's then only too happy to take you down teethfirst into the pavement.

Anonymous said...

Why was the citizen filming? Wasn’t it just a couple of cops walking around a car that had been shot up?

Anonymous said...

I wonder how these aspiring Cecil B. DeMilles would feel if another citizen filmed them filming cops who were basically doing their jobs, with no misconduct involved, and posted it along with their name, license plate, etc. all over online labeling they/them as a police-hating Antifa BLM commie leftist abortion-lover? I'm not saying it's always wrong to film the police or any other public employee, and especially not if they are doing something truly abusive, but to do it simply to provoke someone who wasn't doing anything wrong isn't a protected right.

Anonymous said...

@11:48 - is making up laws and abusing the 1st amendment not considered misconduct these days? I take pictures and video in public all the time. It’s pretty common for tourists to have cameras out. We are on a security camera nearly everywhere in public. That’s why it’s called public not private. This guy wasn’t anywhere close to the police so not sure how he “provoked” them? The police went out of their way to confront and provoke this guy with made up laws instead of doing their job and you still don’t see an issue.

I’m guessing you are older and not used to these camera phones yet, but you better learn to deal with it. If you are going to flip out because someone is taking a picture in public, then you aren’t going to be a happy camper and will eventually end up doing something really stupid.

Anonymous said...

Officer Bradshaw needs to go back to UMMC and stay rent-a-cop.


Recent Comments

Search Jackson Jambalaya

Subscribe to JJ's Youtube channel

Archives

Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).


Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.


Note: Security provided by INS.

Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS
.