Friday, December 3, 2021

Dan Berger: Sane Consumption

 Year-end parties usually are liquid-y, so even before we reach the height of the celebratory season, which includes Christmas and New Year's Eve, a bit of planning may avoid hangovers -- and could well be a life-saving tactic.

The suggestions that follow may sound like wet-blanket advice, but anyone who has ever suffered the worst after-effects of a night of boozing and regretted it knows what I'm talking about. A few precautions can do wonders.

And then the morning after, it's distinctly possible to escape searching for hangover cures, painkillers,and an old spouse's remedies like hair o' the canine. Most of which don't work and can have their own side effects.

Let's clear up one thing now: Mixing drinks is not a cause of intoxication. It is a result of over-consumption of alcohol, regardless of what kind it is. 

Since we're all different, the degree of intoxication is related to various factors including body size, the length of time the ingestion lasted (many hours versus a few minutes), the kind and strength of alcohol consumed and the sorts of foods consumed.

It's been shown in laboratory studies that blood alcohol levels are reduced in persons who consume carbohydrates over other similar drinkers. Ingesting carbs appears to slow the movement of alcohol into the bloodstream. 

Test subjects who ate carbs were compared with groups of fasting drinkers and those who ate protein-based meals. All test subjects received carefully measured doses of alcohol. The carb consumers had lower blood-alcohol levels than either of the other groups. 

(Impairment also was tested, and there appears to be little impairment difference between carb and protein eaters and those who fasted.)

This explains why a friend, decades ago, told me to eat a potato and white bread before going to parties where a lot of alcoholic drinks would be served. (Thus, a plate of pasta, or foods using flour help to create a buffering effect.)

Moreover, the body dislikes large amounts of alcohol being ingested in short periods of time, so guzzling contests are a formula for disaster. Slowly sipped lower-alcohol beverages, such as beer (6% to 10%) and wine (10% to $14%) are far easier for the body to deal with than, say, 40% alcohol whisky.

Avoiding alcohol completely is a certain way to avoid a hangover. And for some people, such as those on certain medications, even moderate alcohol consumption can be risky.

One good rule of thumb for alcoholic beverage consumers that's not only accurate but simple to include in most festivities is to consume one six-ounce glass of water for every glass of alcoholic beverage consumed. 

As for what constitutes the size of a "glass" of an alcoholic beverage, there's much debate. The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) lists a standard 12-ounce beer as one drink -- if that beer has 5% alcohol. 

However, most beers today have between 5.5% and 7.5% alcohol, and many craft beers, such as traditional IPAs, start at 7% and many range close to 10% alcohol. Specialty beers can go even higher.

As for wine, the NIAAA chart lists a standard glass as five ounces. However, many restaurants pour six-ounce glasses. And the agency's chart says a standard wine has 12% alcohol -- but that hasn't been true for more than 40 years! I estimate the average alcoholic content of most domestic white wines today is about 14%, and most reds are about 15%! 

(Alcohols in European wines are typically lower.)

Also, be cognizant of the kinds of wines or beers that are being served. Some excellent German rieslings weigh in at 7% or 8% alcohol. Compare that with many of today's heavier red wines at 15% to 17% alcohol.

In such cases, riesling is a better option. It's usually easy to sip and works well with the multitude of flavors find in various hors d'oeuvres.

Wine of the Week: 2020 Vinho Verde, Portugal (about $15 or less) -- This light, simple, refreshing white wine is imported by several producers. Some are $20 or more, but most Vinho Verdes sell for half that, and a few sell for less than $10. This light, delicate wine is a blend of local Portuguese grapes and it's appealing because it almost never has more than 10% alcohol. In the past I recommended a wine from importer Bartholomew Broadbent, with his last name on the label, but I couldn't find a bottle in time to suggested for this column. It's usually excellent and worth looking for.

To find out more about Dan Berger and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate webpage at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2021 CREATORS.COM 


2 comments:

Drink At Home Or Not At All said...

I reckon I never have understood why the Blog Owner, here, posts these "LETS GET DRUNK!" annual threads with his childish recipe.

We all know perfectly well how to get drunk and a majority of us has met that accomplishment more than a few times over the years. Why celebrate it?

If Kingfish covets the notion of sophomore fraternity membership, shit, he ought to hang at the Wild Wing Joint, write his name on the urinal wall and swing by a few of the Chokwe club Venues.

Anonymous said...

Broadbent Vinho Verde was the first of its kind in the state of Mississippi. Absolutely delicious!

RIP Norm


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Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).


Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.


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Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

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