Thursday, July 18, 2013

Stun gun used on homeowner

WLBT reported a creepy-ass cracka used a stun gun on a homeowner earlier this week while committing a burglary:


"Jackson police are searching for the man who used a stun gun on a resident during a home invasion Monday afternoon. Officer Colendula Green with the Jackson Police Department says the home invasion happened just before 1 p.m. on Hickory Ridge Road in northeast Jackson.

The home invader reportedly forced his way into the house when the homeowner answered the door. The robber then used a stun gun on the homeowner and tied the homeowner up with a belt, Green said. The home invader fled the house with money and credit cards.

The suspect is described as a white male, approximately 6' and 140 to 200 pounds. He was wearing a white shirt, blue jeans, and a gray and white baseball cap." Link to video

58 comments:

Anonymous said...

A lie. Only black people burglarize homes in NE Jackson. Libs will go to any extent to make you think otherwise.

Anonymous said...

Not funny. All of this crap is serious and getting worse, regardless of political affiliation. Don't open your door for no God Damned body!

Anonymous said...

Wow, this is a terrible thing. After harping on house alarms on the Eastover robbery topic, it makes me realize even that will not help in all situations. People, be safe and don't unlock your door unless you know who it is. Isn't it sad things have gotten to this point?

Anonymous said...

Saw in the news a guy was arrested outside the White House, saying he just wanted to fire a few shots. "What is Gipson doing up there," I wondered.

Anonymous said...

A white guy committed a crime? In Jackson? Wow.

Anonymous said...

Creepy ass cracker? So, they know he was gay too and have wanted to rape children!

Anonymous said...

I like to make fun of jackson as much as the next guy. But things have really gotten out of hand. Something has to be done. From what people around town have told me, and from what I've been seeing on Facebook and twitter, there have been many, many more home robberies and carjackings than the media and kingfish have been able to report on. Things have gotten bad. This is worse than the mid 90s. The thugs just have no fear of the law, or of citizens. I say cut the TV out of jails, and we bring back roadside chain gangs and teach em what hard work is about.

I almost feel bad for the remaining northeast jackson residents. They decided to ride the ship down. And now their houses aren't worth a shit, and they're stuck there. This is only the beginning too. Things will get worse.

Anonymous said...

As a black Conservative columnist said this week," 50% of the murders are committed by 3% of the population." That 3% is a 100% democrat. So the rest of the murders are mostly committed by whites and Hispanics. And of those 96% are democrat. So if we get rid of democrats we decrease murders by 96%. So my advise is to lock up all registered democrats. Less democrats mean less crime. Less attorneys. Less government assistance. Democrats don't like guns and gun laws in the hands of law abiding citizens. So lets make them happy. We won't need to carry guns if their are no democrats on the streets to rob and murder. It's amazing how simple the solution is. No Justice No Peace!!!

Anonymous said...

Yep. Lock up the opposing political party. If Hitler did it, then it must be a good idea!

Anonymous said...

Please support your assertion that things are as bad as 90s.

And also on your comment..."I almost feel bad for the remaining northeast jackson residents. They decided to ride the ship down. And now their houses aren't worth a shit, and they're stuck there. This is only the beginning too. Things will get worse."

I am so tired of the f'n sanctimony from Jackson haters. I live there. I like it. I can afford to live anywhere. Someone is building a house behind me and renovating 2 houses on my street. Quit with the doom and gloom.

Pugnacious said...

Can a suspect be charged with an "armed robbery," if done with a non-lethal stun gun?

Anonymous said...

@7:07-NOBODY...that's NOBODY who lives anywhere near the City of Jackson thinks Jackson is great place to live, including YOU. Unless you work for JFP, of course. So, somebody is building a house near you and two others are being renovated??? Whoopee! Compare that to the HUNDREDS being built in Madison & Rankin counties and you might get some idea of how irrelevant Jackson has become. There is no place to shop, especially if you want non-ethnic goods. There is no place to eat, especially if you don't want to endure the loud -and often profane -cackling that is inflicted on everybody within 100 yards. There is no public space where your kids would be safe from gangsta wantabees, again inflicting their gutter-talk on everyone within rock throwing distance. (Please notice that I have not yet mentioned robberies, shootings, or drugs.). Jackson - where I was born, raised, married, and raised my children has become a cesspool. I moved to the county 11 years ago. Looks like I'm going to have to go even further, thanks to the low-life that has taken over HCBOS.

Anonymous said...

10:26 & 7:44

Why comment? Why care? Why lie, exaggerate and use ignorant dishonesty in refernce to the houses being built.

I live in a 60 year old house in Jackson and have 7 new houses that have been built within eyeshot. 13 houses within 1/8 mile have been renovated recently. Only one of those houses is currently not occupied.

I'm on the neighborhood email list where the above took place and it's one of two or three incidents reported in the past few months, suspicious or otherwise. It's been mostly lost or found dogs.

Anonymous said...

Jackson is a sad place....and it is only getting worse. I have a prediction. Jackson will be another Detroit in the next 10 years.

Anonymous said...

I live in Jackson. I bought my house for $130K about ten years ago. A house just like mine on my street just sold for $165K. We have had one crime on my street in ten years. Everyone on my street is armed, cautious, and watchful of the other neighbor's homes and property. I dont mind my kids hearing the ghetto talk of some other kids, because I am raising my kids to ignore that and be above it. Our streets are fine and the rare times we have problems with the water system or street defects, they are repaired in a timely mannner.

The one negative about living in Jackson is that the public schools by and large are lacking. I send my school age kid to private school. I dont care how much sugar coating the groups like Parents for Public Schools put on it, the JPS school mostly arent good. This means I have to pay JPS ad valorum taxes and also Private school tuition.

Anonymous said...

7:07...couldn't leave this one alone. No place to shop? How about Highland Village and Fondren? It doesn't bother me that the Big Boxes and Retail Chains have moved to Madison and Flowood. I don't spend my time on the weekends shopping in malls. Most of the time I make purchases online so I can spend my time being active on the weekends. No place to eat? Walker's, Nick's, Char, Julep, Parlor Market, Bravo, Sal & Mookies, Amerigo, Babalu, to name a few. I know Madison County folk love Club Papitos, but I like to mix it up every now and then. I can't think of a restaurant in Rankin County besides Table 100 that I would take my wife, client, or family member to enjoy quality food. I will admit, Jackson has its problems, but I could live anywhere I want to, but I choose to live in Jackson. I love the character of my home in Fondren, and I love the diversity of my neighborhood. There are some great things going on in Jackson such as the new Apothecary bar in the back of Brent's, Arden Barnett putting show after show in Duling Hall, Whole Foods, Fondren Public opening in a few weeks, Gumbo Fest coming back in the Fall, the new Baptist Building "The Belhaven" with a new fine dining restaurant and other retail stores, (hopefully at long last) a Convention Center Hotel, the District at Eastover. This does not include the things I alreay love about MY city (St. Paddy's Day Parade, Bright Lights Belhaven Nights, Parham Bridges Tennis Center, Fondren After 5, Millsaps College, MS Museum of Art, the International Ballet Competition (I could go on). I did not vote for our new mayor, but I try to remain optimistic in the face of a lot of negativity. I love our capital city, and I will continue to try to focus on THE GOOD.

Anonymous said...

Ummmm, 9:51 where did you get any of that from 7:07?
Did I miss something here?

Anonymous said...

9:51
So, you promote the shops at HV & Fondren, but then state that you make most of your purchases online. How does that help the LOCAL businesses? You are right about most of the restaurants you listed, other than Amerigo which is in Ridgeland, and Nick's which hasn't been the same since he moved. The rest of your list reads like a JCVB brochure. Would love to know how much of that you actually participate in. Kind of like your shopping habits.

Anonymous said...

Many of us are in Denver for a soccer tournament. One of us got an email describing an incident between Banner Hall and St. Richard's. A Mercedes bumped a car. When the driver of the bumped car stopped to assess damage another car swooped in to pin the car between the second car and the Mercedes. Several men got out of both cars and robbed the driver.

No points awarded for guessing the race of the robbers. Has this been reported in the C-L? It happened yesterday or the day before.

Anonymous said...

I can't think of a restaurant in Rankin County besides Table 100 that I would take my wife, client, or family member to enjoy quality food.

Sway's Bistro
CW Fin's
Eslava's Grille
Ichiban
Table 100
Cerami's
Georgia Blue

You need to get out more.

Anonymous said...

@10:50, you are 100% correct. I, too could have gone to the phone book and listed the restaurants (still) located in Jackson. They are, almost exclusively, white tablecloth establishments where one can afford to dine only "occasionally". But. Where are you going to take a family of four on Thursday night? Or (especially) after church on Sunday? Same thing applies to Highland Village. If I want a high-end white dress blouse, or a "turquoise" necklace, I could probably find it at HV. For everyday, routine shopping for socks, underwear, & tennis shoes for the kids, I'll have to go to Dogwood. As for the home building/renovation "boom" that's going on in some small, obscure (and secret) part of town, I'll simply restate...3..or 13....or 30...or even 300 PALES in comparison to what's happening outside the city limits. An increase of $30,000 in value over the last ten years??? I call B.S. ONLY if you bought a foreclosure and pumped in $20-30,000 in upgrades did THAT happen. And, in closing...
any prent who doesn't mind having loud-mouthed punks subjecting his/her children to their gutter talk is not much of a parent.

Anonymous said...

@1:07, so Brent's, Keifer's, and the Cherokee Inn are white tablecloth establishments? News to me! By the way, I have never heard whatever loud mouthed punks that you guys are speaking of. I guess you just go to different places than I do.

And yes, more houses are going up in the suburbs than there are in Jackson. To be fair, there is also more land to put houses on in the suburbs. According to US Census estimates, the population decline that has plagued Jackson for three decades is finally reversing. People who live here are proud of that, and rightfully so.

I enjoy living here, and I assume that you enjoy living wherever it is that you live. I won't talk trash about your hometown, and it would be great if you would show the same courtesy to me. In doing so, you would set a great example for your kids, since apparently we are in the practice of giving out parenting advice on jacksonjambalaya.

Anonymous said...

@12:49

Nothing says fine dining like Pizza AND Sushi, at the SAME place.

How can any Jackson restaurant be expected to compete when restaurants in the suburbs have such global options?

Ambrose said...

I live in Jackson. Does anyone else suspect that a lot of the anonymous anti-Jackson comments are being posted by smirking Madison and Rankin County real estate agents?

Anonymous said...

Amerigo is not in Jackson. But most of the Krystals are.

Anonymous said...

Screw all of you...we're getting a fancy grocery store!

Pizza and sushi...ha! I scoff at thee and thy pathetic dining establishments. Now Pizza and Ice Cream at the same place...THAT'S fine dining!

My gourmand friends and I laugh amongst ourselves at your dining establishments. We wouldn't dare soil our Gucci tennis shoes by setting foot in a Rankin County eatery! We're so much better than you!

Chauncey, pass the Creme Brulee and pour me a Hennessey and Coke.

Anonymous said...

why does everyone in Madison have to pick on NE Jxn? I assume they are jealous that they have to live in pastures without trees, in fake stucco houses that all look alike. Regardless, get over it.

Anonymous said...

@4:24- Be assured, I am 100% qualified to speak about the city of Jackson. I was a resident of Jackson for 48 years before moving into the county ten years ago. The city of Jackson today bears no resemblance to the city where I grew up. None. And I can guarantee you this: If someone tries to tell you Jackson is a great place to live, he is either lying or too stupid to know better.

Anonymous said...

Cherokee Inn....now there's a great place to take the kids. The only way in or out is right through the middle of a bar. Brents drug store....perfectly suited for family dining. Riiiight. Keiffer's is ok. So that's one. Quite an impressive list for the capital city, isn't it?

Anonymous said...

The city of Jackson is a great place to live. Troll at 11:20 is not the only person 100 percent qualified to talk about Jackson. Get over yourself.

Anonymous said...

11:25, I didn't list every single restaurant you idiot.

Anonymous said...

@11:20 The Cherokee is a great place to take kids for lunch or an early supper. The food is good, inexpensive and it's a Jackson classic that everybody growing up here should know about. Thanks for the idea. I was wondering what I might do with my sons for lunch today. Pinball, cheeseburgers and a beer (for me) it is! Great thinking!

Anonymous said...

I'm just trying to figure out how in the world Brent's is less family friendly than Keifer's. Maybe 11:25 can help me out with that.

The Cost of Arugula said...

Wow, how in the world did a post about a NE Jxn robbery turn into a pissing contest about restaurants?

There are plenty of fine places to eat both inside and outside the city limits. Rankin County may be a bit behind because of the alcohol sales changes, but there are still some nice restaurants.

Sal & Mookie's is a neat place, but it's not fine dining. Neither is Babalu or Eslava's Grille. Still they're quite good, all of them.

10:21, I don't think the guy was saying that Brent's isn't family friendly, but that it's not well suited for family dining. Putt-Putt golf courses are family friendly, but no one goes there to feed a family of five.

But I have to hand it to the Jackson crowd, you found yet another way to work Whole Foods into the conversation. I just don't see what the big deal is. It's just a chain grocery store, albeit a bit more upscale than Kroger. Do any of you shop at Fresh Market? It's not that different.

Anonymous said...

12:26 I think most of the people bragging about Whole Foods are actually being sarcastic at the expense of the Pollyanna crowd.

Anonymous said...

12:26 it is a big deal and you know it. Home values increase an average of 16% within 5 miles of a WF opening. Their figures, not mine. They picked Jackson. We didn't pick them.

Anonymous said...

Whole Foods didn't help Detroit. "Figures" are averages. There is no guarantee it will happen here. Unlikely it will. All the blue sky projections and rosy "figures" about downtown Jackson didn't pan out for shit.

Anonymous said...

@10:21 - I never said Brent's was not "family friendly". It simply does not meet the definition of a "family restaurant" where one would go on a Friday night. Nothing at all wrong with going to Brent's for a hamburger and milk shake for lunch.

And, 11:35, I never pretended to be the sole authority on life in Jackson. But "somebody" suggested that the people criticizing the city of Jackson were nothing more than outsiders with no real interest in the city. My comment was to ensure THAT person that we do, indeed, have the right to criticize. But, since you've suggested that Jackson really is a great place to live, why don't you tell us what MAKES Jackson suc a great place? Is it to night life? The cultural activities? The low crime rate? Low taxes? Good quality public schools? What?

My house on Mayes Skreet REAL valuable now! said...

Home values increase an average of 16% within 5 miles of a WF opening.

Oh, come on! You have to be kidding. Are you seriously under the impression that home values are going to rise because of a grocery store? A 5 mile radius includes Hanging Moss, Hawkins Field and Eminence Row, among other showplace Jackson neighborhoods and I can guarantee you that there will be no effect on home values because of a grocery store in Highland Village.

Statistics like that are complete garbage. Crime, schools, and insane mayors who want to turn the town into an African separatist city-state have far more impact on property values than a fancy supermarket five miles away.

Anonymous said...

Sorry. I love my home in Jackson. Love it. Love the city. Confuses me why there are those here, that don't live here, that spend their days beating up on a city I love and they left. Makes no sense other than some remorse validation or something.

Anonymous said...

7:06

Actually, most of our Krystal locations in the metro area are outside the city limits of Jackson. We have only 3 locations with a Jackson address.

Anonymous said...

7:54 you are right. These are averages. Historically, values have risen from a low of 3% in the 5 mile radius, to a high of 30%. Sorry, their numbers not mine. The average, according to WF numbers, are 17%.

Why are you pessimistic about this good news? Why do you diss those who actually love and work for the betterment of our capital city?

Are you jealous or hoping we fail so your daily commute will seem validated?

Sorry Charlie, I love it here. What do you contribute to the world other that crapping on the Internet trashing Jackson?

Anonymous said...

I don't think 7:54 understands business. Home values do not increase due to whole foods. Whole foods does market research and attempts to move into areas poised for growth. Not just for their grocery stores but for all of their surrounding commercial property interests. Therefore, the relationship is not causal.

And, 6:24, whole foods opened one store in Detroit less than a year ago. If one really needs to explain why your comment is nonsense, then that person doesn't need to be in the conversation

Anonymous said...

6:24 displays the wisdom of Solomon compared to some who post here.

According to the flawed logic displayed by 10:08, the geniuses at Whole Foods only invest in neighborhoods poised for impressive economic growth in the immediate future. These same geniuses apparently Detroit fit their criteria for immediate, impressive growth a year ago, when everyone with two neurons could make a synapse realized that the bankruptcy that occurred this week was inevitable. They invested anyway.

As far as 10:03 (who seems to be the same obsessive who believes the company's claims and posts over and over), 3% growth occurs in areas without a Whole Foods opening as well. Your failure to appreciate the importance of what is known as a "control group" is telling. Many places have undergone 30% appreciation without a Whole Foods as well. If you believe it, fine - invest your own money; I'm not your mother.

Anonymous said...

Sorry guys around the world, including Detroit, home values increase an average of 17% I areas within 5 miles of the location. Facts are stubborn things, no matter how much you hate Jackson.

And 10:08 agrees with 12:28 who agrees with 6:24 because it is the same person talking to himself in his relentless effort to continually trash Jackson. LMFAO.

Anonymous said...

I'm 7:54 and I understand business. I can also read a blog post and 3:31 says that Whole Foods coming to town is a big deal because property values increased an average of 16% within 5 miles of a WF opening. SO I call him on his BS logic and then he backpedals, saying it's not that WF causes the growth, but that they pick places where they see such growth.

Is everyone still with me on this? Whole Foods looked at NE Jackson and said, "Hey, this is where the growth is in the Metro area. The five mile radius of this location will see a 16% increase, so here's where we're building."

I know it's idiotic, but that's what certain people here are stating. Did the Whole Foods braintrust not drive less than a mile to the Chastain area? Did they not scoot down Meadowbrook where there are several $900,000 houses that have been sitting vacant for 5 years (before you ask, 1540 Meadowbrook)? Where's all this growth? (and don't invoke the blind school, because that wasn't more than a notion when this deal was inked.)

Screw McDade's...I need Arugula!!!!! said...

Have any of you Hole Foods people stopped to think what their presence is going to do to McDade's in Maywood Mart? For people who claim to be all about community, you sure don't have any problem with Hole Foods sticking it to the little guy!

Anonymous said...

"Sorry guys around the world, including Detroit, home values increase an average of 17% I areas within 5 miles of the location. Facts are stubborn things, no matter how much you hate Jackson."

Do your research. this statement is exactly what it is. don't like it? take it up with WF.

Sorry guys around the world, including Detroit, home values increase an average of 17% I areas within 5 miles of the location. Facts are stubborn things, no matter how much you hate Jackson.

Anonymous said...

Gotta luv the ignorance of the dumbass comments about Detroit. Hey, a single grocery store's success in a city with the population of about 700k in a metro area pushing nearly 5M, is not, in any way, tied to the financial stability of the local government.

It just makes you look stupid trying to draw some sort of relationship.

Anonymous said...

3:36

Maybe you should have your daddy explain it to you. They provided a statistcal example of their social success and the success of their potential growth by choosing wisely. They provide this data for investors. It is data based on historic average. Perhaps one store doesn't have but 2 mile while another has 8. See how that works?

Anonymous said...

3:38

That's business and that's competition.

Kroger is right down the street.

Anonymous said...

They look stupid every time they CRITICIZE those of us who enjoy living in Jackson. Why in Gods name would they care about how WE feel about our homes? What is their motive if not jealousy of us?

Anonymous said...



Within what time frame?

Anonymous said...

Green works well on you.

Anonymous said...

This Whole Foods argument is so stupid. And what about McDade's, your local grocer? I drive in from Ridgeland to shop at McDade's sometimes, because I loved using that grocery when I lived in Jackson, and I want to support a local business. (I also shop at Mac's on Hwy 51.) Is anybody concerned with what will happen to McDade's? Screw Whole Foods, they are mostly about marketing gimmicks anyway, and it seems all of you are falling for it.

That liberal politesse is SO INFECTIOUS said...

6:13...my father died of dementia this last year. Thanks for the snark, a$$hole. I hope you choke on your arugula.

Read the posts. The guy first says it's a big deal because property values go up, then he says no, Whole Foods builds in places where the property values are already on the rise. It's one or the other, not both.

What's next, jerk? Gonna insult my mother?

Anonymous said...

July 20th:3:31 PM

Since you are privy to the WF numbers would you please share within what time frame were the average gains realized?

Anonymous said...

Thank you 9:23. 2 to 3 years after opening.



Recent Comments

Search Jackson Jambalaya

Subscribe to JJ's Youtube channel

Archives

Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).


Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.


Note: Security provided by INS.

Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS
.