Sunday, April 12, 2009

Dear POTUS, here is how a REAL leader dealt with pirates

POTUS should take lessons from Julius Caesar on how to deal with pirates:
"After a short stay there with Nicomedes, the king, in his passage back he was taken near the island Pharmacusa by some of the pirates, who, at that time, with large fleets of ships and innumerable smaller vessels infested the seas everywhere.
When these men at first demanded of him twenty talents for his ransom, he laughed at them for not understanding the value of their prisoner, and voluntarily engaged to give them fifty. He presently dispatched those about him to several places to raise the money, till at last he was left among a set of the most bloodthirsty people in the world, the Cilicians, only with one friend and two attendants. Yet he made so little of them, that when he had a mind to sleep, he would send to them, and order them to make no noise. For thirty-eight days, with all the freedom in the world, he amused himself with joining in their exercises and games, as if they had not been his keepers, but his guards. He wrote verses and speeches, and made them his auditors, and those who did not admire them, he called to their faces illiterate and barbarous, and would often, in raillery, threaten to hang them. They were greatly taken with this, and attributed his free talking to a kind of simplicity and boyish playfulness. As soon as his ransom was come from Miletus, he paid it, and was discharged, and proceeded at once to man some ships at the port of Miletus, and went in pursuit of the pirates, whom he surprised with their ships still stationed at the island, and took most of them. Their money he made his prize, and the men he secured in prison at Pergamus, and made application to Junius, who was then governor of Asia, to whose office it belonged, as praetor, to determine their punishment. Junius, having his eye upon the money, for the sum was considerable, said he would think at his leisure what to do with the prisoners, upon which Caesar took his leave of him, and went off to Pergamus, where he ordered the pirates to be brought forth and crucified; the punishment he had often threatened them with whilst he was in their hands, and they little dreamed he was in earnest. " (From Plutarch's Lives)

Perhaps the pussy-in-chief should take some lessons from Caesar instead of finding this "annoying" as Reuters reported. Several crosses with pirates hanging from them on the Somali coast will get their attention more quickly than will a nuanced discussion about habeas corpus or other fancy Latin lingo.

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

Yes, of course that is the solution. Adopt a barbarous punishment from over 2000 years ago. Makes perfect sense. Idiot.

Kingfish said...

You are dealing with barbarians.

And I daresay the Romans at that time were very familiar with principles of law, due process, and other such legal concepts.

Stephen said...

Maybe he should just invite them to tea at the WH instead?

WTF is wrong with you anonymous.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I guess that would look really good on al-Qaeda propaganda... Photos of U.S.-sponsored crucifixions. Osama bin Laden never knew what friends he had.

Anonymous said...

The absolute foolish moron who made reference to "...Adopt a barbarous punishment" is a perfect example of what's wrong with too many gutless Americans. These vile creatures we're dealing with are barbarians and it is a waste of time and precious human blood to do anything but meet them on their own terms and annihilate them! To use a cliche or two "when in Rome" or "fight fire with fire". Only someone with an IQ smaller than their shoe size would make such an asinine statement. But then that's what we expect from those on the left these days... stupidity, negligence, and gargantuan ignorance.

Anonymous said...

Yeah they were familiar with due proces and the law, but didn't they assasinate him? How many years was it before Rome's empire collapsed? When the rule of law turns into the rule of anarchy and barbarism doesn't destruction of the underlying democracy become a faded jewel pretty quickly. Or so my history books read.

Not the same Anonymous because name-calling doesn't advance the argument.

Anonymous said...

Why not make a rule of law that says pirateasses get executed?

Publically.

Painfully.

And their near kin too.

Being 'so much more gentle and civilized' then them will just get you dead. When you become Eloi, the Morlochs will kill you and yours every time.

Anonymous said...

'then them' = 'than them'

So much for checking my work before publishing.

Anonymous said...

These "pirates," as well as other large populations around the world, do not respond to the rule of law or civil punishment. In terms of power, they understand one thing and one thing only which is overwhelming force. In their world, Machiavelli had it right. It is better to be feared than loved.

Anonymous said...

3 shots, three kills. Can't get better than that!

stilettoGOP said...

I love me a Navy SEAL..
Way to go boys.

Jim Craig said...

So, is the President still the "pussy-in-chief," Kingfish? Or are three sniper shots not good enough for you? I have an extra Obama bumper sticker you can have.

stilettoGOP said...

Obama didn't pull no trigger. The boys did. Obama knew if he didn't FINALLY intervene we would have nailed him to the cross. Gimme your sticker. I got somethin I can do with it.

Jim Craig said...

Oh, I see. Kingfish posted that he wanted the President to execute the pirates. The President gave an order to shoot them and rescue the hostage, and that's what happened. So if nothing is done, he gets the blame, but if something is done, he gets no credit.

You might want to revisit the assumption that Obama is a pacifist, just because he is willing to try diplomacy. This incident shows the two are not mutually exclusive.

Jim Craig said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jim Craig said...

And I daresay the Romans at that time were very familiar with principles of law, due process, and other such legal concepts.Sure they were. The Romans LOVED due process and fair trials. Ask Cicero. Better yet, ask Jesus.

stilettoGOP said...

Aight. And just because obama made the call doesn't mean he's not still head pussy. Tell ya what, when your president actually serves in the military, I will personally wear his bumper sticker across my chest.

disclaimer: 'our' military

Kingfish said...

First of all, I think you know by now when I'm having some fun.

Second, props go to Obama. This wasn't the big deal to me it was to conservatives or others. Main thing I took away from it was Obama is smart enough not to micromanage something like this and screw it up. I wasn't bothered that much by taking so many days as it is a hostage situation. One thing the feds learned from Waco and Ruby Ridge was to take their time in such cases, which usually works out to their advantage as it did this time. Obama is smarter than Carter and I don't think would micromanage a military operation as Carter did the rescue attempt (or have an idiot like Christopher ask Beckwith if they could just shoot them in the leg). So yeah, I give him some credit here.

Do I think he is a pussy when it comes to this stuff? Yes. N Korea launches missile without any penalty. In fact, the next day Obama says he will cut back on missile defense. He is not going to stand up to Iran. He wants to close Gitmo, fine, but then he wants to bring them here? Um no.

Here is what will bea huge test to me: When Israel attacks Iran. If Obama refuses to allow Isreal to replenish their supplies and ammo, that right there will do it for me. There are a few times in an administration where it defines itself and that will be a crucial test because its clear Obama is not going to stop Iran from getting a nuke. If he tries to stop Israel that will say enough about his intentions and character.

So the kid did well on his quiz, but no exam or tests yet.

Kingfish said...

And crucifiction is still a good idea for them.

stilettoGOP said...

Obama mixed with N Korea scares the crap out of me. If he proves me wrong that would be just fine with me.

Anonymous said...

Wait, we're supposed to give POTUS accolades for doing his job?

What next, participation trophies for the NFL?



Recent Comments

Search Jackson Jambalaya

Subscribe to JJ's Youtube channel

Archives

Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).


Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.


Note: Security provided by INS.

Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS
.