Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Kelly Williams: Elections have consequences

More jobs.  “We will eliminate the highly invasive ‘Waters of the US’ rule, and scrap the $5 trillion dollar Obama-Clinton Climate Action Plan and the Clean Power Plan and prevent these unilateral plans from increasing monthly electric bills by double-digits without any measurable effect on Earth’s climate.  Energy is the lifeblood of modern society. It is the industry that fuels all other industries.  We will lift the restrictions on American energy, and allow this wealth to pour into our communities. It’s all upside: more jobs, more revenues, more wealth, higher wages, and lower energy prices.”  Source: President-Elect Trump’s greatagain.gov website.

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Jackson crime falls

The Jackson crime stats for the week ending October 16 are posted below.  The number of crimes has fallen since a year ago.  Property crimes fell 18% while violent crimes dropped 14%.  The overall number of crimes decreased 18%.  The number of crimes went down in every category but one - and that happens to be the most visible category- homicide.  Read the numbers for each category and weep:

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Judge Weill drops the hammer on Frankie Williams

Northeast Jackson hoodlum Frank Williams won't be breaking into any more houses for awhile. A  Hinds County  jury convicted him of four counts of house burglary.  However, Circuit Judge Jeff Weill sentenced him to 17 years and 6 months in prison and decreed that half of the sentences were consecutive to the other half.  Thus Frankie received a prison sentence of 35 years. 

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Rick Cleveland: Remembering Boo Ferris

The late, immeasurably great Boo Ferriss could have become a Major League manager had he chosen that path. With his people skills and his baseball acumen, he surely would have been a splendid one.

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Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Election results

 Update: Incumbent Court of Appeals Judge Jack Wilson is beating Judge Ed Hannan 60% - 40% with 90% of the precincts counted.

Here are the results for the Hinds County Election Commissioner races.  There are two boxes that are still out in two of the races.

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Students want to make Ole Miss a sanctuary (Updated)

It appears the students at Ole Miss are attempting to make the university a "sanctuary city" for illegal aliens.  Read the proposed resolution for yourself.

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Mississippi ranks last in protecting patients from sexual abuse from doctors

The Mississippi Board of Medical Licensure want to make it a criminal offense for a doctor to have sex with a patient.  The Atlanta Constitution-Journal recently ranked Mississippi dead last in protecting patients from sexual abuse by doctors.  However, the new executive director of the Board apparently is taking the bull by the horns and working to get off of the bottom and better protect patients as well.  The Mississippi Business Journal reported:

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Olbermann has still lost it

Keith Olbermann shows once again why he gets kicked out of every network as he encourages Republicans to engage in a bit of anarchy and take the country to the edge of civil war.



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#62

JPD issued the following press release:

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Monday, November 28, 2016

Wow.

Sometimes we forget how blessed we are to live in a world filled with medical wonders.  The video posted below aims to remind you of that little fact.  Watch people who are able to see colors for the first time when they wear the enchroma glasses.  The video shows how much we take for granted. 

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Woman escapes robbery attempt

Rankin County Sheriff Bryan Bailey issued the following statement and mug shot:

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The _____ still SLRP

SLRP.  The retirement fund that is appropriately named by its acronym.  Supplemental Legislative Retirement Fund.  It's a declaration by the legislature that states our elected solons are indeed better than the rest of us.  The legislature created SLRP to give themselves extra retirement pay not available to other state employees.  Call it time and a half pay for doing half of the work- if that much. The program currently holds $16.4 million in assets.

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Two deaths in Thanksgiving enforcement period

The Mississippi Highway Patrol issued the following report on the Thanksgiving holiday enforcement period:

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#61

JPD issued the following statement:

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Sunday, November 27, 2016

Send Judge Ed Hannan to the Court of Appeals



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Baltimore prosecutor: "It's shameful to take pride" in convictions.

The embarrassment that is the tenure of Marilyn Mosby, the State Attorney in Baltimore.  The grandstanding attorney who appeared onstage at a Prince concert shortly after she railroaded six cops in the Freddie Gray case apparently has  a much lower conviction rate than her predecessor- and brags about it.   However, what she lacks in competence she makes up for in making excuses.  The Wall Street Journal reported last week:

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It's Sunday morning.

JJ presents this sermon by the late Dr. Frank Pollard for those of you who can't make it to church this morning. 

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Saturday, November 26, 2016

Rot in hell, Fidel

Yup. The bastard is finally dead.  May he rot in hell for a very long time .

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Bill Crawford: the poor pay taxes too.

Speaker of the House Philip Gunn and Lt. Gov. Tate Reeves have decided to shift Mississippi’s tax burden – less on income and businesses, more on users.

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Friday, November 25, 2016

A Christmas classic

It is now the start of the Christmas season.  What better way to kick it off then watching this venerated Christmas TV classic.

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Participate in the Egg Bowl Tuition Toss

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PSA: $50 CCW class this weekend

Certified NRA instructor Jamie Patrick will teach a concealed weapon's permit class this weekend.  The cost is only $50.  Completion of the class will allow you to apply for the enhanced carry permit.  This information for the class is posted below.

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Found!

Can you stand some good news? The dog that was stolen in the parking lot of Maywood Mart has been found and returned to its owner.  The owner posted this message on Facebook:

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Woman shoots at Madison police officers

Someone apparently got a case of the stupid.  The Madison Police Department issued the following statement:

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Thursday, November 24, 2016

Honoring Dak & the Dallas Cowboys

JJ posts this classic movie in honor of Dak Prescott:

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Bedwetter alert

Sigh.  What is it going to take to wake up this generation? Another World War or Depression?  One group of bed-wetters got upset over the actual flying of the American flag at their university.  The Daily Caller reports:

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Happy Thanksgiving


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Yet another stupid crook story.

If you don't succeed, try, try again.  It appears some local thugs took to heart this old proverb as they robbed a Raymond Road location of Metro PCS after a gun-firing manager ran them out of the McDowell Metro PCS store earlier this week.  However, JPD nabbed the two bandits yesterday.  JPD issued the following bulletins and video on Twitter last night.  Classify this post under "Dumb Crook Stories".

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Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Stolen Dog Alert

This dog was stolen from a truck at Maywood Mart (Jackson) while the owners went inside briefly to shop. The thieves also stole a purse & IPad. Any help is appreciated. Please call 601-573-5676 She is a tiny female poodle, less than 5lbs.

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Check out the sales

Black Friday is upon us.  There is actually a useful website for that annual day of horrors.  This web page actually collected and posted all of the TV sales found in Black Friday ads.  

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Is Medicare Hospital Insurance going broke?

The little-noticed 2016 actuarial report for Medicare states that the Hospital Insurance Fund (Part A) will go broke in only twelve years.  The other Medicare programs are solvent and face no similar doomsday scenarios on the horizon.  However, The HI Fund has seen its funding level drop more than half since 2007 as its reserves are used to pay more and more health care costs. 

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Rick Cleveland: Who will win the Conerly Trophy?

You can make a strong case that the two hottest teams in the National Football League are the Dallas Cowboys and the New York Giants. Both keep winning. Both boast excellent play at the all-important quarterback position.

And, for our purposes today, both are quarterbacked by the only two-time winners of the C Spire Conerly Trophy which goes annually to the most outstanding college football player in Mississippi.

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Tuesday, November 22, 2016

#59

JPD issued the following press release and pictures:

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Too funny

Here is another look at those would-be robbers at the Metro PCS on McDowell Road yesterday. Enjoy.

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$118,906, $235,000, $388,906

The Mississippi Legislature appropriated $388,906 for the settlement of Mississippi Highway Patrol lawsuits earlier this year.  The bill included $235,000 paid to victims of former trooper Christopher Hughes and $118,906 to Training Director Gayle McMullin for racial discrimination.  DPS settled two more lawsuits since the bill became law.  SB #2924 states:

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Send Judge Ed Hannan to the Court of Appeals



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JJ presents THE Edbuild contract

Here is the Edbuild contract.  It finally appeared on DFA's website.  Read it to your heart's content.

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A crying shame.

File this post under the Lead Laxative Report.  JPD issued the following statement on Twitter:

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Monday, November 21, 2016

WWII hero fights the last battle

Things aren't going too well for prosecutors who are determined to have the Great White White that is former AIG CEO Hank Greenberg.  They are pretty desperate as they recently tried to use his World War II service against him.  The Wall Street Journal reported in an October 13 editorial:

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And.... the Lieutenant Governor & Speaker fire back at Hood

Lieutenant Governor Tate Reeves and Speaker of the House Phillip Gunn issued the following joint statement about the Edbuild contract:

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Mississippi voter turnout was 64%

Mississippi Secretary of State Dilbert Hosemann issued the following statement: 

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Hood: Edbuild Contract is a public record

Attorney General Jim Hood took advantage of the beating the legislature is taking in the media over its recent decision to seal all contracts.  The Attorney General issued this statement:

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Guess who's coming to dinner?

Vice-President-Elect Mike Pence will be coming to Mississippi for Thanksgiving.  Governor Pence's son is a Marine pilot training at one of our bases.  Let us hope he can survive the Navy mess.


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Harbor Drive is reopened.

The Pearl River Valley Water Supply District said all lanes on Harbor Drive are reopened after the repair of a 30" water line. 

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November meeting of Sales Tax Commission

Here are the video and documents provided at the November 2 meeting of the 1% Sales Tax Commission. The fun starts at 9:00 in the first video when Commissioner Pete Perry questions the accuracy of some of the information provided.  Overall, the meeting ran much better than the October meeting when IMS engineers failed to provide any documents or copies of their presentation to the Commissioners.

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MHP launches "Line to Line" campaign.

The Mississippi Highway Patrol issued the following press release:

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Sunday, November 20, 2016

Scumbag going to prison

Mississippi Attorney General Jim Hood issued the following press release: 

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Cochran loses

Hinds County District 4 Election Commissioner Connie Cochran posted this message on Facebook this morning:

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What's a Father For?

If you can't make it to church this morning, enjoy this sermon given by the late Dr. Frank Pollard.  He asks the questions "What's a father for?"

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Saturday, November 19, 2016

Bill Crawford: Appointments tell all

Haley Barbour was right. “People wanted to shoot Washington the bird,” he said recently at the MEC Hobnob. “They thought Donald Trump was the biggest, most magnificent middle finger they could find.”

For many, that’s all that mattered. If Trump delivers on any campaign promises, well, that will just be icing on the cake.

Others are expecting lots of icing. And that’s where the President-elect will be challenged. Talking and proposing are one thing. Getting results is quite another.

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Friday, November 18, 2016

#58

JPD issued the following press release: 

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Adopt this mutt


This mutt needs a new home.  Rosie is around eight months old.  She was found a few months ago in a ditch near Camden.  She was obviously dumped.  She was dehydrated, flea infested, and malnourished.  She's recovered very nicely and is good with kids and obviously cats.  She has been on trifexis.  Warning: she is not the brightest mutt in the world.  Another picture of Rosie is posted below.  If you are interested in adopting her, send an email to me at kingfish1935@gmail.com.  She has been dewormed and had her first set of shots.  She weighs around 30 lbs.

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Chris Epps wants to go home

Former MDOC Commissioner Chris Epps asked a court to place him under house arrest. His bond was revoked on November 4 after he was arrested on November 2 for breaking into his former Flowood home and removing some lighting and fixtures.  He is currently in custody. 

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Mayor tells EPA Jackson can't meet consent decree deadlines due to City Council

Jackson Mayor Tony Yarber told the EPA that Jackson may not be able to meet deadlines that are part of the $400 million consent decree with the EPA because the City Council refused to approve a contract for the program manager. 

Mayor Yarber sent a letter on October 6 to EPA Region 4 Administrator Heather McTeer Toney that stated Jackson might not meet the Clean Water Act consent decree deadlines.  Mayor Yarber stated:

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Return Jack Wilson to Court of Appeals



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Harbor Drive lane closures

The Pearl River Valley Water Supply District issued the following statement:

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Thursday, November 17, 2016

"When will we learn?"

This British reporter had a complete meltdown over the Democratic implosion last week.  The British leftist had some not so nice things to say about American leftists.  This is pretty good stuff.  Enjoy.

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Shaping up Smith Park


Rendering of proposed rehabilitation to Smith Park
What was once beautiful island of greenery in downtown Jackson became an urban eyesore.  However, there is hope for Smith Park as the downtown business community is putting a plan to renovate Smith Park into action.  Anna Wolfe reported earlier this week in the Clarion-Ledger:

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Texas murder suspect caught in Rankin County

Rankin County Sheriff Bryan Bailey issued the following press release:

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Tax Preparer Prepares Herself For 20 years

Rankin-Madison District Attorney Michael Guest issued the following press release:

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Wednesday, November 16, 2016

20 years.

One of the most monumental cinematic events occurred twenty years ago:

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Harbor drive still shut down

Update: Repairs still continue.

The Pearl River Valley Water Supply District issued the following notice:

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Watch the Target chase for yourself.

A controversial 2014 police chase reached speeds of 130 mph as Madison police chased three suspects from the Target on County Line Road to Gallatin Street.  JJ obtained a copy of the dashcam videos of the chase.  An innocent bystander was injured when the suspects struck his vehicle.  He sued the city of Madison.  The videos are posted below. 

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Whitley's wobbed.

JPD issued these photos that were taken during  a robbery of Whitley's Florist in Fondren last weekend.  JPD seeks the public's help in identifying and apprehending the suspect.

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Rick Cleveland compares Patterson's debut to Favre

You start a true freshman quarterback in college football, you can only guess what you will get.

Ole Miss and Southern Miss both did it last Saturday with decidedly mixed results:

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Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Thieves steal $1,434 of perfumes

The Madison Police Department and Crimestoppers issued the following press release and photos:

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Drunk with power

Look at the rule the House just adopted:

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Governor announces restoration projects

Governor Phil Bryant issued the following press release:

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Attorney claims Black Diamonds' owners are threatening and harassing him.

It appears Chris Epps' recent behavior inspired someone to imitate him over at the Black Diamonds "gentlemen's club" a few days ago.  The club was seized and shut down with the dreaded red sign and yellow tape in October after the owners failed to pay a judgement.  The plaintiff's attorney, Ben Wilson, told the court that the defendants had gone gangsta as he and his family were harassed, threatened, and followed since the club was closed. 

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Inauguration tickets available

Senator Roger Wicker issued the following press release: 

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Monday, November 14, 2016

Legislative leaders to meet with Edbuild

Lieutenant Governor Tate Reeves issued the following statement: 

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Watching the Watchers

Here are the public records requests submitted to the City of Jackson since July 1, 2016. Enjoy

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Rez boat ramp closings

The Pearl River Valley Water Supply District issued the following press release:

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Clinton PD seeks gas station thieves

The Clinton Police Department issued the following press release and photos:

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Arrest warrant issued for former DJP secretary

A Madison County judge called Linda Brune's bluff and issued a bench warrant for her arrest last Wednesday after she failed to appear in court at an October hearing. Ms. Brune is the former secretary for Downtown Jackson Partners. DJP sued Ms. Brune for embezzlement and seeks her deposition. DJP fired MS. Brune for providing records to the Clarion-Ledger after Jerry Mitchell published a story on DJP spending.

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Sunday, November 13, 2016

SNL tries to take on the election

What would be the end of election week be without a clip from Saturday Night Live?

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Leon Russell R.I.P.

Leon Russell passed away at the age of 74 today.  Here are some clips of his 2013 performance in Jackson.

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Sign the petition

Several readers sent this petition to JJ that is on the Change.org website.  Oxford's Joshua Horton posted a petition to reform how we treat substance abusers.   Mr. Horton urged Mississippians to sign the petition in this message:

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Can't make it to church?

JJ presents this sermon of the late Dr. Frank Pollard for readers who can't make it to church today.  Dr. Pollard preaches on "the Christian Art of Dodging Spears".

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Saturday, November 12, 2016

Despicable

This mother didn't take it too well when she found out her kid voted for Trump at school:

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Bill Crawford: State Economy Struggles

“State economists lower forecast for remainder of year,” read the Mississippi Business Journal headline on October 27th. “Mississippi’s state economists have pulled back on an already-weak economic forecast for the rest of 2016, projecting that the state’s economy will grow only 1.5 percent instead of the 1.6 percent previously predicted,” said the story.

“U.S. economy roars back, grew at 2.9% in third quarter,” read the Wall Street Journal headline on October 30th. “It was the strongest quarterly reading in two years after three straight quarters of sub-2% growth,” said the story.

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Friday, November 11, 2016

Cecil Brown: Don't screw it up.

Mississippi legislative leaders have announced they have hired EdBuild, a New Jersey based education consulting firm, to review the state’s public education funding formula, the Mississippi Adequate Education Program (MAEP). A review of the formula is appropriate and timely. In fact, every public program should be reviewed periodically for efficiency, effectiveness and need.

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Rick Cleveland: Don't write off the Saints just yet.

It appears many of us wrote the 2016 New Orleans Saints obituary a tad too soon.

Losers of four of their first five games, the Saints have won four of their last five and stand at at an even 4-4 headed into the second half of the NFL season.

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Former Innovate Mississippi CFO Tonya Klauser indicted for embezzlement.

A Madison County grand jury indicted former Innovate Mississippi CFO Tonya Klauser for three counts of embezzlement and false pretenses in September. The indictment states alleges Klauser used her American Express card from 2011 to 2013 to defraud Innovate Mississippi and also submitted 141 fraudulent expense reports for reimbursement.  The indictment is posted below.

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Thursday, November 10, 2016

New Rogue One Trailer released

Disney released an international trailer for Rogue One that has some new scenes.

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Kuebler murder conviction overturned

The Mississippi Supreme Court reversed the conviction of Louis Kuebler and remanded his case back to Hinds County Circuit Judge Winston Kidd for a new trial.  A Hinds County jury convicted Kuebler in 2011 of first degree murder in the death of Tamra Stuckey.

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JPD seeks murder suspect

JPD issued the following press release and photo:

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Social media bully of the day

Elections and divorces tend to bring out the worst in people and the 2016 Presidential Election was no exception.  People are going to get into verbal fisticuffs over candidates.  Always have and always will. However, social media has empowered the baser impulses of quite a few people.  One particular woman got mad as hell that Mama Hamil dared to put a campaign sign on the property of her business.  The horror.  A Geilia Taylor was soooo outraged by this display of the First Amendment that she posted this message on Facebook:

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Wednesday, November 9, 2016

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming.

It's time to get back to a normal routine since the election is now over.  Our fearless D.A. seeks a rematch in the Hinds County courthouse tomorrow.  Robert Shuler Smith wants another shot at the Attorney General after Special Circuit Judge Larry Roberts denied Mr. Smith's motion to quash his indictment. Judge Robert will hold a hearing on the motion that is posted below.

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Having the last laugh

Perhaps President Obama should have kept his mouth shut.  The President humiliated Donald Trump at the White House Correspondents Dinner back in 2011.  But don't let me tell you about it, watch the video for yourself....

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Greer moves up to the big house

Lieutenant Governor Tate Reeves issued the following press release:

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Meltdown!!!

This Twitter meltdown is probably one for the books.

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Hillary concedes!!!

Wow.  CNN and NBC are reporting that Hillary conceded the election to Donald Trump. 

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Tuesday, November 8, 2016

It's Election Night!!! Longwitz loses. Penn puts Trump over the top.

We are going to live-blog the election results tonight.  Make all election night comments on this post.  The long nightmare that has been the 2016 Presidential campaign will be over one way or another.  Who will win?

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Late afternoon update

The Mississippi Secretary of State issued the following press release: 

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Election Day thread.

Post your comments here.  JJ will live-blog the election results tonight. 

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Say goodbye to Pumpkin

The Jackson Zoo issued the following press release yesterday:

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Election Day reminders

Secretary of State Dibbit Hosemann issued the following press release: 

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Orange Cone Update

The city of Jackson issued the following press release:

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Hood seeks to raise taxes

Attorney General Jim Hood issued the following press release: 

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Monday, November 7, 2016

Bomb threat at Madison Walmart

The Madison Police Department issued the following statement:

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Former DJP employee refuses to testify, DJP asks for bench warrant

Update: The docket states that DJP subpoenaed records from a bank and two casinos.  DJP also filed a notice of serving interrogatories on Ms. Brune and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Shuler Smith.  

Downtown Jackson Partners asked a Madison County Court Judge to hold former employee Linda Brune in contempt of court for refusing to participate in a deposition.  DJP accused her of embezzling over $40,000 in a lawsuit filed nearly two years ago.  Judge Will Longwitz held a hearing to determine whether he should compel her deposition on October 25 but Ms. Brune did not appear at the hearing.  She instead attended the motion hearings that were held in State v. Robert Shuler Smith even though she was not subpoenaed to be there.   DJP Executive Director Ben Allen is under indictment for allegedly embezzling and misusing DJP funds. DJP asked Judge Longwitz to issue a bench warrant and detain Ms. Brune until she was deposed. 

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Cute

Check out this Lakeland Drive billboard.

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Open thread about judicial elections tomorrow

Boring but important are the judicial elections that will take place tomorrow.  There are three races in this area.

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Sunday, November 6, 2016

Nude man tries to run over police officer

JPD issued the following press release:

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Need a diversion?

Are you sick of elections and need a GOT fix? Look no further. 

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Dr. Pollard preaches on leadership.

The late Dr. Frank Pollard preaches from the third chapter of James on leadership and how the power of the tongue can destroy. 

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Saturday, November 5, 2016

Dog show in Brandon this weekend

Rankin County Sheriff Bryan Bailey issued the following press release:

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Keep Justice Kitchens out of the kitchen



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Still looking

The Flowood Police Department issued the following press release about the chase that ended in Eastover:

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Bill Crawford: University President terms grow shorter

Jackson State University President Carolyn Meyers becomes the latest university president to leave prematurely. She announced her resignation following disclosure of financial problems at the university.

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Friday, November 4, 2016

Longwitz seeks return to the bench

When Judge Will Longwitz is asked why he likes serving on the Madison County Court, he says: “That’s simple.  As County Court Judge, I get to make a difference in people’s lives every day.” 

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Grants Director who settled DPS sex discrimination suit is gone

Penny Corn is no longer the Grants Director at the Office of Homeland Security at the Mississippi Department of Public Safety.    DPS settled a sex discrimination with Ms. Corn in April.  Payroll records obtained through a public records request state that Ms. Corn's last date of employment was October 17.  Multiple sources have told JJ that Ms. Corn was fired from her position.  A DPS representative declined to comment and said he would not discuss personnel matters. 

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Priest cusses out Judge on voicemails.

WARNING: CRUDE AND GRAPHIC LANGUAGE IN THIS POST!!!

A St. James Episcopal Church priest left several obscene voice mails for Hinds County Circuit Judge Jeff Weill on the phone of his administrator.  Ridgeland police arrested the Reverend Seth Walley on June 20 for calls that were made on April 15.  The case is still under investigation.  Reverend Walley is the Associate Rector at the Fondren church.  The calls were apparently made shortly after Judge Weill found a public defender in contempt of court and incarcerated him. The police report and recording are posted below. Here is a transcript of the calls. 

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Thursday, November 3, 2016

Fondren homicide

JPD issued the following press release:

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Dr. Smith gets out of Whitfield

Dr. Smith is moving from one funny farm to another.  The Taxpayers Channel reported:

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Experience matters



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Wednesday, November 2, 2016

Tune in tomorrow.

The Kingfish is taking a sick day. Nothing too serious, just a bug that doesn't know it was supposed to get lost. See you tomorrow.

Sent from my BlackBerry 10 smartphone.

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Tuesday, November 1, 2016

Chris Epps arrested. (Updated)

Don't drink anything while you read this post. Flowood Police arrested Chris Epps this afternoon. Mr. Epps allegedly broke into his former home off of Lakeland Drive‎ to retrieve some lighting. He is charged with burglary. You can't make this up.

 Update: The Flowood Police Department issued the following press release and mug shot:

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The Thai House says goodbye

The Bunniran family posted this message on Facebook:

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Tragedy in Newton County

The Mississippi Highway Patrol issued the following statement:

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Excuses, excuses, excuses.

It's the computers' fault.  So said JPS School Board President Beneta Burt Friday evening at an impromptu press conference when she attempted to explain why JPS had an F rating.  You simply can't make this up.  Ms. Burt (9:48 in the video) said:

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Staci O'Neal wants your vote.



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Armed robbery in Madison

The Madison Police Department issued the following statement:

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Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).


Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.


Note: Security provided by INS.

Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS
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